Isn't She Lovely?

“I thought I’d find you here.” Jenny’s voice appeared from the corner.

I didn’t say anything as I shrugged and pressed play on the ipod dock. Jenny shook her head as she dropped her bag and walked over to where I was laying looking at the ceiling.

“You know a studio is meant for dancing in right?” she asked turning her head to look at me, “you aren’t meant to just lay down in it.”

I didn’t say anything but I could feel her watching me. I pursed my lips together trying to collect my thoughts together.

“When Darcy was born I felt like my heart exploded.” I told her, “which sounds weird right? But it was like it exploded and then grew back larger than ever.”

My eyes were still stuck looking at the speck of black on the ceiling but I could feel her gaze trained on me. She shifted next to me, arching her back and I watched her in my periphel vision, she wasn’t comfortable on the floor.

“When I held her in my arms for the first time, I can’t even describe it.” I shook my head, “she was so small, so perfect and so vunerable. She looked at me and I felt this need to protect her, to love and be there for her. She was mine. My own little person.”

“Harry’s worried about you.” She said and I bit my lip, “he rung me and asked if you were with me. He said you left this morning without saying a word.”

“I told them I loved them.” I told her, “so I did say something.”

“What’s going on B?” she asked and I sighed.

“Harry looks at me like his world would stop if I walked away from him. I can literally feel how much he loves me, it radiates off his skin.” I bit my lip, “I promised I would love him forever.”

“You’re kind of scaring me.” Jenny told me and I sighed.

“I could never imagine even contemplating walking out on them,” I turned to look at her, “to leave them to be a family of two. I can’t grasp the concept of never speaking to Darcy again, to never see her grow up and do everything she wants to do. My head literally can’t even comprehend the idea of waking up next to someone that isn’t Harry, the simple idea of kissing someone that wasn’t him makes me feel sick and don’t even get me started on the possibility of him growing old and wrinkly with somebody that isn’t me.”

“Good.” She gave me a small smile, “they are your family.”

“So how could she?” I shook my head, “she stood in front of me and spoke to me like she was fine. Like her world continued to turn, like she hadn’t even given it a second thought that my dad has never been able to date another woman since her and that missing me growing up didn’t phase her at all. What kind of person does that?”

“Your mum?” she looked confused, “what do you mean she stood in front of you?”

“Harry didn’t tell you?” I asked and she shook her head, “my lovely mother arrived on our doorstep yesterday.”

“Oh.” She looked at the ceiling and I did the same, “now it makes sense.”

I felt her hand take hold of mine and squeeze it gently. We laid in silence staring at the ceiling with the music playing in the background. I started singing along softly and Jenny sighed next to me.

“Dani will be turning up soon.” I told her and she looked at me curiously, “she wanted to test some choreography out. I told her I was happy to join her.”

“Really?” she asked and I bit my lip, “why haven’t you answered any of Harry’s calls Blair?”

“I don’t know what to tell him.” I admitted, “he’ll want to know how I’m feeling.”

“I think Harry knows you well enough to know you’re not okay.” She said softly.

“I want to be though Jen,” I glanced over at her, “he married me because I’m strong. I’m not weak Jenny but right now I am.”

“That isn’t why he married you B.” she assured me,“Harry loves you unconditionally, he knows you Blair and right now he knows that you aren’t alright.”

“I don’t even know how I feel Jen.” I bit my lip, “I’m a mess.”

“Blair.” She sat up and crossed her legs, “you are not a mess. You’re just confused and upset. It’s perfectly normal. What you should do is get up off this floor, quit listening to music that quite frankly is making me want to kill myself and go see your husband who worships the ground you walk on.”
I looked at her biting my lip before sitting up and shaking my head at her.

“I can’t.” I whispered, “I just…”

I huffed before standing up, I walked away from her and grabbed my bag.

“Don’t.” She stood in the center of the room, “don’t walk away from me.”

I looked over my shoulder at her and sighed.

“I just need some time.” I told her before walking out the room and down the corridor.

I left the studios and hailed a cab giving the driver the name of a pub just around the corner from where Harry and I lived. I needed something to drink, I walked into the bar and smiled softly as I looked around. The place was filled to the brim with memories but not with people.

“Can I have a bottle of rose wine,” I smiled and the person nodded, “thank you.”

They handed me the bottle and two glasses, I chuckled taking the bottle and left a glass on the bar. I walked over to the booth near the back and observed. There was a group of four friends just across from me, three of them were drinking but one of the two girls wasn’t and she kept glancing down at her hands nervously. I bit my lip and watched as the other three laughed, she looked up and giggled as the guy she say next to whispered something in her ear. She was beautiful, her hair was red with bright green eyes that were almost as hypnotic as Harry’s. I sighed, remembering all the times I had stared into his eyes and literally lost myself in them to the point he was laughing at me. I spun the glass around on the table before raising it to my lips and downing half of the contents. I pulled my phone out of my back and set it on the table not turning it off silent but watched it for a while, it lit up a few times but I ignored it.

“All I’m saying is that Styles got lucky, that girl of his is fucking hot.” The voice behind me said.

“She’s a mum mate,” another boy chuckled, “she’s got a kid.”

“And she still looks like that.” The guy defended me and I giggled to myself, “he always looks so pleased with himself as well. I bet she’s fucking dynamite in the bedroom.”

“They live around here you know.” An even voice said, “maybe you should go find them.”

“I could have her if I met her.” The voice said arrogantly, “she’d be like putty in my hands.”

“What about Styles?” one of the voices asked.

“One look at me and she’d forget him.” I rolled my eyes, “she’s too hot for him anyway, I bet he’s crap in bed.”

I chuckled to myself at the thought of Harry being anything less than mind-blowing in bed. I tuned out the conversation, bored of the assumptions that were being made. I ran my fingers over the table, someone had etched their name into the wood and a soft smile appeared as I looked at it closer.

HS & BM

There as a little heart drawn in next to my old initials and I sighed remembering the day Harry had done it. I didn’t even realize I was in the same booth.

Flashback

“Harry!” I pushed him away laughing, “it’s raining!”

“Stop being such a baby.” He chuckled as he continued to walk slowly.

“I’ll leave you behind.” I threatened and he laughed as if my threat was empty, “my mascara is running down my face, I can feel it.”

He shook his head pulling on my hand till I stopped next to him. He leant forwards pressing the pads of his thumbs gently to the corners of my eyes and dragging both out.

“Now you don’t look like a panda anymore.” He told me grinning and I shoved him.

“Ass.” I muttered before laughing and running away.

I didn’t make it far before he grabbed me around the waist and spun me around laughing as I squealed. He put me down and kissed me straight away, I was breathless from laughing but tangled my hands in his hair anyway pulling him closer.

“You’re all wet.” He mumbled into my lips as he pulled away.

I giggled before pressing my lips to his quickly.

“So are you.” I mumbled back and he grinned.

He grabbed my hand and tugged me down the road, I stumbled slightly as he quickened his pace to a jog. I saw a pub and he grinned pulling me up the path towards the door. He opened it and I grinned as the warmth from inside immediately hit my cheeks. I closed the door and we both smiled sheepishly at the person behind the bar who eyed our soaking wet clothes with distain. Harry tugged me along, my face buried in the back of his soaking white t shirt as I muffled my giggles. I sat down opposite him and he frowned before sliding out of the booth and shoving his hands in his pockets.

“What do you want baby?” he asked and I bit my lip.

“Something hot.” I told him and he smirked.

“Am I not hot enough for you?” he leant forward and his hot breath tickled my lips as I laughed softly.

I closed the gap between us and he smiled against my lips.

“You are plenty hot enough Styles.” I grinned, “I’ll have a mulled wine though please.”

“Kay.” He pecked my lips again before walking to the bar.

I watched him lean against it as he spoke to the man behind the bar, the muscles in his back flexed as he drummed his fingers on the bar in an unknown rhythm. His tshirt was still stuck to him in places and his hair was still wet but he was slowly drying out, a few dry curls had escaped from their usual places making me chuckle lightly. He turned around and grinned as he saw me staring at him.

“Like what you see?” he asked and I nodded.

“Yep.” I popped the p, “this mulled wine looks so good.”

He laughed as he slid into the same seat as me, I rolled my eyes before looking at the space opposite me.

“It’s to far away.” Harry whined and I laughed softly, “if I’m over there I can’t touch you.”

“Maybe that’s the point?” I raised an eyebrow at him before taking a sip of the hot liquid moaning softly at the warmth and flavour.

“There is no way in hell I’m going over there if you’re going to continue making noises like that.” He told me and I blushed slightly.

Harry and I sat in the pub for hours, long after we had dried out and the rain had stopped pouring. I had moved to sit cross legged facing him in our booth, we were both still sat on the same side and I had long since forgotten that there were other people in the bar. We were laughing and Harry kept stroking circles on my legs, one of his arms lay across the back of the booth as the other stroked me softly in between lifting his beer to his lips. I let forward and caught his lips in my own, he tasted like beer and my mouth tasted like sweet spicy wine. The combination should have made me feel sick but it didn’t, I wanted to feel him closer as I tugged on his hair and his hands went to my waist squeezing me softly. I pulled away and he looked at me, he felt the same way and I grinned.

“Do you think people are watching?” I whispered softly and he bit his lip.

He glanced over his shoulder at the bar, he surveyed it for a minute before turning back to me and shaking his head. There was nobody next to us and we were tucked behind a corner slightly, I nibbled my bottom lip before I looked back at Harry who was watching me curiously. I leant forward again and kissed him softly and slowly, one of my hands went under his tshirt softly stroking the skin above his jeans. He groaned into the kiss before I moved my lips to press soft kisses along his jaw and down his neck, grazing my teeth along his collarbone. His breath was uneven and I glanced up at him to see his eyes closed and his bottom lip pulled beneath his teeth. He looked so amazing.

“You are so sexy.” I groaned into the skin behind his ear, “you have no idea what you do to me do you?”

He didn’t reply as one of my hands unbuttoned his jeans and I groaned into his skin.

“You know this would be so much easier if you didn’t wear such fucking tight jeans right?” I told him and he chuckled, it was lower than usual and made my insides tighten slightly, “we could go home and do this properly.”

“Properly?” he raised his eyebrow as my hand finally made its way into his jeans, “I don’t know about you but I’m kind of getting off on the fact anybody could walk o...”

I bit my lip trying to surpress the grin on my lips as I moved my hand slowly up and down and I moved to place my lips over his to muffle his soft moans. His hands fisted the sides of my tshirt and I tugged at his bottom lip with my teeth.

“Harry Styles and Blair Monroe, fancy seeing you here.” A voice said and Harry’s eyes snapped open and I giggled.

I did up his jeans as quickly as possible as Harry ran his hands through his hair. I leant back and smiled as Nick approached us.

“Hey you.” I smiled and moved my gaze to Harry who was shifting uncomfortably.

“Hey Nick.” Harry grinned as Nick slid into the seat opposite.

I lifted my thumb up to my lips and licked it with my gaze locked on Harry, his jaw tightened as he realized I was licking off the pre cum that was on my thumb.

“So what are you two doing here?” Nick asked placing his beer in front of him.

“Just having some drinks.” I shrugged, “we got caught in the rain and came in here.”

“The rain was like 4 hours ago.” Nick chuckled, “it’s fine now.”

“We got comfortable.” Harry shrugged and I bit my lip at how uncomfortable he was probably feeling right now.

Nick launched into a description of something that had happened at work, Harry kept giving me looks that made me giggle and Nick was rolling his eyes at us. We were laughing and talking for about 20 minutes before Nick excused himself as he met up with a friend on the other side of the bar.

“So how are you feeling?” I asked smirking and Harry rolled his eyes.

“Like I’ve been left high and dry.” He pursed his lips as he looked at the table.

I leant over to see him using his key to scratch something into the table.

“Isn’t that a bit childish?” I asked softly and he shrugged.

“So are paper airplanes but we’ve been rocking them for over 2 years.” He shrugged and I nodded resting my head on his shoulder, “I like it here.”

“So do I.” I nodded looking around the bar, “it’s lovely.”

“Now it’s ours.” He smiled happily and I looked at the table.

HS & BM I took the keys off him and carved a little heart next to it. He grinned and pressed his lips to my forehead before sliding out of the booth, he held his hand out to me.

“I think it’s time we went home.” The sides of his lips turned up into a smirk and I giggled, “we have something we need to do.”

“Do we?” I tapped my chin with my index finger, “I don’t think we do Haz.”

“We do.” He nodded grabbing my hand and pulling me out of the booth, “you’re right, these jeans are far too tight.”

I giggled as he pulled me out of the bar waving at Nick. Harry’s strides were longer than mine and he kept groaning until he pulled me onto his back.

“Desperate to get home Styles?” I licked at his skin by his ear and he groaned.

“You have no idea.” He huffed as I grazed my teeth along his skin.

Present

I sighed and looked at my phone picking it up and pressing on Harry’s name.

“Blair!” he sounded exhausted and I squeezed my eyes shut feeling guilty.

“Hey.” My voice was weak and he sighed, “do you think you could drop Darce round to Jenny’s? I’m at the White Horse.”

“Blair,” he sighed.

“Please Haz.” I bit my lip.

“I’ll see you in a few,” he paused, “I’ve been really worried about you Blair.”

“I know.” I nibbled at my lip, “I’m sorry.”

I walked up to the bar and ordered a beer for Harry and a strawberry cider for myself before walking back to the booth.

“Oh my god.” One of the boys in the booth next to me said, “she’s here.”

“What?” one of the guys said.

“Yea, she’s sat right behind us mate.” The guy laughed, “go for it.”

I bit my lip as a guy appeared next to me, I smiled and waited for him to speak but he just stood there.

“Can I help you?” I asked and he fidgeted.

“That top looks great on you.” He said and I pursed my lips.

“Thanks.” I nodded and he smiled.

“Do you know what would look better?” he asked and I sighed.

“Let me guess, you?” Harry said behind him and the guy turned around wide eyed, “yea. I thought so.”

“I…” he stuttered and Harry crossed his arms looking amused.

“Don’t worry about it man,” Harry chuckled, “you aren’t the first guy to hit on my wife and you won’t be the last. She’s beautiful, I get it.”

“S…sorry.” The guy stuttered and Harry chuckled.

As Harry slid into the seat next to me, taking up the position he had sat in all that time ago the booth nearby exploded with laughter as the guy made it back to his friends. I looked down at the table and traced my fingertips over the initials, Harry looked down at the table and his face softened before tracing his fingertips over them as well.

“I’m sorry.” I looked up at him and he bit his lip, “I shouldn’t have just left today.”

He didn’t say anything and I shuffled closer to him resting my forehead against his temple as he kept his gaze on the carving. He smelt warm and comforting and I couldn’t help but press my lips to his skin. He looked as amazing as he usually did in his skinny black jeans and white Jimi Hendrix top, he’d rolled up the sleeves slightly showing off his toned arm muscles. His hair was messier than usual probably from running his hands through it as he worried about me, my stomach tightened with guilt as he let out a low sigh. He moved to play with the sunglasses he’d been wearing, I took a drink of my cider and bit my lip watching him. He looked like he was thinking, he took my left hand and traced over the date on the inside of my wrist.

“This date.” He said softly, sighing, “this wasn’t just the day we got married Blair. This was when we promised not to push each other away, even if it was hard and it hurts. We promised to face everything together.”

I didn’t say anything as he carried on looking at the date, his mouth twitching slightly and I glanced down to notice he had a small teddy bear in his pocket. I scrunched my eyebrows together and tugged at it, he glanced down and bit his lip allowing me to take it from him.

“Darcy.” He continued to bite his lip, “she was quite the handful today.”

“Was she?” I played with the small teddy.

“She kept asking where you were.” He bit his lip, “like she knew you were sad.”

My stomach tighten as I imagined my daughter wondering where I was.

“Blair,” he said softly, “Blair, stop it. Don’t cry. She’s fine.”

He wiped the tears that were falling down my face, he held my face gently in his hands before resting his forehead against mine.

“Don’t push me away baby,” he voice was soft, “I’m not going to let you do any of this alone.”

“I know.” I nodded sniffing slightly, “I just don’t know where my head is at at the moment.”

“That’s okay,” he nodded giving me a small smile, “don’t worry about your heart though, I’ve got it.”

He gave me a wink and I giggled.

“That was so cheesy.” I shook my head laughing softly and he shrugged.

“Got you laughing didn’t it?” he leant away from me and took a drink of the beer on the table before putting it down, “I assume you got this for me?”

“Nope.” I shook my head, “it was here when I sat down.”

His eyes went wide before I started laughing.

“You're such a bitch sometimes.” He narrowed his eyes at me and I shrugged.

We looked at each other for a while, just drinking and being silent. One of Harry’s hands had found mine and was tracing patterns on the inside of my palm. I bit my lip whilst I watched him look around the bar.

“We should have everyone over.” I said softly and he looked over at me raising an eyebrow, “like everyone. All the boys, the girls, your mum and Jay. Everyone.”

“Everyone?” he raised an eyebrow.

“Family.” I said and he nodded. “All the parents, our friends and us.”

“Why?” he asked curiously, “I’m all for it, but why?”

“I said to Jay and your mum that we should.” I shrugged, “I could also do with being around our family.”

“Okay.” He nodded, “we’ll have a BBQ.”

“Harry,” I said softly, tilting his face to look at me, “I’m sorry how I am at the moment. You deserve so much more than this.”

“Don’t say things like that.” He sighed, “I love you Blair, I love everything about you and I’m not going to let you think you are anything short of amazing.”

I leant forward and kissed him, my hands running through his hair as I tugged him closer needing to feel him. He gripped my hips as he pulled my body flush against him, his hand travelled up the back of my back stroking my skin gently. I pulled back again, our breath merging and both of us breathing heavily. I could feel Harry’s heart against my chest.

“We should go home.” I mumbled into his lips.

“We should.” He nodded kissing me again, “I really want to make you feel as amazing as I think you are.”