Isn't She Lovely?

I pulled Darcy closer to me but she squirmed in my grasp and pushed at my arms to release her. I let her go and watched as she ran over to her toys, she sat down and started to play a game with them. I wiped the tears that were falling down my cheeks and took a few deep breaths in.

“Blair,” his voice cut through the air and I shook my head, “please.”

I didn’t say anything as I leant forward and put the balls of my hands into my eyes one last time giving them a firm wipe before turning around and giving him a weak smile. He looked beautiful which made this even more painful. He was in a pair of painfully tight black jeans with a loose black top that was low enough at the neck that I could make out the ends of the two birds by his collarbone. He ran his hand through his hair pushing it further back as he waited for me to move, I sighed and glanced at Darcy who was playing oblivious to what was about to happen.

“B,” his voice cracked and it made me bolt forward and wrap myself around him.

“It’s going to be okay Harry,” I murmured into his hair as he buried his head in my neck, I stroked his back, “we’re going to be fine. Everything is going to be okay. We’ll be here when you get back, exactly where you left us and you’ll have all these new things to tell as about.”

His grip on me tightened and I took a shaky breath as I looked at the ceiling trying to draw on all my strength to keep me from collapsing. I couldn’t break, I had to be strong for Harry and I knew if I cried it would kill him inside, no matter how much I wanted to cry I knew I couldn’t so I bit down on my lip and held him. I just had to be strong until he walked out the door then I could fall to pieces.

“Come with me,” he mumbled into my skin, “pack your bags and come with me.”

“You know I can’t.” I stroked his hair and pressed my lips to his head just as I’d do to Darcy when she woke up from a nightmare, “but Darce and I will be visiting you so soon, it’ll be like we’d never been apart.”

“It won’t be,” he shook his head and stood up running his hand across his face, “I’m going to wake up tomorrow morning alone.”

“Harry,” I caught his hand and laced our fingers together before bringing our hands over my heart so his palm pressed to my chest, “we’re together.”

“This is my favourite sound in the world you know,” he said quietly as his fingertips moved against my skin, “but right now not even the feeling of it is making this any better.”

I didn’t say anything for a moment and watched as he bit of his lip, his eyes trained to his hand as he carried on feeling my heart pound against my chest. I stepped forward going up on my tip toes and pressed my lips to his. His hands both moved to cup my face instantly as he deepened the kiss, his thumbs moved softly against my cheeks as he kissed me with every ounce of sadness he had in him. I could feel his heart pounding against his chest as I pressed against him, I ran my hands down his chest committing it all to memory. Remembering how soft his lips were, how gently he was holding me and the way he tasted. He groaned into the kiss and moved his hands from my face to my waist tugging at me to get me closer even though there was no space between us. I felt my cheek get wet and I couldn’t decide if it was because I was crying or Harry but then I realize it didn’t matter. We were both hurting and I knew Harry was only going to get worse when he had to say goodbye to Darcy. Sometimes I swear I can see a piece of him die everytime he tells her he’ll see her soon.

“Mummy and Daddy muah!” Darcy started clapping and Harry pulled a way with a soft sad chuckle.

“I love you,” He said quietly his thumb running across my bottom lip, I bit it playfully but he didn’t react, “you know that right?”

“I know,” I smile softly, “you know I love you, right?”

“I know.” He nodded leaning forward and resting his forehead against mine before letting out a growl of frustration.

He moved away from me and I stepped back to lean against the wall as he knelt down next to Darcy. He said something to her and she beamed up at him before throwing her arms around his neck hugging him. I bit the inside of my mouth as there was a knock on the door, my stomach dropped and Harry looked up at me. I made a motion towards the door before opening it to reveal Zayn.
“Hey you,” he gave me a sad smile, “how are you holding up?”
I didn’t say anything as I wrapped my arms around him. I never needed to say words to Zayn for him know how I felt.

“Oh Blair,” he wrapped his arms around me and stroked my hair softly, “you know you don’t always have to be strong for Harry.”

“I have to,” I sniffed as I buried my face in his shoulder, “he doesn’t need to see me cry to know how much I’m hurting but if I don’t cry then he doesn’t have to worry about me.”

“If you think that by not crying Harry doesn’t worry about you then you’re an idiot.” He shook his head wiping my tears from my cheeks.

“I just hate that I can’t do anything,” I bit my lip and he sighed, “I want to make this easier.”

“The best thing you can do is be there for right now, we need to leave in like 10 minutes so go cling onto him and remind him how much you love him.” Zayn ruffled my hair affectionately, “breakdown when he leaves and enjoy right now when you have him.”

“When did you get so wise?” I asked and he grinned.

“I’ve always been wise B, you just never listen.” He chuckled and pointed to the kitchen, “I’ll be in there giving you guys space.”

I nodded before walking into the lounge where Harry was cuddling Darcy. She was sat on his lap as he held her and whispered something into her ear, she was biting her lip and twirling her fingers through his hair.

“Room for one more?” I asked as I walked over and Harry gave me a soft smile.

He picked Darcy up as I slid onto his lap before he placed her on my lap. I wrapped an arm around his neck and rested my head on his shoulder, he pressed a kiss to my forehead and I gave him a small smile. Being close to Harry was a feeling I could never explain correctly. It was like he made everything slow down and his presence could completely relax every muscle in my body. There were few feelings I loved more than being curled up on Harry’s lap with him stroking my back softly.

“What were you saying to her?” I asked and Harry bit his lip, “Haz.”

“Just talking about you,” he turned to look at me properly, “I know you’ll be looking after Darcy but I was just telling her to be good to you. I like the idea of my two girls looking out for each other.”

“Zayn’s in the kitchen,” I told him quietly and he nodded.

“I figured.” He pursed his lips before turning to Darcy, “hey baby, how about you go make me another bracelet?”

“Kay.” She beamed before hopping off my lap and rushing over to get the items she’d need.

“Why’d you do that?” I asked and he stroked my skin softly.

“I’ve spent so much time worrying about Darcy hating me for leaving,” he paused for a moment as his skin traced a small scar I had on my cheek, “I should have been worrying about you as well.”

“There’s no need to worry about me,” I shrugged, “I’m fine.”

“Blair,” he lifted his gaze to meet mine, “you’ll tell me if you’re not fine right?”

“Sure,” I nodded and he narrowed his eyes at me, “if I’m bad I’ll tell you.”

“I’m going to have to talk to my spies huh?” he chuckled and I bit my lip.

“We’re going to be okay,” I ran a hand through his hair, “you know that right?”

“I know,” he held my face gently in his hands, “I don’t believe anything could ever stop us being okay.”

“Soulmates,” I smiled softly.

“Soulmates.” He nodded before closing the short distance between us.

This would be our last kiss. I knew it. I was going to be clinging onto this kiss until I next saw him and as I wrapped my arms around his neck tugging him closer I started to commit every small movement and feeling to memory. This kiss would have to keep me warm for a while. The same thought must have crossed Harry’s mind as his kiss became more urgent, it switched from soft and loving to desperate in a matter of seconds.

“God I love you,” I breathed out as we pulled away from each other for a second.

He closed the distance again and I laced the tops of our fingers on our left hands together before bringing my thumb across to run over his wedding band. He smiled into the kiss and I ran my other hand up under his tshirt as I judged where the tattoo I was searching for would be, as soon as I felt his heart beating I traced across the tattoo outline of the paper airplane, his permanent reminder of our relationship.

“Guys we have to go,” Zayn’s voice cut through the air and as I pulled away from Harry I could see the tears in his eyes.

I bit back my tears and stood up, I grabbed Darcy and helped her finish off her bracelet as Harry collected himself together and plastered a smile on his face for Darcy’s sake. We walked to the door as Harry told Darcy how much he loved her and how he was going to miss her but he’d speak to her on Skype so he could see her beautiful face. As I stood at the door with Darcy on my hip Zayn grabbed two of Harry’s bags and carried them out to the car whilst Harry stood in front of us.

“You will always be the most beautiful little girl in the world,” he stroked Darcy’s cheek, “I’m going to see you so soon munchkin you aren’t even going to notice I’m gone.”

“Daddy,” she held her arms out and he took her from me, “this, this!”

She held out the bracelet and he chuckled watching as she slid it on his wrist.

“Other?” She pouted as she looked at his wrist. “Missing.”

“The other ones are in my suitcase,” He smiled, “you’re growing up so quickly baby, please don’t go and start making whole sentences whilst I’m gone.”

“Oi! Don’t go stunting her development,” I narrowed my eyes playfully at him and he chuckled.

“And you,” he stepped forward to me still holding Darcy, “don’t you go falling in love with any other men.”

“As long as you don’t go man whoring it around with all the fan girls.” I smiled as he laughed.

Zayn nodded at me from the car which made me sigh as I realized he was telling me it was time for Harry to go. My reaction didn’t go unnoticed by Harry who turned to Darcy and squeezed her close to him before kissing her on the head and putting her down. He opened his arms and I stepped into them, my body instantly molding into his and his lips fell to my ear.

“I have never been more in love with you Blair,” he told me softly, “if you need me I’ll come home, I promise.”

I knew he was worried, it was his nature to be, that I’d bottle everything up as I had done in the past and I hated that I’d done this to him. That I had made all of this harder.

“I promise that if you need us we’ll come to you,” I closed my eyes and basked in the feeling of his arms around me, “I love you so much H. We’re the lucky ones, remember?”

He chuckled softly as he pulled away and rested his forehead against mine. I knew we’d had our last kiss already but he looked so upset and he was dressed in all black which was a sight that always made it hard to stay away from him, so I leant forward and pressed my lips to his softly. He smiled and kissed me back, a soft and slow gentle kiss. It was perfect. He pulled away after a few moments and walked over to the car, I bent down and scooped Darcy up into my arms needing to feel connected to Harry and right now she was the strongest link. Halfway to the car he looked back and winked at me, I giggled and Darcy waved. I watched the car leave through the gates and stood for a few minutes just watching the space Harry had just been. Darcy wiggled in my arms and I sighed placing her down and she ran back into the lounge. I followed her in grabbing my phone off the side and pulling up Nick’s name. I sent him a blank text and I got a sad face in response, it was a thing we did that if the other sent a blank text things were bad. I laid down on the sofa watching Darcy play and my phone started buzzing.

@blairr lucky ones.

I smiled at Harry’s tweet and then my phone started buzzing with texts from various people. Ed was assuring me that he’d be over in about 3 hours, Jenny was checking I was alright but I felt a stab of jealousy as I thought about how she’d one on tour with them, I didn’t text her back because I was bitter. Anne text me and told me that she was around all weekend if I wanted to go for a visit and Jay sent a pretty much identical text. I spun my phone around in my hands and waited for the knock on the door. About half an hour later I heard the door open and close.

“Hey little one, how about I put Aristocats on! I brought you a new toy from it!” Nick walked in full of bags and brandishing a Disney bag.

I watched as he put the DVD on and settled my daughter on a little bean bag in front of the tv. He then turned to me as I laid pathetically on the sofa, I hated being this weak and letting other people see it but it was Nick and this was definitely not the first time he’d dealt with me. He walked over and perched on the sofa next to me.

“How he ever walks away from your beautiful face I’ll never know,” he stroked my face and I gave him a weak smile, “I brought you some of your favourite men.”

I furrowed my eyebrows and he produced a bottle of Jack Daniels and two tubs of Ben & Jerrys which made me giggle.

“I brought general supplies,” he beamed before his smile dropped, “oh shoot, I need to go put the ice cream in the freezer. I don’t think we’re at the ice cream stage yet are we?”

I shook my head and he nodded before standing up and grabbed two pots of ice cream before walking into the kitchen. I heard the kettle flick on and my phone started to ring.

“Hey Lou,” I bit my lip, “is everything alright?”

“I love you,” he told me and I smiled softly, “you’re going to be out with us so soon B, you need to remember that.”

“He’s asleep isn’t he?” I asked and Louis sighed, “which means he’s bad.”

“Or that he’s tired. From knowing you two as well as I do I assume you had a pretty full on goodbye last night,” he joked and I bit my lip as I remembered last night, “sex takes it out of a guy you know. Quite literally.”

“Thank you for trying but he’s sleeping cause he’s upset and we both know it.” I bit my lip as Nick came in with two mugs of tea.

He pointed to the phone and I mouthed Louis name which made him nod in understanding.

“Was there a reason for your call?” I asked picking at a thread on my jeans.

“Just wanted to check you were alright.” He told me and I sighed, “you two love each other Blair, you need to focus on that and know that he’ll be coming home to you.”

“I know.” I pursed my lips, “I have to go Lou, Nick just got here and made me tea.”

“You’re bad to then.” Louis observed.

“What makes you say that?” I asked.

“Nick had a production meeting today and has obviously blown it off to come look after you.” Louis explained, “he’d a goodun huh?”

“He really is.” I nodded watching as Nick said something to Darcy that made her laugh, “I love you Lou.”

“I love you too.” He said softly and I bit my lip.

“How’s El?” I asked.

“She’s making us a cup of tea.” He told me and I pursed my lips together.

“How are things? Still a bit rough?” I asked and he sighed.

“A bit,” he admitted, “but you have to take the rough with the smooth in relationships.”

“You two will work it out,” I ran a hand through my hair and Nick looked at me curiously.

“I know,” he cleared his throat, “right, well I’ll leave you in Nick’s capable hands then.”

“Kay,” I nodded as he hung up.

“What’s that about?” Nick moved to sit by my feet.

I laid my legs across his lap as he cradled his cup of tea with one hand and stroked my leg with the other.

“Louis was checking up on me.” I shrugged and laid my head back on the cushions, “I’m pathetic right?”

“Huh?” Nick looked at me curiously.

“I’m pathetic for being like this,” I pursed my lips together, “my husband is away for two months on a tour where he’ll sing, do some interviews and dodge cameras. It’s not like he’s off to war yet I’m sat here like the world has ended.”

“You’re sad Blair,” Nick rubbed my leg, “you’re allowed to be sad. Yea Harry isn’t off to war but that doesn’t mean you can’t be upset about it. That’s not how life is B.”

“I feel stupid.” I looked at the ceiling, “I miss him already, just knowing I’m not going to see him and wake up to him tomorrow hurts.”

“I know,” he sighed softly, “but he’ll be back soon.”

“Then he’ll be off again.” I shook my head, “it just feels like he’s always leaving.”

“You’re going with him in America aren’t you?” Nick asked and I shrugged.

“We haven’t confirmed anything,” I sipped my tea, “Simon wants me to do some work for this new band he’s got.”

“I love how you just casually drop Simon Cowell’s name into a conversation like he’s no big deal.” Nick laughed softly.

I giggled before finishing my tea and turning to cuddle up to Nick. He wrapped his arm around me and we both started to watch Aristocats. He placed a kiss on my head as I snuggled closer to him.

“You always have me Blair,” he said softly, “no matter where Harry is, you have me.”

“Keep this up and the next godfather job is yours,” I smiled softly as he chuckled.

We’d moved on to watch the little mermaid when there was a knock on the door. I pulled my hair up as I got off the sofa and headed to the door, I opened it to reveal Ed who grinned at me. I squealed before launching myself into his arms, he cuddled me closer and pressed a kiss to my head.

“I missed you to.” He chuckled and I giggled, “where’s my goddaughter at?”

“Little Mermaid.” I told him and he grinned.

“Good, that Ariel did wonders for the ginger community.” He nodded and I noticed his suitcase which caused me to grin.

“I’m so glad you’re here.” I bit my lip and he smiled softly at me.

“Harry will be back soon,” he wrapped an arm around my shoulder as we walked towards the lounge, I didn’t respond instead I wrapped an arm around his middle and squeezed him.

“Ed!” Nick grinned as we walked in.

“Hey man,” Ed smiled in return and Darcy’s head snapped at the sound of his voice.

“ED! Ed Ed Ed Ed!” she squealed and ran at him.

He knelt down and caught her as she flung her arms around his neck and jumped on him. I looked at Nick who was watching with what seemed to be jealousy in his eyes. No matter how long someone spent with Darcy she would never give them quite the same reaction as she saved for Ed and Harry. She’d always reacted like that for Ed, she just connected to him even when she was a baby.

Darcy 4 months old

“You need to come over.” I groaned down the phone as Darcy continued to cry.

“It’s like 4 in the morning Blair.” Ed groaned and I rolled my eyes.

“I’m aware of the time Edward.” My jaw clenched as I watched Nick continue to walk Darcy up and down in my room whilst patting her on the back.

“Why do you need me?” I could hear him moving around.

“Darcy won’t stop crying.” I massaged one of my temples, “just please come over.”

After agreeing to my demand Ed appeared in pjammas half an hour later, he yawned as he took Darcy from Nick. As soon as he settled her against him she was quiet and as he sung softly to her she was out like a light.

“You are a magician!” Nick declared collapsing onto the bed next to me.

“I owe you one,” I patted the bed next to me.

The three of us climbed into the bed I shared with Harry and fell asleep as quickly as Darcy had.

“You should have rung him about 2 hours ago.” Nick mumbled before I kicked him and fell asleep.

Present

“She doesn’t react like that to me either,” I leant against Nick who chuckled, “just Ed and Harry.”

“Maybe we should go on tours then,” Nick pursed his lips together, “she takes our presence for granted.”

I giggled as he wrapped his arms around me. Ed was listening to Darcy as she showed him all her new toys. My phone buzzed and I picked it up to see it was from Harry.

We need to talk about me leaving One Direction.

My stomach sank and I bit my lip cuddling further into Nick.

Another time

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath in, my heart was hurting and my mind was racing. I needed to concentrate on my amazing friends and how great they were being with me today. I might not have Harry or Louis but I had Nick and Ed which was a pretty good alternative to have.