I Love You More Than I Could Ever Scream

~time lapse~

Andy's Pov:

I look at the note over an over again. I fold it, reopen, and fold it again. Then, the tears begin. Why can't they leave me alone?! What did I do.. I reopen the note, and read the words, "You shouldn't be alive, and now you're gonna die. You're just a little faggot. You're gonna burn in hell." This had been happening way to often.. I run into the bathroom and shred up the note. I don't think I can hold up much longer. I need something to relieve this stress.. Cigarettes? Alcohol? No, something stronger.. I notice my razor.. I haven't done it since highschool but maybe? No!! No, I can't.. But one cut couldn't hurt.. Next thing I know I'm pulling the blade out of my razor and touch my wrist against the cold metal. I start to cry again as the razor glides against my skin. It's my only way of relieving pain.

A/N: endorphins are released when you cut. Endorphins relieve pain. Also I don't encourage cutting. I understand that it's a way to cope, I used to do it myself. But there are better ways I promise.

I wince as I make a second mark, after awhile I stopped counting. So much blood, so many marks.. I sob harder as I realize that it didn't help my situation at all. I blare some music, lock the door, curl up in a ball and cry. I hate all of this pain, I just want to make music. I just want to live my life.

I layed there for what seemed hours everyone else was out partying, and I stayed at home. We had just gotten off tour, thank god. Don't get me wrong I loved our fans, but I needed a break. The notes started when we were on tour, I haven't told anyone about them. I don't even know who they are from!
Eventually, I fell asleep curled up in that ball.

The next morning I'm woken up by someone calling my name. I rush to cover up the dried blood on the ground, and desperately looked for something to cover up my left arm. With no luck I strip my clothes and hop in the shower. I took a quick shower hoping that the person would leave once realizing that I was busy. After the shower I grab a towel and run to my room.

I got dressed in a long sleeve black shirt and ripped skinnyjeans. After I got dressed I peeked around the corner and peered into my living room. I see Ash standing in the middle of my living room with his back faced towards me. I jump back so he doesn't see me if he turns around. I can NOT tell him anything that happened last night..