Life Will Never Put You Through More Than You Can Handle
Kissing Razors
"Part 2 for Life Will Never Put You Through More Than You Can Handle: The main character & Austin have been dating and living together for a while. She has stopped cutting & is going to school for music business to manage bands. She even dyed her hair to a violet brown. She tours with Of Mice & learns managing pointers from their manager. She starts getting hate from some fans for being with Austin & it gets to her. She tries to kill herself but Austin stops her & makes a video statement for fans"
**TRIGGER WARNING**
Beep. Beep. Beep.You stirred in bed, letting out a quiet groan as you reached over to hit snooze on your alarm clock. The sun shined through the slightly parted blinds and light up your bedroom. You laid on your back staring up at the ceiling through nearly closed eyes, sleep beckoning you. Your eyes adjusting more to the light and you looked at the clock. 7:05 AM. You shoved the blanket off of your body and sat up, running a hand through your messy hair. You walked sluggishly to the bathroom to get ready. 7:40 AM, you came out showered, hair done, teeth brushed and face washed. You tightened your towel around your body and walked over to the dresser, you sifted through your clothes before picking out an Of Mice & Men tank top and some jeans. You got dressed and put on some plain black Converse and a red plaid jacket before heading to the kitchen. You opened up the blinds in the living room and kitchen letting in the morning light. You made some breakfast and sat down at the dining table with your laptop. You logged onto your college website for your class in Music Business as you ate.
Since moving in with Austin Carlile and started your life with him you had completely turned yourself around. You stopped self harming and started going to college in hopes of managing bands. You would even go on tour with Of Mice & Men and learn a thing or two from their manager. You were happy with your life, you had the man of your dreams, you were pursuing a career in music, and you got to travel and see new places.
After your class was over you opened up twitter, you scrolled through your timeline replying to friends and retweeting things then you started to see some hate toward you.
"I can’t believe Austin is with that skank! He’s my husband!"
"Austin can do so much better. She doesn’t deserve him."
"How could he love that stupid bitch? She’s just using him for his fame. Fucking emo whore."
You were taken aback, how could people say such things? Your good mood started to fade away and you got lost in your thoughts, maybe they’re right…Before you could think about it more, you heard the front door open and shut. Austin had been away on tour and wasn’t coming home until it was finished. You stood up, expecting to see a stranger but Austin walked through the doorway of the kitchen with a smile on his face. You smiled at the sight of him and hugged up tightly.
"Hey baby, I missed you!" He said as he hugged you tighter. Austin leaned down to kiss you, his hand moving to your shoulder length hair.
"I missed you too." You had forgotten about the tweets and were focused on him being home now.
"What are you doing back so early?"
"Well, our last show was only a few hours away so I thought I’d stop by and see if you wanted to come with me for the rest of the tour? I know that you have your classes but you can bring your laptop." Austin smiled hopefully, you kissed him again and nodded.
"Yeah! That sounds great." You said excitedly. You closed your laptop and picked it up, carrying it to the bedroom where you put it in it’s bag. You packed up your things and left with Austin.
~
"So if possible, you definitely want to get them to do that. If they can’t, then they’re the next best choice." Of Mice & Men’s tour manager said to you as he pointed to the names of producers and directors for videos that he’d written down. He gave you some more pointers on managing before you headed out to dinner with Austin.
"So, everyone should be asleep…" Austin winked at you as you both stood outside of the tour bus. A grin formed on your lips as you leaned in closer to him.
"Any ideas on what we should do?" You whispered, your lips nearly touching his. Austin closed the space between you and kissed your lips passionately. His hands traveled up to your hair, in need of a fresh dye as the brown color with a hint of purple faded. You pulled away from him and smiled.
"I need a shower." You winked and walked onto the bus with Austin in tow. You grabbed one of his muscle shirts and some fresh underwear and headed toward the bathroom.
"I’ll be out in a minute," you grinned as he tried to follow you. Austin huffed over dramatically and went back to his bunk. You turned on the shower and began to empty your pockets, taking out your phone you sat on the lid of the toilet scrolling through twitter for a minute.
"That slut is getting in the way of Cashby! Poor Alan! Why can’t she just fuck off and let them be together?!"
"LOL she looks like roadkill. What does Austin see in her?!"
"I personally think Y/N and Austin is just a show to get the attention off of Cashby. Just admit you love Alan already Austin!"
You threw your phone on the floor as tears began to seep out of your eyes. At first you were able to bear all of the hate you got for dating Austin, but as time went on and people still hated you, you started getting more depressed. Austin would notice and do things to cheer you up, and it worked. For the time being you were happy again, but you always fell back into the world of hate surrounding you. This time it had gone too far, you were tired of it, these “fans" made you feel like shit. You had finally found someone you loved with all your heart that loved you back just as much if not more and everyone seemed to be out to ruin it.
You finished undressing and grabbed Austin’s razor from the sink, you took it apart and took a blade into the shower with you. The water beat down on your face as you sat down, pulling your legs up to your chest. In a week you would be clean a year, since Austin found you on the street, homeless and self harming. All of that went down the drain as you slid the knife along your wrist, feeling the blood seep out slowly before getting washed away by the water. You continued to cut, slowly, taking your time to feel the pain at first then violently. Slashing your arms fast and deep, carelessly. You cried harder. At the pain from the razor, at the pain from the hate, at everything. You didn’t want to stop, you didn’t just want to cut, you wanted to kill yourself. You caught your breath and stopped cutting your arms. You looked down at yourself, hundreds of deep wounds pouring blood and simple scrapes covered your arms and legs. The water underneath you red with blood. Your eyes rolled lazily, your head felt light.
Just one more.
You rose the blade to your throat, blood stained your hands, tears stained your face. You leaned your head back against the tile wall, the water stung your cuts. You pushed the blade softly against the skin of your neck, then you pushed in deeper. Feeling the single drip of blood run down your neck you started to cut across. You had only slit half an inch before strong hands grabbed you and snatched away the blade. You were in a daze, all you could see was a shadowy figure. The water turned off and you were picked up and placed on the soft rug on the bathroom floor. You heard faint “I love you"s and “Please be okay"s as you were wrapped in a towel and bandaged. You then lost consciousness.
~
The soft beeping in the hospital room gave Austin needed reassurance that you were alive. He sat at a small table at the foot of the hospital bed you laid in with his back to you. His laptop in front of him and a saddened look on his face. He pressed record and began to make a video for his fans.
"Hey guys. I want to talk about something very serious right now. As you guys know I’ve very vocal about my opinions, as you’ll see me posting about on instagram but I felt that this needed to be in a video. So right now you can probably tell I’m in a hospital room, my girlfriend just tried to commit suicide," Austin’s voice cracked on the last words. He looked down trying to keep his composure.
"I found her with slashes on her arms and legs as she was beginning to slit her throat. It’s no secret that Y/N had dealt with depression and self harm in the past but she was nearly a year clean. I was there for her as much as I could possibly have been and I will be there for her now. She was happy, she hadn’t felt the need to cut in a year so naturally I had to find out what triggered this. I found her cell phone laying on the floor and I looked through her twitter, the amount of things I found that disgusted me is incredible. You guys are my fans, you’re supposed to love and support me and my music. The things that you were saying to Y/N make me not want to continue making music for you. I am in shock at what you guys have said and the fact you think that it’s okay to hurt someone in such a way, in any way. You call yourselves my fans but you’re not, you are selfish, ignorant and immature. I’ve never loved someone as much as I love Y/N, she means everything to me, she makes me happy. Why can’t you guys understand and see that? All you guys care about is your “ships" and you have no regard for anyone’s feelings. I am so ashamed that I have people who claim to look up to me, to have been saved by my music, who were treated badly and were on the verge of suicide but turn around and do the same thing to someone else. To someone who means the world to me. Who makes me happy. She’s hooked up to a machine, fighting for her life, how could you do this to someone? Do not ever call yourselves fans of mine. Think about this, think about your actions, think before you speak." Austin paused,his face shown such hurt. He looked up at the camera on his laptop one more time, his eyes pleading and sad, before pressing stop. He uploaded the video and came back to your side.
Your hand moved slowly toward his that laid on your bed, you wrapped your fingers around his and squeezed gently. Austin looked up at you and smiled weakly.
"Thank you." You whispered harshly. You had heard the entire thing, every crack in his voice, every saddened word of his statement to the fans.
"I love you so much Y/N. Please, please don’t ever do this again." His eyes swelled with tears as he kissed your hand. You teared up too and squeezed his hand again to assure him you wouldn’t.
"I love you too." You said faintly.
"Shh, just rest. We have so much time ahead of us to talk. Just rest now." Austin soothed you. Assuring you that you’ll be okay. That you have so much time left to live.
"You’ll be okay."
**TRIGGER WARNING**
Beep. Beep. Beep.You stirred in bed, letting out a quiet groan as you reached over to hit snooze on your alarm clock. The sun shined through the slightly parted blinds and light up your bedroom. You laid on your back staring up at the ceiling through nearly closed eyes, sleep beckoning you. Your eyes adjusting more to the light and you looked at the clock. 7:05 AM. You shoved the blanket off of your body and sat up, running a hand through your messy hair. You walked sluggishly to the bathroom to get ready. 7:40 AM, you came out showered, hair done, teeth brushed and face washed. You tightened your towel around your body and walked over to the dresser, you sifted through your clothes before picking out an Of Mice & Men tank top and some jeans. You got dressed and put on some plain black Converse and a red plaid jacket before heading to the kitchen. You opened up the blinds in the living room and kitchen letting in the morning light. You made some breakfast and sat down at the dining table with your laptop. You logged onto your college website for your class in Music Business as you ate.
Since moving in with Austin Carlile and started your life with him you had completely turned yourself around. You stopped self harming and started going to college in hopes of managing bands. You would even go on tour with Of Mice & Men and learn a thing or two from their manager. You were happy with your life, you had the man of your dreams, you were pursuing a career in music, and you got to travel and see new places.
After your class was over you opened up twitter, you scrolled through your timeline replying to friends and retweeting things then you started to see some hate toward you.
"I can’t believe Austin is with that skank! He’s my husband!"
"Austin can do so much better. She doesn’t deserve him."
"How could he love that stupid bitch? She’s just using him for his fame. Fucking emo whore."
You were taken aback, how could people say such things? Your good mood started to fade away and you got lost in your thoughts, maybe they’re right…Before you could think about it more, you heard the front door open and shut. Austin had been away on tour and wasn’t coming home until it was finished. You stood up, expecting to see a stranger but Austin walked through the doorway of the kitchen with a smile on his face. You smiled at the sight of him and hugged up tightly.
"Hey baby, I missed you!" He said as he hugged you tighter. Austin leaned down to kiss you, his hand moving to your shoulder length hair.
"I missed you too." You had forgotten about the tweets and were focused on him being home now.
"What are you doing back so early?"
"Well, our last show was only a few hours away so I thought I’d stop by and see if you wanted to come with me for the rest of the tour? I know that you have your classes but you can bring your laptop." Austin smiled hopefully, you kissed him again and nodded.
"Yeah! That sounds great." You said excitedly. You closed your laptop and picked it up, carrying it to the bedroom where you put it in it’s bag. You packed up your things and left with Austin.
~
"So if possible, you definitely want to get them to do that. If they can’t, then they’re the next best choice." Of Mice & Men’s tour manager said to you as he pointed to the names of producers and directors for videos that he’d written down. He gave you some more pointers on managing before you headed out to dinner with Austin.
"So, everyone should be asleep…" Austin winked at you as you both stood outside of the tour bus. A grin formed on your lips as you leaned in closer to him.
"Any ideas on what we should do?" You whispered, your lips nearly touching his. Austin closed the space between you and kissed your lips passionately. His hands traveled up to your hair, in need of a fresh dye as the brown color with a hint of purple faded. You pulled away from him and smiled.
"I need a shower." You winked and walked onto the bus with Austin in tow. You grabbed one of his muscle shirts and some fresh underwear and headed toward the bathroom.
"I’ll be out in a minute," you grinned as he tried to follow you. Austin huffed over dramatically and went back to his bunk. You turned on the shower and began to empty your pockets, taking out your phone you sat on the lid of the toilet scrolling through twitter for a minute.
"That slut is getting in the way of Cashby! Poor Alan! Why can’t she just fuck off and let them be together?!"
"LOL she looks like roadkill. What does Austin see in her?!"
"I personally think Y/N and Austin is just a show to get the attention off of Cashby. Just admit you love Alan already Austin!"
You threw your phone on the floor as tears began to seep out of your eyes. At first you were able to bear all of the hate you got for dating Austin, but as time went on and people still hated you, you started getting more depressed. Austin would notice and do things to cheer you up, and it worked. For the time being you were happy again, but you always fell back into the world of hate surrounding you. This time it had gone too far, you were tired of it, these “fans" made you feel like shit. You had finally found someone you loved with all your heart that loved you back just as much if not more and everyone seemed to be out to ruin it.
You finished undressing and grabbed Austin’s razor from the sink, you took it apart and took a blade into the shower with you. The water beat down on your face as you sat down, pulling your legs up to your chest. In a week you would be clean a year, since Austin found you on the street, homeless and self harming. All of that went down the drain as you slid the knife along your wrist, feeling the blood seep out slowly before getting washed away by the water. You continued to cut, slowly, taking your time to feel the pain at first then violently. Slashing your arms fast and deep, carelessly. You cried harder. At the pain from the razor, at the pain from the hate, at everything. You didn’t want to stop, you didn’t just want to cut, you wanted to kill yourself. You caught your breath and stopped cutting your arms. You looked down at yourself, hundreds of deep wounds pouring blood and simple scrapes covered your arms and legs. The water underneath you red with blood. Your eyes rolled lazily, your head felt light.
Just one more.
You rose the blade to your throat, blood stained your hands, tears stained your face. You leaned your head back against the tile wall, the water stung your cuts. You pushed the blade softly against the skin of your neck, then you pushed in deeper. Feeling the single drip of blood run down your neck you started to cut across. You had only slit half an inch before strong hands grabbed you and snatched away the blade. You were in a daze, all you could see was a shadowy figure. The water turned off and you were picked up and placed on the soft rug on the bathroom floor. You heard faint “I love you"s and “Please be okay"s as you were wrapped in a towel and bandaged. You then lost consciousness.
~
The soft beeping in the hospital room gave Austin needed reassurance that you were alive. He sat at a small table at the foot of the hospital bed you laid in with his back to you. His laptop in front of him and a saddened look on his face. He pressed record and began to make a video for his fans.
"Hey guys. I want to talk about something very serious right now. As you guys know I’ve very vocal about my opinions, as you’ll see me posting about on instagram but I felt that this needed to be in a video. So right now you can probably tell I’m in a hospital room, my girlfriend just tried to commit suicide," Austin’s voice cracked on the last words. He looked down trying to keep his composure.
"I found her with slashes on her arms and legs as she was beginning to slit her throat. It’s no secret that Y/N had dealt with depression and self harm in the past but she was nearly a year clean. I was there for her as much as I could possibly have been and I will be there for her now. She was happy, she hadn’t felt the need to cut in a year so naturally I had to find out what triggered this. I found her cell phone laying on the floor and I looked through her twitter, the amount of things I found that disgusted me is incredible. You guys are my fans, you’re supposed to love and support me and my music. The things that you were saying to Y/N make me not want to continue making music for you. I am in shock at what you guys have said and the fact you think that it’s okay to hurt someone in such a way, in any way. You call yourselves my fans but you’re not, you are selfish, ignorant and immature. I’ve never loved someone as much as I love Y/N, she means everything to me, she makes me happy. Why can’t you guys understand and see that? All you guys care about is your “ships" and you have no regard for anyone’s feelings. I am so ashamed that I have people who claim to look up to me, to have been saved by my music, who were treated badly and were on the verge of suicide but turn around and do the same thing to someone else. To someone who means the world to me. Who makes me happy. She’s hooked up to a machine, fighting for her life, how could you do this to someone? Do not ever call yourselves fans of mine. Think about this, think about your actions, think before you speak." Austin paused,his face shown such hurt. He looked up at the camera on his laptop one more time, his eyes pleading and sad, before pressing stop. He uploaded the video and came back to your side.
Your hand moved slowly toward his that laid on your bed, you wrapped your fingers around his and squeezed gently. Austin looked up at you and smiled weakly.
"Thank you." You whispered harshly. You had heard the entire thing, every crack in his voice, every saddened word of his statement to the fans.
"I love you so much Y/N. Please, please don’t ever do this again." His eyes swelled with tears as he kissed your hand. You teared up too and squeezed his hand again to assure him you wouldn’t.
"I love you too." You said faintly.
"Shh, just rest. We have so much time ahead of us to talk. Just rest now." Austin soothed you. Assuring you that you’ll be okay. That you have so much time left to live.
"You’ll be okay."