Lost in London

When they got to Niall's, Reilly headed straight for the guest room and closed the door behind her. Niall hadn't said a single word to her on the drive over, and only knocked on the bedroom door to give her a pair of sweatpants and a tshirt to sleep in. For hours, she alternated between crying and fitful sleep before she finally gave up on both and crept down the hall to Niall's room.

It was dark, but she'd been in his room enough times to know he slept on the far side of the bed. He stirred a little as she crawled in next to him and curled up into his side, mumbling an apology to him as she did so. He hummed a reply and wrapped an arm around her, causing her skin to tingle and making her feel safe enough to fall into the most restful sleep she'd had since the last time she'd been in his bed.

Now it was morning, and they were laying on their sides facing each other. Reilly had the sheet pulled around her, and the clothes he'd let her borrow were in a pile on the floor, as were the clothes he'd been wearing. How it happened, she wasn't entirely sure. They hadn't spoken to each other yet. But the way Niall was looking at her, she knew it was coming, and she wasn't entirely sure she was ready for it.

He reached out and brushed her hair away from her face. His hand gently stroked her face, and ran down her arm to her hand, and he laced his fingers with hers. "I thought I was dreaming last night when you came in. When you said you were sorry, did you mean for waking me, or for our fight?" he asked, looking into her eyes.

"Both," she said softly. "I think, maybe, I way overreacted. You should be able to kiss whoever you want. And you can date someone else if you want to. I'm not your girlfriend by own doing."

"But that's the thing, Reilly, I don't want other girls. That's what I was trying to tell you. I'd been drinking, and I was hurting, and I'm a teenage boy. By nature, we're stupid. It's all terrible excuses, but it's the truth. It didn't feel right," he said and paused for a moment. "But then me and you end up here, and this, us together, feels right to me. And I find myself wonderin' how it could possibly not feel right to you," he admitted.

A soft sigh escaped her, and she tore her eyes away from his, staring at the bed between them. She didn't know what to say, because the truth was that it did feel right, and it scared her. It wasn't something she was ready to admit to, and instead she kept fighting it.

After a full minute of her saying nothing, it was Niall's turn to sigh. "It's fine, you don't have to say anything," he told her. "What happened last night?" he asked, changing the subject to one he hoped she'd be more open to discussing.

"How did you know something was wrong and that you needed to come looking for me?" she asked.

"Liam called me. Said it seemed like something was wrong and I should check in on you. I guess he didn't know about our fight," he said and Reilly shook her head slowly. "Then Lou called and said you were hysterical, and that he didn't care what we were fighting about, I needed to go and get you. So, I did. What happened? Was it something with your sister again?" he asked.

Reilly shook her head again. "Do you remember the other night when I told you my stepmom is pregnant, and that I was worried that my father wouldn't be able to love that child the way he was never able to love me?" she asked, bringing her eyes to meet his once again. He nodded, and she continued. "It turns out the reason he doesn't love me is because he didn't think I was his," she said, and went on to tell him about the letter from her mother.

He listened intently, as he always did when she talked, taking in every word, and nodding in encouragement at the parts of the story that were difficult for her to recount. He squeezed her hand when her voice would break, stroked her hair to calm her when she got angry talking about her father, and quickly, gently wiped away the tears when they started to fall. Her heart hurt talking about the letter, and broke at how sweet and caring he was being. She wanted to tell him to stop, but the words wouldn't come.

When she finished talking and silence fell between them, she inched toward him. It wasn't fair to ask him for it, but she needed his comfort. She needed to feel like she belonged somewhere. And as she nestled into his side and rested her head on his bare chest, the sheet wrapped around her being the only thing separating them, and his arms wrapped protectively around her, she got that feeling. A part of her that wanted to take back everything she ever said to him about not being able to be with him because right then she never wanted to leave his embrace. But a bigger part of her was terrified by the idea.

The steady rise and fall of his chest was calming her frazzled nerves until he drew in a deep breath. "I'm going to make a suggestion, but I don't want you to freak out and read anything into it," he said, feeling her tense up again as he spoke. She nodded slowly against his chest and waited for him to continue, but didn't look up at him. "Come to Ireland with me. Spend the holidays with my family." It took a moment for his words to register with her and she shifted and looked up at him when they did. "You can't go back to your flat. You would just be miserable there. And my family would love to see you again," he told her.

Reilly stared at him for a minute before pushing herself up on one elbow so she could look at him better. His arm fell from around her. "That is incredibly sweet of you to offer, and I would really, really love to go to Ireland for a week," she told him.

He shifted onto his side, propping himself up on an elbow similar to the way she was. "But," he said, sensing that there was something more coming.

"But," she continued, "I don't think it's a good idea," she finished.

Niall nodded. "What are you going to do then?" he asked. "You can stay here. I don't think it's a good idea if you go back to your flat."

A small smile tugged at Reilly's lips and she reached out and put a hand on Niall's face, gently stroking his cheek with her thumb. "You're entirely too nice to me, considering the way I treat you," she told him honestly.

His eyes flickered, and a look of sadness shadowed his face for a fleeting moment. "I just," he said, but trailed off, not sure how to say the things that were on his mind.

"I know," Reilly said, her voice just above a whisper. She dropped her hand to the bed between them. "Harry left me a key to his place. I'll stay there. I think that's probably the best option," she said.

He let out a heavy sigh, but nodded in agreement. "Alright. If that's what you want. But if you're going to be spendin' the holiday alone, we have some things we need to get you, Darlin'. It's not Christmas without a tree," he said, pushing himself up and swinging his legs over the side of the bed. "Come on, we don't have all day," he told her.

Reilly looked at the back of his head like he was insane. "Don't you have to get on a plane today?" she asked.

"Exactly why we don't have all day. Get up while it's still early, lazy bones, and get dressed. We have a lot to do in a little time," he said. "Oh, and you left some of your clothes here. They're clean and in that top drawer over there," he said, pointing at the dresser next to the closet.

Twenty minutes later they were both dressed and ready to go, and on their way to the first, and apparently most important stop of the day, finding a Christmas tree. Being only a few days before Christmas, this proved to be a somewhat difficult task. There were plenty of trees left, but none of them seemed to be up to Niall's standards. They were either too wide, or too tall, or missing too many branches. Finally Reilly put her foot down and picked one that she deemed suitable. Though Niall argued that it wasn't perfect, he insisted on paying for it anyway. Reilly put up a fight, but as usual he wasn't hearing it, and got his way in the end.

Next on Niall's agenda was buying ornaments to decorate the tree. He led Reilly down the streets of London, holding firmly onto her hand so she wouldn't get lost in the crowds of people, and not letting go even when they were in less busy areas. Once lights and ornaments had been procured, he moved on to other decorations, determined to make Harry's place so festive that it would be impossible for her to be anything other joyful.

It wasn't lost on Reilly that people were snapping pictures of them, but Niall didn't seem to care. In fact, it almost seemed as though he was putting on a show for the cameras. If he wasn't holding her hand, he had his arm around her shoulders while they shopped, leaning in when spoke to her, and kissed the side of her head often. While they waited in line, he wrapped his arms around her and held her close to him in a warm hug.

Since she hadn't left many clothes at Niall's, and didn't have anything with her other than what she'd worn the night before, she shopped for some new things to get her through the week so she wouldn't have to return to her apartment for anything while her family was still there. Niall left her alone while she browsed the racks, claiming he had a few more things he needed to pick up for decking the halls at Harry's place. She took her time without taking too long, enjoying a few minutes of not being attached to another human. As happy as she was that she and Niall were getting along again, the amount of attention he was giving her was a little overwhelming.

After choosing a few things, they met up and made a trip to the grocery store to get food for the week for her and then headed back to Harry's place. Reilly immediately started putting the groceries away while Niall sorted through all the goodies he'd bought. She snuck a quick peak and him and smiled to herself at how thrilled he seemed. The doorbell rang and his face lit up with excitement, knowing it was the tree being delivered.

Once it was set up, Niall started to string the lights. Or attempted to, anyway. With the way he kept getting them tangled, and tangling himself in them, Reilly began to wonder if he'd ever strung lights on a Christmas tree before. After watching him struggle for several minutes, she intervened, so they could get on with decorating the tree and the rest of the place.

It didn't take long at all for the urge to throw tinsel at Niall hit Reilly, and she gave in without even trying to fight it. At first he ignored it, but as soon as she went back to hanging ornaments, he retaliated, and before long they were in an all out tinsel war that ended with them both on the floor laughing hysterically.

"Harry is going to murder me," Reilly managed to stutter out between breaths. There was tinsel everywhere, and even if she spent the entire week trying to clean it up, there would inevitably be some she missed behind the couch or underneath the TV stand.

A roar of laughter escaped Niall. "He's going to be finding this crap for months," he agreed.

The afternoon went by quickly and before Reilly knew it, she was sitting in London Heathrow with Niall, their fingers tangled together between them. Niall was bursting with excitement over going home to Mullingar, and he spoke animatedly about the things he planned to do over the next week. A majority of that involved eating, and eating, and eating some more. Reilly's heart started to ache at the thought of being completely alone on a holiday that was meant to be spent with family, though Christmas with her family in recent years hadn't exactly given her the warm fuzzies Niall was currently experiencing at just the mere thought of what the week ahead held for him.

"You sure I can't talk you into coming with me?" he asked her, noticing the sudden change in her demeanor. She looked up at him and forced a smile. "You don't have to do that," he said. "I can tell when it's fake."

She sighed softly. "I'll be fine," she told him. "A week away from you might do me good," she teased, attempting to lift the damper she'd put on the moment.

Niall chuckled and untangled his fingers from hers. "You were just away from me for a week," he said as he stood and stretched. It was getting closer to his flight time, and he would be needing to go soon.

"Yeah, but that was different. We were in a kind-of-fight then," she said as he pulled her up from her seat. "We're in a better place now."

He nodded and took a step toward her, catching her gaze and holding it. His hand brushed softly against her cheek as he took another step toward her, leaving only mere inches between them. She stared up at him as his other hand found its way to her face, barely grazing her skin. He leaned down, and she felt his breath on her face, on her lips.

Her own breath caught in her throat and her mind raced. For the first time, she didn't know what to do. She could turn her head, or she could go the rest of the way to meet his lips, but both held consequences she wasn't ready to face. If she kissed him, she might not let him leave. If she turned her head, he might never forgive her. Either way it was a decision there was no coming back from and time was ticking away.

Finally, he rested his forehead against hers and sighed softly. "Is the answer still no?" he asked quietly.

"No," she said just as quietly. "It's I don't know," she told him.

He nodded against her forehead before pulling his away and wrapping his arms around her. "Alright," he said as her arms slid around his waist and she buried her face in his chest. They stood like that for a long time before he continued. "I think you're right," he said. "The week apart will be good for us." Reilly nodded and pulled away, looking up at him with an expression he couldn't quite read. "Call you when I land?" he asked.

Reilly shrugged and folded her arms across her chest. "If you want," she said. "I don't think I have any right to expect that at this point."

"Hey," he said, grabbing her elbows and pulling her back to him. "You and me, we're alright, Darlin'," he assured her as he wrapped his arms around her once again, holding her protectively to him for as long as she would let him. When she finally pulled back, he looked down at her and smiled. "I'll call you when I land," he said again, but this time as a statement instead of a question.

She nodded at him and he kissed the top of her head before picking up his backpack off the floor and slinging it over his shoulder. They said their goodbyes and Reilly watched as he walked away. Tears collected behind her eyes, and she blinked rapidly to keep them from falling, but one managed to slip out. Just as she reached up to wipe it away, Niall turned back with a goofy grin and gave a big wave. She laughed and waved back, thankful that he hadn't noticed.

Once he was finally out of her line of site, she turned and headed for the exit. Her phone buzzed in her pocket as she was getting into the car Niall had hired, and she reached for it. She swiped at the notification and a message from Niall opened. I'll miss you, too, it said. With a sigh, she turned off the screen and stared out the window, trying to think of things to keep herself busy for the next week.

It was dark when she got back to Harry's, and she cursed herself for not leaving a light on when they'd left. She flipped on the first light switched she found and kicked off her shoes before heading into the living room. When she got there, she stopped, immediately noticing the presents under the tree that she didn't recall being there when she left. It took a moment for her to remember that Niall had conveniently forgotten something and left her in the car while he ran back to get it.

There was a card sitting on the branches of the tree. Reilly walked over and plucked it from its perch. It was blank inside except for a single scrawled line. Thought you'd like something to open on Christmas.