I'd Give You My Heart and I'd Let You Just Hold It

I immediately scrambled up from my seated position on the floor from where I fell (well where he pushed me). He stood up and took a step towards me, his face torn between anger and lust.

''I don't know I thought this was what you wanted. I thought you wanted me.'' I said in a barley audible whisper. I looked to the floor to try to hide my eyes that were starting to well up.

''Sydney. Jordon would go fucking crazy if he found out. None of the guys would ever speak to me. I'd loose my life just for a little play time with some tits.'' He said waving his arm in my direction.

He might as well of plunged a dull knife into my heart and twisted it because that's what it felt like. By now all I could see was a cloudy blur, a tear skimmed my cheek and landed on the floor with a little tap. He automatically took a step closer, extended his arm and lifted up my head. I lifted up my eyes to meet his but as soon as I did tears began to fall without any warning. His hand supporting my head dropped with the eye contact and he began staring at the little drops falling down my cheeks. Why was I upset I have a boyfriend who I love? At least I think I do.

''Sydney I...'' His voice trailed off.

''WHAT JOREL. YOU DON'T HAVE A FUCKING GOOD ENOUGH EXCUSE OF WHY YOU JUST BASICALLY CALLED ME A SLUT. '' I began screaming in his face while wiping the tears with the back of my hand.

''Sydney shh you will wake Jordon up.''

''NO FUCK YOU. GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE NOW.'' I continued with tears furiously streaming down my cheeks.

He grabbed his jacket and walked to the door in silence with his head bowed. I basically ran to the door in front of him, grabbed his shoes, swung the door open and threw them out of the door. I slightly regretted it as I heard them hit and bounce off Jordon's car and if they had marked it I know he wouldn't be happy about it. He stared at me in disbelief as if I was the one who had just broken his heart and called him a slut. Just as he was leaving the house he paused in the door frame and turned around to face me.

''You know thats not what I mean't.'' He spoke through gritted teeth as he stared at the wall behind me avoiding eye contact.

For a second I almost wanted to just pull him back through the door and kiss him so we could forget this argument ever happened but the more I thought about that the more I got more pissed off at the things he had said to me during the argument.

I heard a little bang upstairs followed by some footsteps so I knew any second now Jordon would see us and immediately go all macho man on the situation.

''J..just fucking go.'' I stuttered just before I shut the door on his face but quietly so I didn't cause a bigger scene then I already had done.

I turned around on the spot and leaned against the door just in time to look up at the staircase to see Jordon appear at the top just in his boxers. Ugh. He was rubbing his eyes evidently still half asleep but awake enough to be curious about what had just happened.

''What just.. you know shouting and all.'' He finished with a yawn.

''Jordy I think you're either high or really tired because there was no shouting maybe you were hallucinating? But Jorel went home because he couldn't sleep.''

He looked at me with a confused look on his face which slowly morfed into his ''I don't really give a fuck'' face. Just as he turned to trudge back to his bedroom I thought I would drop the bomb shell on him.

''One more thing Jordon.'' He stopped walking but didn't turned my way just swayed in one spot hunched over a little. ''My boy friend's coming round tomorrow.. well today and hes staying with us for a while is that okay?'' I added.

''Yeah yeah yeah. You can get your contact lenses tomorrow even if they're not in style.'' He murmured before shutting the door behind him.

Jordon must of even been high or super tired because some how from 'My boy friend's coming round tomorrow and hes staying with us for a while' to 'Contact lenses not in style.'

I shook my head as I heard him climb into bed and then I walked into the kitchen. After sexually rubbing the wall the find the light switch I grabbed a wine glass off the rack and poured myself a half a glass full. While staring into the glass and swirling the liquid around I began to plan my day. I would meet Luke at the airport then we could come back and I'd introduce him to the boys and maybe go out somewhere. It sounded so simple but I knew for a fact it wouldn't be all rainbows and cup cakes.

The ticking noise of the clock was starting to irritate me as it was the only noise to be heard along with the faint noise of Jordon's soft snoring. I forced down the remaining wine left in the glass and got up from my bar stool. After putting the empty glass in the sink I quickly looked out of the kitchen window. His shoes weren't there but the gate was shut and locked so he must be in the back garden.

After locking the door and going back to my bedroom I checked myself in the mirror to see my eyes swollen and a reddy shade. It was a warm night so I pulled the t shirt off and threw it in the direction of the chair at the end of my bed. I was just brushing my teeth when my text message tone went off making me jump and sending my pulse rate sky high.

"Getting on plane now. C u soon. - Luke"

The time was nearly 5am so he will be here around mid day I guessed. Before sliding into bed I walked over to the window-wall and looked through the curtains to see Jorel on a pool chair facing the other way with his jacket across his body. He wasn't asleep as I could tell me the light reflected on his face that gave away he was on his phone. I began to feel slightly bad that he has to sleep like a dog on the floor but at least he had an amazing view of L.A as we live on top of a hill that towered over the city. The sun was beginning to rise and I suddenly felt lonely once again.

If I didn't fuck the night up then I would most likely be spending this view with Jay. I forced the curtains shut to block out the slight light peeking through the darkness and stumbled over to my bed. After putting my phone on charge I wrapped myself up in my quilt and buried my face into the spare pillow where soon Luke would be lying.