Status: Writing <3

Isn't She Lovely?

Three

I bit back the urge to yell at the people behind me as I fastened Darcy into the car seat. I tried to keep my breathing even as I closed the door, locking it as I walked around the car to the driver’s seat negotiating my way through the cameras and flashes. It was all testing me more than it usually did as I unlocked the car and got into the front seat of Harry’s Range Rover. I sighed starting up the car and waiting for them to move out of the way, Darcy was already falling to sleep as she usually did in the car and I smiled as I watched her eyelids drupe through the rearview mirror. The car smelt like Harry which only made my stomach tighten as I remembered we wouldn’t be seeing him for a couple of days. We rarely allowed ourselves to be apart for more than a day when he wasn’t on tour, his time with Darcy was something that was treasured because of its infrequency.

“Daddy is going to miss you munchkin.” I whispered softly as I pulled onto the motorway, “he loves you so much.”

I knew she was asleep but I couldn’t help myself as I let the words develop into the mantra that I had said so many times as I stroked her hair whilst she slept after Harry had left to go perform somewhere. It never got easier watching him say goodbye to her, it tore at my heart as I saw the hurt in his eyes as he kissed me and mumbled promises into my lips. It all felt weirdly familiar to me when I watched Darcy wave at Harry from the doorway almost like she knew what was happening and it hurt me deeper than I could ever express to him.

“Can I just say something?” Harry’s voice came through the radio and I smiled, I’d forgotten he was doing an interview on radio 1 today.

“Sure.” Nick laughed.

“Blair is driving somewhere right now and I want to tell her that I’m sorry I couldn’t come with her today.” He sounded sad, “I’m working on a surprise but I want her to know that her and munchkin are all I can think about. A week is nothing Blair, not when we have forever.”

“You two are so mushy.” Nick chuckled, “Have fun on your drive Blair!”

I shook my head as I thought about all the comments that would be said about his little speech. A week it might be this time but it will be a month soon and then another month. It wasn’t just a week when it all added up. I bit my lip as the music started through the speakers and I was singing softly for the entire journey. It felt longer than usual but I couldn’t help the smile that grew as I turned into the picturesque town that I had grown to love so much. I hadn’t even gotten out of the car when Anne was out the door fighting her way through the girls that were stood on her lawn. I got out and the girls all yelled out to me, I gave them a wave before grabbing one of the bags out of the backseat.

“I’ll get her.” Anne grinned and I laughed nodding.

One of the girls took a step towards me and I gave her a soft smile.

“Can I help you?” I asked and she bit her lip.

“Can we see her?” she asked and it made me feel as uncomfortable as it always did.

“I’m afraid she’s asleep.” I told her, “maybe some other time.”

“The photographs of her and Harry together are so cute.” One of the girls cooed and I smiled, “she looks just like him!”

“She’s very cute.” I nodded smiling, “I better go in.”

I walked towards the door and they all called out goodbyes. I closed the door and dropped the bags by the stairs before sitting on the third stair and putting my elbows on my knees massaging my temples gently.

“Blair?” Anne spoke softly and I sighed.

I felt her sit on the step next to me before wrapping her arms around my shoulders. I fell into her shoulder as she held me, I wasn’t crying but I knew I wasn’t far off and Anne seemed aware of it as well.

“Darcy is with Gemma, how about you and me go sit in the bungalow with a cup of tea?” she spoke softly before placing a kiss to my head.

She stood up taking my hand in hers as she led us outside and into the bungalow. She didn’t speak as she made the tea and handed it to me. We both sat on one of the sofas and she watched me as I cradled the mug in my hand.

“Is everything okay?” she asked and I sighed shaking my head.

“I don’t know.” I bit my lip closing my eyes as I took a shaky breath in.

“What’s on your mind?” she pressed gently and watched as I bit my lip.

“I wish he was here.” I said quietly.

“He wishes he was as well.” She rubbed my back softly as I leant forward.

“He’s always leaving.” I shook my head, “I don’t want Darcy to end up like me.”

I clenched my eyes shut trying to stop my mind from whirling into action.

“I have so much going on in my head,” I felt my jaw tighten, “I’m waiting to break.”

“You won’t break Blair,” she assured me, “you’re so much stronger than you think you are.”

I didn’t say anything as we sat drinking our tea in silence. I thought about how my relationship with Anne had developed to this point. To the point that our silence was comforting rather than awkward, where she could sympathize with all of the things that Harry did that drove me insane and where she was just there for me no matter what was wrong. We’d always been close but I put a lot of our relationship down to the pregnancy.

4 months pregnant

“I’m so sorry baby.” His voice was husky and I could hear the pain in his voice as I cried, “I wish I was there.”

“I wish you were too.” I bit my lip, “Harry I’m so scared.”

“It was just a dream B,” his voice was full of sleep and I felt a pang of guilt knowing he had to get up in a few hours.

“I shouldn’t have called you.” I sniffed and he tutted at me.

“Of course you should.” He sounded sad, “I wish you were here so I could kiss away that line by your eyebrow that you get when you cry.”

“I do not have a line by my…oh.” I pouted as I felt it with my finger, his chuckle was low.

“I know you better than you know yourself baby, so please trust me that it was just a dream.” He assured me, “you’re going to be an amazing mum.”

I didn’t say anything as I kept my eyes locked on the two pictures by the side of the bed, one of Harry and I and the other of the ultrasound we’d been to a week ago. Our little munchkin.

“Go make yourself a cup of cocoa.” He told me.

“No.” I huffed, “it won’t taste right.”

“Why is that?” he half sounded amused.

“Because I never make it as well as you do.” I admitted and he once again chuckled.

“How about I talk you through it?” he suggested.

“Fine.” I pulled back the covers and slipped my feet into the slippers I’d taken to leaving here.

I had a thing about my feet on cold tiles so my soft slippers were the only thing that I could think of to keep my feet cosy. I listened to Harry’s soft breathing as I made my way down the stairs of his family home.

“The lights are on.” I told him softly.

“Really?” he sounded curious.

I hummed into the phone as I continued making my way into the kitchen. Anne was sat on one of the stools with a mug of cocoa in front of her.

“Can’t sleep?” she asked and I nodded, “Harry?”

“Is that my mum?” he asked.

“Yea,” I nodded answering both mother and son at the same time.

“I’ll leave you with her,” he spoke softly.

“But what about my cocoa?” I asked biting my lip and looking at my feet.

“Who’d you think taught me?” he asked and I sighed, “I love you B. I won’t go if you don’t want me to.”

“You should.” I sighed, “I know I’m being silly.”

“You’re not.” He assured me, “I’ll be home tomorrow evening and I’ll cuddle you to sleep tomorrow night. I’ll hold you the whole night and protect you from those horrible dreams. I promise.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” I told him and he let out a soft chuckle.

“I don’t doubt that.” He sighed, “I love you Blair Styles.”

“I love you too Harry Styles.” I smiled as he let out a sigh.

“I’ll see you tomorrow baby,” he promised me, “say hello to munchkin for me.”

He hung up the phone as Anne put a mug of cocoa in front of me. I thanked her before sitting on the stool next to her.

“Bad dreams?” she asked and I nodded.

“I’ve been getting them a lot.” I admitted and she nodded.

“Did Harry help?” she asked softly and I shook my head.

“He tried but…” I trailed off and she nodded.

“He’s not here.” She finished and I nodded.

We sat up that night and spoke about everything and anything we could think of. Both of us safe in the knowledge that we didn’t have anything to do the next day anyway. Anne told me about how she had had awful dreams whilst she was carrying Harry, ones that had kept her up all night on many occasions and that she also used to get them when he was first in the band.

“When you and him got together they stopped.” She told me, “it was like I knew I didn’t have to worry about him anymore. I knew you’d keep him safe.”

I smiled softly and she placed her hand over mine.

“Just like he’ll keep you safe.” She pressed a kiss to my temple, “why do you think he brought you here?”

“He didn’t want me home alone.” I told her and she laughed softly.

“Oh Blair,” she shook her head, “this is his way of keeping you safe. Out of London, with people who love you and where you’ll be surrounded by him.”

I smiled slightly as I let her words sink in. I’d fought against Harry bringing me here only to leave me to go away. I was perfectly capable of looking after myself in our house in London but he insisted that I wasn’t home alone. I should have known this was just another way to try and keep me and munchkin safe.

Present Day

“I just need some time you know?” I glanced over at her, “time out.”

“From what?” she asked and I sighed rubbing my forehead.

“Everything.” I shook my head, “I’m sick of the flashes of cameras, the loneliness of him not being here and these thoughts of my mum.”

Anne rubbed my back before standing up offering me her hand and I took it.

“How about we go and see what your beautiful daughter is up to?” she suggested and I nodded.

I followed her out of the bungalow and could see Gemma laughing through the window. Anne opened the door and Darcy’s laugh was like music to my ears, as long as she was happy all the things that were getting to me didn’t matter that much. We ended up making cupcakes and Darcy was covered in flour at the end of the process as she insisted on putting it on her hands and clapping. Gemma picked her up putting her on her shoulders before telling us that she would bath her.

“Be my guest.” I shook my head and Darcy giggled, “wear waterproofs Gem, she splashes!”

Gemma laughed and disappeared out of the room, Anne and I started cleaning the kitchen when the front door opened. I ran the soapy dishcloth over the inside of the bowl and squealed as I felt a kiss on the side of my neck.

“It’s just me.” Harry mumbled into my skin and I looked at him wide eyed, “I have to go back to London but I’m here tonight and tomorrow.”

“Why?” I asked and he pushed a piece of my hair off my face.

“Lots of reasons,” he pressed his lips to mine, “but I’d really like to see you smile.”

“Smile?” I asked raising an eyebrow at him, “you skipped out on radio interviews and magazine shoots to see me smile?”

“Yea.” He nodded pressing soft kisses down my neck, “do you want to go out for dinner tonight? Just the two of us.”

“Are you asking me on a date?” I asked and he grinned.

“I am indeed.” His finger hooked around my belt loops and he pulled my hips to his, “so will you come with me?”

“Come with you?” I cocked my eyebrow at him and smirked, “in what sense Harry?”

He let out a low chuckle leaning forward and kissing me hard on the lips.

“Every sense.” He mumbled into my lips, “mum is going to look after Darcy and we are going to go out, have a date and come home for me to ravish you.”

“Ravish me?” I asked and he nodded.

“You deserve a good ravishing.” He stroked the exposed skin on my hips, “you need to get out of your head.”

“Why’d you think that?” I asked and he shrugged.

“You think too much.” He told me and I sighed.

He turned me around, my back against the sink and held my face in his hands. He rested his forehead against mine and I could feel his breath on my lips. I knew what he was doing, I knew he was doing this to remind me he was there and that he’d make sure everything was alright. But I wasn’t sure that he could, I wasn’t sure if I even knew how to make things alright and I was scared.

“I’m here B,” he whispered, “whatever it is that’s putting that look in your eyes we’ll fix.”

“Harry,” I whispered and he rubbed my cheek with his thumb, “I don’t know if we can.”

“Is this about your mum?” he asked and I sighed.

“One of many things.” I bit my lip, “my head hurts.”

“Just relax,” he wrapped his arms around me and fell into the crook in his neck as he kissed my forehead, “we’re going to have a lovely night and then tomorrow we’ll take munchkin to the park and we’ll talk about all the things inside that head of yours.”

I didn’t say anything, I just tightened my grip around his waist and he sighed. I didn’t know what was going on with me, I hadn’t felt this messed up in a long time and I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
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I don't like this chapter but it's important so even though I've been through and re written in like five times I still hate it but I give up.

I have another story I a writing at the moment but I think I might start posting in a couple of days depending on how much I've written of it. It's funny to write it at the same time as writing this because the Harry in it is completely opposite to how I've written him in this story.

Anyway, let me know what you think as it always makes me smile reading your comments :)

Peace.Love.IHaveToGoWriteAnEssay...yay.