Drowning Lessons

I sat calmly next to the white bed.
The beeping was faint in my ears now, I had been there for hours. My hair had dried, the salt of the sea sticking to it, making it curly and disgusting.
On the other chair, Mike was asleep, a blanket pulled on his naked, slightly chubby belly, his slim, freckled torso in full view, his hands clutching the hospital admission paper loosely.

I didn't dare turn my head. My neck hurt, and I was almost scared of the frail body resting on the bed. My feelings were already all over the place, no need to worsen it.
My skin itched. I also wanted to go pee but I didn't want to leave the cold metal chair, the painful bite of the back of it in my crooked, stiff shoulderblades. I didn't want to leave the aggressively boring and dull bedside, the blinding white assaulting my tired, prickly eyes. I squirmed. I had sand in my slowly drying red swimming pants.

I closed my eyes briefly.
And opened them again.
My phone was buzzing.
I fished for it clumsily in my pocket, pulling the device out. The small screen said, MAM LEE.
I pressed the answer button and put the phone to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Jamie? It's Mrs Gaze" a slighty shaky voice came out.

Suddenly there was fumbling, a small scream, and another voice bored my eardrums.

"Jamie?! Is he okay oh god is he okay?! Please tell me!"

"Sarah give the phone back!" An angry voice called.

I let the struggle go on passively, before an autoritary, masculine voice I knew well resounded into the phone.

"Richard."

"Mr Gaze." I said softly, sucking a breath in.

"We got a call from Stuart, about Lee. He told us you were with him."

"He's okay." I cut him. "Shaken and out, but okay."

I still didn't look at the bed.

"Stuart told us you were the one who took him to the shore." He said in the same staid tone.

"With the help of Mike, actually."

"Jamie, stop trying to be modest! I know you saved him!" I heard Sarah squeak.

"Sarah!" Mr Gaze barked.

Silence.

"Richard. I..."

I hung up.
Got on my feet and powered off my phone, placing it on the now warm chair.
Mike was still sleeping soundly, pretty dreams, calm slumber.

I grabbed my bag, and I was gone.

Not giving a look to the man on the matress, I walked away, and out of the hospital in the heat of Hawaii.
This place I had loved so much when I arrived, this kind of paradise, it made me uneasy now.
I threaded my dry skinned fingers through my long hair - time to cut it off.

I found myself on a beach, and the event from a few hours ago flashed back in my mind.
The blond man spluttering, struggling to stay out of the water.

'Jamie... JAMIE!

The frantic call striking me like lightning, making me bolt towards my friend, fear ringing my stomach.
How his body gave up as I wrapped my arms around his waist, keeping him out of the water, swimming towards the shore, Mike joining me to help me.

Laying him on the sand, his blond hair sticking to his face, helpless.

I sat on the beach, and remembered the first time I had seen him like that.

I was walking into the Ponty Park, my camera with me, ready to join my friend Mike. That kid knew everyone in the Ponty community, and a lot of people from Caerphilly and such. I don't know how he does it. He's 16.

I approached from a small group, in which I recognised Mike's backwards cap and jeans combo. The group was gathered around something, circling it. I approached.

"Lee? Mate, can you hear me?" That Speedo guy asked.

Not a sound. I stepped into the group.
On the ground lay one of Mike's friends, Lee. He used to have long blond hair but bow it was short and shaved on the sides. He lay there, eyes closed, limp, a lovely trail of spit running at the corner of his mouth.

"What happened?" I asked.

Mike bit his lip.

"He wasn't feeling well, and, he, uh, kinda just collapsed."

"Is he breathing?"

"Yea. He's not answering though."

I knelt down next to Lee and took his wrist in my hand, constating a steady heartbeat.

"He's just passed out" I shrugged. "Has someone got water for when he wakes up?"

A guy called Sean, broad shouldered and a bit chubby, threw me a full one liter plastic bottle.

"Excuse me" someone's angry voice started.

I rose my eyes. A boy with short dark hair and hazel eyes stood there, looking pissed. Ian Watkins. The popular boy. I rose my eyebrows.

"Yes?"

"Aren't you that weirdo boy from Cilfynydd?"

Some guys sniggered.

Mike glared.

"Ian, quit being a massive dick for once."

"T's okay Lewis. Just wondering why he's here."

"I invited him!"

"Oh."

Short silence.

"Sorry" he said. "I didn't know."

"It's okay, not like I'm not used to it" I mumbled.

"No, no! If Lewis invited you, you're a nice guy. Sorry for calling you a weirdo."

"It's okay." I said again, gently.

That's when Lee decided he wanted to wake up.
He opened his eyes, and groaned.

"Fuck the lot of you."

"Charming" I smiled.

But it was only a migraine. Not him bloody half drowning. Not him brushing past death.
I was confused as to why he called ME first. There were Stu, Mike and Ian around too. Why me?
I always wonder, why me, why always me? Fuck, I don't know. But now, everybody repeated I saved a life, I saved the life of one of my best friends and without me he'd be up and away. Dead.

Death. That was something I just couldn't imagine happening to any of my bandmates. We spent so much time together. We built so many memories together.

But endless thankfulness wasn't for me.
And I didn't want things to be awkward with Lee.
Out of resorts, I wanted to call Michelle. My beautiful fiancee.
But I had left my phone in hospital.
I missed her. Like I'm sure Lee missed Syirin, who maybe had not been warned of all of this. They were adorable together. We had all found our girlfriends around last year - except Stu who had had Marissa for longer and those two were always stuck together, lovebirds of some sort. I somehow had excpected Stu to take a model-sized girl when they got together but I obviously didn't know Stu enough. Marissa was well in shape, cute, cheeky faced and big-laughed. They most bonded around geekery, Star Wars and alike. They were both little nerds anyway.
Lee and Syirin responded to what I excpected of Lee. Him and asian girls had always been a big love story. Their first date was horror movie watching and most are based on those still now. I guess the first time Lee wanted to use the classic "scare the girl" technique but she was as blood thirsty as he is so they fell in love. Classic.
There were Mike and Amber. You couldn't tell Amber was a movie, comics and videogame addict at first look, but she really was, and Mike obviously loved it. Not everyday you find a girl who beats Mike at Mario on NES. And they both skated.
Michelle and I ... It was different. I was never turned on the classic geeky thibgs when I was a teenager. I painted. I drew. I loved it.
Michelle was delicate, she was funny too, and she was willing to listen to my senseless babbling. She had ideas, she was creative like me. An artist. A crafter. She was beautiful. And she saw beauty in me. Which was weird. People had never really seen beauty in me. Too angulous. Too short.
But she saw it, somewhere, I don't know where, she pretended it was everywhere in me. She said she loved my hair and my eves and my nose and the way I smile and my lips and my arms and my tattoos and the shape of my ears and my neck and my feet and my everything. She said my soul made me the most beautiful man on earth.
She said all that and I kissed her.

But she was away from me, back in the UK. I missed her like hell, and I was confused, and all I wanted was her by my side. Or just talk to her, tell her what had happened, ask what she thinks. She always fixes me.

I hear footsteps stop behind me. Mike.

"Hey, why did you go away? Stu just replaced me."

"I don't know. Just... It was all too much suddenly. I don't know why."

A pair of arms wrapped around me.

"Buddy... It's okay."

"I know but... Don't you realise we almost lost him?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do."

Silence.

"Don't you want to call Michelle or something? It would do you good..."

Mike's pocket buzzed.
He fished his phone out.

"Hullo? ... Stu? Really? Okay them we're coming. See ya in a minute."

He hung up.

"Lee's up."

We walked back towards the hospital, looking at the ground.

We finally entered the hotel room, and Lee was devouring a plate of food, an amused Stu besides him. Ian was in the lobby, reassuring his mom and dad apparently. I had hung up on them after all.

Lee saw me.

"Jame."

I sighed, and ran to himx hugging him.

"Oh god man I'm so glad you have nothing oh man" I whined.

"That's okay. You're the one who saved me."

Small silence.

"Mike helped me."

"I didn't hear him calling." Mike's deep voice said behind me.

"I was drowning and you saved my life, Jame, that's all." Lee said in my shoulder. "Without you I'd probably be dead."

"But..."

"Shut the fuck up. I love you, man."

"I love you too Lee."

"Awn" Stu said. "I love you guys" he chirped as he joined the hug.

"I love you all" Mike piled up.

"What's happening" I heard Ian chuckle.

"I love you E" Lee said.

"Aw. I love you guys too."

We all snorted as he joined.

"Now give me food and a phone, you pissing bastards." Lee groaned.

"Charming." I grinned.

We were all alive. All well. And even if so many questions stayed unanswered I was happy. And even if we were so far away from home, we had each other. For ever. Until death do us part.