Pocrescophobia

After I calm myself down, I rejoin my parents in the living room for the rest of the night. As great as it was to be with Cyan and Lauren and Shae, I’m glad to hang out for a while with my parents. Admittedly, I missed them a lot when I was gone. But we stay up until the late hours of the night, catching up on what I’ve missed out on and talking in general. It’s pretty awesome, and we all go to sleep content.

So I wake up the next morning, brighter than usual. Probably half because I’m finally back in my bed and half because Cyan and I are gonna hang out all day today. But seeing as it’s only 9 am, I have to find something to do for the remaining 3 hours. Ah shit, can I just go back to sleep? Ugh, no, of course I can’t. Usually when I go back to sleep, I don’t wake up for a long, long time. So instead, I choose to waste the time away on my laptop, which makes the 2 and a half hour pass by quicker than I expected. It’s about 11:30 when I finally realise that I need to get ready.

I spend the next 20 or so minutes getting ready, eager to find out what’s in store for us today. Knowing Cyan, it’ll be something magnificent. Once I’m ready, I find myself on my laptop again to pass the last 10 minutes. And then, right on 12, there’s a knock on the front door and I race downstairs to answer it. The door nearly bangs the wall with the force that I open it with.

“Hey,” I greet breathlessly, taking a second to catch my breath. I hate running, therefore, I don’t do it often. “Hey,” he greets back with a smirk. That little shit. Once I finally catch my breath back, I close and lock the door behind me to join Cyan.

“Ready?” he asks. I give a small nod and then we make our way to his car. As he turns on the car a minute later, he relinquishes the small plug to me so that I can plug my phone in and we can listen to what I want. “Here,” he starts, “I don’t let people do this often, but since you’re special and you’re back, here ya go.”

“My hero,” I coo teasingly before taking the plug and hooking up my phone. Hmm. Whatever, I’ll just pick something random. I’m debating on picking something really shitty to make Cyan really regret his decision. Nah, I’m not feeling like quite a little shit today. So, I just pick some Balance and Composure and let the familiar sounds of Void fill the small space. The song is over soon and I look over to my boyfriend who’s smiling serenely.

“Have you ever heard the band Northlane?” I ask. He shakes his head. “Nah, but I’ve heard of them,” he informs me. “Word,” I reply, deciding to turn on one of their songs.

As Quantum Flux comes on, I turn to him. “I like them. Even though Shae described them as ‘homoerotic minus the erotic.’ But in a good way, I guess,” I explain. He laughs in response. “Yeah, I could dig it.”

A few songs later, we arrive in front of somewhere I never thought we’d go, but I’m certainly not crestfallen.

“Oh my sweet cinnamon buns, Cyan, really? You remembered?” I ask excitedly. Cyan nods in response, smiling at me. “Yep. You always told me you wanted a piercing, and I thought ‘might as well.’ And my friend’s brother works here and we’re pretty good friends, so I get a discount. And I asked your parents just to make sure they’re cool with it, and they said they’re fine as long as it’s not anything bad. We can wait a few minutes while if you wanna decide what you want though.” I shake my head at him. “No, I totally know what I want, let’s go!” I answer excitedly.

So a little while later, we walk out holding hands, but one of mind is slightly fiddling with my new labret piercing. “Thank you so much, Cyan,” I tell him genuinely, leaning up to give him a kiss on the cheek. “It’s no problem, crazybutt. I like doing things for you. Now let’s get in the car so we can go to the next part.”

And then we’re on our way, happily talking and listening to the music playing in the background. Half an hour later, we pull up in front of a small forest. I don’t even bother asking questions, knowing that Cyan won’t answer any of them (at least directly). But my questions are mostly answered as he pulls out a picnic basket and takes my hand in his. We start walking along a narrow path in the forest until we come to a nice clearing. It’s really pretty, too. And peaceful.

“I found this a few months ago, and I’ve been wanting to take you here since I found it. And now, I finally can,” Cyan explains, setting the picnic basket down in the middle of the clearing.

He opens the basket, taking out a blanket for us to sit on, patting it down before motioning for me to sit on it. After I do so, he starts to take out the food. There’s not really much, but it still looks good. I guess Cyan didn’t want to make me feel obligated to eat a lot. Such a sweet boy. Oh, and he got me watermelon Sour Patch Kids, which have always been a weakness of mine. What can I say; the boy knows what I like.

“God, it’s fucking hot out here,” I complain, fanning myself off a bit. Well, I brought it on myself. I am still wearing two jackets. “Just take your jackets off, darling. No one’s gonna judge you,” he chuckles. I pout a bit, but reluctantly take off my two heavy jackets, leaving me in a light, short-sleeved shirt. Although I do feel vulnerable, I ward off the feeling by reminding myself that Cyan doesn’t care, and it’s not as unbearable as I thought it’d be. Plus, it’s much less bearable having those jackets on in this fucking heat.

We abstemiously make our way through the meal, accepting the sun’s warmth on our exposed skin as we make content conversation.

“So,” Cyan starts, swallowing down a mouthful of food, “is it nice being back?” I look up a little, nodding. “Yeah, definitely. I miss being able to go outside when I want and being with my family and shit. And of course, I missed not being able to be around you. At least for more than a few days. I mean, I’ll miss my friends and stuff, but it’s definitely great to be back,” I reply, shooting him a small smile.

We finish a little while later, and then spend the next couple hours hanging out and adventuring around in the forest. I hum to myself while taking pictures on my phone. These’ll be going on Tumblr.

“Arden! Look at me!” Cyan shouts at me from out of nowhere. I turn around quickly, a surprised look marking my face. I’m met with the sight of Cyan holding a camera that’s pointing in my direction. As I hear the click indicating that he took a picture, I pout at him.

“Not fair, Cyan. I wasn’t even ready,” I whine. A small chuckle escapes his parted lips as he shakes his head in disagreement. “But it’s better when it’s natural. I would rather take pictures of you looking natural and sweaty and adorable than fake pictures. That’s not the real Arden.”

I sigh in reply. “You make it so hard to be mad at you, Cyan,” I state dramatically. “Oh, I know, my darling. I’m just such a smooth talker, I can worm my way into anyone’s heart,” he exclaims back, throwing his arms open theatrically. We joke around for about an hour or so before the heat starts to get to us.

“Okay, well, I suggest we go to my house and take showers before we continue on with the next thing,” Cyan suggests as we lay down on the blanket, panting and sweating. I nod, too tired to move my mouth. While Cyan gets up to pack everything back up into the basket, I merely lay in the grass, humming softly to myself. Minutes later, a head shades the sun from my vision and I look up further to see my boyfriend standing over me.

“Ready to go?” he asks. Once I nod in reply, he leans down, reaching his hand out to help me up. I take it gratefully, using his borrowed strength to pull myself up. We walk hand in hand to the car, me leaning on his shoulder a lot for support. I find myself in the passenger seat moments later, blinking sleepily out the window. I close my eyes for seconds and when I open them, my shoulder is being shaken and we’re parked outside of Cyan’s house. I send him a sleepy smile and unbuckle myself, standing up shakily to meet the deep blue gaze.

He takes my hand in his and leads me inside to his kitchen. “Do you want something to drink? To get rehydrated and shit?” he asks. I shrug. “Uh, sure.” He motions to the refrigerator next to me. “You can have whatever you want in there. Uh, I’m gonna go take a shower first and then I’ll find you some clothes to change into.” I nod in appreciation. “Thanks.”

As he exits the kitchen, he shouts out a ‘you’re welcome’ and I’m left alone. Feeling slightly awkward, I look in the fridge and pull out something to drink, and then resort to getting on my phone.

What seems like only minutes later, Cyan walks back into the kitchen to see me sitting at the kitchen table, laughing about something stupid and drinking a Sprite. And of course, seeing as I’m absorbed in my phone, I don’t notice as he moves behind me silently and plants a kiss on my cheek.

“Hey, there,” he whispers, causing me to shout and jump up, holding my chest. “Cyan, you fuck! You scared me shitless!” I shout, panting wildly. He smirks in response, crossing his arms. “Aw, I’m sorry. You were so caught up in your phone; I just had to take it.” But I just place my hands on my hips and scowl at him, not giving in. “Aw no, ‘den, don’t be like that,” he pouts, leaning forward slightly, but I just grab his face and shove it away, trying to hide my laugh. His pout deepens and my attempts at hiding my laugh start to fail miserably as I burst into laughter, shaking my head.

“Whatever, Cy, I’m gonna go take a shower,” I laugh, giving him a slight pat on the cheek and walking away. A small whimper in the background sounds and I let out another laugh, shaking my head slightly. Oh, that boy.

=

An hour later, we pull up in front of a place that causes me to nearly squeal in excitement. But I don’t squeal. I’m a manly. I’m manly as fuck. Okay, Arden, keep telling yourself that. What, I can’t be excited that my boyfriend took me to one of my favorite places ever: a motherfucking aquarium. I love aquariums more than anything ever.

“So I’m guessing you like aquariums,” Cyan teases at my wide-eyed expression. Hell yes I like aquariums. I barely wait for him as I rush out of the car and across the parking lot, ready to get inside and see some cool ass fish. I hope that Cyan will be okay with me nearly ignoring him for the whole time.

=

It’s been about 3 hours since we arrived and the excitement still hasn’t fully worn off, even as we’re walking to the car. Before I can climb into the passenger seat, I envelop Cyan in a full hug, inhaling in intoxicating scent.

“Thank you so much, Cyan. You don’t even know how much I love aquariums,” I mutter into his chest. He laughs in response and hugs me back. “Oh, believe me, I think I do.”

“A perfect end to a perfect day,” I chirp happily. Cyan smirks at me, shaking his head. “Oh, but my dear, it’s not over just yet.” I quirk an eyebrow at him. “It’s not?”

“Nope. There’s still much to do,” he tells me before driving off once more. When we stop, we’re out in front of the path leading to the clearing again. “We’re going back?” I ask. With only a nod in response, Cyan leads me down the familiar path and sits me down in the middle, near to where we were last time. Silently, he makes his way around the forest, picking up small branches from the floor.

When he’s finally done, he drops it all in a pile and starts to make it into a teepee. Oh, a fire. I hardly think we’ll need it though, with the warm summer sun still making its presence known.

“You need help with that?” I ask after a minute. Cyan barely looks up from his handiwork to murmur a ‘no, it’s fine.’ After a few minutes, half of the branches are built into a small pile and Cyan takes out a lighter. “Uh, are you sure we’re going to need a fire, Cy?”

He nods at me before answering, “Yeah, later, but might as well start it when it’s already light. Now close your eyes and don’t open them until I tell you.” I nod in affirmation and close my eyes, waiting for the signal. About fifteen minutes pass and I try not to open my eyes or laugh at the surrounding noises of Arden groaning and what sounds like him struggling.

“Okay, open.” When I open my eyes, I gasp in surprise and delight. “Oh my god, Cyan, this is amazing.” And it is. The little fire before is now lighting up the dim clearing, there’s a tent sitting a few feet away from us, and then there’s a couple blankets sitting next to the tent. “How did you know I love camping?” I ask incredulously. He shrugs slightly. “I asked Shae. And before you worry, I asked your parents if it was cool that we went camping tonight, and they said it’s okay as long as you eat tonight. Which I will make you sure you will. Now help me lay out the blankets and the first part of tonight will start in a little while,” he explains.

I follow his instructions, laying out of one the blankets directly next to his. But my eyebrows furrow slightly as he pulls mine over slightly so that they’re overlapping. He sits in the middle of the two overlapping blankets and pats the seat next to his, looking up at me. I take my seat next to him, moving in closely until our knees are touching and we knock them against each other for a few seconds, making a song out of it. After a few moments, Cyan lies down on the blanket, causing me to follow him quickly. He takes my hand in his and I’m marveling at how I just realized that they fit together so well. The sky darkens as night replaces day, and soon, colors are exploding all over the dark summer sky. My breath catches in my throat a bit and I don’t really notice Cyan take out his camera in the background, snapping a few pictures. Of what, I can’t really tell. I don’t really notice anything because I’m so lost in my thoughts.

When the colors are finally replaced by stars, Cyan leans over slightly, catching my lips with his. I kiss back shyly, still fairly new to it. When we finally pull away, my whole face is tinted pink. Oh, yes, so manly. We lay together for a long time before he suddenly pulls me up and gets up to walk to the tent. I just kinda sit back and wait confusedly. He comes back with a guitar and I look up at him, quirking an eyebrow.

“Okay, don’t laugh or anything, but yeah. I know that you love this song a lot, so I decided to learn it for you,. So yeah,” he says before sitting down across from me, looking down at the guitar nervously. Before I can tell him that he doesn’t need to be nervous, his fingers rise and start to deftly play chords that seem familiar. And then it hits me a few seconds in. His fingers lightly strum the chords perfectly as he stares into my eyes, still a hint of nervousness behind them.

“If it makes you less sad, I will die by your hand
Hope you find out what you are; I already know what I am.
And if it makes you less sad, we’ll start talking again,
You can tell me how vile I already know that I am

I’ll grow old, start acting my age,
It’ll be a brand new day in a life that you hate.
A crown of gold, a heart that’s harder than stone
And it hurts to hold on, but it’s missed when it’s gone.

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

If it makes you less sad, I'll move out of this state
You can keep to yourself, I'll keep out of your way
And if it makes you less sad, I'll take your pictures all down
Every picture you paint, I will paint myself out
It's cold as a tomb, and it's dark in your room
When I sneak to your bed to pour salt in your wounds
So call it quits, or get a grip
You say you wanted a solution; you just wanted to be missed

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget

So you can forget, you can forget

You are calm and reposed
Let your beauty unfold
Pale white, like the skin stretched over your bones
Spring keeps you ever close
You are second-hand smoke
You are so fragile and thin, standing trial for your sins
Holding on to yourself the best you can
You are the smell before rain
You are the blood in my veins

Call me a safe bet, I'm betting I'm not
I'm glad that you can forgive, only hoping as time goes, you can forget.”

And as he strums the last chord, tears are in my eyes (even though I’d never admit that), and I lean forward to give him a well-deserved kiss.

“That was so beautiful, Cyan. Thank you,” I whisper, trying to get the message across genuinely. His cheeks are still tinted pink a bit from nerves, but he nods. “You’re welcome, ‘den. I know how much that song means to you, and you mean a lot to me, so it’s no problem really, I mean, it wasn’t that hard to learn or anything and—“ he rambles, but I cut him off by putting my finger against his lips and giggling.

“It’s all fine, Cyan. Now, what next? I haven’t been camping in a long time…” I trail off. Cyan’s eyes light up and he smiles at me. “Well, first, we should roast some hot dogs over the fire. I have them in a cooler in the tent. Hold on a sec.”

So when he comes back, we each pick out a stick for roasting and stick the hot dogs on. It takes me nearly everything inside me not to stick the stick and hot dog in the fire. Mostly because I used to always find it funny as fuck when I was younger. And I’m still pretty uneasy about eating. I want to see that sucker burn. But unfortunately, I gather some composure and cook my hot dog to perfection. I look over at Cyan’s mostly burned mess with a snort and ask if he needs help. He pouts before responding that he likes his hot dogs burned.

I share half of mine with him when I see his discouraged expression. I couldn’t eat the whole thing anyway. After that, we roast marshmallows, and after Cyan’s multiple failed attempts, I roast one for him myself.

“My hero,” he teases as he takes the perfectly crusty marshmallow from me. We laugh together for a few seconds and then I grab my phone, deciding to play a The Wonder Years song that’s been in my head for hours. We eat the clichéd smores in comfortable silence and I hum in contentment, resting my head on Cyan’s shoulder. Once we’re done, Cyan picks up his guitar again, strumming softly along with the song that’s playing as he picks up on the tune quickly. I sing along softly to the music as I rock side to side subconsciously.

“You’re a good singer,” he remarks halfway through a song. I halt suddenly, turning to him with a small blush on my face. “Thanks. You’re a good guitar player.” He shrugs slightly, smiling. “Thanks.”

As nice as the mellow atmosphere is, we soon begin to grow restless and Cyan goes again into the tent to bring out some things to do to keep us occupied like board games and cards and I pull up my Truth or Dare app that I always used when Shae used to spend the night. It’s always really fun to play in the middle of the night.

“What do you wanna do first?” Cyan asks, laying down all of the choices in front of me. “Hmm, let’s do some Uno. I always played that during camping,” I suggest. “Uno it is.”

And then after that is Old Maid and then we move onto board games and once we play a few of those, we move onto Truth or Dare.

“Okay, Cy, have you ever kissed a boy or girl?” I ask, laughing loudly after, hyped up on the Sour Patch Kids that I finally finished. And it’s only gonna get worse because Cyan bought me another bag.

“Oh, definitely not,” he chortles, taking my phone. “Alright. Who is your best friend?” I tap my chin, pretending to think. “Hmm, your butt,” I answer. “My butt? But what if my butt doesn’t like you?” he asks. “YOUR BUTT DOESN’T LIKE ME? DID HE TELL YOU THAT?! BUTT, HOW COULD YOU BETRAY ME LIKE THAT?! I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING SPECIALLLLLL!” I shout melodramatically. Cyan turns around, showing his butt. “I’m sorry, Arden, but our friendship is over,” Cyan says, shaking his butt in my face. I pout slightly. “Aw.”

Once we stop laughing like idiots, I take the phone back. “Wait, I want a dare this time,” Cyan tells me. I nod at him and tap my phone a few times. “Okay. Describe someone in the group in less than 10 words, everyone guesses who you are describing. Do you want another one?” I ask. He shakes his head at me. “Nah, I’m good. Hmm… He’s wonderful, sweet, absolutely gorgeous, and too good for me.”

My eyes widen slightly at his statement. I’m too good for him? More like he’s too good for me. “You really think that?” I murmur. “I meant everything I said, Den. Even though I think that was exactly 10 words, it’s your turn now,” he replies, coughing a bit awkwardly. “Um, yeah, here.”

“Alright. Truth or dare?” he asks, looking up at me through his eyelashes. “Hmm, dare.” He taps the phone a few times before smirking. “Eskimo kiss with a player of your choice.” I let out a snort. “Okay, come here, tree. I’ll give you an eskimo kiss,” I joke. Cyan rolls his eyes a bit in good humour. “Sorry, no inanimate objects.” I put on a disappointed expression. “Aw, dang, I guess I just have to settle for you.”

“Oh, yes, poor you, having to settle for your boyfriend,” he remarks sarcastically. But he shuts up once I lean in to give him an eskimo kiss and then lean in again to give him a real kiss, but stop right in front of his lips and yawn fakely, sitting back further away with a smirk. “You little butt,” he growls jokingly. I take the phone back and the truths and dares shoot back and forth for a long time before we come to a moment that stops the joking mood.

“Alright, alright, what’s the thing you regret most in your life?” I ask Cyan, frowning a bit. His eyes darken slightly as he becomes serious again. “What I regret most in my life… That would be me being a complete dick to you for no reason for years and fucking you up when I should’ve just realised how great you were and became your friend. I regret every tear that I made you shed, every frown I caused. I regret it every day,” he states, looking down guiltily. “I-it’s okay, Cyan. I think that… I think that I’ve learned to forgive you,” I tell him honestly, lifting his chin up so that I can look in his eyes. The smile that comes on his face is small, but it holds enough relief to make me treasure it for as long as possible.

And like the moodbreaker my body forces me to be, a large yawn rips through my throat and I stretch greatly, rubbing my eyes in the process. “Tired?” Cyan chuckles. I punch him in the arm playfully, but nod, yawning again slightly. “Come on, let’s go change into pajamas and then we can go to sleep,” he suggests. Again, I just nod at him and follow him to the tent where he gives me a pair of pajamas he packed for me and lets me change first while he waits outside, and vice versa.

I finally crawl into tent, laying down underneath one of the blankets and waiting for him to join me. After a minute, I see the small light outside go out through the thin fabric of the tent and I hear footsteps until the door zips open and Cyan crawls in next to me. I warn him that he might wake up with me cuddled next to him, seeing as that’s what happens every time I spend the night at someone’s house, but he informs that he wouldn’t care. Well, I think it’d be sadder if he cared about his boyfriend cuddling with him.

But as I finally drift into welcomed sleep, the last thing I remember is the feel of arms wrapping around me as I sigh contently, making the journey into sleep even easier than usual.