Abused

It’s 10:11 in the morning right now. I feel like hell. And I mean it. We just got out of the weird, crowded Italian hospital when they finally decided that nothing is actually wrong with me. 

I don’t want to think about last night. When I think really hard, I can remember bits and pieces of something nightmare- like, but that’s all. It’s covered in thick black mass, and I can’t remember much. But, what I can remember doesn’t bring me great comfort. I’ve never seen Zak so upset. He was so worried he was almost angry. He kept apologising. He blames himself for leaving me alone, even though I’ve told him so many times it’s not his fault at all. I remember the water, the freezing black water and Zak who fearlessly saved me in a blink of an eye.

We are almost back to our hotel room. Zak didn’t stop over- reacting and being very worried until they assured him I’m going to be just fine. He was sure I’d caught a pneumonia, or fever at least and that I’d like.. die without a hospital and twenty doctors watching over me. Whatever, it’s kinda cute.

”Nad, we’re almost there”, he whispers, still slightly concerned. I am leaning on him, but mostly just because I’m so tired. I know he’s too, but he’s just trying so hard to be brave for me, and doesn’t show any signs of being tired as hell. While I was in the hospital, Aaron and Billy went back to the hotel to get us some clean and dry clothes. So right now I’m basically wearing what Aaron’s chosen me, and if I wasn’t this tired I would definitely laugh at his choice. Right now I don’t want to. ”Yeah, okay”, I reply silently as he looks for the keycard in his bag.

I place my head on his shoulder and sigh. ”Just a minute.” I chuckle. He thinks I am going to faint or something. ”I’m fine, Zak. Stop worrying”, I whisper and smile gently. He doesn’t pay my smile any attention, manages to get the door open and we enter the room. He then pushes the door closed behind us. ”Let’s go there”, he whispers quietly and without any kind of warning picks me up and carries me to the bed quickly. He then places me on the bed.

”You should sleep”, he says and sits on the edge of the bed to untie and take off my shoes. ”Yeah”, I reply, fighting against the sleep. I don’t want to close my eyes even though my lids feel really heavy. I am, in a way, afraid that I’ll fall back into the nightmarish place in Poveglia. That the memories of my childhood will return to haunt me. I shudder and yawn. ”You should too. You haven’t slept at all.” He nods as he places the last shoe onto the floor.

I pat the empty place next to me. ”Come here”, I whisper, wanting him to join me and wrap his arms around me. I want to feel the comforting heat of his body and the sound of his heartbeat.

He takes off his hoodie and tosses it somewhere. Then he climbs back to the bed and lays down right next to me. He doesn’t wrap his arms around me like he usually does, and it makes me feel weird, awkward even. What is this? Is he simply too tired to do so, or doesn’t he want to be any closer to me than he absolutely has to?

”You are so far away”, I whisper. I don’t mean to sound like I’m afraid or anything, but my voice comes out as a silent whine. He looks at me and almost looks concerned again. He huffs and rolls onto his back. ”Come ‘ere”, he mutters tiredly and I move next to him. I relax immediately when I am able to feel him so close to myself. I can feel his scent in my nose, see his form laying next to me in the bed. I can feel his arm around my shoulders. I can hear his calm heartbeat and steady breathing. I sigh silently and place my head on his chest.

It’s so silent. For a moment I assume he’s fallen asleep. He has his eyes squeezed tightly shut. But something tells me he isn’t asleep yet. Something is missing. The beautiful, calm expression on his face. He looks just tired. No, more like exhausted, even annoyed. I go trough everything inside my head. Maybe he’s pissed at me. I mean, it’s his biggest dream to investigate Poveglia. And what did I do? I ruined this wonderful opportunity to do so. God. He must hate me right now. Should I turn my back to him and give him some space or something?

”Nad?” I feel someone shake my shoulder. ”Zak?” He sits up and grabs my shoulder gently. ”Are you alright?” I look at him oddly and nod, my brows furrowing involuntarily. ”Yeah. Why’d you ask?” It’s his turn to look confused. ”Sweetie”, he whispers gently and slides his hands down my arms. ”Calm down, sweetie.” I almost feel like pulling myself away from his touch because he’s acting so weirdly. ”What are you talking about, Zak?” I ask silently, concerned about him.

”Sweetie, Nad. You’re crying”, he then says, gently rubbing my cheekbone with his thumb. My eyes widen and I give him a very confused look. ”What?” I ask. I realise he’s telling me the truth as I feel hot tears on my cheeks. ”Zak”, I whisper his name, meeting his blue, concerned eyes. ”What’s happening?” He sighs and wipes away my tears. ”You’re stressed, sweetie. Your mind wants to let it out.” I sigh, hoping that he’s right, because I can’t remember bursting out crying. ”Nad”, he whispers, pulling me close to his chest and wrapping his arms around my body. ”Calm down, sweetie. You’re safe with me. Let it all out. I’m right here for you”, he whispers in my ear. His hot breath tickles the side of my face and I try to smile. ”Thanks”, I mutter under my tears.
Why am I crying? There is no reason to cry at all. I mean, yeah, last night was pretty traumatic and all, but why am I crying? Is it even possible to start crying without noticing it? For some reason it feels good to sit here, my arms wrapped around him, and let him comfort me. Maybe it’s selfish, but I am too tired and broken to move away from him and tell him that I’m just fine.

”Wanna talk about it?” he asks, pulling away from me. I prevent a whine from escaping my lips when I feel the heat of his body get more distant. I shake my head a no. ”No.. Not really. I mean.. I don’t remember what happened”, I lie. I don’t need to think about it ever again. ”Sweetie”, he whispers and kisses my cheek gently. ”It might do you good to let it out. I’ve been trough some deep shit, but you’ve listened to me. I want to help you. I want to carry some of that shit you’re carrying. It’s heavy and it can crush you. So please. Nad, let me love you.” I look at him in the eyes and nod, trying to stop crying. His words distantly remind me of something I saw last night, but I try to block it out. I don’t need to know.

”I.. I don’t remember the most of it like I said.. It feels like a dream”, I sigh and in the corner of my eyes see him nod. ”It’s kinda hard to talk about it because I haven’t really understood myself what the hell happened there.” I feel his hand on my neck, encouraging me to continue my story. ”I remember calling you, but suddenly I couldn’t hear you anymore. I was afraid that something had happened to you.” He moves his hand and cups my cheek gently, so lovingly that the faint memories of last night feel less dark.

”I got that call, Nad. I was scared. I heard you scream, I heard your panic and that you needed me. I just couldn’t find you, because you weren’t exactly where I’d expected to find you”, he whispers, bringing his head closer to mine. ”I was afraid I’d lost you, Nad”, he continues and I can sense a shiver that goes trough his body. ”But you found me, Zak”, I reply.

”I went looking for you guys, looking for a way out of where I was. Then.. The next thing I remember is.. I.. I remember a voice.” Zak furrows his brows. ”What kind of voice, Nad?” he asks, not really forcing me to answer. He plays with my hair, comforting me. ”It told me to trust it and to.. to close my eyes and to.. to go to sleep”, I recall. From there on everything is a blurry mess. ”I remember having a weird dream. I don’t know what really happened, but after a time that felt like days, the next time I opened my eyes, I was standing in deep and cold water. But that lasted for only a second or two.” I shudder, trying to prevent the nausea, building inside my stomach.

”I’ve never felt so helpless, Nad”, he whispers. ”When I found you, and saved you.. I.. If I had taken another path, I would have come too late. Too late to save you from that sea. You’d be dead now. Nad, it was a matter of seconds.” The expression on his face is utter pain and confusion, and something I am able to recognise. Guilt. He feels guilty. ”Zak”, I whisper and cup his face with my hands. ”It’s not your fault.” I then look at him. His eyes flicker closed for a moment and he swallows hard. ”I can’t even imagine life without you. That you wouldn’t be here, for and with me any longer. That I suddenly wouldn’t be able to see a smile on your beautiful face.. or to hear your voice. Nad, promise me.. That you’ll never leave me”, he whispers. That’s when I really realise that he loves me. He loves me and no one can take him away from me. Life has been a piece of shit, and tried to break us apart so many times, but every time we’ve survived because we have each other.

”I’ll never leave you. Now stop worrying”, I chuckle and poke his shoulder gently. ”Good, sweetie. Because I love you.” He isn’t this emotional. Must be because he’s so damn tired right now. ”Luv ya too, Zakkie”, I whisper in his ear and lean in to kiss his perfect, round lips. He laughs against my lips and suddenly his hands are in my hair, on my neck and back. He hates the nickname Aaron once made it up to annoy him. ”Don’t call me that!” he says, laughing. ”Can’t help it, Zakkie-boo”, I reply playfully. He groans and pushes me on my back. ”If you keep doing that, I’m not going to let you sleep”, he answers and soon I can feel his body against mine, so close to me.. I hope I’m not drooling, because I can see him so close.. His eyes, his face.. His body. He’s mine. Mine. Ah, it’s great being me.

”Zakkie A. Bagans, I don’t honestly care, because I’m not tired anymore”, I reply and chuckle at the groan, coming from his chest. ”I see. Stop it”, he commands. I laugh. ”You obviously want me to say those words.” He raises his eyebrows. ”Those words?” I draw quotes in the air with my fingers. ”Make me”, I then whisper and giggle at the expression on his face. ”Oh, I’ll make you, you damn tease!”

He leans in closer and kisses me passionately. I keep laughing, until his lips move to my neck and he bites. My laughter is cut short and I can hear myself moan silently. Damn it. I should have kept laughing. That would’ve annoyed him more. He chuckles. ”Are you still going to call me that?” he asks, amused. I shrug, not really wanting him to stop his ‘torture’. ”Oh, I don’t know, Zakkie, perhaps.”

Zak pulls away only to attack me again. He seems to be everywhere. Touching my hair, kissing my lips and neck, touching my arms and stomach.. ”Fine. Then you’re not going to sleep.” He mimics a devilish laughter and opens his mouth to lick his teeth. ”Aaron was right”, I mutter at him. For a moment he freezes and raises an eyebrow. ”No, whatever he has said, Aaron is never right”, he retorts and then laughs. I hit him in the shoulder. ”You’re a fucking vampire, Zakkie”, I reply. He narrows his eyes at me, and I can feel his teeth against the skin of my neck. ”I like that name better than the nickname”, he whispers darkly. The events of Poveglia get soon forgotten as he keeps kissing me. All I can think of is how much I’d like to.. you know.. with him. Poveglia? Never heard of such place.

”Zak?” I whisper. He licks a trail from my collar bone to my wrist and kisses my palm. ”Yeah?” he whispers against my fingers. ”Aren’t you tired?” I ask, hoping that he’d say no. He just laughs. ”Sweetie, we can sleep if you are”, he ends up answering. I just reply with a huff. ”I’m not. I asked if you’re!”

I run my hand trough his hair and he curses as my fingers get stuck in the gel. ”Yuck. I hate this stuff you put in your hair”, I mumble, entangling his hair the best I can. He offers me a devilish grin. ”Nobody”, he says, eyeing me, ”nobody kills the Zak-fin without being punished.” I laugh at his threat and wrap a leg around him. ”Then punish me, Zakky”, I whisper darkly and lick my lips. I see his eyes follow the trail my tongue makes and I see something inside him snap.

That pulls an unexpected reaction from him as his pupils get blown wide and a whine escapes his lips. Ah, I’ve figured out yet another great turn-on of Zak Bagans. I laugh, amused by his reaction. ”If this is the result of messing up your hair, I’m going to do it every day”, I whisper. He just rolls his eyes and snickers. I reach to grab the hem of his black T-shirt. He gets the hint and flings his shit on the floor. I run my hands on his stomach, feeling the smooth lines of his abs. Honestly. How did I get a guy like Zak? He’s like a fucking male model or something. ”What?” he asks, amused. I grin at him. ”You look too much like a sex god to be a vampire”, I reply, accidentally telling him everything I’m thinking about. He laughs, surprised by my answer, and before I even realise it, he’s ridded me of my shirt.

I wrap my hands around his neck and let him touch me. Nothing can stop us now. I chuckle. I’ve wanted to do this for so long. I’ve needed him. But always something has interrupted us. At least twice it’s been a damn Aaron, ringing the doorbell when I’ve been just about to get his shirt off.

I move my hand to his belt buckle, and meet his eyes. He grins smugly as I don’t really succeed with opening the belt. ”Damn it, Zak! What virginity lock is this? Why can’t I get your fucking belt open?” He bursts out laughing. ”A what?” I just hit him playfully. ”Oh, you know.. Do I need a key to open it?” He chuckles. ”Perhaps indeed.” He helps me open the belt and I hear heavy clothing hit the wooden floor.

My eyes roll back as we become one. I wrap my body around his, keeping him there, as if ensuring that he can’t go anywhere. I almost hope that Aaron and Nick aren’t the ones sleeping next door, because we are probably making some noise right now, and if Aaron hears it, he’s gonna remind us for the rest of our days. I grin. His lips are on my neck and I chuckle. I wonder how great’s my neck gonna look like tomorrow? ”I’m going to need to wear a scarf around my neck tomorrow”, I mutter in between moans, and feel him chuckle against myself.
I try to fight against the warm feeling, building inside my stomach, trying to force this moment to last for a tiny while longer. Soon we both fall into the world of pleasure. Our breathing is loud and audible as we just lay there, holding each other. ”I said today everything would be better”, I whisper against his shoulder, grinning at the bite marks I obviously did there without really even noticing. ”Yeah, Nad. You were right. Today everything is great”, he replies, moving next to me and wrapping his arms around my naked body. He kisses my cheek gently and chuckles. ”Maybe we should rest for an hour or two”, he whispers, smug and satisfied. I laugh and nod. ”Good night, Za-” He kisses me roughly. ”Don’t say it yet. I really need to sleep a bit first”, he whispers, still laughing.

**

I groan at Zak frustratedly. ”You can’t”, I whisper. He just huffs in annoyance. We’ve gone trough this same conversation about twenty times already this morning. ”Sweetie”, he whispers and touches my cheek gently. His touch sends small shocks trough my body and I almost give in to his attempts to persuade me. But then I realise I can’t.

”Don’t you sweetie me, Zak. I’m coming with you”, I retort. He swallows and looks a slight bit hurt by my tone, but gets over the shock quickly. ”Nad. C’mon! I just don’t want to hurt you anymore. What happened there is bad enough”, he says, trying to convince me that I’m wrong. I don’t give in, because, like he so often tells me, I am very stubborn.

”I know. I’m not gonna get hurt, Zak. It hurts me more that I don’t know.” He eyes me in silence, as if wondering am I telling him the truth. The blue shade of his eyes looks questioning, careful. ”But.. What if there’s something.. I don’t want you to.. to be upset again”, he breathes out and bites his lower lip, deep in thought.

”Well. Since you’ve hired me and all, I don’t think you can tell me not to come with you”, I answer back and stick my tongue out at him like a 5-year-old. He chuckles and sticks his tongue out at me. ”To yourself”, he replies and narrows his eyes at me. ”If we’re talking about who’s hired and who.. Technically I’m your boss”, he states and laughs at my face. ”Fuck you, Bagans”, I mutter and frown at him.

He takes a step closer to me and before I realise, his hands are on my neck. His lips touch mine and he kisses away the frown. I chuckle, placing my hands on his chest. ”Kiss me all you like. I’m still coming with you.” He groans against my mouth, but doesn’t look annoyed anymore. I search his face but all I’m able to find is pure amusement.

I’d understand if this was about me joining them for the next Poveglia night. That’s never going to happen. I’m never going back there. At least I’m not going to get out of the nerve centre. I’m going to stay there with Billy and Jay and be nice and safe. I chuckle at the thought. Every time I place a foot outside the nerve centre, something bad happens and they end up saving me and then postponing the lockdown. This time I have promised myself not to ruin the rest of this lockdown. However, Zak told me this morning that they have decided to complete the lockdown on Friday. It’s Wednesday morning right now. Or not really morning because we went to bed after noon. But we just woke up. We slept only three and a half hours, but surprisingly, I’m not even tired.

I’m begging Zak to take me with him to Aaron’s hotel room where they are going to review the evidence captured last night. But Zak doesn’t want to take me with him because he thinks they might have found something so horrible that I’m going to freak out and lose my mind once and for all. He’s being over- protective, and sometimes it tends to be a little bit annoying. I can manage. I’ve been there and experienced shit, so I am quite positive nothing can shock me anymore.

”Alright”, he mutter. ”C’me with me then, Nad.” I look at him, my eyes shining smugly. ”I always knew you’d relent.” He shoots a glare at me. ”But if there’s something I think isn’t for your eyes, you aren’t going to see it.” I punch him in the shoulder. ”You’re being a dick, you overprotective jerk”, I whisper against his cheek. He shivers and then chuckles. ”But I love you for that”, I continue before he gets a chance to get hurt by my words.

He just grabs my hand and leads me to the door. ”Let’s go then. Jay and Billy should be back already”, he whispers silently. He opens the door, turning back only to see that everything’s fine in our room. And, he obviously takes a look at my clothes, because he soon states: ”I’m not leaving until you’ve put a hoodie on.” I groan at him. ”Honestly, Zak! I’m fine. I did not get sick”, I mumble but turn around to look for a hoodie. On my way I sneeze and hear him chuckle. ”I’m not sick, she says.. I’m fine, she says..” He has this sarcastic tone that’s driving me insane. ”I don’t see my hoodie anywhere.” I curse and grab his black hoodie. ”I’m taking yours, thank you.” He laughs as I put it on and follow him into the hallway, zipping the hoodie. It’s too large for me, but it smells like him. I love his clothes. I don’t mean that I admire his style or anything. Yeah, he looks hot in his clothes. But, I mean that his clothes are really comfortable and he doesn’t seem to mind that I’ve taken his hoodie or shirt every once in a while.

Zak knocks on Aaron’s door. I hear loud footsteps somewhere. ”Wait. What do you mean Billy and Jay are back?” I ask him. He just huffs. ”They went back to..”, he starts and nods at me. I raise an eyebrow. ”They went back to Poveglia?” He just nods. ”Yeah.” I swallow hard when I hear that name. ”Why’d they do that?” Zak smiles at me gently. ”Aaron left some cams rolling there.” Ah. So they have some 12 hours of recording to watch. I only wonder how’d they do that. Jay and Billy probably haven’t slept at all during the past 24 hours.

Aaron opens the door, yawns and grins at us. ”You’re awake already”, he then states. ”Yeah”, Zak mumbles. ”Step aside, we’re coming in.” Aaron just chuckles. ”Whoa. You’re eager”, he mutters and punches Zak in the shoulder. ”Did you two have a great night?” he raises his eyebrows suggestively. Zak groans at him and punches Aaron back. ”Very pleasant.” I feel my face flush. ”Nad’s blushing!” Aaron nearly screams and points at me. Zak turns to take a look at me and then tells Aaron to shut up. Yeah, he’s like that when he wakes up. I walk behind him and grab his hand and tell myself to stop being embarrassed. ”You’re wearing his hoodie”, Aaron states. ”Yeah, because he wouldn’t let me out of the hotel room without a hoodie.” Aaron laughs. ”Wait till Nick gets here. He’s worse than my mother”, he jokingly says.

I hear someone knock and Aaron rushes to open the door. There’s indeed Nick, who looks tired. He’s dressed in sweatpants and a grey T-shirt. ”And there he comes, wearing a T-shirt”, I mumble at Zak who laughs at my statement. ”Yeah, so he does.”

Nick rushes in and Aaron closes the door. ”Billy and Jay are sleeping. The cameras are here already”, I hear him mumble at Nick. ”Did they find..?” Nick asks quietly. ”Nope. But the other one, yeah. It was somewhere.. ” I don’t hear the rest because suddenly Zak picks me up and places me on his lap. I scream and burst out giggling. He wraps his arms around my body and places his head on my shoulder. I sigh. ”This is nice”, I mumble when I feel his lips against the skin of my neck. His breathing makes me shiver.

”Yuck!” Aaron screams and covers his eyes as he sees us. ”Nick! They’re doing adult stuff in public!” Nick just laughs and takes a look at us. ”Seriously man. Stop it”, Aaron mumbles, picking up a camera. ”We have some really good stuff from last night to watch”, he says and carelessly throws the camera onto one of the beds. Wait. Why does he have two beds?

I feel Zak laugh behind me. ”That sounded so wrong, bro!” I punch him playfully as Aaron bursts out laughing. I try to suppress my giggles. ”Shut up!” Nick picks up another camera and places it next to the other. They have a laptop on the other bed. I wiggle on Zak’s lap while Aaron tries to plug the camera. Zak wraps his hands around me tighter and almost squeezes me. ”Stop wiggling”, he whispers, right next to my ear. ”Or what? You’re gonna bite me?” I chuckle darkly. He groans softly. ”Perhaps, Nad, when we get back to our own room.”

”Okay guys. I have Nick’s camera here, and mine. We can start with these two. I’ve got also eights digital recorders and two other cams.” Zak lets me out of his grip and follows behind me to the bed. We sit down on the other bed and Nick sits on the other, holding the laptop. ”I wish we had a TV screen”, Zak mutters somewhere behind me. ”Go get your camera, Zak”, Nick says. For maybe a minute Zak is gone and I feel a bit lost without him.

I am sitting next to Aaron, leaning on his shoulder. ”Now that Zak’s gone”, he starts. ”We found your digital recorder”, he tells me excitedly. ”Zak doesn’t want you to know.” I groan. Jerk. ”Great. Can we listen to it?” Aaron shakes his head a no. ”He’ll be back any moment now. You have to ask him.” I chuckle. ”He’s what? My mother?” Suddenly I feel an arm grab me from my waist. ”Your boss!” Zak shouts, laughing. He pulls me from the bed and places his camera down to where I just sat. Then he picks me up and pulls me in for a passionate kiss. ”C’mon guys! Not here. Ewwww. Gross!” Aaron keeps whining. Zak just rolls his eyes at him. ”I’m not sure if I wanna see what’s in Zak’s camera.” Zak just snickers at that.

We watch Nick’s best evidence. He’s captured some great shadows, two of them were very mist- like. Nothing unusual, though. He also captured a rock being thrown at him. And, a weird white ball that disappeared into his own foot! Zak spotted a really weird voice on the background while Nick was holding an EMF-detector. ”What does it say?” Nick asks, listening carefully. I don’t hear much, just the familiar sound of an EVP. It’s weird that they captured it with the camera’s audio instead of the digital recorder. It might be there, too.

”I think it goes ‘You ____ ____’”, Nick whispers. He hits replay and Aaron nods. ”Yeah yeah! The next word is like ‘should’, maybe?” Zak nods next to me. ”It goes ‘you should ___’”, he says, his brows furrowed as he thinks. ”Either ’go’ or ‘know’”, I mutter aloud. ”Good, Nad!” Zak says and kisses my cheek gently. ”It does sound like ‘You should go’ to me”, Aaron agrees. We end up writing down that it’s a class C EVP that says ”You should go”.

We don’t watch all of what Nick’s captured. We move on to Aaron. He has some great shadows, but instead of EVPs, he’s captured some pictures of weird lights. He also captured some weird footsteps, running all over the place. It was really creepy. I think they basically could make an episode of these things they’ve captured last night. Aaron has some evidence of poltergeist activity, too, because he managed to capture his ghost box being thrown from a table. It broke down and right after it there’s a dark laughter. ”Bro, I think they didn’t like my ghost box”, Aaron whines and Nick laughs at that.

”We’ve got two X-cams and then these digital recorders.” I look at Zak. ”You should listen to mine. Not all of it. But I can show you what I’ve captured, if I may”, I say calmly. Zak looks at me in the eyes, obviously looking for something that isn’t there. ”It’s fine, Zak. Let them”, I reply to his voiceless question. He then nods and places an arm around my shoulders.

I pick up my digital recorder and feel it in my hand for a moment. Then I press it against my ear and look for the EVPs I already know I’ve captured. I show them the creepy whispers and also the weird sounds and footsteps I captured. For some reason I don’t feel anything. I’m not scared. The memories of Poveglia don’t really bother me anymore.

Until Zak furrows his brows. ”This is a class A EVP”, he mutters and I see his finger hit the replay button. ”Yeah. It’s clear as a day.” They play the EVP once trough the laptop so that we can all hear it. My heart jumps when I hear a familiar voice. At first it sounds like ”Just _________ and __________ go __________”, but when Nick says those words aloud, I can’t lie to myself that it’s saying something else. ”It goes ‘Just close your eyes.. and go to sleep’!” Nick shouts. He looks excited, almost scared. ”It’s so clear”, I hear Zak whisper. I don’t even manage to nod. Memories of last night try to rush into my mind, but I block them away. Okay. Maybe I really heard this voice, but it doesn’t meant that the rest of my dream was real. I feel the nausea, building inside my stomach. I place a hand on my stomach and swallow hard.
When Aaron plays it once again, I stand up and run into the bathroom. I make it just on time, lift the lid of the toilet and throw up everything I’ve eaten after Poveglia. Before I realise, Zak’s there, again holding my hair for me. His hand feels cool, comforting on my heated neck.

”Let it out, sweetie”, he whispers, kneeling next to me. I barf, trying to fight against the tears that are burning in my eyes, but I have to throw up again. ”Fuck”, I whisper at the sharp pain in my stomach. What have I eaten? Glass? I don’t know. ”Zak. Go away.” He just huffs and shakes his head a no. ”You don’t have to see this shit.” He just places his head on my shoulder for a second and kinda hugs me. ”I want to.”

I try to catch my breath, but too soon, I throw up again. My (invisible) abs are aching and my back feels sore. I’ve been sitting in the bathroom for some time with Zak and occasionally throwing up, even though there’s nothing in my stomach anymore.

When my upset body finally calms down, Zak helps me stand up. ”Wanna go to our room or stay here?” he asks gently, concerned. I swallow hard. ”I’d like to stay.” He nods and helps me back to Nick and Aaron. They’re both sitting in silence on the bed, staring at me concernedly. ”Stop looking so awkward, bros”, I whisper, trying to lighten the mood, but my voice is so weak that it’s barely funny. ”Want some water, Nad?” Nick asks, rising immediately. ”Aaron, do you have water?” Aaron just nods and gets up, too, to get me a glass of water.

Zak helps me lay down on the free bed. ”Guys, seriously. I’m just fine”, I mutter, embarrassed to cause so much trouble. ”She should get something that has salt in it”, I hear Nick mutter. ”She faints so easily. I don’t want her to faint”, his concerned voice continues.

After a minute they return with a blanket, a cup of water and an extra pillow. I roll my eyes. ”Guys. It’s fine. Don’t bother, please.” But it’s not use. They give me the pillow, Zak wraps the blanket around me and Nick hands me a cup of what I assume to be water. I pick up the cup and take a sip. However, I almost spit it out. ”What is this? It tastes like shit”, I mumble. Aaron just laughs. ”It’s water that has salt in it.” I roll my eyes. ”Really funny!” I glare at them all. ”No, really, Nad. You need salt. It’s a ORT- product to keep your body balanced. You need salt and sugar, too”, Nick explains. I sigh. ”I’m not drinking that shit.” Zak sits next to me. ”Drink it and we can continue.” I shoot a glare at him, but obey and drink the shit with a disgusted face. Oh gosh. What else are we going to find?