Isn't She Lovely?

“Let me sleep,” I whined snuggling further into what I thought was my pillow until it started to shake as Harry chuckled.

“We need to get up B,” he pushed the hair off my face, “we need to go back to London remember?”

“Or we could stay here and hide away so you don’t have to leave.” I mumbled into his chest.

“I wish I could.” I looked up to see him run a hand through his hair.

I didn’t say anything, there was nothing to say and I knew I was being unfair but I was sick of him leaving all the time. It wasn’t fair on Darcy or me or even him and it was the most frustrating thing about what Harry did. He had to travel, he had to be in 10 different places at once and it was beyond crazy trying to organize when we’d have time together. The boys were having to work harder than ever to stay where they were, they were defying the odds to still be as popular as they were and I knew it was affecting all of them and their significant others.

“Are you angry?” he asked and I looked up at him again shaking my head.

“No, why would I be?” I asked and he shrugged pursing his lips together slightly.

“Just cause I’m leaving again,” he sighed, “I don’t know Blair, this is all doing my head in.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” I moved to straddle his waist holding his face in my hands, “what’s wrong?”

He closed his eyes and pressed his lips together, it was what he did when he was trying not to cry. I leant back and laced my fingers through his, I watched him for a second before he opened his eyes. I bit my lip seeing the tears resting on his eyelashes.

“I don’t know what to do.” He said quietly, “I should be here with you, I should be taking care of you but I’m leaving. I just…I don’t know if this is worth it anymore.”

“This?” I sat back shocked.

“Not us,” he sighed and I made a sound of realization, “this band.”

“Harry.” I leant forward and pressed my lips to his briefly, “I’m not going to lie to you and tell you I’ve never contemplated asking you to quit this but you love what you do. We get to do the most amazing things because of what you do and Darcy is always going to be look back and be beyond proud to say you were her Dad.”

“If she doesn’t hate me for not being here.” He sighed and I bit my lip.

“She won’t hate you Harry,” I told him, “I promise you.”

“How do you know that?” he asked.

“I didn’t hate my dad,” I shrugged, “I mean sure I hated him for abandoning me and always passing me off to someone else to look after me. But that’s not what you do. You love Darcy, you look after Darcy and that counts Haz.”

“I don’t know B,” he sighed, “I think after this tour we need to really decide what we need to do.”

“Are you saying you want to leave One Direction?” I asked and he bit his lip.

“I think we need to seriously think about it.” He nodded and I leant forward wrapping my arms around his neck.

He wrapped his arms tightly around me and pressed kisses to my hair mumbling apologies that he didn’t need to give.

“I don’t want you to be doing this for me Harry.” I mumbled into his skin.

“I know,” he nodded, “what ever we decide to do it will be for us and Darcy. It will be what’s best for our family.”

“I always thought the band would break up and you’d go solo.” I admitted and he chuckled.

“The sad thing is that I did as well.” He chuckled shortly and I sighed.

“You can’t quit Harry.” I said quietly, “I don’t think I can let you.”

“We’ll just carrying on thinking about it, we have time.” He squeezed me and I nodded.

I rolled off of him and pulled the covers over our head so we were in our own little cocoon. He reached forward and his fingertips traced over my face, as his finger ran over my bottom lip I parted my lips and playfully bit his finger causing him to smile.

“How long have you been think about this?” I finally asked.

“Honestly?” he asked and I nodded, “since we found out about Darcy.”

“We’ve spoken about it since though.” I bit my lip and he sighed.

“I know but even after that I couldn’t get it out of my head.” He closed his eyes for a second before shaking his head and opening them again, “it kills me when I have to walk away from you two. You both stand in the doorway and wave, you have that look in your eyes like you’re trying to decide whether to run after me and you always look so close to tears but you never do. Always keeping it together for Darcy, for me and I hate that I do that to you. That I make you feel like that. Then there is Darcy who looks up at me and I know she knows I’m leaving and that I won’t see her for a while. It just…it kills me.”

“Come here.” I opened my arms and he buried his face in my chest, I stroked his hair softly, “we’re okay Harry. We love you so much. I love you so much.”

He didn’t say anything and I felt my skin getting wet as I realized he was crying. I bit my lip and pressed a kiss to his head.

“I love you.” I mumbled into his hair repeatedly.

We laid there for a while with Harry clinging to me like a life raft and me cradling him like he was a child. I whispered promises and told him assurances of how much we loved him until there was a knock on the door. He moved away from me before getting out of bed wiping his eyes as he walked into the bathroom. I slid out of bed and opened the door revealing Anne who was holding two cups of tea.

“Morning,” she grinned, “I brought you tea. Darcy is downstairs, I fed her breakfast and dressed her. She’s playing with the cat.”

“She loves that cat.” I smiled softly, “thank you for the tea.”

“No problem,” she smiled, “do you really have to go today?”

“Yea, we do.” Harry walked back in.

“I wish you could stay,” she sighed.

“Yea, well. We can’t.” he snapped taking the tea from her hands and stalking back into the bathroom.

“Sorry about him.” I mumbled and she shrugged.

“I’m his mum Blair, trust me he’s been worse than that to me for no reason.” She rolled her eyes before pointing in his direction, “trouble.”

“Trouble.” I smiled softly, “we’ll be down in a bit.”

“Take all the time you need.” She patted my arm before walking away.

I walked into the bathroom sipping on the tea before pulling myself up onto the counter as Harry started to shave. I bit my lip as I watched him before bumping my foot against his thigh.

“Why did you snap at her?” I asked and he sighed.

“I don’t know Blair.” He shook his head, “I just did. I’ll apologise later.”

“Kay.” I nodded and looked down at my hands, I turned my wrist over and traced over the date on it.
I felt Harry’s eyes watching me but didn’t react, sighing softly he took my hand and kissed the tattoo before looking up at me.

“I love you.” He pressed his forehead to mine, “so fucking much.”

“I love you so fucking much too.” I giggled, “that’s kind of what’s got us in this mess though huh?”

“I guess.” He smiled softly, “at least we’re in this mess together.”

“We are.” I nodded.

“That’s what gets me through all this you know?” he told me as he stepped away and turned the shower on, “knowing that you’re there. That it doesn’t matter if it’s 2 in the morning I know I can ring you up and you’ll make me feel better.”

“It is what I vowed to do.” I shrugged and he grinned.

“We’re the lucky ones,” he paused for a moment, “I snapped at Zayn the other night.”

“I know.” I nodded.

“But I do feel sorry for him,” he bit his lip for a second and I watched him curiously.

One of the things I loved most about Harry is how his mind works. How he can go from one subject and onto another before going back to the original subject. His tangents are what always fascinate me, I love working out how he got from one subject to the next and it always nearly always because he was always thinking about other people’s happiness.

“He doesn’t have anyone other than us to love. Other than you. Which is why I guess he knows you so well, you’re the closest girl friend he has.” Harry ran a hand through his hair, “and I should love that right? I should love that he loves my wife. That one of my best friends knows you so well. But I find it hard enough sharing you with Louis. I always feel like I’m competing with my friends at an elaborate game of who knows you best. I don’t know, am I even making sense?”

“You know me better than anyone,” I told him an amused smile on my lips, “why do you even doubt that?”

“I just…” he huffed before rolling his eyes as my amused expression, “stop laughing at me.”

“I can’t help it,” I giggled, “you’re so cute.”

“Shut up.” He whined and I hopped off the counter sticking my hand under the shower spray to see if it was warm.

“Why do you feel sorry for Zayn?” I asked as I pulled the lace pants I was wearing off.

“He doesn’t have his soulmate.” Harry watched me carefully as I went to pull his Ramones t-shirt over my head, “let me.”

“Kay.” I smiled holding my arms above my head.

Harry caught the bottom of the shirt, he stroked it between his fingers for a moment before pulling it up and over my head, he rested his forehead against mine as the clothing fell to the floor completely exposing me to him and he hummed in appreciation.

“See he doesn’t have this.” He said softly as his fingertips stroked the skin of my waist softly causing goosebumps to appear, “he doesn’t get to know all of someones small things.”

“Small things?” I closed my eyes as I listened to him speak and concentrated on the way his touch felt on my skin.

“Yea, like how I know just where to touch you to make you shiver,” he moved his head to brush his lips over the exact spot he was talking about, “how I know that when you’re really not sure of something you bite your lip and roll onto the outside edge of your feet. I know what you sound like when you’re lying. I know the difference tones of your voice, the subtle changes.”

“I love that.” I said softly.

“I love it too.” He smiled softly, “we’re the lucky ones.”

“We really are.” I nodded opening my eyes and meeting his lovely green ones.



“Shut up Gemma.” Harry groaned and I rolled my eyes.

“No you shut up.” Gemma huffed and I groaned.

“Can you both just be quiet.” I begged, “we are almost there. Just hush for the rest of the journey yea?”

I reached forward and turned the music up and rested my head against the window. The pair had been bickering the entire journey and it was doing my head in. They were brother and sister but I thought they were both grown up enough to go on a car journey together without it turning into a competition to see who could annoy me the most. I wished I was Darcy who had the pleasure of falling asleep about 10 minutes into the journey so had missed out on all the fighting fun. I sighed loudly as I heard both of them mumble things under their breath.

“You are both such children.” I told them and they glared at me.

“It’s not my fault you said that the devil herself could come in the car with us.” Harry snapped at me.

“Don’t speak to Blair like that, she has to put up with your fat self every day.” Gemma pursed her lips.

“For the last time I did not eat your last doughnut.” Harry growled.

“You have form for that Harry. You always eat my food.” Gemma narrowed her eyes.

“I ate your easter egg once! Like four years ago or something!” Harry exclaimed.

“Shut up.” I snapped and they both were quiet.

Luckily it was at that point Harry pulled the car into the driveway of the house. As soon as the car stopped I was out the door, I grabbed Darcy and left Harry to get the stuff.

“You are so lucky baby,” I pressed a kiss to her forehead.

“Mummy,” she yawned sleepily wrapping her arms around me.

“Go back sleep munchkin.” I said softly as I carried her up the stairs, “sleepy time.”

“Kay,” she nodded closing her eyes again and falling back to sleep.

I put Darcy to bed and tucked her in before going back down the stairs to find Harry on his laptop and Gemma making tea. I picked up the card that had my mum’s number on and sat down next to Harry. He looked over at me and smiled before turning back to the computer.

“You alright?” Gemma asked as she placed a mug of tea each in front of Harry and I.

“Yea,” I nodded spinning the card around.

“What’s that?” Gemma asked and I bit my lip.

“My mum’s number.” I told her and her eyebrows went up, “I want to meet my brother and sister.”

“Are you ringing her tonight?” Harry asked wrapping an arm around the back of my chair as he closed the laptop.

“I think so.” I bit my lip, “just call and ask if I can meet them. Simple. Right?”

“Right.” Gemma smiled.

“We’re right here.” Harry kissed my shoulder and I nodded.

“I know.” I sighed before standing up and grabbing the phone, “here goes nothing.”

I dialed the number and waited spinning the mug around in my hands. Harry stroked my shoulder softly and kept pressing kisses to my skin.

“Blair?” Her voice was as soft as ever.

“Hey,” I bit my lip, “I was wondering if I could meet my brother and sister?”

“I’m sure we can organize a family get together.” She said happily.

“No.” I told her, “just me and them. I don’t want you to be there.”

“I don’t know.” She sighed.

“I don’t want to see you.” I told her, “I’d just like to meet them, please.”

“I’ll have to speak to them.” She said.

“Okay.” I nodded, “well, let me know.”

“Why don’t you want me there?” She asked.

“I don’t trust you, we don’t have anything in common and right now I have no desire to know you.” I sighed running a hand through my hair.

“Oh, right.” She sounded hurt.

“I assumed you wanted honesty, sorry.” I bit my lip.

“Don’t apologize, I understand.” She sighed, “I’ll ring you back tomorrow after I’ve spoken to them.”

‘Thanks.” I nodded, “right. Bye then.”

“Bye Blair.” She sighed again before hanging up.

Harry and Gemma looked at me as I put the phone down and sighed. I rested my head on Harry’s shoulder and he held me closer pressing a kiss to the top of my head.

“And now we wait to find out if they want to know me.” I sighed and Gemma gave me a sad smile.

“They will.” She assured me, “they are your siblings.”

“They don’t owe me anything.” I bit my lip and Harry shrugged.

“That doesn’t really matter with siblings Blair,” Harry chuckled, “you know that. You and Louis are brother and sister.”

“Louis won’t even tell me his secrets any more.” I pursed my lips together and Harry sighed.

“You and Louis need to talk.” Harry rubbed my arm, “sometime this week you two need to hang out and sort whatever is going on between you out. You’re sad about it and he is as well.”

“He is?” I looked up and Harry nodded.

“He really is.” He promised me.

"Then you'll have him and your new brother and sister." Gemma chuckled, "you're going to be overloaded with siblings."

"I really hope they want to meet me," I said softly, "I always wanted a sister I could go shopping with and brother to be all protective over me. Like proper ones. Ones that had to love me unconditionally cause I was their blood. You know?"

"We know." Harry squeezed me shoulder and looked over at his sister giving her a smile, "I love you Gem, even if you are a pain in the ass."

"I love you too Haz," she chuckled, "even if you did eat my last doughnut."

"I did not eat..." he started and I interuppted him.

"Hey. Stop. Now." I narrowed my eyes at the pair, "who want's chinese?"

They both grinned at me and I rolled my eyes. They were infuriating together sometimes but underneath it all they really did love each other. I'd always been jealous of how close Harry was to his family, he had the exact opposite family to my own and it was the kind of family I had always coveted when I was growing up. I was part of their family now, I knew that, but even though Anne saw me as a daughter and Gemma saw me as her sister I would always be Harry's wife. Not that being Harry's wife was a bad thing at all. Marrying Harry was the best thing I have ever done but sometimes I liked to be just Blair and as I thought about all the things I had done lately I was beginning to feel like that again. I'd faced my mum, I'd started writing again and I was making decisions about meeting my siblings all on my own. I felt more like the old Blair again just with a few improvements. I glanced down at my wedding ring and spun it round my finger. Definitely improvements.