Status: :) R&R and I love you.
Abused
Twenty
At first, I really tried to focus on the TV. I really tried. But watching a movie with Zak turned out to be really difficult, because I just can't keep my eyes off of him. We are watching Dracula II, and, needless to say, Zak chose the movie. I am not that much into horror movies, but with Zak it's fine. Besides, I couldn't imagine Zak watching a happy love story or anything. We have sat here for an hour or so, but I still have no idea what's this movie about. I can't concentrate. All I can do is to stare at Zak.
It's getting dark outside, and no wonder, it must be around 10 pm or even later. We did eat pizza earlier today. Zak is just hopeless when it's about cooking. The room is dark, the only light source is the TV we're watching. Zak's skin looks beautiful in the dim light. He is wearing a black, tight t-shirt he bought earlier today and black baggy jeans, the ones I love the most. The skull of his belt looks almost black. He is sitting on the couch next to me, and I can clearly see every single muscle and line of his perfect body. And THAT's what is making it so fucking hard to watch the movie.
I am resting my head on his strong shoulder and he has his arm casually around my shoulders. His eyes shine in the light of the TV, and he is focusing on the movie. I watch the way his eyes move when he watches, the way his brows furrow when something unexpected happens. I watch the way his chest falls and rises in steady pace. And that's really all I can watch right now. I sigh and nuzzle my head against his shoulder. He just hums silently and keeps staring at the TV.
I slide my hand on his neck, and down his chest very slowly. He gives me a questioning glare and a faint chuckle, but nothing else. My hand returns on it's previous position on his neck, and I leave it there. The touch is so innocent, but still it sends shocks trough my hand. His skin is connected to mine, and it feels amazing. It feels right.
Focus Nadine, watch that fucking movie. I gaze towards the TV and try to focus. The light of the TV fills the room, but none of the sounds from the movie make it to my ears. I can't focus. Fuck it. I see some people running, but that's all. I can't even tell who is who. Fuck it. I sigh. The way shadows dance on his skin looks.. tempting. The way his eyes flicker open and closed in steady pace.. I prevent another silent sigh and just casually slide my hand down his chest again. I can feel his muscles trough the thin cotton. I prevent an amazed gasp, because I don't want to disturb Zak. Okay, maybe I DO. He unconsciously tilts his head, allowing my hand more access on his skin. My fingertips dance along the pale skin, up his neck and down his chest. I do notice that his eyes flicker closed very slowly, and stay closed for some seconds, but he doesn't say anything.
I allow my hand to travel down his chest and explore on his stomach. I feel a shiver that goes trough his body, but he still tries to watch the movie. Amused by his reaction, my hand continues it's route and caresses over his stomach. I swallow loudly and move my hand right above his belt. And that's when he turns his head towards me and glares at me. "How in the hell am I supposed to watch the movie when you're doing that?" He asks, but I can hear the smile in his voice. I just shrug, muffle snicker, and let my hand rest on his belt. The metal feels cold under my hand. He sighs and turns his gaze on the TV again. Zak is trying to be stubborn. I smirk.
At least there is one thing that gets his attention. I crawl a bit closer, but he doesn't seem to notice it. My hand explores the area right above his belt. My fingers find the hem of his shirt, and I pull it slightly. My hand finds his warm, soft skin and I hear him gasp. I chuckle silently. My hand moves up his stomach, and he shivers again. That's when I hear him switch off the TV. "Fuck, Nad", he whispers. My lips find the skin of his neck and he shuts his eyes slowly. "Obviously you don't want to watch the movie", he says and laughs. I answer by nibbling the skin of his neck. He gasps again. "No..", I then whisper against his skin. "He turns his head and our lips touch. "What do you want to do, then?" he asks. I look at his questioning eyes and chuckle. There it is again, the anger, the desire.. "I want to touch you.." I mumble.
He grabs the wrist of my hand exploring his stomach and I stop. He kisses me gently and brings my hand on his belt. "Then touch me", he whispers. Fuck. My mind goes numb as new Nadine takes over. This Nadine is a different person. She wants to explore, live life the fullest. It's not that I haven't done this before. But, the only person I have ever dated before Zak was James and he was.. he was different. We were usually drunk and I can't really remember most of what happened during our nights together. I sigh as Zak seals our lips.
I move on his lap, and smirk against his lips when he gasps. There's no more hesitation, and I am pretty sure where this leads. He kisses the corner of my mouth and I let my free hand explore on his neck. The skin almost burns under my fingers. And the only thing I can think about is the satisfaction I get from touching him this way. He wraps his hands around me and I wrap my legs around his waist. He rises and carefully carries me somewhere. I can't focus. All I can think about is the feeling. His body so close to mine, his lips on my neck, my legs wrapped around his strong body. My back meets the bed and he lands on top of me.
The next kiss we share is so passionate, so aggressive. His eyes flicker open and he locks his gaze with mine. The blue of his eyes is nearly gone, replaced by dark areas of desire. My breathing becomes visible, and only one word in different forms keeps repeating itself in my head. Want. Desire. Need. Urge. Lust. I sigh and tug the hem of his shirt. He gets the message and flings his shirt on the floor with one smooth movement. I let my hands explore on his bare, hot skin.
"We are still wearing too many clothes", he whispers in my ear and I gasp. I would nod but it all I manage is an agreeing whine that escapes behind my sealed lips. He laughs against my neck as my hands slide down his back, causing him to smirk.
He rids me of my hoodie and shirt. It's has been so long.. So many years. I muffle my sigh with his skin. He tastes like Zak. Salt. Skin. He smells like Zak. Cologne. Skin. My eyes flicker closed as his hand caresses over my stomach. My free hand moves to unbuckle his belt, which turns out to be a challenge. When I succeed, I unbutton and unzip his jeans. The desire burns my mind, and it has become unbearable. It's something I never felt before. It is a whole new feeling. A whole new world.
He rids me of my jeans and I feel a slight bit naked, until he whispers: "God, Nad.. You are beautiful", the desire, the need, audible in his voice. My whole body shivers as I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him close to me. The feeling of skin touching skin makes my body shiver with need. The feeling of our lips meeting in aggression makes me whisper his name. My eyes flicker slowly closer as I let him see, feel, touch.
A moan escapes my lips when he rids us both of the rest of our clothing. My nails scratch down his back, gently, yet so roughly, and I moan his name when our bodies are connected. We become one. Our moans and whines sound louder in the room, in our own closed world, where only the two of us exist. My need becomes stronger, if that is possible. Our lips meet again, and all I can think about is the sound of skin touching skin. The feeling of him closer to me than ever sends shocks trough my body. "Zak." I can't prevent his name escaping from my lips. I don't want to prevent it. I repeat his name in the darkness of our closed world and he moans against my skin. The sound of breathing becomes visible, the beat of his heart against my bare chest becomes suddenly almost audible. I suck his neck and just feel. Our bodies move furiously against each other, we battle for dominance. It is prefect. Passionate. Tempting. Most of all it's beautiful.
I let myself scream his name out loud when the world explodes. It's a feeling I haven't felt this strong before. He continues his movement for only a couple of more seconds before joining me in the new world. Everything I knew faded away. Now there are just the two of us, resting forehead to forehead. And a new word keeps repeating in my head. Inseparable. We are inseparable.
**
I open my eyes when I feel the morning light on my face. It's beautiful. Everything is perfect. Everything is amazing. And I couldn't be any happier to be alive right now, right here. This morning feels comforting. Just wonderful. I feel happy. I have never felt better, actually. I notice a familiar arm, wrapped around my waist. Images of what happened last night make me smirk.
I can't help running my hand gently over Zak's chest. God, he looks perfect. I could just wake up in the middle of the night just to see him sleep. It's probably the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. He looks so peaceful, he makes me forget about everything else than him. And right now, there is one thing I know for sure. He is the one for me. There is no one I have ever loved this deeply, this much.. And for sure, there will never be anyone I'll love the way I love him. I smile and crawl closer to him until I feel his hot skin against mine. This is just perfect. Just perfect.
I let my fingertips dance along his skin so gently that it's hardly noticeable. He looks so tired that I decide to let him sleep. I just don't feel like getting up just yet, even though I am already awake. I just want to lay here, so close to him, and know that he is here. To know that he is right here with me, now and forever.
Soon I hear my phone vibrate somewhere in the living room. I roll my eyes. Right. Too beautiful and perfect moments only last forever in movies, not in real life. I slowly sit up and find my pyjama shorts on the floor. I dress up and sneak in the living room. And right, my phone is on the floor. That is why I was able to hear it all the way in the bedroom. I don't remember leaving my phone here, but actually.. who cares.
I reach for my phone and pick it up. I check the caller ID. It's unusual that someone calls me in the morning on Thursday. UNKNOWN CALLER. Oh, and it's 10:13 am. An unknown caller. Who could that be? It might be someone who wants me to buy something or any other shit like that. It's not a friend, obviously, because I have their numbers. But, right.. It CAN be something important, so perhaps it's the best to pick up- I press the phone against my ear.
"Nadine", I just casually say and then listen. At first, I can't hear anything and for a moment I panic that it might be my dad. He is the only person who does this. When I am about to hang up, I hear a voice. "Hi.. It's Brad here.." Brad? "Oh.. Hi..", I mutter. "Long time no see", I add and smile. We haven't seen each other after college. In case you already forgot, he is Laura's boyfriend. Still.
"Umm.. This is kinda weird", he starts. The tone of his voice sounds a slight bit worried, maybe even embarrassed. "Yeah?" I ask and wait. "Did you see Laura this week?" He asks. Oh, so this wasn't just a casual 'how are you doing'- call. "Yeah, sure.. We met in the train to Vegas on.. on Monday.." It becomes silent for moment. "So.. You haven't seen her after that?" I think. Should I tell him? Laura might get in trouble. "We actually went out on Monday.." He huffs. Right, Brad doesn't like the fact that Laura goes out without him. He is afraid that something might happen to her. "Did she.. Is she there with you?" He sounds even more worried. "No.. I.. Is something wrong?" I ask. "I.. I don't know." Brad's voice sounds very worried. Not only that, he sounds exhausted. "You don't know?" He sighs loudly. "She hasn't called me in three days.. She doesn't pick up the phone, either.."
FUCK. That's not what I expected. What if something has happened to her? What if she didn't find her way back to her hotel after our night out? Shit. She had quite a lot of alcohol, and I know how she gets when she drinks. Even worse. What if.. What if those same guys went after her? And not only that.. What if they managed to catch her? I am such a bad friend! Fuck. I just somehow assumed.. Well.. Laura is a grown woman, and she knows how to take care of herself. Back in the old days, she did disappear during some of our night outs, and then just showed up at school next Monday. Nothing serious. I didn't even think about the fact that maybe something bad actually happened. Shit. "Look..", I start but Brad sighs loudly again and I decide not to say anything.
She never answered my message, and.. "I am sure she's just fine." My voice comes out as a worried whisper. It probably doesn't calm Brad down at all. "Are you?" He just asks. I let out a sigh. No. That is the problem. I am not sure. I don't know.
"I'll let you know when I find her, okay?" I say and he agrees. He then mumbles his goodbyes and hangs up.
I sit down on the couch, confused. My mind reminds me of a dream I saw when I was drunk. Images of Laura screaming and running flash trough my mind. What if that's what actually happened? What if something bad really happened and now she is hurt? Or.. or dead.. No. That just can't happen. Laura is strong. She doesn't let anybody hurt her. She is the strongest person I have ever met during my whole life. She is just fine. Maybe she met another friend and she has been busy shopping and partying more. . But I can't believe this, because I can't be sure. I have to KNOW for sure that she is just fine. And there is only one way to do it. I have to find her. I just have to ensure that she is fine.
It's getting dark outside, and no wonder, it must be around 10 pm or even later. We did eat pizza earlier today. Zak is just hopeless when it's about cooking. The room is dark, the only light source is the TV we're watching. Zak's skin looks beautiful in the dim light. He is wearing a black, tight t-shirt he bought earlier today and black baggy jeans, the ones I love the most. The skull of his belt looks almost black. He is sitting on the couch next to me, and I can clearly see every single muscle and line of his perfect body. And THAT's what is making it so fucking hard to watch the movie.
I am resting my head on his strong shoulder and he has his arm casually around my shoulders. His eyes shine in the light of the TV, and he is focusing on the movie. I watch the way his eyes move when he watches, the way his brows furrow when something unexpected happens. I watch the way his chest falls and rises in steady pace. And that's really all I can watch right now. I sigh and nuzzle my head against his shoulder. He just hums silently and keeps staring at the TV.
I slide my hand on his neck, and down his chest very slowly. He gives me a questioning glare and a faint chuckle, but nothing else. My hand returns on it's previous position on his neck, and I leave it there. The touch is so innocent, but still it sends shocks trough my hand. His skin is connected to mine, and it feels amazing. It feels right.
Focus Nadine, watch that fucking movie. I gaze towards the TV and try to focus. The light of the TV fills the room, but none of the sounds from the movie make it to my ears. I can't focus. Fuck it. I see some people running, but that's all. I can't even tell who is who. Fuck it. I sigh. The way shadows dance on his skin looks.. tempting. The way his eyes flicker open and closed in steady pace.. I prevent another silent sigh and just casually slide my hand down his chest again. I can feel his muscles trough the thin cotton. I prevent an amazed gasp, because I don't want to disturb Zak. Okay, maybe I DO. He unconsciously tilts his head, allowing my hand more access on his skin. My fingertips dance along the pale skin, up his neck and down his chest. I do notice that his eyes flicker closed very slowly, and stay closed for some seconds, but he doesn't say anything.
I allow my hand to travel down his chest and explore on his stomach. I feel a shiver that goes trough his body, but he still tries to watch the movie. Amused by his reaction, my hand continues it's route and caresses over his stomach. I swallow loudly and move my hand right above his belt. And that's when he turns his head towards me and glares at me. "How in the hell am I supposed to watch the movie when you're doing that?" He asks, but I can hear the smile in his voice. I just shrug, muffle snicker, and let my hand rest on his belt. The metal feels cold under my hand. He sighs and turns his gaze on the TV again. Zak is trying to be stubborn. I smirk.
At least there is one thing that gets his attention. I crawl a bit closer, but he doesn't seem to notice it. My hand explores the area right above his belt. My fingers find the hem of his shirt, and I pull it slightly. My hand finds his warm, soft skin and I hear him gasp. I chuckle silently. My hand moves up his stomach, and he shivers again. That's when I hear him switch off the TV. "Fuck, Nad", he whispers. My lips find the skin of his neck and he shuts his eyes slowly. "Obviously you don't want to watch the movie", he says and laughs. I answer by nibbling the skin of his neck. He gasps again. "No..", I then whisper against his skin. "He turns his head and our lips touch. "What do you want to do, then?" he asks. I look at his questioning eyes and chuckle. There it is again, the anger, the desire.. "I want to touch you.." I mumble.
He grabs the wrist of my hand exploring his stomach and I stop. He kisses me gently and brings my hand on his belt. "Then touch me", he whispers. Fuck. My mind goes numb as new Nadine takes over. This Nadine is a different person. She wants to explore, live life the fullest. It's not that I haven't done this before. But, the only person I have ever dated before Zak was James and he was.. he was different. We were usually drunk and I can't really remember most of what happened during our nights together. I sigh as Zak seals our lips.
I move on his lap, and smirk against his lips when he gasps. There's no more hesitation, and I am pretty sure where this leads. He kisses the corner of my mouth and I let my free hand explore on his neck. The skin almost burns under my fingers. And the only thing I can think about is the satisfaction I get from touching him this way. He wraps his hands around me and I wrap my legs around his waist. He rises and carefully carries me somewhere. I can't focus. All I can think about is the feeling. His body so close to mine, his lips on my neck, my legs wrapped around his strong body. My back meets the bed and he lands on top of me.
The next kiss we share is so passionate, so aggressive. His eyes flicker open and he locks his gaze with mine. The blue of his eyes is nearly gone, replaced by dark areas of desire. My breathing becomes visible, and only one word in different forms keeps repeating itself in my head. Want. Desire. Need. Urge. Lust. I sigh and tug the hem of his shirt. He gets the message and flings his shirt on the floor with one smooth movement. I let my hands explore on his bare, hot skin.
"We are still wearing too many clothes", he whispers in my ear and I gasp. I would nod but it all I manage is an agreeing whine that escapes behind my sealed lips. He laughs against my neck as my hands slide down his back, causing him to smirk.
He rids me of my hoodie and shirt. It's has been so long.. So many years. I muffle my sigh with his skin. He tastes like Zak. Salt. Skin. He smells like Zak. Cologne. Skin. My eyes flicker closed as his hand caresses over my stomach. My free hand moves to unbuckle his belt, which turns out to be a challenge. When I succeed, I unbutton and unzip his jeans. The desire burns my mind, and it has become unbearable. It's something I never felt before. It is a whole new feeling. A whole new world.
He rids me of my jeans and I feel a slight bit naked, until he whispers: "God, Nad.. You are beautiful", the desire, the need, audible in his voice. My whole body shivers as I wrap my legs around his waist and pull him close to me. The feeling of skin touching skin makes my body shiver with need. The feeling of our lips meeting in aggression makes me whisper his name. My eyes flicker slowly closer as I let him see, feel, touch.
A moan escapes my lips when he rids us both of the rest of our clothing. My nails scratch down his back, gently, yet so roughly, and I moan his name when our bodies are connected. We become one. Our moans and whines sound louder in the room, in our own closed world, where only the two of us exist. My need becomes stronger, if that is possible. Our lips meet again, and all I can think about is the sound of skin touching skin. The feeling of him closer to me than ever sends shocks trough my body. "Zak." I can't prevent his name escaping from my lips. I don't want to prevent it. I repeat his name in the darkness of our closed world and he moans against my skin. The sound of breathing becomes visible, the beat of his heart against my bare chest becomes suddenly almost audible. I suck his neck and just feel. Our bodies move furiously against each other, we battle for dominance. It is prefect. Passionate. Tempting. Most of all it's beautiful.
I let myself scream his name out loud when the world explodes. It's a feeling I haven't felt this strong before. He continues his movement for only a couple of more seconds before joining me in the new world. Everything I knew faded away. Now there are just the two of us, resting forehead to forehead. And a new word keeps repeating in my head. Inseparable. We are inseparable.
**
I open my eyes when I feel the morning light on my face. It's beautiful. Everything is perfect. Everything is amazing. And I couldn't be any happier to be alive right now, right here. This morning feels comforting. Just wonderful. I feel happy. I have never felt better, actually. I notice a familiar arm, wrapped around my waist. Images of what happened last night make me smirk.
I can't help running my hand gently over Zak's chest. God, he looks perfect. I could just wake up in the middle of the night just to see him sleep. It's probably the most beautiful sight I have ever seen. He looks so peaceful, he makes me forget about everything else than him. And right now, there is one thing I know for sure. He is the one for me. There is no one I have ever loved this deeply, this much.. And for sure, there will never be anyone I'll love the way I love him. I smile and crawl closer to him until I feel his hot skin against mine. This is just perfect. Just perfect.
I let my fingertips dance along his skin so gently that it's hardly noticeable. He looks so tired that I decide to let him sleep. I just don't feel like getting up just yet, even though I am already awake. I just want to lay here, so close to him, and know that he is here. To know that he is right here with me, now and forever.
Soon I hear my phone vibrate somewhere in the living room. I roll my eyes. Right. Too beautiful and perfect moments only last forever in movies, not in real life. I slowly sit up and find my pyjama shorts on the floor. I dress up and sneak in the living room. And right, my phone is on the floor. That is why I was able to hear it all the way in the bedroom. I don't remember leaving my phone here, but actually.. who cares.
I reach for my phone and pick it up. I check the caller ID. It's unusual that someone calls me in the morning on Thursday. UNKNOWN CALLER. Oh, and it's 10:13 am. An unknown caller. Who could that be? It might be someone who wants me to buy something or any other shit like that. It's not a friend, obviously, because I have their numbers. But, right.. It CAN be something important, so perhaps it's the best to pick up- I press the phone against my ear.
"Nadine", I just casually say and then listen. At first, I can't hear anything and for a moment I panic that it might be my dad. He is the only person who does this. When I am about to hang up, I hear a voice. "Hi.. It's Brad here.." Brad? "Oh.. Hi..", I mutter. "Long time no see", I add and smile. We haven't seen each other after college. In case you already forgot, he is Laura's boyfriend. Still.
"Umm.. This is kinda weird", he starts. The tone of his voice sounds a slight bit worried, maybe even embarrassed. "Yeah?" I ask and wait. "Did you see Laura this week?" He asks. Oh, so this wasn't just a casual 'how are you doing'- call. "Yeah, sure.. We met in the train to Vegas on.. on Monday.." It becomes silent for moment. "So.. You haven't seen her after that?" I think. Should I tell him? Laura might get in trouble. "We actually went out on Monday.." He huffs. Right, Brad doesn't like the fact that Laura goes out without him. He is afraid that something might happen to her. "Did she.. Is she there with you?" He sounds even more worried. "No.. I.. Is something wrong?" I ask. "I.. I don't know." Brad's voice sounds very worried. Not only that, he sounds exhausted. "You don't know?" He sighs loudly. "She hasn't called me in three days.. She doesn't pick up the phone, either.."
FUCK. That's not what I expected. What if something has happened to her? What if she didn't find her way back to her hotel after our night out? Shit. She had quite a lot of alcohol, and I know how she gets when she drinks. Even worse. What if.. What if those same guys went after her? And not only that.. What if they managed to catch her? I am such a bad friend! Fuck. I just somehow assumed.. Well.. Laura is a grown woman, and she knows how to take care of herself. Back in the old days, she did disappear during some of our night outs, and then just showed up at school next Monday. Nothing serious. I didn't even think about the fact that maybe something bad actually happened. Shit. "Look..", I start but Brad sighs loudly again and I decide not to say anything.
She never answered my message, and.. "I am sure she's just fine." My voice comes out as a worried whisper. It probably doesn't calm Brad down at all. "Are you?" He just asks. I let out a sigh. No. That is the problem. I am not sure. I don't know.
"I'll let you know when I find her, okay?" I say and he agrees. He then mumbles his goodbyes and hangs up.
I sit down on the couch, confused. My mind reminds me of a dream I saw when I was drunk. Images of Laura screaming and running flash trough my mind. What if that's what actually happened? What if something bad really happened and now she is hurt? Or.. or dead.. No. That just can't happen. Laura is strong. She doesn't let anybody hurt her. She is the strongest person I have ever met during my whole life. She is just fine. Maybe she met another friend and she has been busy shopping and partying more. . But I can't believe this, because I can't be sure. I have to KNOW for sure that she is just fine. And there is only one way to do it. I have to find her. I just have to ensure that she is fine.