Love of Two is One

My stomach was tied in knots already as I just woke up the next morning. I knew I have to explain everything to Vic today, after what happened. How I could be so stupid and not take my pills with me to Vic, I do not know. I'm just incredibly happy that he wasn't all too freaked out last night and left me out there in the backyard alone. He stayed by my side, he helped me and I appreciate that so much. I guess that is because of the fact that nobody has really genuinely cared about me before, like ever. It feels good to know that someone is there for you. I knew Vic was like that all along. I may be crazy, but he must be too. I practically followed him home one night, scared the shit out of him, handed him a note who said that I thought he was beautiful, and then ran because I got really nervous. The very next day, he saw me and he said hello. That was the day that the voices came back, and I have no idea why. It seems like they leave me alone when I'm at my worst, but if I find something that could possibly or does make me happy, they come back again. But even after that, Vic texted me and wanted to meet up. I really need to ask him how he got my number though, because I can not remember giving it to him. Anyway, he kept coming back around even though I was acting like a crazy mental-patient. Therefore, he must be crazy. Although, he is not my type of crazy. He's the opposite type. The kind type of crazy, without the voices, bad thoughts or doing weird things. I can't really explain it. He's the beautiful type of crazy, and I am the hideous type of crazy. But hey, opposites attract, right? I know I am attracted to him anyway.

I flickered my eyes open and started paying attention to my surroundings. Vic was laying on his back, with his arm around my shoulders, his mouth hanging slightly open and quiet snores were escaping it occasionally. He was so amazingly adorable. Vic's room was actually quite nice; It was small, and his walls were so full posters that I couldn't really make out what colour they were. He didn't have much furniture, but I guess he didn't even need it. He was living alone, as far as I know anyway, and he told me last night that he didn't really do much other than watching TV, eating and making music. I loved that part about him though, his interest for music. I, myself, love music. But most people would have figured that out by now. I sing everywhere I go and no matter what I do. Singing cheers me up, and often it cheers others up too. I love it.

I tried to move, and get out of the bed without waking Vic. But he wouldn't have it, his grip around my shoulders turned into a...hug kind of thing. He held me in his arms sloppily, and his leg had intertwined itself with my leg. Okay then, Vic. Be like that. I shook Vic's arm lightly, but he didn't even flinch. I decided that maybe being all loveydovey gogo gaga would work, so I started planting kisses all over his face, neck, chest, his tummy and I stopped right above the elastic of his boxers to suck and nibble at the skin there. Vic didn't do anything though, and honestly I started to believe he was still asleep, until I bit down a bit hard on a spot right above his hip and he moaned loudly. As if he had been holding it back for God knows how long. At that, I stopped though and moved back up him. "Good morning to you, too, sleeping beauty." I said jokingly. Vic smiled sleepily, his eyes still half-closed. "You look really fucking adorable when you're tired." I commented. Vic blushed and smiled even wider as he rolled over so we faced eachother. Vic brushed my hair out of my eyes and let his finger tips trail over my forehead, "Kellin." He started. Oh no, please don't mention- "We need to talk about what happened, you know." Fuck. I sighed and mentally slapped myself a hundered times for being a fucking knob head and not taking my meds with me to Vic's. "I know." I said barely above a whisper, as I sat up in his bed and rubbed my eyes. How was I even going to explain this? Well yeah you see, I have a mental illness. Called Borderline schizophrenia, I see and hear things that apparently are not real, Blablabla. I should've been locked up really, but I don't have the money. Because on top of being crazy, I live in a shed in the forest, I make money by singing on the street, I'm all alone, I have never ever had a friend. Ever. After my dad walked out on mom and I because of me, my mom left me alone. So, I have done everything on my own since I was 13. But hey, please don't leave me because I have developed feelings for you. Well, no. I did have feelings for Vic. But he would be freaked out, it would be too much for him to let sink in and he would get scared and no, I couldn't. What else was there to do, though?

"Look, you don't need to tell me right now though. And you don't need to tell me everything. It's just good to know if my boyfriend has some kind of...diagnosis thingy which includes this and that, if you get me?" Vic exclaimed. I grinned at him and collided my lips with his. I'm not entirely sure about why, but the word 'boyfriend' might have something to do with it. And I kind of just wanted to kiss him. He was such a good kisser. I can't even explain it with words. It's just so amazing. And the feeling of butterflies erupting in my stomach does not ever leave when I'm in his presence. Just, wow. And he called me his boyfriend. Wow. Even more wow. So very much wow. I was ecstactic at the word. Boyfriend. Vic's boyfriend. Yup. Sounds just about right. "Boyfriend?" I questioned excitedly as I pulled away from him. I wouldn't want him to believe that he said anything wrong, because he didn't. I just had to ask. "Well, I mean, Uh-Yeah. Or, No. I mean- If you..." Vic trailed off, looking more nervous than ever. I took his hand and smiled reassuringly. "Are we like boyfriend and boyfriend I mean?" I grinned. That sounded completely fucking retarded, but okay. Vic chuckled and nodded slightly. "If you want us to be boyfriend and boyfriend." He then kissed my hand and smiled softly. I giggled, at the whole situation really. This was what 8 year olds did, and then they counted to three and kissed. I nodded my head and bounced up and down in the bed. I must've looked like a little school girl but I couldn't help it. I have never ever had a friend before, nor a boyfriend. This was all new to me, and I was really fucking excited to say the least.

"Kellin." Vics voice echoed through the room. I was laying with my head on his chest, our fingers entwined and he kissed my forehead or my nose occasionally. We had been laying like this for quite some time now. "Yeah?" I replied. I was getting kind of sleepy, although it was no more than 1PM. "Can you please explain a couple of things to me?" Vic pleaded. I could tell he was getting frustrated and his curiousity was getting the best of him. I sighed and sat up, "Yeah. Ask away." I stated as I turned to face him. "Like, I'm sorry. I'd just like to know why you...last night..." Vic trailed off. I looked down and scratched my neck as I thought about how I was supposed to explain this without it sounding retarded. "Uh, I have like...Borderline Schizophrenia. So basically like, there's voices and stuff. Or I see things and hear things, and they're like all made up." I cut myself off with a sigh because of how my speach was being retarded. I took a deep breath and kept going. "They're not real. I see and hear things that are not real. And my speach is disorganized at times and I sound retarded, so I have to think really hard to not sound as a retarded. Like a retard. Like a retard." I couldn't really speak anymore because of all the sobs escaping my mouth as I opened it. Vic wrapped his arms around me and cooed soothing words. "I'm sorry." I sobbed. "Don't leave me, I wasn't born crazy purposely." I couldn't really think straight, so I didn't notice that the words that came out of my mouth sounded weird as fuck. "Sh, Kellin. I'm not going to leave. It's not your fault. Don't be sorry." Vic cooed over and over again.

After 5 minutes of crying and sobbing apologies for something that isn't really my fault, I managed to compose myself and get myself together. I was sick of crying on Vic, I was surprised he wasn't sick of it too. "Sorry for crying on your everything. And stuff." I apologized again. Vic just shook his head and rubbed my back soothingly. I looked up at him and stared into his brown eyes. They were so gorgeous. I could stare into them all day if he'd let me. Vic leaned in and kissed me gently on the lips. "I really, really like you, Kellin." He muttered against my lips and kissed them again. "I really, really, like you, also, Vic." I replied, blushing. This was perfect. He was perfect. And for the first time in 6 years, I felt happy.