The Saints Can't Help Me Now

The whole cast is exhausted after the first day, but of course Steve-O still wants to seek out a bar. Thankfully, the hotel had a bar and we didn’t have to search for one in the dark in the middle of India. I volunteer to go with him because I honestly didn’t want him to sit at the bar by himself all night drinking and also I needed a drink after the shit I saw today.

Steve-O doesn’t waste any time. He starts with double shots of whiskey and doesn’t stop until he’s borderline-sloppy. I took shots of vodka and I was getting there. We sat around and joked for a while, and then Steve-O started to get serious.

“So, you have the hots for Johnny.”

When I’m drunk, I can’t even attempt to tell a lie. It’s way too much effort. “Yeah, but I’m worried about Bam.”

“Does Bam know you’re part of the crew now?” I shake my head. “Oh shit, well that’ll be fun.”

I lay my head on the bar. “I am so tired but I honestly don’t know if I can make it to my room.” I start laughing, but my laughing dies away from being so tired.

Steve-O gets up slowly, stumbles, and then catches himself. He holds out his arm. “We can do this together.”

“Okay!” I grab his arm and we slowly make it to the elevators. We both stumble inside, falling on top of each other. My pocket starts vibrating. “Shit.” I fish my phone out of my pocket. “Hello?” I drunkenly answer.

“Sounds like you’re having fun, already.” Johnny replies.

I laugh obnoxiously. “Stevie-O and I here just went to the bar for a few hours. We’re in the elevator right now but I don’t think it’s going.” I feel the elevator shit upward. “NOW IT IS.” I yell through the phone.

Johnny laughs. “Alright, I was making sure you guys made it through the first day.”

“Well thanks for checking up on me, handsome!” Steve-O cocks his head at me. I clap my hand over my mouth. “Steve-O, you are so handsome!” I try to save myself. I think I’m making it worse. Steve-O shakes his head at me. The elevator doors open and Steve-O and I walk out, holding each other.

Johnny is speechless. “Uhm, well I’m going to go Milly. Talk to you soon.”

Before I can say goodbye, he hangs up. “SHIT.” Steve-O shushes me and leads us to his room the best that he can. We make it to his room. I collapse on his bed and he shuts the door.

“Okay.” He starts. “You can shit now.”

“FUUUUUUUUUCK.” I scream into the bed. I roll over and sigh. “That wouldn’t have gone any worse. He was being all sweet calling me and I should have just gone with the handsome thing but then I called you handsome and fucked it all up and now he probably thinks we’re hooking up.”

Steve-O sits on the bed. “Call him back.”

“I’m too drunk to explain myself.”

“You just explained it to me.”

I lift my head up and look at him. “Can I stay with you tonight?”

He lays his head on my stomach. “Only if you call Johnny back.”

“Can I stay anyway?” He picks my phone up from the bed, dials Johnny, and holds it up to my ear. I roll my eyes and grab the phone.

After a few rings that felt like forever, he answers. “Yes, drunkard?”

“I’m not hooking up with Steve-O!” I blurt out. Steve-O tries his best not to laugh out loud.

“Uh, okay?” He tries to sound like he doesn’t care.

“And I wanted you to know that I think you’re sweet.”

“Well, thanks Milly. You need to go to sleep or you’re going to have a horrible hangover tomorrow and trust me, filming with a hangover sucks. “

A sigh of relief escapes me mouth. He’s not mad. “Yeah, okay well I’ll talk to you soon, okay?”

“Sweet Dreams, Milly.”