For The Love Of You

Being that Ventura even was close enough to San Diego that they could just hang out at home for two days, that was what Madden was doing. Ryan wasn't. She wasn't touring to be at home on off days. She was touring to be away from home, among other things.

So, she decided to go to Vegas. She knew that if she went to Vegas alone, she would get into a lot of irreversible trouble, so she recruited as many people as she could. That was why she was in Madden's old touring van with some of her buddies, headed to Las Vegas.

On very short notice, Ryan ended up convincing Beau, Eric, Gabe, Jack from All Time Low and Austin from Of Mice & Men that Vegas was a good idea. It probably wasn't, but Ryan refused to be dragged around San Diego like she always was.

She'd see her family the day of the show, she didn't need to see them any more. They were about two hours into their road trip and Beau was driving. Ryan downed a Monster and turned up the AC/DC that was playing only to turn it down when Jack flicked her shoulder.

"What's with all the tally marks in here?" Jack asked Ryan.

"Scorecards. Back when Jake thought he was David Coverdale." Ryan told him.

"Did you have a scorecard?" Eric asked.

"Nope. Jake was the only one. And look at him now, girlfriend and a kid. The one who didn't think she was Tommy Lee's doing alright." She said.

"You could be doing better." Beau smiled.

"Oh, God. We're gonna start this?" She groaned.

"I'll just say one thing, then I'll drop it. You could get any dude that looked at you. Alright, that's it." He said.

"I second that." Austin said.

"Well, alright. Next music choice?" She asked taking out the Back In Black CD.

"If I say Good Charlotte, what happens?" Jack asked her.

"We play The Young And The Hopeless." Ryan said slowly.

"Okay. Then, Good Charlotte." He said.

"What's the thing with Good Charlotte?" Gabe asked.

"Yellowcard and Good Charlotte are her like, favorite bands. So, I had to ask." Jack said.

"That's not- no. Yes, they are. But, they're not my only favorite bands. That's not- no." Ryan said slowly.

"Just play it." Beau laughed.

"I've been trying for years to get Madden to cover Emotionless. They won't fucking do it." Ryan said as she put in the CD.

"So just do it." Gabe told her.

"As Madden, not as Ryan Madden." She said slowly.

"You can sing, you do it." Austin said.

"That wasn't the point, though. If I wanted to sing, Jake wouldn't be in the band." She said.

"You can sing? I've never heard you sing." Beau told her.

"Well, I'm not about it to. We should just...make some super group and record it ourselves." She said slowly.

"Got the equipment?" Eric asked.

"At my apartment." Ryan said absentmindedly.

"Then we'll cut Vegas short and go record it." He said.

"In one day?" She asked.

"Yeah." He said.

"Let's get this out there, though. You've got two singers, two guitarists and two drummers here." She said.

"So we don't have bass. It'll be interesting." He shrugged.

"Anyone can protest this." She announced.

"This some dream of yours, Ryan?" Austin smiled.

"Since the moment I heard it." She nodded.

It really was. Those were lyrics she could never write. When she tried, she couldn't make it fit. But, when she heard that song ten years ago by a band she loved so much, it all clicked. That song had always clicked for her and not many just...clicked.

Veronica had taken her kids anywhere she could. While her mother was taking her and her brothers anywhere she could go, Ryan had music. Headphones and a reason were all Ryan needed. They'd spent time in just about every part of the country. Veronica only stayed in San Diego because that's where her parents retired. While traveling around, Ryan had music. That was it.

Thinking about it, Ryan could've recorded Emotionless herself. She could play guitar, so that wasn't an issue. The issue was the bass. Looking back, she should've recruited one of her friends. Chris wouldn't do it because he was on Jake and Tyler's side.

Vegas hadn't always been good to Ryan. Vegas had always been a place where she got into a little trouble. More so than anywhere else. She was naturally drawn to doing things she shouldn't, Vegas just brought that out in her.

"Remember when you got kicked out of MGM?" Jack asked her making her laugh.

"Yeah. That was a weird night." She said slowly.

"I wanna hear about it." Beau said.

"Alright. I'll tell it from my perspective than little miss criminal from hers." Jack started.

"Before he starts, I'd just like everyone to know that I was not in the best mood before this all went down." Ryan said.

"Proceed." Beau smiled.

"Alright, so it was the...third time All Time Low and Madden had toured together. Ryan, her two brothers, Jake, and most of our crew went out. We stopped in MGM, and remember, a few of us are still underage here. Ryan and our bassist Zack decided that they wanted to stir up some trouble and start throwing some shit." Jack took a breathe.

"You guys were like twenty." Ryan rolled her eyes.

"My story. You get yours in a minute. Anyway, Zack and Ryan start throwing shit around while someone, still don't know who, was getting a room. So when security started going after Zack and Ryan, one of us, I think it was Vinny, grabbed those two and we all ran into an elevator. When we got to the room, all of us went fucking nuts. Ryan was trying to break windows and she made a hole in the wall. Eventually, like an hour later, they tracked us down and Ryan, being the badass between all of us, takes off running down the hall." Jack took another break.

"They obviously got her." Austin said slowly.

"Wait, wait. That's coming. Ryan goes running and literally, at full speed, goes right into a wall. It was hilarious. When she got up, one of the dudes had her. We're all following at this point. She punches the guy, hops in an elevator with some drunk people and when all of us get downstairs, she's sitting in a chair with a bloody nose, and her hands tied behind her back." Jack smiled.

"Okay, so before I start, like half of that was true." Ryan said.

"You were wasted, first off. How do you remember anything?" Jack asked her.

"Things get very clear when I drink. It's weird. Anyway, I'm gonna start now." She said.

"Please." Eric laughed.

"Okay, so you know who's involved. We're in MGM, Zack and I decided we needed to spice it up and we started throwing some shit. Someone got a room. I don't know who or why. Some big dudes started coming after Zack and I. Vinny dragged Zack and I into an elevator where all of us were smashed together. I remember I kissed someone. I think it was Zack, I don't know. When we got to the room, I remember everyone jumping around and hitting shit. I punched a wall, I remember. I tried to break the windows, that didn't work. After a while, the two security dudes found us." Ryan took a break.

"Basically the same thing I said." Jack said slowly.

"Shut up. I went running down the hall. There was like a curve and I was looking back to see where the security dude was. Bam, into a wall. As I was standing up, one of the dudes grabbed me. I looked back at everyone watching and I remember whispering to the dude 'Dobby is a free elf' before I punched him. The elevator opened a few feet away and I jumped in. Those people were fucking nuts, man. When the elevator opened up, some guys were waiting for me. They tied my wrists and sat me down. Everyone came down a few minutes later and then they kicked me out for life." Ryan said.

"I thought you were badass before this story, Ryan." Beau smiled.

"At least I didn't break my nose." She said slowly.

"You said 'Dobby is a free elf'?" Gabe asked her.

"Yep." Ryan nodded.

"Any other Vegas stories we should know, Ryan?" Austin asked slowly.

"Uhh, I don't know." She said slowly.

"How about when you won twenty grand at blackjack?" Jack asked her.

"Oh, oh. Yeah. That happened." Ryan said.

"You won twenty grand?" Beau asked slowly.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"What'd you do with it?" He asked.

"I gave ten to a few charities, five to my mom and I've been saving the other five for when my brother gets married." She said making them all smile.

She was selfless, they all knew that. They just didn't know she took it to that extreme. Ryan hadn't given it a second thought. She had never thought about keeping the money for herself. Not once. She felt like other people deserved it a thousand times more than she did.

Ryan was just a kid with a past. She wanted to give people things that she thought they deserved. She did the minimum for herself and that was how she liked it. She learned that growing up with four younger brothers. She learned to put herself last.

"Adam? When's he getting married?" Gabe asked.

"They've pushed it off a few times because of her family. As far as I know, at the moment December twelveth. Twelve, twelve, twelve." Ryan said.

"How many times have they pushed it off?" Austin asked.

"Four. His fiancee, Amber's family doesn't really like him. So every time they're set to get married, her family's in her ear." She said.

"You do realize that five thousand dollars isn't really a standard wedding present, right?" Eric asked her.

"Adam really isn't a standard guy. He puts his life on hold to help me and my band. He deserves the world, more than anyone else I know. We've always helped each other since we were little and if I can help him, I'm gonna do it." She said.

Ryan didn't have a lot growing up. She had music and her brothers. If she wasn't listening to music or playing drums, she was bonding with her brothers. They were all broken. Their fathers were all gone and they had a half ass mother. Siblings were it for Ryan.

"What a good sister." Jack smiled poking Ryan's shoulder.

"Just a loving one. Anything any of them want, they say the word, I'll do it." Ryan said slowly.

"Well how about we watch you win another twenty grand?" Eric said.

"Can you count cards?" She asked him.

"Can you?" He asked.

"I learned some bad things growing up." She shrugged.

"Like what?" Austin asked slowly.

"I learned to count cards, how to blackout certain types of cameras, how to steal a car. Wanna hear anything else?" She asked.

"Hell yeah." He said making her laugh.

"Maybe later." She smiled.

Jack Madden wasn't a good guy. He did bad things, he was in and out of jail, he left his children over and over again. But, he did teach his daughter a few things. There were things her father taught her that she would never repeat.

Some things Ryan knew about her father, about the things he taught her, she would never even tell Danny. She didn't know if Danny was taught anything by their father, but she knew she couldn't tell him anything she knew.

"Let's say you win another twenty grand. What are you gonna do with it?" Gabe asked Ryan.

"Another twenty grand? On the off chance that'd happen, I'd give five each to my brothers, not including what Adam's already gonna get. With the five that's left, I'd give it to my mom." Ryan said.

"Just out of curiosity, you're obviously selfless. Would your brothers do the same for you?" Eric asked her.

"They don't need to." Ryan said simply.

"But, would they?" He asked.

"I'd like to think so. Even if they didn't, I wouldn't be bothered. They all have lives. They all need money more than I do." She said.

"Are you saying you don't?" Jack asked her.

"I'm living in the same apartment I've lived in since the day I turned eighteen. Does that sound like I need to be blowing money?" Ryan asked.

"Sounds like you're smart." Beau said slowly.

"Sounds like I don't need much." Ryan corrected.

"Sounds like one of us is gonna need to win some money and give it to you." Austin said.

"I'll throw it back in your face." She told him making him smile.

When they finally got to Vegas three hours later, they were all ready to party. As long as they didn't let Ryan or Jack go insane, they'd all be good. Ryan had her mind set on winning some money. She didn't care how much, she just wanted to win something.

The walked into the first casino they saw and took their shot at luck. Vegas was all about luck. Ryan took a seat at a Blackjack table with Austin and went to town. So her father taught her things she could use in life. The only fatherly act Jack Madden had ever put forth.

"Ryan, how are you doing?" Eric asked wrapping his arm around her neck two hours later.

"Fair." Ryan said slowly, focused on the game.

"By fair she means she's got five grand." Austin told Eric.

"Go Ryan. Jack just won a grand." Eric said.

"Really?" Ryan asked smiling.

"Yeah." Eric nodded.

"Good for him." She said.

"I'll leave you two alone." He said slowly before he walked away.

"Left out your two?" Ryan smiled at Austin.

"It's gonna multiply." He told her.

"You realize I've continuously beat your ass?" She asked.

"We'll see how it goes." He shrugged.

Ryan smiled and shook her head. She didn't care how much money she walked away with, she just wanted some winnings. By the time Eric came back with Gabe an hour later, Ryan had seven grand under her belt and Austin was right there with her.

"You are officially my Vegas buddy, man." Ryan laughed.

"Hell yeah." Austin smiled.

Beau and Jack were off making their own money playing various tables over and over. When they all met up at about two AM, all of them had a few bucks in their pockets. So, they went out to a strip club.

Innocently, they went to a strip club. Ryan had been familiar with strip clubs. Growing up, her mother worked at a few and she found her father at a few. That was really why she had a bad taste in her mouth. So, she sat at the bar with Beau.

"I still can't believe you're married." She told him.

"You were there." He smiled.

"I was. Best wedding I've ever been to." She nodded.

"Aww." He said making her smile.

"And cutest couple ever. For real, you two are cute individually, but together it's like- aww. Just, so cute." She said making him shake his head smiling.

"Thanks. When are you gonna get a boyfriend so I can call you cute?" He asked.

"Guys aren't...no. That's not happening." She said slowly.

"Why's that?" He asked.

"Because I'm doing fine on my own. What's a guy gonna bring me but drama? I'll be on tour and he'll be calling me. I don't want that. I like being left alone." She told him.

"That a cover for something?" He asked slowly.

"Maybe." She shrugged.

"I've known you for four years. I've never seen you with a guy." He said.

"Haven't had a boyfriend in about, seven." She said.

"Why?" He asked.

"Being pushy is going to get you this answer only once. I don't want to be a relationship because I don't know how to be. My dad walked in and out of my life and my mom screwed any guy she saw. Does that sound like I know how to be a functioning relationship? No." She said.

"Just sounds like you need a guy who gives a shit." He told her.