Pocrescophobia

Nothing.

I feel absolutely nothing at all.

I am nothing.

I merely exist in this room, barely living, barely breathing. How can I live this way? How can I live? My body involuntarily curls into fetal position on my blank bed, the body's way of comforting and protecting itself. The only thing my body needs to protect itself again is... me.

My eyes open just as my door does, snapping me out of my reverie. How wonderful. The next thing I barely feel is a comforting hand--my mother's--on my shoulder, shaking me slightly. I merely grunt, letting her know that I'm awake.

"Okay, honey, your dad's home and we'd like to talk to you," she says softly. I nod and stand up slowly, following her out of my room. I blindly follow her into the dining room where my father sits, looking as serious as ever. He nods to the seat in front of me.

"Sit down, son," he commands, his voice firm, but not angry. A good sign? Hopefully. I comply to his wishes, plunking myself ungracefully down on the seat, picking at my fingers and looking back up at him. At that moment, Dad lets out an expression that I will never forget as long as I live. A look of pure helplessness, a look that shows that he feels destroyed. I don't know why though, because I'm the one who should feel destroyed. I never even knew he cared.

He lets out a sigh and rubs his eyes, looking so despondent and... regretful. "I... I'm so sorry, Arden. I never really... expected for things to get so bad that you'd actually need to leave. I just, I wish I would've known how bad it really was at the beginning, rather than letting it get to this point, where you're nearly a skeleton." And with that, I scoff a little. He looks at me questioningly and I shake my head. "Stop mocking me. I'm not a skeleton. You don't even know," I say angrily, knowing that they're just saying these things to show me how fat I really am. That's what they all do when they see.

"That's just it, Arden, I don't know. And I'm not saying that that's not mostly our faults, but you need to let us see." But I just can't let them. "No, I-I can't let you see. I can't! I just need to get away! I need some space to get my stuff together, to get away from everyone here! Please! I'll never ask for anything else ever, I swear!" I plead, almost in tears by now. I have to leave here. I can't handle seeing all of those horrified looks in the hallways that I know I'll get. My mentality can't take it.

With a sigh, I see Dad's resolve giving in. "Okay, Arden, but for two months. And if you don't come back eating regularly, we will send you to a rehab. We can't let you do this to yourself. We won't. So is it a deal?" I nod and look down at the table, picking at a loose string.

"Deal." As I start to get up, Dad stops me. "Oh, and go thank your brother before you disappear into your room." I look at him curiously.

"Why? What'd he do?" I ask. Dad gives a small smile. "Apparently, he is now suspended for three days for getting in a fight," is all he says. My eyebrows furrow at his statement.

"What does that have to do with me?" I inquire, purely and completely curious by now. "Well, it was with that boy, Cyan, I think. Evidently, after school, he cornered the boy down and started a fight with him." And before he can say anything else, I'm quickly making my way to my brother's room. Instead of knocking, like any other person, I decide to throw his door open, finding his lazy form lying on the bed, looking distressed.

"Arden? What is--" But before he can say anything else, I run across the room, flinging myself on his more masculine form. With a short laugh, he hugs me back gently, like I'm some fragile doll he doesn't want to break. I wish that people wouldn't treat me like that, like some porcelain doll that needs to be handled with the utmost care. I'm still a person.

I nuzzle into his chest, failing to remember the last time that I've even hugged my brother. Even though he's caused so much pain for me at home because of my parents favoring him, he's still my big brother and I love him.

"Thank you," I murmur into his chest. He hugs me to him tighter and says, "You're welcome."

And that's all that needs to be said.