The Saints Can't Help Me Now

I drunkenly collapse into my bed face first without undressing. So tired and so drunk, I turn my head and glance out my window. The sun is rising, and I haven’t been to bed yet. I hear loud kissing noises coming from through the wall and groan. Something tells me I won’t be sleeping anytime soon, either. As it turns out, Jimmy seemed to like Frieda too, so Frieda decided to bring him back here. Why they didn’t go back to his place, I’m not sure. Oh, that’s right, Frieda INSISTED that she had to travel home with me so I didn’t become lost on my way to the home.

I sit up and turn on my TV, flipping through the channels. I come across Jackass and roll my eyes. I always avoid watching it with Frieda even though she loves it. I’m afraid I will let something slip about my past with Bam Margera. There, I said it. Bam and I have history. We grew up together, went to the same high school, and we may or may not have fooled around briefly. He asked me to be his. Shortly after, he got famous and cheated on me with a Hollywood slut and that was the end of that. I moved away, started going to college, and didn’t care until I started seeing him all over the television.

I start hearing moaning in German and turn the TV up louder. I have to admit, it is pretty entertaining to watch them kick the shit out of themselves. I smile seeing Bam in pain, but also feel a tinge of pain seeing his face. I hate to admit it, but even though I was a stupid teenage girl, I loved him. He was sweet sometimes. He knew what I liked, and he tried to make me happy, until he didn’t.

I turn over, keeping the TV on, and feel my tired eyes drape shut as I continue to think about Bam, and what we had together.
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I wake up Monday morning to a happy German jumping on my bed. “MILLY WAKE UP.” I roll over and push her off the bed. “Milly! You need to be in meeting with the boss of Jimmy in one hour.”

“Shit. How far away is it?”

“45 minutes.”

“Shit.”

“You need to become the awake and travel to the meeting soon.”

I cover my head with a pillow. “Fuck my life.”

“I find your dressing for you. It is on the counter in the toilet room.”

I look up at her. “I love you. Why can’t you be my wife?”

“I am your wife Liebling. I am your wife not real because you do not have a Schwanz.” She sticks her tongue out and leaves the room.

I quickly get up and put on the very cute outfit Frieda picked out for me. 20 minutes later I am out of the house with a bagel hanging out of my mouth. I try my hardest to drive there as quickly as possible, not wanting to fuck up what sounded like a good opportunity for me. Of course I was nervous, but I tried to push that out of my mind and focus on impressing what Jimmy only referred to him to as “The Boss.”

I was supposed to be there at 10. At 10:07, I pull into the parking lot feeling like a failure. I take time deadlines very seriously. I trip out of my car trying to hurry and slam the door shut, running towards the front doors of the building where I see Frieda’s Man candy.
Jimmy smiles. “Hey, you made it!”

I blush. “Yeah, I had a rough start this morning.”

“Frieda told me that you had ‘overstayed sleeping’ and would ‘become late’. Her English is the cutest thing ever.” He grins.

I roll my eyes. “Dammit. Her honesty kills me. So, where’s the boss.”

“This way, m’lady!” He opens the door for and then I follow him into what looked like a very relaxed office. It was colorful and comfortable looking, and unlike any office I had the displeasure of working for in the past.

He knocks on a door and then enters, waving me in. I walk in with a smile and then my smile instantly fades away when I see who is sitting behind the desk.

Jeff looks amused. “No shit, this is who you brought?”

My eyes are wide, and I am speechless.

“Come on Melinda, he didn’t tell you who you were coming to see?”

“Uhh, uh, no. No he didn’t Jeff. If I had knew..”

Jeff laughs. “Well, if you’re as spunky as the last time I met you, you’ll fit in fine here. You’re hired. Now, get out of my office.”

I quickly scurry out of the office with Jimmy following behind me this time. “What was that about, you know him? Congratulations by the way!”

“Fuck, you should have told me who you worked for, fuck. Fuck!”

Jimmy looks confused and slightly sad. “What? I thought I was doing you a favor..”

Now I feel bad. “Oh, It’s not your fault. I appreciate it a lot. It’s just that a lot of shit happened when I was younger. For a long time I blamed it all on the guy you just took me to see.” Looks like I have a lot to think about, and a decision to make.