Silent Moments of Loneliness

The scent of lavender was overpowering, but I wasn’t going to get up anytime
soon. It wasn’t the most comfortable position, lying in this field but, it was better this
way, to pretend I wasn’t Frank Iero, that I was some kind of field fairy or some girly crap. Closing my eyes I tried to become someone, anyone, other than myself.

‘Good luck with that Frank.’ Even I doubted myself. Thanks conscience for your support.

My hand felt empty and my heart more so. It was all over…

The flowers and long grass that stood tall over my head fell onto my face in random intervals as if the breeze couldn’t make up its mind to blow as softly or as harshly as it could. Irritated and a little amused I imagined the clouds above were having the same thoughts at that as me, having no control over how fast or where they went.

I watched with detached apathy as the clouds gathered and then quickly left, repeating the process. I knew that very soon the clouds would gather and stay gathered, and I would still be here, so very alone, so very vulnerable.

All too much a short time later the very clouds I had been watching earlier finally decided to take out their anger on the world, sheets of icy cold water pounded down from them, crushing everything around me. Still I don’t move. What was the point? I had no where to go and I was going to die sooner or later, why not now?

Closing my eyes I prepared myself. For what, I don’t know, death maybe?

The thought of death was more comforting than it should be, leaving behind the stress and worry. But I wouldn’t be the one to do it. I didn’t think I wanted to leave him behind... as much as I hated his guts.

Deep down in myself I felt something was going to happen. Something… life changing. Maybe I would get lucky and I would die and the memories I had been trying to stop would never hit my ears again. I could forget what he had done and how I reacted; I could pretend I had friends to help me through this.

‘Right and right now they are all just..... Busy, yeah, busy’ Wow, I suck at lying, even to myself.

Eyes closed I took a deep breath, releasing it slowly.

Suddenly the rain seemed to stop. Opening my eyes, I stared at the ugly brown and gold that was the sky.

Wait, the sky isn’t supposed to be brown, and I could still feel the rain on my legs.

“Yep, I’ve gone insane. Nice one Frank, lying in the rain hoping to die and you go insane, can’t say I didn’t expect it from you, but whatever.” I face palmed and took a shaky breath.

“You aren’t insane, from what I can tell.” I am not sure what expression I was making, but he laughed after making his statement. There, now lying beside me was Gerard Way. I knew him by name only, having lived on the same street as him for years. The only thing I knew about him is the fact that he and his brother went to the private school two towns over.

“Hi,” I squeaked out, trying to get past my shock that he had somehow thrown his jacket over me and was laying beside me in a matter of seconds.

“You looked like you needed help, and if the rumors are true, a warm place to stay.”

I could just stare at him, why would he offer, he doesn’t even know me, and it would be too much…

He must have read my expression because he smiled sadly. “We are too alike for me to leave you here. I am sure my baby brother won’t mind. In fact with my pout he can’t refuse! Do you have a good puppy-dog face? He couldn’t resist that.”

Once again he looked over at me and explained farther.

“We both have been kicked out by our parents, both for stupid, but different reasons. Only my parents could never get away with disowning me so they just bought me an apartment across town where I now live with my boy-,” He cut himself off. “My brother. You can stay with us if you want.”

“I barely know you, you could be some creeper and…. I don’t know, is it kidnapping if we are the same age and the other came willingly?” I whispered through my shock.

He giggled, a cute feminine sound that made me smile against my will. It reminded me a lot of my boyfriend.

‘No, no…. ex-boyfriend’

“Honey, the only thing I could get out of this situation is a new roommate and if we stay here any longer a cold. Now come on, at least take a shower and call your boyfriend.”

“H-how y-you?” I couldn’t get it out causing him to giggle once more and spazz out. “He isn’t my boyfriend anymore!” I told him angrily, I didn’t even think about it.

“You are too cute, uggh, how do you do it? You are freaking adorable” He squealed like the flamboyantly gay teenager he was. “Anyway your boyfriend knows John who talked to Rosa who talked to my Mikey who talked to me and I went looking for you. He wants you warm, safe, and to call him.” He told me, ticking them off on his fingers. “Who was I to say no to such cute young love?”

I stared at him, and kept staring at him for a while.

“Fine.” I agreed but only because I found out first hand how well practiced his kicked-puppy face was. This almost-man was going to go far with a face like that. “But I am not talking to the fucking asshole. And we aren’t dating anymore.” I growled darkly.

“Yay! This is going to be like a party! Oh, so much fun!” I followed him as he led me, skipping, down the street, holding the jacket above our heads. It didn’t help much, though. As Gerard kept jumping around in his own little bubble of happiness telling me all about ‘his Mikey’ and his apartment and how cute my boyfriend sounds and if I wore eye-liner, or minded that I might have to borrow his clothes, or maybe Mikey’s since I looked more like his size.

“No make-up and no, I don’t mind, and okay.”

Pouting he took my hand and pulled me down the street. “You are no fun, come on, we might miss Chess in Concert with the 2008 cast! It is coming on PBS at 8:30 tonight! And Mikey said he would watch it with me! Josh Groban is just drool-worthy! That man… yummy.” He looked over his shoulder at me. “Not as good as my Mikey though. Do you like hugs? What is your favorite color? Oh my goody-goodness I bet it is the same as mine, you seem like me. Do you like Chinese because Mikey said he was ordering some tonight, can you cook because I can, but I don’t get home till late some days and the only thing Mikey doesn’t burn is cereal and that is as long as I pour the milk. Seriously the man is a total loser.”

The smile on his face as he said the last line took all the bite from it. How had the Gerard I met at the park three blocks ago be the same person dragging me along the sidewalk with him now, it was like, a total 360 in personality?

Serious to… I don’t even know what to call this. Hyper, flashy, flamboyant, loud, happy, spazzy, truly wondering? Why is he holding my hand? Why did I just realize this? Noticing it now I realized that the grip was made so I could get out of it pretty easily. At this point we had quit even pretending that the coat covered anything and were both soaked to the bone.

“Here we are!” He shouted excitedly, waving his arms in the well-known ‘tada’ gesture. The apartment was more of a condo, but who was counting? The red brick building was kind of comforting looking nothing like the house I had just been kicked out of.

“Well, what are you waiting for, let’s go inside! I am freezing my cute little butt off!”

Can you add ‘humble’ to the list of what Gerard really is?

“Welcome home!” He shouted.

Surprisingly, it kind of did feel like home. A feeling I hadn’t felt in a while.
~ ~ ~ ~

I had been standing in the foyer for the last five minutes, trying to catch any of the words flying out of Mikey’s and Gerard’s mouth, but it was all too muffled but the two doors and a wall between us.

It was another two minutes of aching legs and feet when Gerard and Mikey came into the foyer.

“Welcome to your new home, Frank!” Mikey kinda-smirked-kidna-didn’t-have-an-epression-at-all at me, leaning on the doorway to the kitchen. “Gunna be weird having another person in the house and you just moved in with two gay guys, but who are we to question your sanity?”

I laughed with him. This might turn out okay. Maybe…

~ ~ ~ ~

Four months, three days, and 23 hours later.

“Frank, you okay?”

“Yeah, why?” I asked.

“You seemed so…. Thousands of miles away.” His voice turned serious. “Is he bothering you again? Did your buttface of an ex hurt you?”

“No, no, no, you know I would tell ya, Mikes. I was actually thinking about how I got here.”

“Like here in the world, the story that starts with ‘when a man and a woman really love each other’ or here as in my room because you were too lazy to go to your own after you used the master bathroom.”

“No, here as in to stay with you and Gerard.”

“Oh, well that story starts and ends in Gerard and loneliness, a quiet sense of loneliness.”

“Silent Moments of Loneliness.”

“Exactly” He smiled and hugged me.

“I hope it is a good memory, then?”

“Yeah, for all the heartbreak, yeah, yeah it is.” And truly, it was.