Fire

Kellins’ P.OV

I yawned, my back cracking when I stretched. “Didn’t get enough sleep last night?” A voice called from behind me. I turned around to see Sam looking at me with a small smile on his face. He was the only person close to actually being my friend. I was always a pretty shy and introverted person, but he always managed to draw conversation out of me and to be honest I kinda liked it. I’d known him since I got this job at the local coffee shop a few weeks after I moved out here to live with my brother almost a year ago. I smiled a little, preparing the-admittedly amazing smelling- coffee for passing costumers. “Nope.” He laughed, knowing I never got enough sleep. We carried on our shifts in (almost) complete silence with the occasional joke from Sam.

I had been listening to my cheery coworker go on about a book he had just finished when a boy -that didn’t look more than a year older than I was- walked into the shop. “Hey!” he said when he got to the counter where Sam was. Sam’s head shot up and he greeted the boy with a bright smile. “Hey Vic! How’ve you been man?” he asked his voice full of enthusiasm. “I’ve been alright. Just really tired.” It was true, Vic’s thin frame was hunched over and his brown eyes were as tired as the smile that played across his lips. Sam had no problem bringing me into the conversation. “Ha, my friend Kellin over here doesn’t get much sleep either.” He replied nodding towards me. Even though it was only two people, I couldn’t help but squirm under the attention. I gave them both a tight smile and a sigh, turning my attention back to the task at hand, which just so happened to be stacking cups. Vic gave me a kind smile in return before turning back to Sam so they could continue catching up. Hm, I guess he was one of Sam’s friends from Uni or something. He had a habit of hanging out with older kids (mostly for the parties) so it wouldn’t surprise me if he was. I shrugged to myself as went about work, trying my hardest to stay awake. Work was fairly busy today, so I didn’t really have time to focus on making myself something to drink. A few minutes later an older lady walked in with her husband. She had a black hat on top of her graying curls with a bright red rose tucked neatly in her hair. She looked quite a bit like my mother had, so much so my eyes widened in shock and the color drained from my already pale face. Memories started flooding back and it felt as if the hole in my chest I’ve been so desperately trying to close was ripped open. I gripped onto the counter in front of me, staring at the counter trying not to pass out or run away because right now neither were really good options if I didn’t want to attract any attention. I closed my eyes and took deep breaths. Now was NOT the time for this. Sam walked over to me, a concerned look in his eyes. “Kels are you okay?” All I could do was shake my head. I didn’t want to feel like this, so useless, so alone. The being alone part was mostly my fault because I had a tendency to push people away like the freak I am. “Breath okay? Everything is going to be fine. I promise.” If I weren’t preoccupied with trying to not freak out anymore than I already was, I would have laughed. No one can promise such a thing, especially when they don’t know exactly how far you’re gone.

Worthless. Everything’s your fault.

I ached to cover my ears, but I knew it wouldn’t do anything; the voices were in my head.

Weak. Pathetic. You can’t even cry.

Funny, even the voices in my head hated me. Vic had made his way over to where Sam was trying to calm me down, not sure exactly what was going on. I didn’t want Sam worrying about me, so I let go of the counter and moved away from him so he would move his hand from my shoulder. “I-I’m fine.” I stuttered out.

Lies.

“What happened?” Sam asked, genuinely curious. I shook my head before I answered. “Nothing, just some lady, she looked like my mom did. It doesn’t matter, I’ll be okay.” He nodded, not wanting to push me to say anything else I wasn’t willing to share. Vic, however, didn’t care much for that mentality. “Why, what happened to you mom?” Sam shot him a warning glance, but I waved him off. “My parents…they’re not really in the business of living right now.” The questioning look in his eyes was replaced with one of pity, and it made me feel sick to my stomach. “I-I’m okay, don’t feel sorry for me.” I said, the words coming out with a bit more of an edge than I had intended, but I didn’t apologize. Vic just nodded, the pity not leaving his eyes while he stared at me. Sam spoke up, trying to break the silence. “Vic and I were going to go get something to eat after my shift with my girlfriend, want to come?” His girlfriend was nice enough and it made me feel bad that I never seemed to get around to remembering her name. “No, I think I’m just going to go home.” All I got was and irritated sigh in response, but no argument was made for me to go. “Alright, call if you change your mind or something.” Yeah ok. I thought to myself. With that they both left alone. Just how I liked it, or at least how it was easiest.