Pocrescophobia

Well, this is new. Is this what a crush feels like? Heart pounding, sweating, nervous as hell when you see that one person? Oh god, how can people live this way constantly? Yeah, it’s true. I’ve never liked anyone before. I didn’t really care though. I mean, I’m fine on my own. But then, when I look at Shae, it’s like… I can’t help it. How have people dealt with this feeling for so long? I know that usually people don’t wait until high school to form a crush. I feel so sorry for people. Oh, what do I do? I need to talk to Cy. He must have some sort of advice. After all, he’s in a relationship with the least likely person to ever accept him as a boyfriend.

Once I finally get home, I send Cyan a text telling him to get his ass over here so that we can talk. He’s here in a matter of minutes. The panting boy rushes in my room frantically, and then notices me looking dejectedly on my bed, pouting.

“Lauren! What’s wrong? What happened? Are you okay?!” I pout even deeper and stare into my best friend’s eyes.

“I think I have a crush on someone,” I mutter. And then he bursts out laughing, causing my frown to deepen even further. “It’s not funny, Cyan! I don’t know what to do! I’ve never felt this way about someone before, ugh!” Finally, my ass of a best friend calms down and sits next to me on my bed.

“Okay, okay, Lauren. First, who is it?” I look down, blushing a bit. Will he make fun of me for liking someone who used to be a girl? No, he wouldn’t, obviously. He’s my best friend. Plus, he’s dating a boy. He can’t say anything. “Um… Shae.” Cyan lets out a short laugh, putting a hand on my thigh.

“I guess none of us can find anyone out of the same group, huh? Well, it’ll be okay, Lauren. I mean, if I can get Arden to go out with me, you can definitely get Shae to go out with you. It’s just a matter of time and what you do. I mean, you’ve talked to Shae before, right?” he asks. I nod in reply and he smiles brightly.

“Well, then it’ll make things easier if you’re already at least sorta friends. But I mean, just kinda wait around and wait for signs that Shae likes you, and if you’re confused about it, then I say just go for it. I mean, who wouldn’t like you? You’re like the best girl I know. Everyone’s already basically in love with you, you’ve just never liked anyone back.”

My eyes raise to meet his. “Really? You mean that?” Cyan chuckles slightly, pulling me into a hug. “Of course, girl. I even used to like you a long, long time ago, but then we became best friends and shit. You’re like the coolest chick ever. Trust me. There’s no way Shae won’t like you. Just go for it. And if he doesn’t, then at least you’re still friends.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right. Thanks, Cy. I guess I’ll just… find the right time and go for it.” He gives me an encouraging pat on the shoulder. “Do it, girl. And don’t worry, it’ll all work out in the end. Ugh, I have to go to work. Sorry, Lo. See you later,” Cyan finishes while standing up. I stand up to give him a tight hug. “Thank you, Cyan. Not a lot of friends would put up with stupid shit like this,” I whisper into his neck.

He chuckles while pulling away. “Nah, it’s not stupid. Plus, you put up with my stupid shit all the time. It’s no big deal, really. But I gotta go. Later.”

“Okay, later.” And as soon as he entered, he’s gone. Well, at least I feel a little better. Now the hard part is actually doing it. I mean, I’m usually pretty confident and straight-forward, but Shae just makes me so fucking nervous! Oh well. Let’s just see where this goes.