And After All This Time, I'm Still Into You

The next day at work, the first thing I do is hand Trisha the huge envelope. My eyes flicker to the address, how my hands wrote it down the night before, my memory serving as a reminder of where I was sending it to. Trisha looks at the name on the envelope, glancing up at me with a sad smile before turning and walking to the mail room. I let out a sigh of relief. There. I've done it. I've sent the papers. It's all behind me. Now I can officially move on.

Or so you think, a little voice inside my head says.

I groan. Alex wants to talk. How could I forget? It doesn't mean we have to do it anytime soon though. I'm guessing he wants to do it before his wedding though. It's December. I have like, 7 months. I think. I look at my calendar to see the date. It's the 14th. It's...Alex's birthday.

Well, I just sent him the best present he could ever ask for. I bet when he gets those signed papers back, it'll feel like his birthday and Christmas wrapped up in one. Then he'll be able to move on with his life, marry that Stacey girl, and have the family he's always wanted.

My thoughts try to picture Alex, opening up the papers, a smile on his face as a grinning Stacey stands beside him. My mind tries to picture an ugly girl, just to make me feel better. It doesn't. Instead, it makes it worse as thoughts and questions make their way through.

How did they meet? How did they start dating? Did they live together? How did he propose to her? Did he love her more then he used to love me?

I shake that last thought from my head and go back to him proposing. What did the ring look like? Did she cry? Did...he cry?

It's almost as if my mind hates me because in a rush, I'm thrown into thoughts of my own engagement, which just so happened to be the night of Alex's birthday.

"So, how does it feel to be 19?" I asked Alex and he tears his eyes away from the ocean. We just had dinner at this seafood place and we decided to come walk around the harbor. He looks at me with a grin. It seemed to be plastered on his face all day. I guess he has a right to. This year has been going good for him. We've just graduated a few months ago and the band is close to being signed. Already there are talks about a rep from Hopeless Records coming to one of their shows being spread around.

"It feels like I'm two years away from 21." He jokes. "But really, it doesn't feel any different. I'm just glad I'm the same age as you now." He laughs and I smack his shoulder playfully.

"I'm just a week and a half older, not a big deal." I remind him and he kisses my cheek.

"I'm just kidding, Jen. You know I love you." Alex kisses my lips and smiles as he pulls away. "Besides, I kind of like older women."

I groan and pull myself away from him, only to have him pull me back. "I'm kidding! I swear!" He laughs and I roll my eyes. "Come on. I want to show you something."

I'm being led to the aquarium. I stare at Alex, confused as to why we're here. It's a Thursday and they've been closed since 4. I remind Alex of this and he rolls his eyes.

"Just come on." He urges and we walk up to the doors.

A security guard walks out and my body goes stiff, nervousness getting the best of me. "Gaskarth?" The man questions and Alex nods his head. "Through here." The security guard says and he leads us inside.

I'm confused, wondering if there was a party planned and I was just not aware. But we're being led to one of the rooms where it seems to be empty, minus the fish behind the glass. The lights are dim and as we're walking further into the room, I realize there's a bucket of ice with a wine bottle in it, a pair of glasses next to it, ready for whatever to be poured into them. When we're close enough, I realize its not wine, but sparkling cider.

"Did you do this?" I ask and Alex nods. "But its your birthday. I should be the one setting this kind of shit up." I say chuckling. He shrugs.

I walk up to one of the glass walls, my fingers gently tapping at the glass, the fishes scattering. I giggle quietly to myself before turning back to Alex. He walks over and stops in front of me, taking my hand and turning us around to stare at the fishes.

"This was the exact spot where you stood, the first moment I knew I was in love with you. The first moment I knew I wanted to spend my whole life with you." He said softly. I look up at him and smile.

"Really?" I whisper. He nods.

"You were right here, giggling and laughing and just smiling. At fish." Alex shook his head, chuckling. "You were having so much fun just watching them. You kept looking back at me, grinning like a fool. And I knew. I just knew." He looked down at me, turning us so we were face to face. He kissed me. "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." He whispered. And before I knew it, he was kneeling down, a small box in his hands.

"Jenna Hoult, would you do me the honor of being my wife, and letting me love you for all eternity?" He opened the box and in it sat the most gorgeous ring I had ever seen.

I swallowed back the tears and nodded my head furiously, letting a few escape. "Yes. Yes, of course!" I said without hesitation and he stood up, slipping the ring onto my finger. I threw my arms around him and kissed him. When we pulled away, we were both grinning.

"Let's celebrate!" Alex yelled in excitement, opening the cider and pouring our drinks. His eyes were red and shining with tears. I reach up, my thumb wiping away a stray. "Happy tears, babe. Happy." He says as he grabs my hand, kisses the ring, and pulls me close to him.

My hands go to my necklace at the memory, the ring on a single chain. I sigh as I reach back, unclasping the necklace and dropping it onto my desk. I'll no longer have the need for that.

The ring taunts me so I open my desk drawer and slide it in, away from sight. A voice inside my head questions me. Why did I even wear it? I myself don't even know that question. I guess once I put it on the moment I came to New York, I never took it off and it just became a part of me.

A few hours of working later, and my hand reaches up to wear the ring used to sit. My hands grasp at nothing and it's then that I realize how naked I feel without it. The door to my office opens and Trisha comes in, my afternoon coffee in her hands. I thank her.

"Do you need anything else?" She asks and I think for a moment.

"Actually...I do. I need you to...call this number...and make me an appointment." I say, ripping a piece of paper and scribbling down a number while talking. "Tell him it's in regards to the files that were sent to me."

Trisha looks at the number then back at me. "This is a Baltimore area code." I nod. "Okay well...I'll come back with that information shortly."

Once she leaves, I take out the necklace. The single diamond cast a small ray of light on the desk as the sun hits it. I slip it on my left hand, noticing how it's a size too big now. I guess constant breakfasts consisting of black coffee and a granola bar and lunches of salads had a part in that. Not to mention the added stress of my job. It's not like I was stick thin though. I had grown out of my awkward phase. I was no longer the teen with a small chest and straight hips. My breasts had grown, I had slight curves. What used to be a rectangular body shape was now an hourglass.

Trisha came back in and I slipped the ring off of my finger and put the necklace back in the drawer. She hands me a fax and explains what the person on the phone said.

"I was lucky I called when I did. It's Friday so he was closing early but I got a hold of him just as he was leaving. He said that you need to fill that out and bring it with you. I worked around your schedule and got an appointment for Wednesday afternoon, that way you can leave Wednesday morning and if you wanted you could have the weekend to spend with your family or something. There aren't any weddings scheduled next weekend so you're all good on that part." Trisha finished and I smiled at her.

"Thank you so much. You're a life saver, Trish. I don't think I could've made that call." I said honestly. Out of all the people I had met in New York, I guess you could say my assistant was the closest thing to a confidant that I had.

"It'll all work out for the better, Jenna." Trisha said before leaving my office.

I look at the papers and sigh. "I hope it does, Trish. I hope It does." I mumble to myself.