Euphoria
Aging With The Stars
Years have passed since I have last spoken to the stars. We have become less bonded, but I always am sure to give them a quick glance and smile as night rolls over the Earth. The stars had simultaneously aged with me as I progressed through my college and young adult life. When I wanted to give up, the stars were there to reassure me that everything would be fine. Even if I felt alone with nobody to help they would be there for me. Watching me to make sure that I followed the path that they illuminated ahead of me.
I stayed friends with Phil throughout college since we both decided to get through tough times together. I had gotten a degree in business while Phil got his in engineering; thus, we ventured into the entrepreneurial circuit and created our own construction company. As the company grew and prospered we had done what we both had yearned for. I was able to make-up decades of memories with my mother despite her illness. Phil was able to shine brighter than his siblings, and he finally received the recognition that he had always wanted from his parents. Life in that moment felt everlasting.
However, everlasting things turn out to be fragile. They fall apart in your hands, and you simply watch them dissolve through the spaces between your fingers. Although I had become successful in this "real world," I was still unhappy with my role. At times I feel as though I should just invest my money into a rocket ship and fly into outer space.
Besides, I still had to stay here for my mother. Her health was dwindling as every day passed. My days consisted of spending mornings with her before I drove her to work. Despite my ability to pay for her well-being she was determined that getting out of the house and working would help with her health. I'd like to say she was right, but it was obvious that she was still losing despite her strongest attempts.
I knew that I'd never be able to make up for my lacking childhood, but every moment I had with my mother I tried to make it memorable in some way. Every conversation we had ended with, "I love you." She became the bravest woman that I ever knew of. She was dying the slowest of deaths, and she never showed that it truly affected her.
Since my mother had told me she had cancer, I had dreaded the thought of seeing her dead. It just seemed strange to me. It wasn't as if she was dying of old age because she was only fifty-one. I often would imagine how it felt. Knowing you have so much left to live for, yet at the same time knowing you'll never experience it. I don't know what happens after death, but I know that you always die alone. I just always hoped that someone would be waiting on the other side for her to pick up where I ended.
She had died on a Monday sometime during the afternoon. The doctor's said it was strange because she was still able to function, and she didn't seem nearly weak enough to pass. I didn't want to see her as they had found her. The lifeless woman they had found was not the one I wish to remember. I chose to remember the woman I had breakfast with that morning.
"Isaac, do you believe in miracles?"
I was confused by her question, "I suppose."
"So do I." She began to smile at me as she sipped the coffee out of her mug. "I believe you're a miracle."
Gently laughing I said, "Yeah? How so?"
"Because I've been so happy, that I completely forgot that I'm going to die soon."
"Mom...don't say that."
"Isaac, it's a good thing. I'd rather die happy than die feeling like I was still searching for peace."
"I just don't want you to go yet, mom." I wretch out and clasped her hand.
Smiling she said, "We don't control the hourglass that resides inside us, but I promise you that as long as you remember this moment and the times we've had that you'll never be alone."
She may be gone from everyone else's world, but she it still very much alive in mine. I've learned to accept the fact that I need to move on and just keep her alive in my heart, and when I do feel lonely I just visit her resting spot. It's just me, her, and the stars in the night sky.
The stars now watch over her.
Happy to be able to view someone that shines brighter and more beautiful than they themselves.
I stayed friends with Phil throughout college since we both decided to get through tough times together. I had gotten a degree in business while Phil got his in engineering; thus, we ventured into the entrepreneurial circuit and created our own construction company. As the company grew and prospered we had done what we both had yearned for. I was able to make-up decades of memories with my mother despite her illness. Phil was able to shine brighter than his siblings, and he finally received the recognition that he had always wanted from his parents. Life in that moment felt everlasting.
However, everlasting things turn out to be fragile. They fall apart in your hands, and you simply watch them dissolve through the spaces between your fingers. Although I had become successful in this "real world," I was still unhappy with my role. At times I feel as though I should just invest my money into a rocket ship and fly into outer space.
Besides, I still had to stay here for my mother. Her health was dwindling as every day passed. My days consisted of spending mornings with her before I drove her to work. Despite my ability to pay for her well-being she was determined that getting out of the house and working would help with her health. I'd like to say she was right, but it was obvious that she was still losing despite her strongest attempts.
I knew that I'd never be able to make up for my lacking childhood, but every moment I had with my mother I tried to make it memorable in some way. Every conversation we had ended with, "I love you." She became the bravest woman that I ever knew of. She was dying the slowest of deaths, and she never showed that it truly affected her.
Since my mother had told me she had cancer, I had dreaded the thought of seeing her dead. It just seemed strange to me. It wasn't as if she was dying of old age because she was only fifty-one. I often would imagine how it felt. Knowing you have so much left to live for, yet at the same time knowing you'll never experience it. I don't know what happens after death, but I know that you always die alone. I just always hoped that someone would be waiting on the other side for her to pick up where I ended.
She had died on a Monday sometime during the afternoon. The doctor's said it was strange because she was still able to function, and she didn't seem nearly weak enough to pass. I didn't want to see her as they had found her. The lifeless woman they had found was not the one I wish to remember. I chose to remember the woman I had breakfast with that morning.
"Isaac, do you believe in miracles?"
I was confused by her question, "I suppose."
"So do I." She began to smile at me as she sipped the coffee out of her mug. "I believe you're a miracle."
Gently laughing I said, "Yeah? How so?"
"Because I've been so happy, that I completely forgot that I'm going to die soon."
"Mom...don't say that."
"Isaac, it's a good thing. I'd rather die happy than die feeling like I was still searching for peace."
"I just don't want you to go yet, mom." I wretch out and clasped her hand.
Smiling she said, "We don't control the hourglass that resides inside us, but I promise you that as long as you remember this moment and the times we've had that you'll never be alone."
She may be gone from everyone else's world, but she it still very much alive in mine. I've learned to accept the fact that I need to move on and just keep her alive in my heart, and when I do feel lonely I just visit her resting spot. It's just me, her, and the stars in the night sky.
The stars now watch over her.
Happy to be able to view someone that shines brighter and more beautiful than they themselves.