You Ain't the Only Ones Who Want to Live it Up

Jacks POV:

Alex sat there,deep in thought. He was twirling his caramel hair as he stared intently at a random spot on the wall.

I walked up to him and looked at him for a few seconds until he noticed my existence.

"You ok?" he asked.

My mom told me she was ashamed of me numerous times today, how do you think I feel, I wanted to answer. But I knew Alex was just trying to help so I pasted a fake smile and said "Yeah I'm ok. You?"

Alex smiled weakly and clearly lied "I'm fine." I wanted to continue inquiring but I know Alex doesn't like to be pressured into telling me things and that he'll tell me when he feels right.

"I'm going upstairs to take a shower." I said. I waited a few seconds for a response but Alex stayed silent.

I looked back and saw he was back in thought, twirling his hair idly as his eyes hazed over. I shrugged and went upstairs.

I looked into the bathroom mirror and frowned. My huge nose, gigantic eyebrows, oddly shaped lips, what the hell does Alex see in me? Oh well.

As I began to remove my clothes I looked at my body. I was so thin and lanky, it was disgusting. The funny thing is that I eat so much. Alex always joked it was because I talk so much I burn all the calories.

My scars caught my eye. There they were. 20 straight lines on my thighs and 10 deep ones on my inner arms. They were almost completely faded, but I knew they were there.

Each line, each scar has such a story, so much pain, so much anger, it saddened me that they were disappearing. They were my battle scars.

A part of me couldn't help but suggest "Why don't you make new ones? Deeper and longer, that will stay forever. Your mom hates you, you're ugly, you have no future." It whispered temptingly.

I wanted to. So badly. Break that 2 year clean streak with that beautiful razor. See that glamerous red liquid drip. The pain until numbness. I wanted it.

But I knew better. I did what I always do when I feel like this. I took a long deep breath and reminded myself again.

Alex.
Alex doesn't want you to cut.
Alex thinks you're strong.
Alex says you don't need this.
You're better than this.
Alex.
Alex.

You have a future, the band. It will work. We'll be amazing. We can do this. Just to play music and fuck the world.

I smiled slightly at the thought of fucking the world. Who cares what my witch of mom said?

She agreed eventually and thats what matters. I tried to convince myself.

I entered the shower and turned on the shower to warmest. I stood there under the warm flow of water and tried to relax.

I didn't cut. I could have. But I didn't. I can win this battle. I can get better. I directed my thoughts to today. We're actually going to do this. It can happen.

Then I remembered what my mom said. "I didn't raise you like this" "I'm ashamed of you." Why does she have to be so judgmental?

I just wanted her to accept I'm doing what I love. It's my life. It's not hers. She can't decide what I'll do when I grow up.

The warm water made me feel amazing. I never wanted to leave. I was famous for my hour plus showers. I washed my hair quickly and continued to enjoy the warm stream until the water got colder,so I left the shower, got dressed with hopefully clean boxers and went down stairs.

To my surprise and worry I found Alex in the exact same position. He hadn't moved at all in my hour and a half shower.

I came up to him and gently touched his shoulder as I asked "Alex what's going on?"

He jumped at my touch and clearly lied as he said "What? No I'm fine."

He looked so troubled and worried as he pasted that fake smile.

"Alex I know something's wrong. What is it?" His cinnamon brown eyes were so scared and anxious.

"I'm fine. So why do you think I'm not?" He said protectively.

"Well for starters, you haven't moved for a hour and a half. So what are you thinking about?"

He sighed defeatedly as he answered "Fine. What do you think my dad would think about me? Would he be proud? Angry? He used to love my music. Maybe he's happy I'm playing. I don't know! He's out there somewhere. For all I know he has cancer and I don't know. He could die at any second just like Tom! And he'll never meet me. Right now he's not dead, I can meet him and talk to him. He's my blood relative. Him and my mom are the only ones i have left. I never properly said goodbye to him two years. I can still talk to him. I'm sick of this."

He imitated cruelly as he said "Where are your parents Alexander? Why do you live with Jack?  Do they know about this? I'm sick of it! I want then to know! I miss them alright?! I can't do this without them!"

He took a deep breath and released it. "There. That's what's going through my mind. Happy?"

I was shocked. He was going through all of this and I wasn't there. Guilt slapped me. Then I thought more. He wanted to go back to his abusing father?

"Alex, take off your shirt."
"What? Now isn't the time for that." He looked at me confused. "Just do it." I said.

He looked at me with his confused look again but did as I said. "Here. Now why did I do that?"
"Look at that." I said pointed to all the permanent scars his dad gave him. "Thats what your father did to you."

He was about to interrupt but I continued. "I'm not going to stop you or convince you other wise but I'm worried for you and I want you to remember what he did."

"You think I don't remember? Everyday getting beat up,punched and kicked, reminded of how worthless I am, bleeding in that basement everyday,never getting fed. You think I don't remember? I still have nightmares. Every time I look at my body I'm reminded once again with what he did. But I also know he's my family. My blood. He and my mom are my only family. I can't do this without knowing their thoughts. I'll just call him ok?"

I sighed and said "Ok do you have their number?"

"Yeah I never could delete it." Slightly shaking, he grabbed his phone and punched the numbers.

"Stay with me here. Ok I'm pressing call" He says nervously.

"I'm here, don't worry." I said as the ringing started.

"He's not picking up."Alex said frantically.

Then the ringing stopped. You could hear a pin drop.

"Hello?"