I (Should Have) Bought You Flowers

“Good morning! This is Horan’s Flowers and Things, Liam speaking, how may I assist you today?”

“Hi, I’d like to buy a dozen roses to be sent to an address, please,” the slow drawl from the other end of the line replied. Liam sighed inwardly, already over this conversation (and day). He wanted to bang his head against the countertop or even better, let the ground swallow him up whole.

Instead, he pulled a piece of paper and pen in toward him and replied in a forcefully pleasant voice, “Of course, sir. You’re just in luck, actually - being our last call before we deliver, I mean.” He paused from his rambling and cleared his throat, “May I please have your name and address as well as the recipient’s?”

He could practically hear the man grin when he spoke next, which only made Liam’s mood worsen.

He really hated Valentine’s Day.

“Yes of course! My name is Harry Styles,” he answered. While he wrote down Harry’s address, Liam’s let his mind wonder to how much he hated the damned holiday. All day he was forced to be reminded about how fucking alone he was. He was also forced to realize how much it bothered him to be fucking alone. He knew very well that it was his own fault for this. If he hadn’t been an idiot exactly six months ago, his chipper telephone voice would probably come a little more naturally.

“Right, Mr. Styles. And now the person you want the flowers to be sent to?”

“Louis Tomlinson.”

There was a long pause.

It was silly, Liam quickly realized, of him to think that Louis wouldn’t have moved on by now. He was a lively, carefree person. Once he got over the heartache, Louis would have had no time finding someone else who wouldn’t break his heart. For some reason though, it never crossed Liam’s mind. He wouldn’t let it cross his mind, because deep inside he still felt that Louis Tomlinson was still his Louis.

Even if he wasn’t.

“Are you still there? Liam?”

Liam shook his head and rubbed his face, trying to shake the feeling of his blood running cold. “Yeah, sorry. Um, his address?” He didn’t bother writing it down. He knew very well where Louis Tomlinson lived. The memories of how he practically used to live there were still freshly imprinted in his mind. “Okay, what color roses would you like to send?” The words felt hot and heavy against his tongue, and he already had a feeling he knew what color they were going to be.

“Just white! Because --” red were for the overly romantic sappy shits and if you ever buy me anything pink, Li, I will not hesitate to castrate you. Liam sat down and carded his fingers through his hair, shakily, trying -- and failing -- to push out the memories from his mind.

“White, got it Mr. Styles,” he manages to squeak out. “A dozen white roses sent to --” Liam took a small breathe, and murmured quieter, “to Mr. Tomlinson. Would you like to add a note to the bouquet?”

“Yes!” the glee in Harry’s voice was enough to nauseate Liam. Subconsciously he rubbed his lips and slowly made his way to the room in the back where the computer was.

“Great. How come you’re having them delivered?” he asked before he could stop himself. Liam opened his mouth to apologize, but Harry’s laughter prevented him from uttering a single word.

“Well, I’m in my hometown right now visiting my mum. Louis couldn’t come because he has an interview bright and early tomorrow.”

“An interview?” Liam wanted to kick himself. Fortunately, Harry found nothing peculiar of Liam’s interest in his relationship, or more specifically his partner.

“Yeah. He’s been trying to score one for months, and he’s finally managed to get one thanks to an old friend of his. Dani, I think it was?” Liam sucked in a sharp breath. He didn’t even know they talked still. It felt like a punch in the gut, knowing that both of them are somehow still in contact when he hasn’t spoken to either in months.

“What do you want the note to say?” he asks quietly, choosing to veer back on topic.

“Make it say,” He paused in thought, and Liam brought his fingers over the keyboard, waiting patiently as he tried to remember how to breathe, “Make it say ‘Love you, BooBear. Sorry I couldn’t be with you today. Lots of love, Harry.” Liam pretended that he wasn’t cringing as he typed up the note.

“Alright!” Liam said a little too brightly, “A dozen white roses are to be sent to a Mr. Louis Tomlinson, from Harry Styles with a sweet love note. Your bill for the bouquet will be mailed to you and the flowers will be delivered to him tonight. Thank you for calling Horan’s Flowers and Things. Have a nice day!”

“Thank you, sir. Louis is always telling me that this is one of his favorite shops along this strip. He’ll be glad to receive flowers from there, I just know it. Happy Valentine’s Day, Liam was it?” Liam swallowed roughly, any color left in his face from the beginning of the phone call now completely gone.

“Have a nice day,” he repeated, then quickly hung up; it’s not like Harry would have any hard feelings. It’s a business after all and safe to assume they don’t have time for long, drawn out goodbyes. Liam leaned back in his chair and let out a long, deep sigh, and attempted not to think about the fact that Louis had told Harry he liked this shop. It settled uncomfortably in his stomach, but lit a dim flame of hope in the back of his mind.

Maybe this meant that Louis hadn’t completely moved on from Liam Payne. Liam wondered ruefully if Louis ever passed by the bakery they used to have brunch in every Sunday and wanted to cry. Or if he still ate there out of habit, but had to leave abruptly whenever the song they used to sing along to came on. He also thought about Danielle and how Louis acted around her. Harry said she had helped him get the interview for that job he’s been after for months (Liam remembers Lou’s dreamy rants about wanting to work for Radio 1 and has no doubt that that was the interview was talking about), so they must have had to communicate somehow. He wondered curiously how Louis reacted when he talked to her and also wondered if she got him the interview out of pity.

It wasn’t something he’d put past her. And though it was as much her fault as Liam’s for what happened, she hadn’t intended to hurt Louis. Neither of them had. It was just a bad night for both her and Liam and they got too caught up in their emotions. That mixed with the alcohol from their movie night, the next thing the Liam could properly recall was his boyfriend’s wide, blue eyes staring at him at Liam as if betrayal was written all over his body

(which it sort of was).

Maybe if it was the last time, they would have been able to heal; been able to mend the cracking bond between two lovers.

But it wasn’t the last time.

They were just friends Liam insisted, but still would spend nights over at her house when he was supposedly babysitting for his sister. He could never pinpoint a specific reason to why he continued. Liam never really put a label on his sexuality. He liked people -- and to be fair, he had had girlfriends before, but they never did more than sloppy kisses. After his first time with a person of the same gender, he never really turned back.

But then things happened with Danielle, and they weren’t better per say. It was just different. It was something new and exciting and the thrill of it all outweighed the actual damage he was doing to his real relationship. Liam didn’t realize until it was too late that he had shattered the bond between him and Louis. It wasn’t until his things were packed neatly in front of Louis’s apartment that realized he had fucked everything up.

They hadn’t talked since.

“Liam?”

Liam looked up after realizing he was staring at the computer screen and locked eyes with the owner of the shop’s son (and co-worker and best friend).

“Hi, Niall,” he replied softly, and then stood up. “Typed up the last note. Now they all just need to be printed, dollied up, and placed with their prospective order.”

“Great!” Niall said in genuine glee, “Go get yourself lunch and me and Greg will get things sorted so you and Andy can deliver when you get back.” Liam only nodded in response, not bothering to try to smile. Niall could always see through Liam’s bullshit. He was the one who helped pick up the pieces when Liam realized he had been kicked to the curb. Niall even let Liam stay a few weeks at his flat when it felt too strange to Liam to stay at his own place all alone. He and his brother Greg were the ones who covered Liam’s shift during his two weeks of moping, and he was the one who finally pushed him out of the apartment to continue on with his life because Liam’s world didn’t fucking revolve around Louis Tomlinson. Six months later, Liam Payne had learned to believe -- or at least try to believe-- the statement true. Six months of buildup and all it took was one phone call to knock it all down.

Feeling Niall’s eyes burning a hole in his back, Liam quickly shook himself from his pining thoughts and exited the shop quietly and made his way to the bakery next door. It was a small, simple little shop and it didn’t hurt as Liam initially thought it would, to go there alone, so he went there on the days he worked and sipped at coffee or tea and nibbled on a muffin or pastry as a substitute for a lunch.

When he entered the small building, he was greeted instantly with a warm smile and lazy wave. Zayn (along with the superb treats) was probably the main reason Liam still went to the bakery. Back when he was dating Louis, the only thing Zayn was to Liam was the polite man at the register that had their order memorized. It wasn’t until they had broken up that Zayn became a special person in Liam’s life. It was a bit of a surprise, but not really.

When Liam started going to the bakery again after weeks of avoiding it, Zayn was ringing up his order like nothing had happened. The only thing that was different was that instead of going back to the register, he sat down in front of Liam at the two seater and smiled.

About time you came back. And that was it really. Zayn became another reason to keep going to the bakery and it wasn’t long before they began hanging out when they weren’t working or on their breaks. It even developed into a fling of sorts when soft kisses turned into sucking each other off. That bit of their friendship was short lived though, because Liam was still obviously hung up or something, according to Zayn. The sudden stop in their physical relationship annoyed Liam for a while, and he almost considered dropping Zayn as a friend. The thought was quick to disperse though, because at the end of the day he truly did enjoy his company regardless if they stopped spending the night at each other’s flats.

“Hi, Zayn,” Liam said from across the room as he took his seat in his usual corner of the place. Zayn nodded in his direction while he finished ringing up a small family at the register, then fixed Liam a coffee and grabbed a pastry before moving to sit in front of Liam.

“Hey, Li,” he pushed the pastry to Liam’s side of the table, “You look a bit peaky today, so coffee to wake you up, and that’s your favorite treat, but it might just taste a little off because our best baker is out of town today.” Liam chuckled softly and took a sip of his drink. It was hot and near scalding, just the way he liked it and downed half of it before he spoke.

“If you made it, I don’t think I should even touch it.”

“Fuck off,” Zayn replied cheerfully, “It’s the exact same recipe used.”

Liam grinned at him. “I know, I just enjoy messing around with you.” He finished the rest of his coffee, then brought the pastry in his mouth and took a small bite. You couldn’t really tell that the pastry was made by someone other than the shop’s best baker or whatever, but Liam enjoyed teasing Zayn, so instead he said, “Definitely a bad idea to let you in the kitchens.”

Zayn rolled his eyes, but grinned at Liam, raising an eyebrow, “You know, that’s brave words for someone taking care of your tab today.” Liam opened his mouth to object, but Zayn continued on, holding his hand up, “Everyone who’s single on Valentine’s Day gets one free dessert. It was Harry’s idea.” Liam scoffed and rolled his eyes, but continued to eat his early dessert.

“I suppose there’s nothing wrong with that,” Liam mused before he swallowed the last bit of his favorite treat, “I suppose I should thank this Harry...”

Harry.

Liam wanted to laugh bitterly, but he couldn’t manage. Laughing was the last thing he was capable of doing. He wondered why he didn’t realize it before, but then again there were no signs really. Liam had never wondered who the bakery’s best baker was and never really showed any interest in knowing. He wonders when he and Louis first met and when he even started going to the bakery again - or even if he had ever even stopped for a while like Liam had. He wonders how long Louis and Harry have been dating and who started liking who first and suddenly his mind was overwhelmed and swimming with thoughts of HarryandLouis and they seemed to make their way into his lungs like air, and he felt his own hand against his chest as he tried to breathe and --

“Li, I can practically hear you thinking, you alright mate?”

Liam paused and looked at Zayn, then back at the table and murmured quietly, “Do you think they’re in love? Harry and Lou?”

“Liam--”

“I know you know about them. He probably comes in here all the time, right?”

“He’s here every night to help Harry close,” Zayn replied quietly, not meeting Liam’s gaze, “and I think they’re good for each other. Maybe it isn’t love yet, but it could be, Liam.”

Liam could only stare at his friend blankly, unable to process any sort of emotion because all he felt was empty. It was a feeling that he’s really felt all along, but he was able to numb it with distractions like Zayn, Niall, and working all hours of the day. But now it was clear as day and it was sending the bad kind of chills down his spine.

He stood up and fished money out of his wallet, then quickly dropped it onto the table (because he’ll be damned if he took charity from Harry). He then left the bakery before Zayn could utter another word and was back at the flower shop in seconds. Niall looked up from across the room and raised his eyebrows.

“Hey Liam, didn’t expect you to be here so soon, I--”

“There was one person who requested flowers to be delivered early,” Liam stammered out, “And I know we have a strict time policy, but it’s Valentine’s Day and he wants to be romantic and all...” Niall studied Liam carefully when he trailed off, as if trying to catch his lie. Whether he saw through it or not, he didn’t let him know and waved his hand noncommittally.

“Yeah, sure. Go ahead. The rest of the flower arrangements should be ready by the time you get back anyway. And you’re paying for the extra gas.” Liam nodded wordlessly and moved to the printer. He filtered through the papers inked with sappy notes until he found the one for Louis. Quickly, he did what the shop always does for the notes -- things like pressing it to a deep red cardstock (and just making look nice and presentable really) -- then moved over to the flowers. It took him minutes to arrange a bouquet of a dozen white roses and another to get into the company truck.

With his mind racing, he was careful as he drove through the city and thanked whatever higher power for letting traffic not be completely dreadful per usual. The quiet hum of the car motor was enough to ease Liam’s breathing a bit and he was starting to feel a bit better. But it was only for a moment, for he couldn’t help but let his train of thought go back to Louis and the person he might just be in love with.

The person that wasn’t him.

Liam’s heart was aching and it wasn’t until he was parked in front of Louis’s flat that he realized that he had no idea what he was doing. He stared blankly at the roses he had set neatly in the passenger seat, and then picked them up carefully. Without much thought he detached the note on them, and stepped out of the car, slowly making his way to the door. It was all crazy, he thought breezily, but he figured it was now or never.

He never got his chance to apologize, and he decided then that it had to be done. Maybe, hopefully, this could be the start of mending their broken bond. It might not be an immediate thing, but maybe they could be friends again and over time develop into something they were before they broke up.

Liam stepped into the building and let his feet carrying him down the all too familiar path to Louis’s floor. The closer he got to the building the more he felt his heart pick up speed and the more he began to wonder what exactly he was going to say to Louis. But before he had any chance to dwell any longer, he found himself standing in front of his front door. Eye level with him was a square, yellow sticky note written on in Louis’s messy scrawl. He saw that the note was addressed to Stan -- one of his best friends since childhood -- and tore it from the door to read it.

stan! - going to see the love of my life, can’t stand being without him.
love him, you know?
rain check on the movie night?
love ya man, Lou. xx
oh, and please feed Marx.

Minutes that felt more like hours was how long Liam just stared at the note before he stuck it back on the door. Without as much as a defeated sigh, Liam quietly made his way back to the car. Once in the passenger seat, he rubbed his eyes with the heels of his hands. Vaguely, he wondered when his life went to shit, but more importantly he wondered the exact moment he truly lost Louis.

He never got the chance to apologize, and now he never will. Now things will never be how Liam wishes they could go back to being. He had truly lost Louis, and the realization hit him like bricks to the stomach and all he wanted to do was sit there cry.

Instead, he attached Harry’s note back to the roses and brought them back up to Louis’s flat. This time, opposed to setting them down on the rug at in front of the door, he bent down to get the key he knew was hidden under it and used it to unlock and step inside the apartment.

Liam made it a point not to look around and take in how different it looked from when he last stepped foot in it. The change in paint on the wall, the furniture, the arrangement of everything, and the new cat that inhabited the place despite Louis’s detest for anything with fur and claws, was pushed to the back of his mind, and he set the bouquet on the bar the separated the living room from the kitchen. He looked around briefly before he found the little dock of sticky notes and pulled one off, grabbing a pen from the drawer closest to him.

As neatly as he could, he wrote a small note to him, signed it, and placed it next to the white flowers. Then without as much as a second glance around the flat, he left quickly, vowing silently to himself to do everything he could to move on because he had no choice to.

The man he loved had already moved on, and it was about time Liam tried to do the same.

I hope he does all the things I should have done.
Love always,
Li xx