Everything Goes Dark
Chapter One
-Pj's POV-
I groaned as my mac came up with another error and it began to dawn on me this video was going to take a lot longer to edit and upload than I had originally thought, I put my head in my hands exasperated and rubbed my temples, a voice behind me making me sit up,
"Peej? I've got a scan today are you coming with me?"
"Oh sorry babe I can't I'm on a deadline with the video"
She looked at me angrily, her hands protectively rubbing her massive bump
"Do you know what PJ don't bother this is my scan and you haven't done any of the father stuff with me Dan and Phil are more supportive than you! Chris even helped me decorate and furnish the nursery what have you done? Fuck all! because you don't care! if it doesn't involve you tube you don't give a fuck!"
"No I don't! I never wanted any of this I don't like babies I never wanted to be a dad because I had my whole life ahead of me it was you that told me you where on the pill! and me being the dick that I am believed you!"
Her Face crumpled and tears slid down her cheeks as she stared me down, hurt etched across her pretty face, I slowly walked over to her and pulled her close in to my chest,
"I love you Amelia, I really do I'm just scared, I never thought this would happen to me and I don't know how to deal with it, do you want me to come to your scan with you?"
She nodded not saying a word and I stood holding her for a few more seconds before getting my shoes and jacket on.
I sat nervously opposite the blue surgical couch that Amelia was laid up on, gently caressing, her hand she looked at me just happy I was there, but guilt was gnawing away at my insides, I didn't want to be here, I was on a deadline with that video a deadline that I was now going to miss.
A happy looking young nurse came in to the room her long red pony tail bobbing around behind her, I zoned out as she began to explain the procedure, I stayed quiet as not to start an argument, a sudden squeeze on my hand made me look up as a grainy image came on to the small screen by the side of the couch, I looked at Amelia she had tears in her eyes and a small smile across her lips. I looked at the black and white screen at the tiny blob wiggling around, an overwhelming sense of love and excitement grew from the pit of my stomach and I felt a smile spread across my face.
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I placed the tiny stuffed penguin in to the corner of the blue crib, it was my finishing touch to the room, I had painted a fusswald mural on the wall and painted a motif on the wardrobe, the room was close to being complete and it was only a few more months until, my son would be here. Amelia's voice cried from down stairs a shrill pained cry,
"PJ I'M BLEEDING!"
My heart came in to my mouth and I ran down the stairs taking two or three stairs at a time, I dashed in to the front room to see Amelia curled in to a ball on the floor holding her bump, her eyes screwed shut and her teeth clenched.
there was a patch of crimson blood on the sofa where she had obviously been sitting, I phoned and ambulance and sat next to her on the floor awaiting the paramedics, she cried out in pain occasionally as she lent in to my chest sobbing loudly I held her close and stroked her hair my heart racing, my eyes darted around the room unsure of where to look.
"Pj I need to push!"
"No baby please don't its too soon! Don't push hold on please theres people coming to help
!"
I pleaded with her to stay strong,It was too soon for her to be giving birth, I ran from her to grab towels and blankets for her to sit on and to keep her warm, when I returned to the front room she had pulled her jeans and underwear off, they where in a sad looking bloody pile next to her, My heart still racing I kneeled next to her and wrapped her up, a loud knock at the door echoed through the house, I kissed her head
"I'll be back baby I promise"
I answered the door to let in two paramedics,
"It's my girlfriend shes pregnant and shes bleeding and its too soon!"
the rushed through to the front room and I sat back next to her on the floor and squeezed her hand as she began to push the paramedics encouraged her to do so, she remained quiet pushing for a few moments until she let out a loud pained cry, Her body went limp and the paramedics rushed around her, everything moved so fast around us, all I could do was sit and hold her close to me, they pulled her away and put her on a stretcher.
I sat in the back of the ambulance answering mundane questions about Amelia and her health and the pregnancy. I didn't know anything about it I was too wrapped up in my won life to pay any attention and now regret was eating me alive.
we arrived at the hospital and Amelia was rushed away to a maternity ward, I sat silently next to her bed as doctors and nurses rushed around in a blur of panic nothing as making sense she had a normal pregnancy she didn't smoke she didn't drink she was healthy why was this happening? I put my head in my hands and fought off the urge to cry.
hours dragged passed almost in slow motion until Amelia let out one last shrill scream, I watched as the tiny underdeveloped new born came in to the world, I squeezed Amelia's hand as she began to cry silent breathy sobs.
A heavy deafening silence swept the room
"Why isn't he crying?"
I asked looking around desperately for answer only to be met with solemn sympathetic looks from the hospital staff, a tall doctor came towards me and placed his hand on my shoulder, I couldn't hear him his mouth moved but no words came out, I looked around the room with the sound of rushing water in my ears as Amelia sobbed, my head began to spin
"No" I whispered "NO! You can bring him back I know you can you're a doctor you can do it please...bring my little boy back please"
my legs felt shaky and it felt as though they where swept from underneath me as I hit the cold tiled floor, my chest ached as I felt my heart physically broke in two pain tore through my insides, yet no tears fell, aware of the doctors around me I just lay there unable to move as shock and sorrow set in, a nurse helped me back to my feet and sat me down in the badly upholstered chair that I had been sat in before.
A Doctor placed him in my arms, he was so tiny and so perfect his face was peaceful he was at rest now I began to speak to him
"You are a Kameron, Kameron Liguori, you can call me dad, and I'll love you forever, I'll teach you the guitar and I'll teach you editing and drawing and I....wake up? please? I need you here we need you here I'm sorry it took me this long to realize you are everything I wanted you could have completed me but I've left it too long and now look at you, you where born asleep too good for this world, I just hope they take care of you where ever you are"
My face was sore with tears as I leaned in and gently placed my lips on his tiny head and gave him that final kiss.
I passed him over to Amelia and exited the room so she could have her time with him. She needed to stay in the hospital so they could watch her health.
The walk home was long and painful, I pushed my key in to the door and stepped in to the house, I slowly made my way up stairs and gently pushed the nursery door open, I stood looking in to the empty cot, picking up the stuffed penguin I had put in there only earlier on that day, I sat on the floor grief engulfing my entire body, after a while I became totally numb the tears streaming silently down each of my cheeks as I felt my heart break, my stomach twisted in to angry knots making it hurt, as I became unable to breathe, I lay down curling in to fetal position allowing myself to break letting out loud anguished cries as wave after wave of pure hurt washed over me, before too long the sun rose and the sky turned a dusky pink, I remained on the floor no longer crying but still in agony.
I picked myself up took a deep breath and with Kameron's Penguin in hand began to make arrangements for my first sons funeral.
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The tiny drops of rain splashed down on to the pale blue box I had in my arms I walked forwards towards the small crowd of mine and Amelia's closest friends and family, she walked beside me slowly everyone shot us sympathetic looks I didn't want their sympathy I wanted my baby back.
I bit down on my lip to stop the tears falling, I tasted blood and the tears still spilled down my face, I lay him gently to rest in the ground that had been prepared for his tiny body and stepped back.
everything felt dark as if it where closing in around me I remained numb through out the whole service, Amelia thanking people for coming, as everyone left I sat down on the wet grass looking down at the tiny blue box that had been condemned to the earth, he took his penguin with him and a picture of me and his mother.
He was at peace.
I groaned as my mac came up with another error and it began to dawn on me this video was going to take a lot longer to edit and upload than I had originally thought, I put my head in my hands exasperated and rubbed my temples, a voice behind me making me sit up,
"Peej? I've got a scan today are you coming with me?"
"Oh sorry babe I can't I'm on a deadline with the video"
She looked at me angrily, her hands protectively rubbing her massive bump
"Do you know what PJ don't bother this is my scan and you haven't done any of the father stuff with me Dan and Phil are more supportive than you! Chris even helped me decorate and furnish the nursery what have you done? Fuck all! because you don't care! if it doesn't involve you tube you don't give a fuck!"
"No I don't! I never wanted any of this I don't like babies I never wanted to be a dad because I had my whole life ahead of me it was you that told me you where on the pill! and me being the dick that I am believed you!"
Her Face crumpled and tears slid down her cheeks as she stared me down, hurt etched across her pretty face, I slowly walked over to her and pulled her close in to my chest,
"I love you Amelia, I really do I'm just scared, I never thought this would happen to me and I don't know how to deal with it, do you want me to come to your scan with you?"
She nodded not saying a word and I stood holding her for a few more seconds before getting my shoes and jacket on.
I sat nervously opposite the blue surgical couch that Amelia was laid up on, gently caressing, her hand she looked at me just happy I was there, but guilt was gnawing away at my insides, I didn't want to be here, I was on a deadline with that video a deadline that I was now going to miss.
A happy looking young nurse came in to the room her long red pony tail bobbing around behind her, I zoned out as she began to explain the procedure, I stayed quiet as not to start an argument, a sudden squeeze on my hand made me look up as a grainy image came on to the small screen by the side of the couch, I looked at Amelia she had tears in her eyes and a small smile across her lips. I looked at the black and white screen at the tiny blob wiggling around, an overwhelming sense of love and excitement grew from the pit of my stomach and I felt a smile spread across my face.
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I placed the tiny stuffed penguin in to the corner of the blue crib, it was my finishing touch to the room, I had painted a fusswald mural on the wall and painted a motif on the wardrobe, the room was close to being complete and it was only a few more months until, my son would be here. Amelia's voice cried from down stairs a shrill pained cry,
"PJ I'M BLEEDING!"
My heart came in to my mouth and I ran down the stairs taking two or three stairs at a time, I dashed in to the front room to see Amelia curled in to a ball on the floor holding her bump, her eyes screwed shut and her teeth clenched.
there was a patch of crimson blood on the sofa where she had obviously been sitting, I phoned and ambulance and sat next to her on the floor awaiting the paramedics, she cried out in pain occasionally as she lent in to my chest sobbing loudly I held her close and stroked her hair my heart racing, my eyes darted around the room unsure of where to look.
"Pj I need to push!"
"No baby please don't its too soon! Don't push hold on please theres people coming to help
!"
I pleaded with her to stay strong,It was too soon for her to be giving birth, I ran from her to grab towels and blankets for her to sit on and to keep her warm, when I returned to the front room she had pulled her jeans and underwear off, they where in a sad looking bloody pile next to her, My heart still racing I kneeled next to her and wrapped her up, a loud knock at the door echoed through the house, I kissed her head
"I'll be back baby I promise"
I answered the door to let in two paramedics,
"It's my girlfriend shes pregnant and shes bleeding and its too soon!"
the rushed through to the front room and I sat back next to her on the floor and squeezed her hand as she began to push the paramedics encouraged her to do so, she remained quiet pushing for a few moments until she let out a loud pained cry, Her body went limp and the paramedics rushed around her, everything moved so fast around us, all I could do was sit and hold her close to me, they pulled her away and put her on a stretcher.
I sat in the back of the ambulance answering mundane questions about Amelia and her health and the pregnancy. I didn't know anything about it I was too wrapped up in my won life to pay any attention and now regret was eating me alive.
we arrived at the hospital and Amelia was rushed away to a maternity ward, I sat silently next to her bed as doctors and nurses rushed around in a blur of panic nothing as making sense she had a normal pregnancy she didn't smoke she didn't drink she was healthy why was this happening? I put my head in my hands and fought off the urge to cry.
hours dragged passed almost in slow motion until Amelia let out one last shrill scream, I watched as the tiny underdeveloped new born came in to the world, I squeezed Amelia's hand as she began to cry silent breathy sobs.
A heavy deafening silence swept the room
"Why isn't he crying?"
I asked looking around desperately for answer only to be met with solemn sympathetic looks from the hospital staff, a tall doctor came towards me and placed his hand on my shoulder, I couldn't hear him his mouth moved but no words came out, I looked around the room with the sound of rushing water in my ears as Amelia sobbed, my head began to spin
"No" I whispered "NO! You can bring him back I know you can you're a doctor you can do it please...bring my little boy back please"
my legs felt shaky and it felt as though they where swept from underneath me as I hit the cold tiled floor, my chest ached as I felt my heart physically broke in two pain tore through my insides, yet no tears fell, aware of the doctors around me I just lay there unable to move as shock and sorrow set in, a nurse helped me back to my feet and sat me down in the badly upholstered chair that I had been sat in before.
A Doctor placed him in my arms, he was so tiny and so perfect his face was peaceful he was at rest now I began to speak to him
"You are a Kameron, Kameron Liguori, you can call me dad, and I'll love you forever, I'll teach you the guitar and I'll teach you editing and drawing and I....wake up? please? I need you here we need you here I'm sorry it took me this long to realize you are everything I wanted you could have completed me but I've left it too long and now look at you, you where born asleep too good for this world, I just hope they take care of you where ever you are"
My face was sore with tears as I leaned in and gently placed my lips on his tiny head and gave him that final kiss.
I passed him over to Amelia and exited the room so she could have her time with him. She needed to stay in the hospital so they could watch her health.
The walk home was long and painful, I pushed my key in to the door and stepped in to the house, I slowly made my way up stairs and gently pushed the nursery door open, I stood looking in to the empty cot, picking up the stuffed penguin I had put in there only earlier on that day, I sat on the floor grief engulfing my entire body, after a while I became totally numb the tears streaming silently down each of my cheeks as I felt my heart break, my stomach twisted in to angry knots making it hurt, as I became unable to breathe, I lay down curling in to fetal position allowing myself to break letting out loud anguished cries as wave after wave of pure hurt washed over me, before too long the sun rose and the sky turned a dusky pink, I remained on the floor no longer crying but still in agony.
I picked myself up took a deep breath and with Kameron's Penguin in hand began to make arrangements for my first sons funeral.
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The tiny drops of rain splashed down on to the pale blue box I had in my arms I walked forwards towards the small crowd of mine and Amelia's closest friends and family, she walked beside me slowly everyone shot us sympathetic looks I didn't want their sympathy I wanted my baby back.
I bit down on my lip to stop the tears falling, I tasted blood and the tears still spilled down my face, I lay him gently to rest in the ground that had been prepared for his tiny body and stepped back.
everything felt dark as if it where closing in around me I remained numb through out the whole service, Amelia thanking people for coming, as everyone left I sat down on the wet grass looking down at the tiny blue box that had been condemned to the earth, he took his penguin with him and a picture of me and his mother.
He was at peace.