Euphoria
Alone
I never truly understood what I was accomplishing by just sitting in the middle of the floor in my room. My mom used to tell my dad that I was "playing." In reality, I was just sitting there waiting for enough time to pass to justify me asking if it was time for dinner yet. I don't have very many friends, and by that I mean I don't have any friends. It's just me.
Just Isaac.
Today was Saturday which meant it was my day to sit in my room and watch cartoons until it was night. Once the sky turned black, my friends came out to play. They didn't talk very much, but they were the only company I had. They helped when they could, and I appreciated all that they did. When you vent about being lonely consistently, it's probably a good thing that they're not able to talk back.
If the stars could talk they'd probably sound like my mom. Constantly saying things along the lines of, "You should go out and meet the other kids, Isaac." I have. Well, meet is a bit of an overstatement. I was in their presence, but was completely ignored. I'm a shy person, but only because when you actually give me your attention, I turn into a spastic clown who can't put together a sentence to save my life. Because of the way I act when people actually notice me, I don't have many kids approaching me to ask if I want to go play. It's fine though. At least, that's what I tell my mom and myself. My mom seems to think it's something mentally wrong with me, but I'm actually quite intelligent for my age.
My mother yelled for me to come eat dinner which was by far the best feeling of the day. Solely because it allowed me to come in contact with other people. Even if the conversations were less than exciting...
"How are you doing, Isaac?"
"I'm pretty good."
"That's good. Sooo, did you do anything fun today?"
"Not really. Just played in my room."
Right about now would be the time my mom would look at me saddened eyes. It's strange how the loneliness almost seeped out of my skin and became visible. My mom always tried to be my best friend, but the problem was that I was entering the stage of life where it was uncool to be close to your parents. Even if I had no friends I was still effected by the pre-teen stereotype.
She'd look at me and say something along the lines of, "Isaac, do you want to go to the movies? We can go see that new superhero movie."
In which I'd typically respond with, "Not really. I'm not feeling up to it."
The truth of the matter was that I never really felt up for anything. It was strange that a boy my age could suffer from this feeling. A professional may say it's because I don't have a father, but I don't think that's correct because I don't need a dad. My mom takes care of me well enough without help. The only purpose I see in having a father around would be to make my mom happy when I can't.
Because if there's one thing in this world I hate more than being alone, it's seeing the people around me being lonely. It's a terrible feeling that nobody in the world should ever have to feel. It's a feeling I know all too well despite being only a young boy. However, that's where the stars come in to play. They are there to guide me, and to push me when all I want to do is give up.
My mom always told me to keep my chin up when I was feeling down. Maybe it was her way of telling me to literally put my chin up and look at the stars. Even though it sounds goofy and totally impractical, I can't help but thank her for introducing me to my new friends.
Just Isaac.
Today was Saturday which meant it was my day to sit in my room and watch cartoons until it was night. Once the sky turned black, my friends came out to play. They didn't talk very much, but they were the only company I had. They helped when they could, and I appreciated all that they did. When you vent about being lonely consistently, it's probably a good thing that they're not able to talk back.
If the stars could talk they'd probably sound like my mom. Constantly saying things along the lines of, "You should go out and meet the other kids, Isaac." I have. Well, meet is a bit of an overstatement. I was in their presence, but was completely ignored. I'm a shy person, but only because when you actually give me your attention, I turn into a spastic clown who can't put together a sentence to save my life. Because of the way I act when people actually notice me, I don't have many kids approaching me to ask if I want to go play. It's fine though. At least, that's what I tell my mom and myself. My mom seems to think it's something mentally wrong with me, but I'm actually quite intelligent for my age.
My mother yelled for me to come eat dinner which was by far the best feeling of the day. Solely because it allowed me to come in contact with other people. Even if the conversations were less than exciting...
"How are you doing, Isaac?"
"I'm pretty good."
"That's good. Sooo, did you do anything fun today?"
"Not really. Just played in my room."
Right about now would be the time my mom would look at me saddened eyes. It's strange how the loneliness almost seeped out of my skin and became visible. My mom always tried to be my best friend, but the problem was that I was entering the stage of life where it was uncool to be close to your parents. Even if I had no friends I was still effected by the pre-teen stereotype.
She'd look at me and say something along the lines of, "Isaac, do you want to go to the movies? We can go see that new superhero movie."
In which I'd typically respond with, "Not really. I'm not feeling up to it."
The truth of the matter was that I never really felt up for anything. It was strange that a boy my age could suffer from this feeling. A professional may say it's because I don't have a father, but I don't think that's correct because I don't need a dad. My mom takes care of me well enough without help. The only purpose I see in having a father around would be to make my mom happy when I can't.
Because if there's one thing in this world I hate more than being alone, it's seeing the people around me being lonely. It's a terrible feeling that nobody in the world should ever have to feel. It's a feeling I know all too well despite being only a young boy. However, that's where the stars come in to play. They are there to guide me, and to push me when all I want to do is give up.
My mom always told me to keep my chin up when I was feeling down. Maybe it was her way of telling me to literally put my chin up and look at the stars. Even though it sounds goofy and totally impractical, I can't help but thank her for introducing me to my new friends.