Pocrescophobia

Another day, another headache. Ugh. Why does school exist? School is the bane of my existence. But it’s mandatory, so here I am. But only for about a week. And then another year. And then I’m done. But for the time being, I’m stuck in this building full of mindless idiots and teachers who usually don’t actually give two shits about the students or the way they’re teaching, with a few exceptions. Well, time to stop reading Soul Eater fanfiction and start to get ready. It takes less time now that I don’t have to worry about what I’m wearing. Then again, it didn’t take much time to get ready before either. I’ve never really bothered with makeup. I could never really figure it out. Usually, I’d just fall out of bed, put some random clothes and some Vans and a hoodie on and then get out of the door before I had to go pick up Arden.

Well, only one of those things has changed since then. Oh, Arden… Speaking of him, he’s texting me right now. Hmm, asking me what I’m going to do today for clothes. I guess Cyan never told him. Well, I guess I have to. I’m surprised Cyan didn’t though. Oh well. And of course, Arden was basically useless when I asked him for advice. What else did I expect, though? Cyan made it painfully obvious that he liked Arden and well, Lauren hasn’t. So I’m just going to see where things go from here and hope that things work out because I have no idea what to do. I mean, we have been texting since yesterday, so obviously she at least likes me as a person, so maybe she could like me as more? With time? I don’t know? This shit is all confusing. This is why I hate bothering with crushes.

And I’ve spent my spare ten minutes thinking. Great. Now I need to hurry even faster to get there before 7. No problem, I barely have anything to do. Time to send Arden and Lauren quick texts and throw some random clothes on that no one’s gonna see.

About fifteen minutes later, I find myself in front of Cyan’s locker, panting wildly and receiving yet another pair of clothes. Time to change. Hmm, how interesting. Girl by morning. Boy by slightly later morning. At least until I find a permanent solution for my appearance. I’m still figuring out all of the kinks.

The rest of the day passes quickly until I’m sitting outside with Lauren once again, talking about my friends and Arden.

“Yeah, I never got to really meet him, but he seemed like a nice kid. I always hated what Cyan did to him, but it was pretty hard to stop him, even for me,” she admits, biting into an apple. “Yeah, I hated it, too. God, why did Cyan even do that shit to him? I mean, was there just something about him that screamed ‘hey, beat me up and ruin my self esteem and shit?’” Lauren shakes her head at me. “No, there’s just… Cyan has a lot of stuff that he’s trying to figure out. He has a lot of problems. And you may not believe him or me, but he’s really trying. I mean, he’s not trying to fuck Arden over. You should’ve seen him the day that he did the thing. He was almost in tears when he realised what he’d really done. And then he was even worse when he realised that he liked him. No, there’s no way that he faked that, especially to me. He regrets everything that he did to Arden. And I regret not trying to stop him more,” she finishes, eyes now downcast towards the ground.

I nudge her shoulder with mine. “Hey, it’s not your fault. Like you said, it was pretty hard to stop him. If you want, you can come with us in a few weeks and come meet Arden. I mean, unless you don’t want to, it’s—“ But she cuts me off. “No, no, that’d be great! I’ve always wanted to talk to him, but I always thought that he’d be mad at me or not believe me because I’m Cyan’s friend. Is Cyan going, too?” I nod in response.

“Yeah, but he’s probably gonna ride with Arden’s parents again. Apparently, that’s what he did last time,” I tell her. “Well, can’t he just come with us then? I mean, I’d be there so it wouldn’t be that awkward for the two of you. And it can give us a chance to all get to know each other better,” she proposes, face turning to an expression of delight and eagerness. Well, I can’t turn her down now. Even if I did want a chance to be alone with her. “Um, yeah sure. Can you tell him though? I don’t exactly… talk to him,” I ask awkwardly. She nods in reply. “Yeah, of course! I’ll text him next period and tell him.”

As she finishes the sentence, the darkened sky lets out a roar of thunder and the two of us gather our things before the rain starts. Once inside, we go ahead and drop our things off at our lockers, seeing as lunch is nearly over anyway. Hopefully that drive won’t be too awkward. The things that Lauren said start to run through my head and I mull them over. Maybe it is true though? She wouldn’t lie to me just to make her friend sound better? Even though I haven’t known her long, she doesn’t seem that way. I don’t know. I don’t really know what to think anymore.