Euphoria
Friendships Are Made
My freshman year of high school had commenced. I always thought it would be worse than middle school, but to be honest it's not. I'm just a ghost here. Nobody acknowledges my existence, and that's the way I prefer it. I'm just that kid who sits on the side of the classroom reading a book or doing homework. At times it feels weird to not be called names because at least then I was given attention, but now I feel like I did when I was younger. Alone. All Alone. Just me.
Just Isaac.
My grades in school are outstanding, and I'm in all advanced classes with people that feel like me. The problem is that we're all so absolved with our own goals and work that none of us really talk to each other. Other than when we are forced to have partners on a project, we just sit in class and look straight ahead. Like a deer in headlights, but the headlights are a bookmobile filled to the brink with knowledge.
Though we all don't really speak to each other, I had made what some call an "acquaintance." His name is Phil. Phil is just like me in every aspect which means that at this rate we should be friends in about eight years due to lack of social skills. However, the few greetings that we exchanged in class and in the hallways helped tremendously with speeding that time up. Before the end of freshman year was over, me and Phil had developed a friendship. For once in my life I didn't need to rely on stars to see a friendly face.
Phil and I were heading in the same direction in life. We both were interested in being men of business. We both dreamed of same day owning our own companies and using that money to take care of the ones that we love. For me that would be my mom. The only woman who ever knew that I existed. She had given up on me, but I never had the heart to blame her for it. I knew what I was like, and I knew that I was a hassle to deal with from the early stages of my life. Putting my mom through stress because she thought her son was mental didn't bode well for our relationship. In the simplest of terms, my mother loved me and I loved her. We may have not shown it, but it was always there until the end.
Phil told me he wanted to take care of his entire family. Apparently he was the youngest of five which he told me was like not existing at all. I guess that makes sense, but it doesn't help with my whole ordeal. I'm an only child, yet I felt like I never existed. Phil said he wanted his parents to be proud of him like they were of all of his other brothers and sisters. He once told me, "when my parents have experienced the same situations and teenage drama four times before me, they tend not show as much interest in what I'm doing to move away from their shadows.
After hearing of his struggles to break away from the trend that had been formulating in his family, I was able to bond with Phil more so than anyone else. High school seemed to go much smoother knowing I had someone to turn to that could talk back to me. We were both two sad suckers, but we were able to keep each other going in life.
The end of senior year had brought the most soul deflating news. My mother had been diagnosed with cancer. I remember holding my mom in my arms as she buried her face into my shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Isaac...I'm so sorry," She wept.
"But why, mom? It's not your fault."
She wasn't sorry for the cancer. She wasn't sorry for the pain she was going through. She wasn't sorry for herself. She was sorry for me. Sorry that I'd be alone. Truly alone. My mom knew that she was the only one that I seen on a regular basis. Probably the only reason that I stayed somewhat sane growing up. However, knowing that her time was limited made everything worse. I was holding her in my arms, but she already seemed to be gone.
"I'll be fine, mom."
"You'll never be alone, baby," She said as she gently kissed my cheek, and I felt the warm tears press against my cheek. It felt comforting to hear. More so than when the stars said it. However, I know what will come to fruition. I know that it will be the same as before but even worse. I know that I'll be all alone. Truly alone. Just me.
Just Isaac.
Just Isaac.
My grades in school are outstanding, and I'm in all advanced classes with people that feel like me. The problem is that we're all so absolved with our own goals and work that none of us really talk to each other. Other than when we are forced to have partners on a project, we just sit in class and look straight ahead. Like a deer in headlights, but the headlights are a bookmobile filled to the brink with knowledge.
Though we all don't really speak to each other, I had made what some call an "acquaintance." His name is Phil. Phil is just like me in every aspect which means that at this rate we should be friends in about eight years due to lack of social skills. However, the few greetings that we exchanged in class and in the hallways helped tremendously with speeding that time up. Before the end of freshman year was over, me and Phil had developed a friendship. For once in my life I didn't need to rely on stars to see a friendly face.
Phil and I were heading in the same direction in life. We both were interested in being men of business. We both dreamed of same day owning our own companies and using that money to take care of the ones that we love. For me that would be my mom. The only woman who ever knew that I existed. She had given up on me, but I never had the heart to blame her for it. I knew what I was like, and I knew that I was a hassle to deal with from the early stages of my life. Putting my mom through stress because she thought her son was mental didn't bode well for our relationship. In the simplest of terms, my mother loved me and I loved her. We may have not shown it, but it was always there until the end.
Phil told me he wanted to take care of his entire family. Apparently he was the youngest of five which he told me was like not existing at all. I guess that makes sense, but it doesn't help with my whole ordeal. I'm an only child, yet I felt like I never existed. Phil said he wanted his parents to be proud of him like they were of all of his other brothers and sisters. He once told me, "when my parents have experienced the same situations and teenage drama four times before me, they tend not show as much interest in what I'm doing to move away from their shadows.
After hearing of his struggles to break away from the trend that had been formulating in his family, I was able to bond with Phil more so than anyone else. High school seemed to go much smoother knowing I had someone to turn to that could talk back to me. We were both two sad suckers, but we were able to keep each other going in life.
The end of senior year had brought the most soul deflating news. My mother had been diagnosed with cancer. I remember holding my mom in my arms as she buried her face into my shoulders.
"I'm sorry, Isaac...I'm so sorry," She wept.
"But why, mom? It's not your fault."
She wasn't sorry for the cancer. She wasn't sorry for the pain she was going through. She wasn't sorry for herself. She was sorry for me. Sorry that I'd be alone. Truly alone. My mom knew that she was the only one that I seen on a regular basis. Probably the only reason that I stayed somewhat sane growing up. However, knowing that her time was limited made everything worse. I was holding her in my arms, but she already seemed to be gone.
"I'll be fine, mom."
"You'll never be alone, baby," She said as she gently kissed my cheek, and I felt the warm tears press against my cheek. It felt comforting to hear. More so than when the stars said it. However, I know what will come to fruition. I know that it will be the same as before but even worse. I know that I'll be all alone. Truly alone. Just me.
Just Isaac.