Ignite.

Harry and I spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon hanging out with Anne, which was rather nice. The two of them were adorable together, always bickering about something but still managing to be sweet. And of course the second she asked him to do anything, he was up and attending to it. Precious. And though Anne practically begged us to stay for dinner, Harry said that he needed to get back to Philly. Something to do with the shop, I don’t know. So after a very long goodbye, we left New York around four. We were nearing Philadelphia when I remembered that I couldn’t go home.

“Hey, Harry?” I called softly over another one of his mixes. The hand that was holding mine over the center console squeezed subconsciously as he murmured a “yeah, babe?”, his eyes never leaving the road. “When did you plan on taking me home?” He immediately picked up on the slight tinge of worry in my tone and glanced over at me, the crease forming between his eyebrows.

“Whenever you wanted, why?”

“Well, I forgot that I told my mom I wouldn’t be back until school started. And I meant to ask you about it, but then I forgot. I mean, I can always just get a cab or something to Bri’s place in the Hamptons-”

“You can stay with me, Jude,” he scoffed, as if it was clearly the only option.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to impose or anything.” My gaze found my lap as I nervously awaited his response. I mean, he just spent the whole weekend cooped up with me. Surely he’d want some alone time. But a chuckle floated past his lips as he looked over at me once again and gave a small shake of his head.

“Why wouldn’t I want to spend a few more days living with my girlfriend?”

Girlfriend. I was his girlfriend now. I couldn’t keep the blush off my cheeks as I smiled to myself, and he must have noticed because he squeezed my hand again before bringing our hands up to his mouth and placing a few lazy kisses to my knuckles.

So with that settled, he asked me to call in for some take out when we got into the city. We ended up grabbing stuff from some sushi place he was obsessed with and soon we were back at his beautiful apartment. We ate dinner and talked a bunch and Harry uploaded all the pictures from the trip while we listened to his old records. About seventy percent of the pictures he had taken were candid shots of me or couple-y shots of the two of us. The rest were artsy shots of the city and the bands. We’d ended up in his bedroom, the news or something else dull playing in the background while we talked and kissed some more. We were tucked in his bed, his back resting against the headboard while I practically draped myself across his chest. His fingers had been running through my hair and I just felt so at peace. I mean, the weekend was incredible, but it had its ups and downs. But right then, just laying in his arms, I was calm. Everything felt like it was okay and that it was going to stay okay.

“So you did bring cigarettes on the trip.” Hold that thought. I’d barely heard him as his face was nuzzled somewhere in my hair, but he had said it. And I’d immediately tensed up. Why would he choose to bring this up now? Now, when things were feeling good.

“Uhm, yeah, I guess so,” I mumbled, trying not to let my agitation seep into my tone.

“You guess so?” Harry did not care if his agitation seeped into his tone. I sat up and away from him, turning slightly to shoot him a hard look.

“Yeah, it was an accident.”

“You accidentally brought a pack of cigarettes with you?” He crowed incredulously. It took everything in me to keep from rolling my eyes at him.

“Yes, Harry. I threw them in my bag, it’s a force of habit,” I told him offhandedly, which just caused him to release a heavy sigh.

“Well I wish it wasn’t a force of habit.”

“Well it is, so.”

“You still chose to smoke one though. I mean, it’s one thing to bring them, but-” Was he seriously doing this?

“Shall we recount why I felt the need to have a smoke?” I shot back darkly, noticing how his jaw locked and his eyes seemed to darken.

“Yeah, you didn’t talk to me. You just chose to jump to conclusions-”

“You’re unbelievable,” I scoffed, throwing the blankets off of me and pulling myself out of his bed.

“Well excuse me for being concerned about my girlfriend!” he cried as he, too, leapt from the bed.

“Harry, I’m fine! You don’t need to be so worried-”

“Well maybe I’m just sick of kissing an ashtray.” My words caught in my throat as I slowly brought my eyes up to meet his. He was glaring at me from across the room and there was zero remorse on his face for what he’d just said.

“So which is it, then? Are you concerned or disgusted?” His gaze held mine, but he just stared silently at me until I finally let out a bitter laugh, tears filling my eyes. I guess I had my answer then. “Right. Well I’ll just go then. Wouldn’t want you to be repulsed in your own home,” I spat as I quickly grabbed for my jeans, yanking them up my legs. He didn’t even try to stop me. He didn’t move. And I think that’s what hurt the most, honestly. He wasn’t even trying. He ended up leaving the room as I finished getting dressed and when I finally had my things and entered the living room, I could hear him in the kitchen. Upon stepping through the doorway, I saw that he was standing at the sink, his hands clutching at the counter so hard that his knuckles were turning white. “Can I just ask you something?” His shoulders tensed at my voice, but he slowly turned to me, his eyebrows raising in almost a mocking way. “What is this actually about? Is it really the smoking or this about us?” He was silent for a few moments, his eyes falling to the floor.

“I just…” His words faded and we were left with more silence and he still wouldn’t look at me.

“Maybe Niall was right, then.” That sure got him. I thought he was gonna snap his neck with how quickly he pulled his head up to look at me.

“Niall? What the fuck did Niall say? Why were you even talking about me to Niall?” Harry practically bellowed, a murderous look in his eyes. I wasn’t afraid of him though. I couldn’t bring myself to be afraid of him. This was just proving how stupid this whole thing was.

“Well Niall was actually around while you were off giggling with some girl. And I get it, you’re not good with relationships. That’s fine. But I told you I couldn’t do this if you weren’t serious. If you didn’t want a relationship, that was okay. But you said-”

“You backed me into a corner! What was I supposed to say?”

“How about what you were actually feeling?” I was actually surprised by the volume and bite of my voice. When did I get like this? I was never someone to have a screaming match with people. But I guess it was Harry. Harry was when I got like this. A sigh tumbled from my lips as I shook my head once again. “I can’t do this. I’m not going to fight with you. When you figure out what you want, you know where to find me.” And with that, I turned on my heel and marched out of his apartment, not a clue where I was going to go. I mean, Alex and Bri were both in the Hamptons and my parents didn’t expect me home and I couldn’t explain this to Henry. So what was I supposed to do?

--

I had ended up going home, making some horribly pathetic lie about not feeling well and taking a cab home. My parents had bought it though, and I spent the last few days of Winter Break in my bedroom, dead to the world. I’m not going to lie, I spent way more time than I’d like to admit looking at the pictures Harry had posted. He never took them down, surprisingly. And then it just got to a point where I was bored of feeling sorry for myself. Harry was bad news, I’d been hearing it since day one. I was actually pretty angry with myself for not listening to everyone who had warned me. I could’ve been done with this the first time he took me on a date. But I was stupid, and naive, and I thought that I could change him. Well guess what. You can’t change people. And even if you could, Harry was a lost cause.

School had been back in session for roughly two weeks. I hadn’t heard from Harry once, not that I was too surprised. I wasn’t expecting to hear from him ever again, honestly. Bri had been up in arms when I told her that I would no longer be seeing Harry. I didn’t give her the details because it would have just fueled her already endless hate for the boy. I just told her that things weren’t working out. And she accepted that, which was I was eternally grateful for. I honestly didn’t feel like rehashing the whole thing. But I was feeling good. Even my grades had improved since I’d stopped seeing Harry. I mean, I wasn’t doing poorly before, but all of my test scores were near perfect without him in my life. Bri was happier knowing that there wouldn’t be more Harry drama around the corner, and that put me more at ease. I hated feeling like I had to lie to her half the time.

But you know what they say, all good things must come to an end. It was almost the middle of January when Bri and I were heading toward her car after school one day. I’d just slipped my sunglasses over my eyes when I made the mistake of glancing to my right, and then I felt my stomach plummet to my feet. Just a few rows down, gathering eyes like he always did, Harry was leaning against his car.

“You don’t have to talk to him, y’know. I can go tell him to fuck off, babe,” Bri assured me, giving my arm a squeeze. But I felt that familiar clench in my chest as I watched him. His usually cool demeanor was nowhere to be found. His eyes were practically trained on the ground while he scuffed his feet, looking incredibly out of place.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll take care of it. Just go wait in the car, I’ll be there in a minute,” I told her, giving her a squeeze back.

“Are you sure? I can come with you.”

“Nah, I’m alright. I’ll just be a minute, I promise.” She nodded then, breaking away from me and heading to her Bug. And then after a deep breath, I headed for Harry. He didn’t even look up as I approached, probably already knowing it was me. “What are you doing here?” I called in a clipped voice as I reached him. He finally brought his head up to look at me.

“I wanted to take you to get coffee.” His voice was low and quiet and I almost felt myself swoon until I saw the ugly purple splotch under his left eye that his sunglasses were doing a poor job of covering.

“What the fuck is that?” I snapped, yanking his glasses off before he could stop me. His entire eye was dark, the bruise looking pretty fresh.

“It’s nothing, I just-”

“Don’t you dare lie to me.” He sighed then, closing his eyes briefly, and I couldn’t help but notice the small wince as he forced his left eye open again.

“I had a run in with Lucas.” Christ.

“Lucas? What were you fighting about?” His eyes found mine then, practically screaming ‘what do you fucking think?’ It took everything in me not to let out a scream then. “Are you kidding me? I told you I had that handled! Everything was fine-”

“If you had heard what he was saying about you-”

“Then you should have walked away!”

“‘M sorry,” he finally muttered, his eyes finding the ground again.

“You should go, Harry.” His eyes quickly rose back up to mine, looking sad and panicked.

“Jude, wait, just-”

“Harry, please? Please just go.” I was sort of begging, but he just shook his head.

“No, we need to talk-”

“You need to go. We’re done here.” I didn’t give him the chance to grab at me or call me back, just forced his glasses into his hand and kept moving toward Bri until I was in the safety of her car.

“Do you want-?”

“Can we just go home, please? I’m fine,” I cut her off harshly, and she nodded quickly before pulling out of the spot and heading toward my house.
We didn’t talk the entire way and it was only as we were pulling into my driveway that I felt like I could breathe. Bri didn’t ask to come in, and I didn’t invite her, just thanked her for the ride and scurried through the front door. The house was empty, as my parents were working late and Margot had the day off. Just me and my thoughts, I guess. Deciding that I didn’t want to dwell on Harry or Lucas or any of that bullshit, I forced myself up to my room to start on my homework for the evening.

I’d just barely gotten into my room, kicking off my shoes and practically ripping off my tights, when the doorbell rang. I could feel my blood boil as I concluded that it had to be Harry. I don’t know why he even bothered ringing the bell, to be honest. It’s not like he wasn’t just going to barge in anyway. I thought about ignoring it, but a few more rushed chimes of the doorbell made me go downstairs. I was building up all the nasty words I was going to spit at him when I ripped open the door, only to find them all stuck in my throat.

Lucas was standing in front of me, with his lip busted and a shiner to rival Harry’s. One of his friends, the beefy guy from the hotel party, was standing next to him, a sickly grin on his face.

“Uhm, can I help you?” I asked, trying to keep my voice even. But seriously, his friend was really creeping me out. And of course, it didn’t help that as soon as I spoke, Lucas got a grin of his own.

“Hey, babe. How’ve you been?” Lucas didn’t wait for an answer as he brushed past me and entered my house. His friend was quick to follow and I all of a sudden felt dizzy.

“Lucas, what- what are you doing here?” My voice was near trembling and I was willing myself to calm down.

“So you’re seeing that Styles guy, right?”

“No,” I quickly shot him down, a small glare settling onto my features.

“Mm, that’s not what he was saying last night. In fact, he was acting like he owned you when he practically attacked me.”

“Well, we’re not together. He was lying.” Lucas’ friend rolled his eyes and took a step toward me, and I immediately felt nauseous.

“I figured as much. But just in case he wanted to get territorial, I thought I’d leave my mark.” My eyes nearly doubled in size as I flashed back to that night in the hotel. Shit, shit, shit. There were two of them now, I’d never-

Suddenly I was being hoisted into the air and over his friend’s shoulder as Lucas called out where my room was.

“Lucas, no, please! Please, there’s nothing going on, just let me go!” Tears were welling up in my eyes as we crossed the threshold of my room and I literally thought I was going to pass out or vomit.

“See, I don’t believe you though,” Lucas called as I was tossed rather unceremoniously onto my bed. I tried to scramble up, but Lucas was quick to get on top of me. “And well, if I can’t have you, he certainly can’t.” He threw a wink my way before practically ripping my cardigan off and working on the buttons of my shirt. Fat, sloppy tears were streaming down my face now as I struggled against him, but that just caused him to laugh and call his friend over for extra help. Rough kisses and bites were being pressed to my chest as I thrashed against the two of them, small whimpers and cries leaving my lips.

“Lucas, please!” I wailed as I struggled harder, but that just egged the two of them on.

“She’s a virgin, isn’t she?” I heard his friend ask and I didn’t even see the look Lucas gave him before he let out a “this is going to be amazing.”

“Lucas-”

“Shut up! Just shut up, Jude! I swear to god-”

“Get your fucking hands off of her.”

Fresh tears leaked from my eyes, but this time in relief. I was safe, I was safe. I was going to get out of this. Before I could even blink, Lucas’ body had been ripped from mine and I heard him hit the floor. His friend immediately released my arms, but he stayed on the bed, too shocked to move. I quickly hauled myself up into a sitting position just in time to see Harry’s fist collide roughly with Lucas’ face. A sickening crack sounded through the room and I was absolutely positive that Lucas’ nose was broken. But that wasn’t enough for Harry. He continued to lay into him, each punch seeming harder than the last as he continued to let Lucas know just exactly what he thought of him. When it got to the point that Lucas’ blood was spilling all over the hardwood floors, I found the strength to stand up, albeit on shaky legs.

“Harry- Harry, stop,” I forced out, but either he didn’t hear me or he didn’t care because he continued to make a crime scene of my bedroom. “Harry, just stop! You’re going to kill him!” I cried, trying to pull at Harry’s shoulders.

“The bastard deserves it!” He bellowed back, easily shaking me off. At that point Lucas wasn’t even trying to fight him anymore, too bloodied up to even move.

“Harry, please!”

Suddenly Harry’s fist stopped, poised for another punch. He stayed eerily still for a moment, just hovering over Lucas’ body before he snapped up and shot a threatening hand at Lucas’ friend.

“Get him out of here. And I swear to god if you call the cops-”

“I won’t! I swear I won’t!” Lucas’ friend cut over him, his voice absolutely terrified. He quickly scrambled off the bed and hauled Lucas up, wrapping his arm around the boy’s middle and practically carrying him out of the room. Lucas was at least conscious at that point, so I knew he wasn’t actually dead. Harry stayed silent, his back to me as we listened to the two boys leave my house. A new set of tears trickled from my eyes at the scene in front of me. Harry had almost killed him. Killed him. When Harry turned to me I instinctively took a step back, the backs of my knees colliding with my bed and sending me onto it. When he moved toward me, his hand coming out, I must have flinched because he immediately froze, his face falling.

“Jude-” he choked out, his eyes glazing over. I opened my mouth to speak, but no words could seem to come out, leaving me to let out a small whimper. “Jude, I would never-” A few tears slipped from his eyes as he moved over to me. I couldn’t bring myself to move, too terrified of what could come next. But suddenly Harry was dropping to his knees in front of me, his arms going around my waist as he pulled his chest flush against my legs. His face landed somewhere near my midsection and I stayed perfectly still as I felt his tears wetting my shirt. “I’m so sorry,” he sobbed out, his hands balling into fists around my shirt. A part of me wanted to pet down his curls, try to soothe him, but I was still too scared to move. I had just watched him almost kill a man. I had never really realized what he was capable of. We stayed like that for close to five minutes before Harry pulled back, his eyes all red and swollen. “Baby, please-” he started as he reached up to cup my face, but I once again flinched away from him and he drew his hands back. He stood then and left the room, and I half expected him to leave. Tears were still rolling down my cheeks as I tried to force myself to move. I needed to get this all cleaned up.

I was just about to stand up when I heard Harry coming back upstairs. He entered my room with some towels, a large sponge, and a bucket full of soapy water. Without a glance in my direction, he once again sunk to his knees and started to mop up the blood. God, there was so much of it. So much more than I’d thought there was. Harry worked quickly though, and soon you’d never even know anything happened. Just a large wet spot from the water. No crime scene.

Neither of us moved for a good ten minutes, even after he was done. We just sat there in a sickening silence that both of us were too nervous to break. Finally Harry did though, letting out a sigh as he rose to his feet. He kept his back to me and I really didn’t want to be in the room anymore. So I quickly hopped to my feet, hoping to make an escape to the bathroom. But Harry’s hand caught onto my wrist and he gently pulled me back, noticing that I was scared. Without thinking though, he pulled me into his arms and held me tightly, more tears soon hitting my shoulder.

“Jude, I need you to know that I didn’t mean for that. I just- I couldn’t let him hurt you. I can’t let anyone hurt you, you mean too much to me. Please forgive me.” His words came out in a hushed voice and I knew that that he was struggling to not burst into sobs. I couldn’t bring myself to answer him though, still too shaken. When he realized that I was standing limply in his hold, he pulled back, his hands catching mine. He stared hard at me as I blinked back tears and he kept squeezing my hands, trying to get anything out of me. But soon he gave up, letting out a shaky breath. “I’m sorry. I’m so, so sorry,” he whispered before letting my hands fall and then gathering all of the bloodied cleaning products. He left my room quickly and I held my breath as I waited to hear the front door close. As soon as it did, I raced downstairs and locked the deadbolt before returning to my room. I needed a shower, and to throw away my shirt, now that it had the blood from Harry’s hands all over it. I decided then and there that no one could ever know about this.

--

When I woke up the next morning I had a voicemail from an unknown number.

“Hey, Jude, it’s Allie. Harry’s friend? Listen, could we get some coffee later today once you’re done school? Please call me back.”