Ignite.

“So, think you might be able to sneak away for a long weekend?” Harry asked as he peered over a basket of cheese fries at me. There was a bit of cheese on his lower lip, but before I could comment, his tongue swept out of his mouth and got rid of it.

“Well, I suppose that depends on where I’m sneaking off to,” I replied nonchalantly, stabbing my fork into a few of the fries. We were situated in a back booth at Nifty Fifties, which is exactly what it sounds like: a little fifties inspired joint that had award winning milkshakes and cheese fries to die for. “Did you finally pick a destination for your birthday plans?”

Ah, right. We were almost at February now. The last two weeks had flown by in a blur and were filled with nothing but Harry Styles, if we’re being honest. It felt like I was practically living at his apartment some days. Surprisingly, my parents were being relatively cool about it. Well, my mother was, seeing as she was completely smitten with Harry. My father, however, was not as enthusiastic, but my mother was a very convincing woman. But anyway, with Harry’s birthday coming up on the first of February, there was much debate over what to do and where to go. There were talks of staying in Philly, there were talks of going to New York, there were even talks of going to Las Vegas. Harry nixed Vegas though, thankfully. Because honestly, my parents would definitely not have gone for that.

“As a matter of fact, I did,” he stated proudly, but I kept silent as I wrapped my lips around the straw of my milkshake and sent him a doe eyed look that screamed ‘go on.’ “Atlantic City.”

“You do realize I can’t get in anywhere in Atlantic City,” I told him, my eyebrows furrowing a bit, but he waved me off.

“That’s why I’ve asked Zayn to make up some fakes for you and Brianne.” Well hey, at least Bri was invited!

“And Zayn is…?”

“Right! Another one of my mates from New York. He’s all tech-y and stuff, so I asked him to make them.” I gave him a small nod and a smile, which he quickly mirrored.

“Sounds fun.” His grin widened as his ankle hooked with mine under the table and then he dug into his burger.

--

I’d told my parents I was staying with Bri for the weekend because we needed a nice, long girl’s weekend with no boys. Of course they said it was fine. So Bri and I decided that we’d pack all of our shit into her car before school on Friday, and then drive to Atlantic City and meet everyone else there. Harry whined a little of course because he “really wanted to have another road trip”, but I promised him we’d have the whole car ride home on Sunday night, which quieted him.

School was uneventful, to say the least, and the ride was rather calm. It was nice, though, to just be with Bri for a little. It seemed we’d both been pretty busy with our boys lately, and we really needed the time to catch up. I wish you could have seen her face when I told her about Harry giving me a key to his place. I’m surprised she didn’t end up driving us off the road in shock.

“He gave you a key to his apartment?” She screeched, her eyes leaving the road to look at me for a worrisome amount of time. I couldn’t fight the grin and blush that were taking over my face though.

“He did. He said he wanted me to have somewhere to go at all times if I needed to get away. It was really sweet, Bri. I still can’t get over how sweet he can be.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to get that. Oh, has he asked you to prom yet?” The fact that Bri was getting giddy over my relationship with Harry was rather endearing because, as we all know, Bri was not Harry’s biggest fan. But maybe she was coming around, eh?

“Not yet, but he told me he’s thinking of something. He’s been preoccupied with birthday plans though. I swear to god, he talked to Niall or Louis about three times a day for the past two weeks. He’s really excited for this weekend though, so I don’t really care that he hasn’t asked yet.” And Bri agreed and the rest of the trip was spent gushing about how sweet Alex was and how sweet Harry was and how smitten we both were. Well, Bri’s was more ‘how in love’ she was, but you get the point.

Soon we were arriving in Atlantic City though, so I texted Harry to ask where to meet him. Apparently he and everyone else were up in our room at Harrah’s, and he was quick to tell me exactly how to get there. He offered to meet me down in the lobby, but I told him I could manage getting to the room on my own. So after pulling our duffel bags from the backseat and having the car valeted, Bri and I headed for the elevators. I had to admit, I was a little jittery with excitement and just a hint of nerves. I mean, Harry and I were staying in a hotel for the weekend. Staying in a hotel for his birthday, no less, which had me thinking that maybe things were going to heat up this weekend. Maybe this was the weekend. And then I was freaking out.

“Bri, do you think we’re going to have sex this weekend?” I forced out as the elevator headed up. Bri’s eyebrows crinkled slightly for a second as she peered over at me, and then she let out a small giggle.

“Babe, I love you, but I told you I have a boyfriend. Though he probably wouldn’t mind, to be honest-”

“Bri, I’m serious!” I cried, smacking her arm with my free hand that wasn’t shaking.

“Alright, alright, calm down. I don’t know, Jude, maybe. I mean, it is his birthday and we’re gonna be here until Sunday, so…”

“Oh my god. Oh my god. What do I do? I’m gonna be horrible! I-”

“Sweetie, I’m going to tell you this once because we’re getting close to our floor and I need you to calm down. When it happens, you’ll figure it out. You’ll be fine, okay? Everything just kinda falls into place when you’re in the moment. So I need you to take a deep breath and put on your party face, alright?” At Bri’s words, I took two very large cleansing breaths and then I gave myself a little shake and I felt pretty okay. I could do this. I mean, there was no guarantee we were even going to have sex. I would be fine.

The elevator let out a ‘ding!’ and we were on our way. Apparently, there were four rooms booked for the group of us, but Harry’s and mine was at the very end of the hallway. We finally made it though, and Bri was quick to start knocking obnoxiously on the door. Seconds later, the door swung open to reveal a grinning Alex, who quickly pulled Bri into a deep kiss before placing a small kiss on my cheek. And then he was heading back into the room shouting,

“The strippers are here!”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as Bri giggled beside me and a myriad of shouts and catcalls came from the bedroom.

“Alex, I swear to god, if you- Jude!” Harry called, his face instantly lighting up as Bri and I came into view. My bag was left on the floor as I practically skipped over to him, where he pulled me into his arms and spun me around quickly.

“Hello, birthday boy,” I giggled- well, I meant to giggle, but it came out as a sort of seductive purr, which prompted more catcalls from the boys as I placed Harry’s face in my hands and crashed my lips onto his. With his arms still tightly wrapped around me, and his lips still very much attached to mine, he gently placed me on the ground and promptly flipped everyone off.

“God, they’re so cute,” someone gushed, and that quickly pulled me back to the fact that we were in a room full of people, so I pulled back from Harry, who followed me for one last peck before letting me go. I turned around just in time for Allie to practically throw herself at me, saying how much she’d missed me. Then I was exchanging hugs and kisses on the cheek with Niall, Louis, and Noah. This left me with one pretty brunette girl, a boy with light brown hair, and a dark haired boy.

“Jude, this is my girlfriend, Eleanor,” Louis piped up, and the brunette quickly stepped forward to hug me.

“It’s so nice to finally meet you! I’ve heard loads about you,” she chirped with a bright grin, which I happily returned, sharing the sentiment. Then the lighter haired boy stepped forward, introducing himself as Liam before placing small kisses to both mine and Bri’s cheeks. And finally, the dark haired boy stepped forward, leaving kisses on our cheeks and saying he was Zayn.

“I believe these are for you two,” he drawled, pulling his wallet from his back pocket and producing two fake IDs that would definitely get us into the bars and get us served.

And then Bri was clapping her hands together, saying that the girls needed to go start getting ready for the evening, since we were all getting pretty gussied up. The boys let out small groans of protest, but Bri shot them all a disapproving look that silenced them rather quickly. So with a small kiss to Harry’s cheek, I grabbed my duffle and followed Bri and the rest of the girls out of the hotel room and down the hall to what would be Bri’s and Alex’s room.

Getting ready took longer than anticipated, mostly because Allie had brought three dresses with her because she just couldn’t decide and she needed our opinions. Naturally, we helped her out as best we could, but she must have stopped each of us from getting ready about three times as she second guessed herself. Finally she decided on one and we were all allowed to get back to getting ready. Bri and I were in the middle of finishing our eye makeup when my phone started buzzing from the counter.

Harry’s name stared up at us and Bri let out a loud groan.

“What could that boy possibly want? He has all weekend with you, can’t we get you for an hour?” she whined, but I quickly hushed her and answered the call, putting it on speaker so I could finish my makeup.

“Hello?” I called toward the phone, but the only thing that greeted me was a bit of scuffling. “Hello?” I tried again, but all I got was muffled voices and what sounded like someone sitting on the bed.

“The idiot probably pocket dialed you, hang up,” Bri cut in, but just as I was about to respect her wishes, a voice cut through the line.

“You know you’re dating like, the epitome of a schoolgirl fantasy, right?” An Irish brogue rang out and Bri was immediately rolling her eyes.

“I, erm...we’re not dating,” Harry replied lowly, sounding a bit embarrassed.

“Well then you’re shagging the epitome of a schoolgirl fantasy.” I believe that one was Zayn? There was a long pause before Harry let out a loud puff of air.

“We’re not- we’re not shagging either.” Yeah, he definitely sounded embarrassed that time.

“You’re not shagging her?” Zayn cried, almost sounding bewildered.

"Thank you!” Louis shouted from somewhere farther away.

“Oh, piss off, we’re not doing this again. Jude and I are not dating, and Jude and I are not shagging, okay? We’re just...exclusive, I guess-”

“Exclusive? Do you hear yourself, mate? Who are you?” Zayn crowed incredulously.

“Fuck you,” Harry spat back, and I was half tempted to run over there and stop whatever sounded like it was about to happen. Bri’s eyes were wide like mine as we sort of stared at each other in the mirror, not really sure what to do.

“Sorry, H, but Zayn has a point.” I knew I never cared for Noah.

“Alright, all of you, enough. Haz is clearly happy, so just let him be, yeah? Christ, it’s his birthday, at least let him get through the night,” Liam interjected, and I made a mental note to give him a hug later. There was a bit of grumbling and then everyone quieted down, so before Harry could take his phone out and see that he’d been calling me the entire time, I quickly ended the call.

“Well. Glad to know they all think so highly of me,” I muttered before starting to apply my lip stain. Bri shot me a desperate look in the mirror, shaking her head a little.

“Don’t think like that, Jude. They just don’t get this new Harry. There’s nothing wrong with you two, okay?” So I sighed and nodded, agreeing with her mostly so that we could stop talking about it. The two of us finished up pretty quickly after that, so we stepped back into the bedroom where El and Allie were sprawled out on the bed waiting for us.

“Jesus Christ, you’re gonna give him a heart attack, Jude!” Allie called, sitting up as we entered the room. I couldn’t fight the smirk as I glanced down at my outfit. It was a bit more risqué than what I’d normally go for, but I figured Harry’s birthday was a special occasion.

“That’s the idea,” I chirped in a singsong voice as the two girls hopped up from the bed and started gathering all of their things. Not wanting to bring a purse, I had taken Allie’s offer to hold my ID and decided to leave my phone and everything else up in the room. So after stopping back to all of our rooms to drop off our bags, we found that the boys had already headed downstairs.

The elevator ride was agonizingly long and I could feel my palms starting to sweat a little. What if Harry didn’t like how I looked? What if he thought I looked slutty? Plus I still felt like all the boys resented me for “changing Harry”. Soon the elevator let out a shrill ding though, and the doors slid open. The boys stood by a fountain that was down the wide corridor a bit, chatting animatedly about who knows what. But Lou happened to spot us and gave a faint nod in our direction, prompting the rest of the boys to follow suit. Harry’s eyes were immediately on me and I couldn’t help but notice how they darkened slightly as they roved over my body and then he was swallowing roughly, his Adam’s apple bobbing. As soon as I was in arm’s reach, his hands snagged my waist, pulling me into him.

“Jesus Christ, look at you,” he murmured breathlessly as his eyes fell over me again, his hands falling down to tangle with my own.

“You like it?” I asked expectantly, my eyebrows rising on my forehead. A devilish smirk touched his lips and I was just waiting for something obscene to tumble out of them.

“You look stunning, babe,” he told me quietly just before he pulled me in closer, his lips just brushing my ear. “But I think I’m going to love it when it’s in a ball at the foot of our bed later.” Shivers cascaded down my spine and I couldn’t fight the blush that was rising to my cheeks, but I’d never felt so turned on before. Had to play it cool though. So I leaned right back into him and whispered,

“We’ll have to see how good you are.” I left a chaste kiss to his cheek before pulling away and turning my body from him, but his grip was tight on my hand as he pulled me back.

“Is that all I get?” he asked a little incredulously, a small smirk on his lips.

“For now,” I chirped, a smirk of my own rivaling his. But his grin widened as he squeezed my hand and then we were all off to the restaurant where we had reservations for dinner.

--

Dinner was uneventful, really. There was just a lot of the boys getting to know Bri and myself, as they’d all seemed to know Noah, Alex, and Allie. They all seemed like really great guys, but it still felt like they were apprehensive around me, save for Liam and Niall. Liam was an absolute sweetheart and well, Niall just seemed to like everybody.

So after dinner and a bit of slots, we were headed to The Pool for a bit of drinking and dancing. The place was absolutely packed, but Harry had reserved us one of the cabanas so that we wouldn’t have to fight people to find somewhere to sit. Two rounds of shots were passed around before we’d all even properly sat down, and then Bri was immediately wanting to dance. So with quick farewells, the ladies and I departed and headed for the thick of the crowd, getting lost in whatever remix the DJ was playing at the moment.

We’d gotten through roughly five songs before a pair of hands settled on my hips and someone was pressing into my back. Naturally, I assumed it was Harry, and let my hands trail over theirs. But it didn’t feel right. The hands were too small and too beefy. So I quickly pulled away to see that it was, in fact, not Harry, and that Harry was now storming through the crowd toward us.

“She’s with me,” he called roughly over the loud music, and the guy with his hands on my hips barely batted an eye.

“She looked awful lonely to me, man,” the man called back and I watched as Harry’s hand balled up at his sides, a vein in his neck beginning to show.

“Well, she’s spoken for.” The man turned his attention back to me, squeezing my hips roughly.

“Is that so, baby? Are you spoken for?” His breath was falling hot on my neck and I quickly pulled out of his grasp, shooting him the dirtiest look I could muster.

“Yeah, I am,” I spat back at him, and his face quickly contorted to a glare before he rolled his eyes and brushed past me, eyes already zeroing on his next prey. Harry’s hands were quickly on my waist as he pulled me into him, his nose nudging into my cheek.

“Are you alright, love?” he murmured into my ear, and I found myself nodding.

“Yeah, I’m good. Dance with me though?” And his grin widened as he wrapped his arms around me and I placed my arms around his neck. We were gone with the music and with each other, our bodies pressed as tightly to each other as we could get, his breath warm on my neck as he placed kisses to the skin now and then.

“You look so beautiful,” he breathed out at one point in between songs and I couldn’t think to do anything else but crush my lips to his. We were really going at it, that I absolutely knew, and I was completely reassured of that as Bri bustled into us.

“Leave room for Jesus, seriously! How have you two not fucked yet? The sexual tension is killing me! C’mon, we’re gonna do more birthday shots!” She cheered, grabbing onto my hand and pulling me back through the crowd. I threw a helpless look over my shoulder at Harry, but he just laughed as he followed us back to the table.

“To the birthday boy!” Niall cried once we all had shots in hand, and then everyone was tossing them back before I collapsed into the booth, Harry following shortly after, his hand immediately finding my thigh under the table. Niall scampered off then to grab us beers and everyone else had dispersed to go dance, so it was just the two of us once again.

“Are you having fun?” I called, my eyes drinking him in. He looked absolutely stunning that night, happier than I’d seen him in a while. His eyes were a bit glassy and there seemed to be a smile permanently stapled to his face and soon he was leaning over and placing a sloppy kiss to my mouth, his hand gripping at my thigh just the slightest bit tighter.

“This is seriously incredible. I’m so glad you’re here.” He punctuated each sentence with another kiss and when he finally pulled back, he had another one of those grins on his face. “I’m so happy you’re mine.” And then we were kissing again until Niall came back to the table and broke it up.

“God, you two aren’t gonna make it to midnight at this rate.” But Harry just rolled his eyes and untangled himself from me before reaching for his beer.

“You’re just jealous, mate,” he shot back before taking a large gulp. Niall just shook his head with a roll of his eyes though.

“Yeah, Haz, you’re right. Might as well go try to pull then, eh?” And then he was darting away from the table and onto the dance floor.

--

The night wore on until the wee hours, and Harry and I had consumed plenty more alcohol and done way more provocative dancing than I’d done in my entire life. It was nearing three when the two of us were finally in the elevator, hands and mouths all over the place. Somehow we made it to the room and then we were dropping to the bed and- oh, god. This was it. We were actually going to do this. And I was so okay with it. Soft moans slipped past my lips as his mouth attacked my neck, lightly biting and sucking where he knew it felt good. My hands fumbled with his belt buckle for a few too many seconds, but I finally managed to get it undone. And then his pants were unzipped and my hand found him and then-

“Mm, Allie.”

My hands immediately froze as I pulled away from him and his eyes flew open frantically. I wasn’t even thinking when I pulled my hands from him and backed away, nearly falling off the bed in the process.

“Wait, Jude-”

“Allie?”

“I didn’t-”

“What the fuck?” I screeched rather embarrassingly as I finally got off the bed and started searching for my shoes.

“You’re overreacting,” Harry spat as he moved to get off the bed as well.

“You just called out another girl’s name! During what would have been our first time, what-”

“I didn’t mean to!” he roared as he moved toward me, but I’d just slipped on my second shoe and was moving toward the door, grabbing my phone off the dresser.

“I- I can’t- this was a bad idea. I can’t be here right now.” My voice was shaking slightly and I was drunk and I was confused and I was hurt and I needed to be anywhere but in the same room as Harry Styles at that moment. So I ignored his slurred calls as I tore out of the room and I ignored what sounded like glass shattering and just kept moving toward the elevator. I almost stopped at Bri’s and Alex’s room, but I could only assume that they were probably having sex, and I didn’t want to interrupt. I must have jabbed at the Down button about ten times, but the fucker sure was taking its sweet time.

“Jude?” I heard a soft call from down the hallway. Recognizing the voice as Zayn’s, I let myself turn toward him and watched as his face immediately twisted in concern. “What’s wrong? Where’s Harry?” he asked quickly as he reached me. But the elevator finally opened up and I quickly threw myself inside.

“I can’t- I need to get out right now,” I sputtered as he joined me in the small box, his eyebrows furrowed as he looked me over.

“What happened?” he demanded, but I just shook my head, pressing the button for the lobby. We were silent during our descent, and it wasn’t until we were stepping out of the elevator that I spoke.

“What are you doing up? You left way before us.”

“Yeah, I couldn’t sleep. I was gonna go for a walk and a smoke.”

“Can I join you?” Zayn watched me skeptically for a few moments before finally nodding and heading for the exit.

“You’re gonna freeze,” he muttered as we stepped outside into the frosty February air, and he quickly pulled off his leather jacket and thrust it at me.

“Aren’t you going to be cold?” I asked, accepting it nonetheless and slipping it onto my body. But Zayn shrugged nonchalantly, pulling the sleeves of his henley down a bit over his hands before pulling his cigarettes from his back pocket. “Mind if I bum one? Or five?” Zayn let out a soft chuckle, telling me that it was no problem before handing me one and his lighter.

We walked in silence for a bit, blissfully unaware of how dangerous this could be. Though there were still plenty of people walking the streets, regardless of the hour.

“You seem pretty drunk still,” Zayn finally said, and I just sort of hummed in agreement, not really knowing what else to say. “There’s a diner up ahead. Why don’t we get some food in you?” So I hummed again and we smoked another cigarette on our way to the diner. There were only a few people in there and an older woman with way too much makeup showed us to a table. Her name tag read Sandra and she had obviously dyed blonde hair and large bags under her eyes. Zayn immediately ordered us two coffees and then Sandra left us to mull over the menu.

“What are you gonna get?” I slurred out as I glanced briefly at the boy across from me. He studied the menu for another moment before dragging his eyes up to me.

“Mm, probably an omelette. You should consider something greasy. And maybe some toast.”

“Greasy sounds good,” I agreed, and when Sandra came back Zayn ordered his omelette and I ordered some value thing with bacon, eggs, sausage, pancakes, and toast. And I was ready to eat it all. My phone began buzzing on the table with what was probably the twelfth call from Harry since I’d left. I quickly rejected it before becoming incredibly interested in studying the dessert menu.

“You wanna tell me what’s going on?” Zayn asked quietly after pretending not to notice my obvious avoidance for a few minutes. I let out a deep sigh that sort of sounded like a groan before letting my eyes meet his.

“We were about to have sex,” is what finally came out of my mouth, and Zayn almost choked on his coffee.

“Wow, erm, okay. I mean, I guess I was expecting that, but- okay. What- what happened?”

“He called out someone else’s name,” I spat bitterly, sending a small glare at my coffee as if it were Harry. Zayn’s eyes nearly bulged out of his skull as he stared at me.

“He did? Whose name did he-?” But I just shook my head lamely, not wanting to get into it. So he dropped it thankfully, and we talked about him. Zayn was living in New York with the rest of the boys and he was going to school for business though he was an aspiring artist. He showed me a few pictures on his phone of some street art he’d done along with some random sketches, and he was really quite good.

So we ate and talked and I could feel myself sobering up rather well and then I couldn’t ignore the sad, almost pitying looks Zayn was giving me across the table.

“Just say it,” I finally sighed as I pushed my plate away from me now that it was completely empty. I told you I was going to eat it all.

“Whose name did-?”

“Allie.”

“Oh, Christ,” he muttered, shaking his head a bit and I was immediately interested.

“That sounds like something. What? What is it?” I demanded, my eyebrows furrowing. He opened his mouth to speak, but Sandra appeared at the table, asking if we needed anything else. So Zayn asked for refills on our coffees and then he avoided my gaze at all costs. “Zayn, please.”

“It’s not mine to tell-”

“Zayn.” A frustrated groan ripped from his throat as he scrubbed a hand over his face and then he finally brought his eyes back up to mine.

“Okay, so Harry and Allie are obviously close, as I’m sure you know. Well, a year or so ago they developed this system. Whenever they were both single, and in the mood, they decided it’d be easier to sleep with each other than try to pull someone.”

“Didn’t that fuck with their friendship?” But Zayn gave a small shrug.

“I guess not. They just saw it as doing the other a favor. It was purely sex, y’know? And then when one of them started seeing someone, it ended. They were shagging right before he met you, and he hasn’t been with anyone since he met you.” I didn’t correct him because I really didn’t want to relive the time I walked in on his almost threesome.

“So the last person he was intimate with was Allie?”

“Yeah. I mean, that doesn’t excuse it, but. He was drunk, Jude. Please try not to hate him.” A short, almost bitter laugh escaped my lips then and Zayn shot me a confused look.

“Sorry, it’s just- I’ve been hearing that a lot the past couple months. ‘Don’t write him off’, ‘give him another chance’, ‘he really likes you’-”

“He does. Jude, people aren’t just telling you these things for shits and giggles. None of us have ever seen Harry like this. But yeah, he’s gonna fuck up. Probably a lot. But he really does care about you. You just have to be patient with him.” I nodded a little as I digested Zayn’s words. I’d heard it all from Allie and Niall, but they all just sounded like a broken record. How many chances was I supposed to give him? How many times was he going to really fuck up? Was it even worth it at that point?

But deep down, a small part of me felt that, yeah, it was worth it. Harry got it right a lot of the time, and I hadn’t been as happy as I’d been with him for quite some time. And even when I was upset, I’d never felt more alive than when I was with Harry. And maybe that’s what it was all about. Being alive.