Love Hurts Us,Breaks Us, and Makes Us Stronger

I need to tell Jordon, is all I could think of this whole week. I truly don't know who I want to be with. Jay and I have kissed before but it hadn't really mattered. We were both drunk, single, and bored. Now though, now we were both sober, in relationships, and we weren't bored. There has to be some reason I allowed that kiss happen. There was only one way for me to get my feelings across and that was writing Jordon a letter.

***Dear Jordon Terrell,
I love you Jordon, I truly do. I need you to understand how I feel and this is the best way I have. You're probably wondering why I've placed the engagement ring with this letter, truth is I'm not in love with you like I thought I was. I love you, I really do but there's a difference between being in love and loving someone. You're an amazing, big-hearted, loving man who deserves someone better than me. Please don't hate me. I couldn't deal if you hated me. Sixteen year old Jordon was perfect for fifteen year old me but 21 year old Jordon and 20 year old me just aren't meant to be. Not only that but I'm not ready for such a serious relationship. Here's gonna be the hardest part of the letter, I don't want to cause any drama between you and Jay but you deserve to know this. Last week when it was just Jay and I on the bus we kissed. There was something in it that I haven't felt with you. The last thing I want to do is cause drama and tension in the band or between our group. I hope we can still be friends Jordon, I love you.
With Best Intentions,
Skylar-Grace Anderson***

"Hey Jay, can you come here?" I called wanting him to read over the letter. Quickly I wiped the tears from my eyes.

"What is it Sky?" He asked biting his lip. I couldn't say anything so I just handed him the letter.

He read that letter so intently and once he finished he pulled me into a tight hug. "Thank you for telling him."

"Jay," I cried with my head on his shoulder, "It's you I want to be with."

"I know Sky, I know," he combed his fingers through my hair and kissed my forehead. We just sat on my bed hugging until Jordon walked in.

"Hey Sky, can w... nevermind," he made very direct eye contact with Jay as he said that. Both Jay and I got up and I left the ring with the letter sitting on my bed.

"Read it. It explains everything," I said with a single tear falling from my eye. Giving Jordon one last hug and kiss was hard but I had to do it. "I love you as a person," and with that Jay and I walked to the front of the bus.

We could tell when Jordon had finished reading because he had punched the wall. "Sky can you and I talk.... alone?" Jordon asked.

I hesitated but eventually said sure and walked back.

"So it's over between us?" Jordon asked with tears rolling down his baby face.

"It's for the best Jordon. You deserve better than someone like me." Tears began forming in my eyes as well.

"I love you though Skylar."

"I know, I love you too but I'm not in love with you the way I thought I was. You're wonderful and amazing but you're just not the one."

"I understand."

"Can we still be friends?"

"I-I don't think we can right away. You can stay with us for the rest of the tour but I just.... need space to move on I guess." Jordon was really crying now and that just caused me to cry more.

"I understand. Just know that I loved the time we had together." I kissed his cheek before walking away.

I needed space from everyone. I just walked off the bus and started walking. Walking where, I don't know. Just walking until I couldn't anymore. Feeling like this is not fun, I just want to roll up in a ball and die. Hurting people I care about is not a good feeling. It's for the best though. Continually, I had to keep reminding myself that it was for the best. As my 10th grade English teacher would say, 'you need to try new things to understand what you truly need and like' yea that saying of hers applied very well here.

"Hey hottie!" Some guys whistled looking at me as he came over and started walking next to me.

"Hi." That sounded a little cold I guess but oh well. Fuck I hadn't been paying attention and I walked into an area where I could easily be cornered.

"Something wrong cutie?" He asked as I backed into the corner. Not a smart move Skylar. Not smart at all.

"Nothings wrong," I said getting afraid as he placed one hand on my shoulder.

"Seems like it. How 'bout I make you forget about whatever it is." I blacked out then. I had a thing where whenever I got super scared I'd black out.

"Wh-where am I?" I asked out loud to no one as I was looking around to find my shirt five feet away from me and my shorts down at my ankles.

"Hey guys! There's someone over here!" A voice that sounded like Dylan's yelled as he pointed a flashlight in my direction. What happened to me?

"Dylan? Is that you?" I could barely get my voice to a normal level for me.

"Guys it is Sky!" Dylan yelled pointing his flashlight in several different directions. All the guys including Jordon and Jay ran over to me.

"Wh-where am I and wh-what happened?" I stuttered really concerned.

"You're at the venue. You left after breaking up with Jordon and went on a walk. You've been missing for five hours." Matt explained to me.

"Really? And can one of you hand me a shirt I feel a little awkward laying here in my bra." I said pulling up my pants.

"Do you remember anything that happened after you left the bus?" Danny asked me as he handed me my shirt.

"No. I think if I blacked out something bad was going down though."

"Hey look, think it might be a camera," George said pointing to a little red blinking light.

"How can we find out?" Jordon asked seeming genuinely concerned.

"Can't we ask the security team here?" Jay asked.

"Good idea," Matt said as he pulled his phone out. "Anyone got the number?"

"Ask your personal security guards?" I added as a question.

After about twenty minutes we had called and were allowed to come watch the footage. Halfway through when the guy started touching me I had to leave. I knew if I kept watching I'd either get sick or blackout again.

After a little bit both Jordon and Jay walked out and hugged me.

"I couldn't watch anymore. Watching someone touch you like I had hurts me too much," tears welled in Jordons eyes as he said that.

"I just couldn't take seeing someone hurt you like that." Jay said.

"What's he doing?" I asked hoping my suspicions were wrong.

"He... he..." Jordon trailed off.

"He's ra... ra..." Jay broke down in tears unable to finish.

Matt and Dylan both ran out from watching and puked. Once they were done they came over and gave me a hug.

"You're never, ever, ever, ever allowed to walk alone again. You got that?" Dylan stated sternly.

"I would never want to again," I said with tears. I couldn't process. How does someone rape someone? Why? Why would you rape someone who's unconscious? All I could think is why.

Finally both George and Danny walked out in silence crying. They walked up to me and held me tightly as their tears rolled onto my slightly ripped shirt. "How bad was it?" I had to ask.

"Bad. He was so rough and careless with you." George cried.

"It makes me just want to hold you and not let go. I can't believe someone could be that careless with my little sister," Danny pulled me tighter and I cried on his shoulder.

"I just want to go to bed. Can we get back on the bus?" I asked wiping tears off my face.

"Yea come on," Jay said as he picked me up and carried me until we got to the bus and he dropped me on my bed.

"Will you stay next to me tonight?" I could hear the fear in my own voice.

"Of course I will," he said leaning down and kissing my forehead before getting in on the other side of my bed. He wrapped both of his arms around me and I turned to face him.

"Thank you," I softly kissed his lips before turning to face away from him as I fell asleep.