Abused

It's Friday. A long week of editing, cutting and recording is over. I roll my eyes when I think of how many times we had to record Zak's explanations for the show. He could just find too many ways to mess it up. And so did Aaron! He either made Zak laugh, or laughed himself.

I learned how to analyse audio, in hopes of finding some EVPs. We found pretty many, and Nick says they are 'class A EVPs'. We also found some orbs, and a couple of weird light anomalies. They seemed to be shooting towards the recorders or cameras at the moment when the device captured an EVP.

I got to analyse what happened upstairs in the girl's bedroom. I first didn't want anyone else to see it but Zak, because I thought it was really embarrassing to freak out like that when they are professionals. Only when Aaron swore that he will NOT laugh, I told Zak that it would be okay for them to see it. Even though Aaron didn't stop grinning at me.

We noticed something pretty scary. At the exact moment when I could feel the burning sensation again, we could clearly make out a dark mass, moving up my arm, towards my chest. When Zak sat down on the bed, the mass disappeared. It seemed to move trough the bed somewhere under the floor. I wonder if it was the same shadow guy who visited me in the night and caused me to run at Zak. In a way, I am happy that the shadow man scared me. But I am always very sorry to bother Zak. Especially when I knew how tired he was after such an exhausting and long lockdown. I also knew that he needed to rest well before the flight back to Vegas.

The flight went a lot better than I expected. We bought some chocolate and I could manage just fine, eating chocolate and reading a book. I just had to avoid staring outside the window again. This time I didn't have to sit in between Zak and Nick. I sat with Aaron. He is really fun to be with, so it made me feel a bit less uncomfortable, even though we were high up in the air.

Right now, it is Friday evening. And, it means only one thing. GHOST ADVENTURES ON TV. I chuckle at the idea of seeing myself on TV for the very first time. I wasn't born to be a TV star, nor an actress. I really suck at being in front of the camera. But because I had the opportunity to help with cutting the episode, I could decide not to use the worst minutes of my investigation. Anyhow, I still had to put on the whole thing of me being scratched, because it is very important evidence and also it is something people want to see when they watch Ghost Adventures.

I turn on the TV, and I am greeted by a Walmart's commercial. I scroll trough the different channels until I find the one I am looking for. I stand up and get a blanket. I also made myself some hot tea and bought some vanilla ice cream. Maybe they will make it easier for me to stare at my own face on TV.

After a time that seems like forever, I hear Zak's voice. And also bits and pieces of my own voice. I fucking hate the part right around 20 seconds where they play me screaming "Zak, I can't breathe!" I just shake my head. There must've been others who have freaked out during ghost hunting. I can't be the only one.

I soon get used to it.. seeing myself on TV. It's not half as bad as I expected.

But the weirdest thing is to see the guys on TV. People who watch the show will only see so little. Not only have I seen the whole episode many times when we edited it, but I have also been there. I have been there for the whole time, recording and making sure that everything works. You get to see everything right when it happens. And of course, it is a whole different feeling to actually be inside the building than to stare at them doing it on TV.

It's weird. On TV it looks so easy. Even the part when I was scratched. When I was there myself, I freaked out really bad. And now, on TV, it looks like I was only a little bit shaken, that's all. Many people say that they could do this. Some of them say that they could do this a million times better than the GAC, even though they have never been inside a haunted building, at least not locked inside one. But the truth is.. Most of those people can't. When I was younger, I thought that ghost hunting is something you'll do for fun, to get the chills. But now when I got to experience it, it was scary as hell. Believe me. Don't go ghost hunting. At least, not alone...

I hear a loud knock on my door. Damn it! People should know that I am watching Ghost Adventures, eating my favourite ice cream and drinking hot tea! You can't disturb me when I am doing that. I hear the doorbell right right after that someone keeps knocking. I lazily stand up and get to the door to open it.

My eyes almost fall off, when I recognise the person I now see before my eyes.

I stare in confusion at the person standing outside the door. Why is he here, at this time of the day on Friday? "Why are you.. why are you here?" I ask and look at my feet to hide my feelings.

"I came to check that you are alright", I hear my dad's voice answer. I feel my body shake in fear, because I know that this means he is not being normal. He is not being himself. He would never come all the way here just to check that I am alright. He has never been interested in my well-being. "O-okay.." I answer with shaken voice. I think about a way to slam the door shut right in front of his face, but I know it would get him upset.

"May I come inside?" He asks and places his hand on the door. He doesn't wait for me to answer, because it surely wasn't meant to be a question. Or at least he doesn't care what I answer. He opens the door wide and steps inside. I back off from the door and stop in the hallway. I can see he doesn't bother to take off his shoes, and he just stands there and stares at me. I try to peek at his eyes, and I am glad to notice that there is not that mad, scary gaze right now. His eyes are still, perfect brown.

"So.. Shouldn't you be out on Friday night? A young girl like you.." His voice sounds questioning, but he really just wants to know if I am seeing anybody, so he could call me with his horrible names. I am sure. He's done that before. I haven't actually been on a date since high school, because of him. Thanks for still trying to ruin my love life, dad-

"Out? What would I do there?" I ask and probably sound like an idiot. He just casually shrugs and then smiles, when he realises that I don't have anyone in my life right now. "Oh, nothing, just asking.." He then says after a short silence. I shift uncomfortably, and try to hide my fear. It's always so difficult, being around him. I never know what to say or what to do.

"What are you up to? Work stuff?" He then asks and looks at my eyes. And then I realise. That gaze can only mean one thing. He KNOWS.

"No, I.. I was just.. chilling.. just watching TV.." I mumble and try not to look shocked. "Oh, right.. I forgot.. I heard that they finally kicked you out, probably because you can't behave yourself." I stare in confusion. What? Hasn't he heard that they closed down the whole company? "No, dad.. It wasn't my fa-" But he cuts me off. "I don't care what you did, but don't you dare to say that it wasn't your fault, when you very well know that it was. There is no other explanation. You were good enough, I made sure of it. You have been in the best schools. The only thing is that wild tongue of yours. You should learn how to behave like a good daughter." He is about to start again. I take a step away from him. He is now IN my apartment, there's no way to get him out of here. So I'll just have to listen, unless..

I feel my pockets and notice that I've left my phone in the living room. Fuck! Why did I have to leave it there? "But a good daughter you've never been. You were born to be an evil, a satan's child, and you still are", he explains and when I look at him, he has a devilish grin on his face. Like, he's enjoying this, or something. He probably feeds of my misery. That's what he's done for my whole life.

I just stay quiet, because I know that now is the time when I'll have to control my tongue and just shut up. "But, of course you couldn't be without a job.. I was sure you were going to just stay home and die alone, I really was.." What? He can't.. He can't know.. "Instead, you have finally shown the world that you belong to the satan. You little devil! You decided to go ghost hunting? Is that funny? Is that how you want to spend your life? You little bitch!" He shouts and steps closer. "No! Don't call me that!" I scream in confusion and then slap a hand over my mouth, too late. "What did you say, missy?" He asks and raises both of his eyebrows. "I.. Nothing.. Please.. I.." I hear myself beg. "That's what I thought too."

He steps another step closer and shuts the door behind him. "Everyone knows that you are not good enough to be on TV, even though you went to school. Even though it is satan's show, that's where you belong. I know what you did! You fucked those guys to get a job, oh yes you did. I always knew you were such a slave!" He walks towards the room and I back up against the wall. "Please.. " I hear my own frightened voice.

"You seduced them with the power you get from satan! You filthy girl!" He basically screams. Then he grabs me by my shirt and slaps me hard in the face. I release a cry. "No.. Please, don't.. I haven't done anything.." He hits me again. "Don't you lie to me!" He screams. "I haven't done anything. I swear!" I cry out loud, but it doesn't stop him from hitting me more. "I swear, please stop! I swear in the name of God!" My father is very religious man, and I am not lying.. So I hope this will prove him I am telling the truth. "You.. DO NOT LIE IN HIS NAME!" He kicks me in the stomach and I fall on the floor. I can't breathe. I can't breathe.

He kneels in front of me and stares devilishly at me. Then he spits on my face. I hide my face in the carpet and sob. "I no longer have a daughter!" He shouts as he kicks me for the last time. I hear the door shut somewhere far far away.

I crawl all the way in the living room, and manage to grab my phone on the table. I choose a familiar number and burst out crying hysterically.

My hands are shaking when I grab the phone. I only hear beeps, telling me that no one is going to pick up the phone. Oh, come on.. Please, pick up the phone.. My heart beats hard against my chest. Please, just please.. I need to talk to someone.

My stomach hurts and I am sure I have bruises in my face. Everything hurts. I have a horrible headache. But what hurts the most is my mind. In the inside I feel even worse. I am broken. Even though I may not have a father like most of the people, even though he hurts and beats me, I still love him, somehow. I hate what he does to me, but I think it is still some kind of weird love I feel for him. Maybe it is because he is my father, or maybe it is because he was married to my mum. I don't know and I can't explain it. But I still feel that the emotion is weird, it shouldn't be there. It shouldn't hurt me. I shouldn't feel bad because he said that I am no longer his daughter. Isn't that exactly what I have always wanted? Freedom? A life that is mine? But still, it hurts.

I let the phone slip from my hand and fall on the floor. It says "Marie" on the screen. She is my best friend. Or, she is more like a guardian angel. She has been the one who has taken care of me each time my dad has thrown me on the street or beat me so hard that I haven't been able to show up at home, because of pain or fear. Maria has always been someone who has taken care of me. Unfortunately, when I moved to Vegas because of my job, I had to leave her behind in New York. And now we rarely see each other. Now that I think, we haven't spoken in weeks, maybe even months. But right now I just need her. I need to hear her voice, telling me that it will be okay. That my dad doesn't mean what he says, that what he is doing is wrong and that he will pay for it, somehow.

I feel so depressed. I am broken. I pick up the phone again, but when I notice a tiny red battery symbol in the corner of the screen, I throw it from my hand on the floor. Then I watch it slide under the couch. Fine, go there. As if I needed a phone. As if I needed a FRIEND. Then I hit my forehead on the floor and burst out crying.

It feels like I was crying my eyes off. Literally. There must be a lake of tears on the floor, and my eyes feel pretty dry. I feel tired after all this crying. No, I feel drained. And hurt. I'm sick of being hurt.

Suddenly, I hear footsteps outside. Did he.. Did he come back? I feel a shock of fear go trough my body. I can't take it anymore, I just can't. This time I'll die. I will just die away. I will brake into a thousand pieces and disappear. I hear how those footsteps move at the door, and I can hear the clock on the wall, and my own racing heart. I sit up and try to look a bit more like a human. He can't see how hurt I am, how broken I am..

I know the door is probably open, if my dearest dad didn't bother to close it. I stare at the doorway, expecting him to appear any moment. I hear a knock from the door. Why is he knocking? Another knock. Then, after a small silence I hear three more loud knocks, and then someone opens the door a tiny bit. "Anybody home? Nad?"

I hear Zak's voice. Zak. He is by the door. I have two options. I could try to be okay, that nothing happened. That no asshole just appeared and beat the shit out of me. Or I could hide. But he would probably find me.

"Nad, may I come inside?" He asks and opens the door a bit more. I shout a faint "Yeah.." and try to wipe away my tears. But I know I look awful. I must look like I had been crying for a week.

I hear Zak open the door wide. Then he shuts it behind him. I move to sit on the couch before he notices anything. I wrap the blanket around myself and I look down, trying to hide all the bruises. Maybe he won't notice. Maybe he'll leave it be.

Zak steps in the hallway. "Hey, Nad.. How you doin'? Why did'cha leave the door open?" he asks and I can see him in the living room. I just shrug, and fight against the tears. Stop it, Nadine. Fight it. Be a woman. This is your BOSS. You don't want him to think that you are a crying idiot, do you? No.
I stop the conversation going on inside my head and focus on staring at my knee. "You okay?" he asks and takes a couple steps closer to me. "Yeah.." I manage to say, but it sounds like a whisper. My voice sounds shaken and I can't even believe my own words.

"Come on.. I see something's obviously wrong.." he says and sits down on the couch, right next to me. "What is it?" he asks and wraps his hand comfortingly around my shoulder. "It's nothing.." I say. I can feel his worried stare on me, so I forget the bruises and look at him. I can see his eyes widen and he looks angry. I back off a tiny bit. "Who..?" he asks and just stares at the bruises around my eye. I shake my head and look down. "Why.. How.." He just mumbles millions of questions. "Zak.. It's nothing" I say, but he shakes his head. "So, you are sayin' that you just woke up with all the bruises.." He says and shakes his head again. "Really, Zak, it's nothing.." I manage to say, but then I burst out crying. Fuck.

He wraps both of his hands around me and brings me close to his chest. "Hey.. Nad.." He whispers in my ear. I probably sound pretty hysterical. My body is shaking madly, I am crying.. He keeps whispering comforting words in my ear. He tells me that I am save and no one can hurt me. That I can trust him and tell him who did this to me.

I just breathe in his scent. It's a mixture of his cologne and pure Zak. I squeeze my eyes shut and just stay in the moment.

After a couple of minutes I feel better. He unwraps his hands and I back off a bit on the couch. His stare, however, never leaves my face. I turn my own gaze back to the floor and try to prevent any tears from coming. I suddenly feel his hand under my chin. His touch sends tiny shocks trough my body. "You feeling better?" he asks. I just nod. "Yeah, thanks.." I manage to whisper. I look at him in the eyes. Perfect blue orbs stare at me. I can see that he is concerned, still.. And it bothers me. I made him concerned.

I smile gently and keep staring at his face. He has a strong jaw and very masculine nose.. His hair is dark and he has done it with lots of gel. His mouth looks beautiful, he has very full, pink lips. The line of his lips, it is just perfect. At last, I look at his eyes. They shine beautifully. "What?" he asks and smiles.

"Nothin'", I answer. We keep staring at each other, until I hear a familiar ringtone somewhere under the couch. It doesn't take long for Zak to get the phone from under the couch and give it to me. Literally, I couldn't even blink in that short amount of time. "Unknown caller". Fuck it. My phone is so old that it does this all the time. I am pretty sure it's Marie. I press the phone against my ear and listen, but I hear something really weird.