You Ain't the Only Ones Who Want to Live it Up

Alex POV:

I tried to calm down.

I took a deep breath. In. Out. In. Out. It shouldn't be this hard. It's just chemicals,I tried to hopelessly remind myself.

But I knew my mind was going back to that awful dark corner. The world was closing in on me. Everything was getting closer and closer, closing on me, slowly suffocating me. I couldn't breath.

I sat down in the middle of the street, shaking.

Breath Alex, I tried to focus. But I couldn't. I was locked in the prisons of my mind, crying and shaking.

His eyes. That was the only thing I could think of. Those deep,dark,brown eyes. The way they filled with tears, hurt, and disbelief because of me. I caused that pain. How can I live with myself?

For dad, I tried to justify myself. I did it for family.

Jack doesn't need me. I'm a liability on his perfect life, a stain, his charity case. I only take from him. He can't love me. I'm a horrid person.

I felt myself slowly relax. I tried to make those thoughts disappear and just breath. After a few minutes that felt like eternity I felt myself come back. I stood up, slightly embarrassed by my breakdown.

No one noticed but I still felt self conscious. I started walking faster, I had to remove all my stuff from Jacks house, to remove myself.

There it was. That big, friendly house that I never could call home. The key was under the welcome mat as always.

I opened the door and stared at the walls for the millionth time but this time I actually looked and saw, trying to remember every detail.

There was Jacks embarrassing first grade picture, he always hated it but I loved it. His dark hair covered his eyes as he smiled deviously at the camera.

I climbed up to the guest room, or I guess my room. I grabbed my guitar, found my suitcase and started to throw clothes in, too lazy to fold them. I took down my Green Day and Blink 182 posters. There. Now it looks like I never lived here.

Before I could go I felt like I had to look at Jacks room once more. Jacks room was big and cozy. The floor was a mess of clothes. As usual his bed wasn't made. The walls were full of posters and pictures.

My eyes automatically drifted to the small picture next to his bed. It was him and me in a show at Texas. I was smiling, holding my guitar and mike in the middle of a song. Jack was laughing, eyes trained on the guitar in his hands. Zack as he was interested in photography took it. I loved how beautiful Jack looked.

I went closer to Jacks bed and smelled his great smell. It was a smell I can only describe as Jack.

I shook my head,blocking those thoughts ,closing the door grabbing my stuff and leaving Jacks house. I started walking towards my dads house.

I'd get to see him for the first time in almost two years. I couldn't wait. I wanted to see him, to show him who I am, to make him proud. There it was.

That house. So many bad memories. Maybe I can create good ones to delete the bad ones. I knocked on the door hesitantly. It slowly opened.

"Dad!" I gasped as I saw him. He looked older,gray hairs sprouting.

"Alexander? My son." He said before grabbing and hugging me.

At his first touch I jumped and tried to escape, scared old habits would show themselves and he'd hurt me again. I couldn't stop myself.

Then I relaxed into the hug. I couldn't believe my dad was hugging me. He was hugging me. For the first time in 6 years. I never thought he would do it again.

He let go of the hug and looked at me, scanning every bit of me, looking at every detail hungrily. I did the same.

His eyes were light, proud,and happy. He was smiling slightly. He was wearing a old jumper and pants I remembered as his favorites. He looked the same.

"Alex, you've grown." He said tearfully. "Your hair, it's darker."

I remembered with a pang, Jack buying black dye and dying my hair while messing up the bathroom in the process. It slowly wore off so now my hair was this dark brown, lighter than Jack but darker than my natural color.

"Uh yeah I dyed it." I answered nervously.

He peered at it again and said "I like it. It suits you."

He didn't comment about how gay it is to dye hair, or say about how ugly it is.

"Thank you."

"Come on in." He said helping me carry my suitcase. "I'll put this in your room. Could you heat water for tea?"

"Sure Dad." I said taking relish in that word. My dad always loved tea, he said it was the british part of him apart from the accent.

"Thanks." He said, handing me a cup and a tea bag. I prepared the tea as he prepared his.

I realized how weird this would have been two years ago when he used to make me make him food and then throw it on me. Times had changed.

We sat down and he told me about his new job as a therapist. I was so proud. Pretty soon he gently asked about Jack.

Holding back tears, I told him he was gone. My dad gave me a hug and told me he knew I'd make the right choice. He said something about me being so much better than Jack.

My temper immediately flared up as I said "I am not better than Jack. Jack is perfect!" I realized what I said, promptly after I said it and kept my eyes trained on the table scared of the verbal blow.

"Alex, you do know you left him right? It was your choice. Tell me how did he react to you breaking up with him?"

"He started to cry." The pain and hurt on his eyes ran through my head again, hitting me with guilt.

"Did he? Well he's probably angry at you now. He doesn't want to see you. But I'm here. And I love you. Forget about him. Now the prom is in a month. It's time to invite some lucky lass. How about Lisa, that lovely girl?"

Jack angry at me? What if he hates me? What have I done? I felt tears well up in my eyes.

"Yeah sure whatever. I need to go to my room." I said half running away.

"Sure I'll give you some time to relax and settle in."

I ran down to the basement and opened the door. Nostalgia and bad memories hit me immediatly.

The small room, the posters, the blue covers, the space pictures, it was all so familiar. Yet so many bad memories associated here. My dad beating me up again and again, locking the door, saying I don't deserve to leave the basement.

I blocked the bad memories, found my old lyrics notebook and pen and started writing. I had to release my feelings somehow and writing normally does the trick.

"You were the best part of my life, my last regret."
"For you, I'd tear out my own heart"
"I'd hate to watch you cry"

After scrawling angrily for awhile I finished. I decided to name the new song "Memories That Fade Like Photographs". Who knows maybe it could go on the new EP?

I curled up on my bed, missing Jack more than ever and wondering if I made the right choice.