Like Clouds Cross Skies

London always ends suddenly. I'll be sat on a train, watching the buildings go by, or waiting for them to begin, depending on which way the train is travelling. And then, before I know it, I'm in London, or I'm out of it.

This time was no exception. The buildings just seemed to drop off the grid. And that was it, I was in Surrey, hurtling towards Weybridge.

My home town, but London is my home now. As much as I love where I grew up, I was all too happy to leave the past, that part of me, behind. Sometimes I feel a bit bad about how quickly I cut myself off from my school friends, even my family in a way. But Lianne was my closest friend, the only one I could ever confide in, and moving into my brother's flat with her seemed like the perfect start.

Now I'm going backwards. It's for Mum's sake though, and that's all that matters.

The train finally squeals to a stop in the station. I'm already stood by the door, my hand hovering over the button that will open it, waiting for it to turn green. I thought I'd be taking this journey with Nick or Lianne, but both of them had managed to wriggle out of the get together. Well, they were just lucky that they were needed urgently elsewhere. Lianne got called in to babysit her nieces and Nick had an urgent meeting at work he needed to attend, especially since he'd taken the Friday off work. That left me catching the train at Waterloo with no moral support in tow. I had been planning on attaching myself to Nick like a limpet at the get together so as to ward off Aaron, but now that plan has gone entirely out of the window.

It's just me against a houseful of people I can tolerate at best.

The button goes green and I open the door, stepping out into the crisp February air. Thank God Mum came to her senses and realised that organising a BBQ probably wasn't the greatest idea. It's just now I can't escape from people as easily. Well, my old room will still be out-of-bounds.

It's a ten minute walk from the station to the house, and as I make the trek my fingers start to numb. Maybe I should have accepted the lift from Mum after all.

But then I turn onto the right street, and that familiar ash tree springs into view. I hurry up the driveway and ring the doorbell, wiggling my fingers about in an attempt to stop them turning purple, but I'm already too late on that front.

Behind the frosted glass of the door there's movement, and seconds later it opens to reveal Mum, her auburn hair perfectly styled as always and her bright pink lips stretched into a smile. It's safe to say I learnt all my make-up secrets from her. Too bad I didn't learn etiquette from her too. Mum thrives in social situations and, to put it simply, I don't.

“Hi, sweetie!” She draws me into a hug immediately. “You're early.”

“For once,” I add, and Mum gives me a knowing smile.

“Well, you can help us out in the kitchen then,” she says, turning to walk down the corridor.

I falter on the doorstep before following her. “Us? Dad's home from Birmingham already?”

Even as we approach the kitchen I hear things clanging, voices murmuring. “Oh no, he won't be back for a few hours yet,” Mum says. “Aaron and his new girlfriend are here.”

“What?” I splutter the word out. I must have heard her wrong.

But we emerge into the kitchen and there stands Aaron, a mixing bowl tucked beneath one arm and a wooden spoon in the other hand, and some girl I have never seen in my life grabbing plates from the cupboard.

When they see me, their faces break into even broader smiles. I can only imagine what mine looks like; hell on earth. For once I really wish I had heard Mum wrong.

“Hey Kail,” Aaron says, his voice so friendly and welcoming you would never think he could harass me and almost get himself into a fight with Harry Styles. I don't even have time to form a coherent answer that isn't mildly insulting until he turns to the girl and says, “Oh, this is my girlfriend Jade.”

She waves shyly at me, a kind of shy that boys would find cute and endearing but is a little too sickly sweet for my liking. Her hair is dip dyed, mousy brown transitioning to a warm blonde. And I'm stood here on the other side of the kitchen thinking, does she know? Does she have any idea? “Hiya, you must be Kailey.”

“Yeah,” I manage. “Hi.”

Before any more riveting conversation can continue, Mum turns to me, entirely oblivious to anything and everything as always, and says, “Kailey, sweetie, could you start sorting out the cutlery?”

“Okay.”

Aaron is stood in front of the cutlery draw, but he politely steps back as I approach. I give him a sidelong glance and he meets it, his expression entirely innocent from the outside but I know better, I know what's going on behind the mask. That pretty little mask he puts on in front of my mum, in front of all my friends. The only people who've seen him any different are Lianne, Nick and now Harry. He's a comic book villain; he's that bitchy two-faced girl you're forced to tolerate. I just don't understand him. He's lost on me.

And now he has a new girlfriend. Where she popped up from I do not know, but this is the first I've heard of her. Even Aaron's brother Nathan didn't mention any 'Jade'. What does she know about Aaron? Well, they must still be in the honeymoon phase, so she probably thinks the sun shines out of his arse.

But, more to the point, how long have they been together? Were they a couple when Aaron was fuming about Harry and I being 'together'? Just none of it makes any sense.

I take a load of cutlery out of the draw and, dumping it on the table, start rifling through, separating the different pieces out.

“How long have you two been together?” I ask. The words force themselves out, itching to be heard.

“Um...” Jade begins, and she glances at Aaron. “What is it, two months now?”

Aaron laughs, shaking his head at her. “You're so bad with dates and times,” he says. “But yeah, two months.”

He was with her this whole time, and he had the audacity to shout at me about being with Harry even when we weren't seeing each other. Then he just shows up at my house with his new girlfriend. And the worst part is he knows I don't have the balls to say anything to her. Because where's my proof? She could take anything Lianne, Nick or Harry tell her with a pinch of salt, and I've stupidly been deleting Aaron's texts. Only proof I have is his failed phone calls, but that's proof of nothing but Aaron keeping in touch with his ex-girlfriend, an ex he's quite clearly supposed to be on good terms with seeing as he's at her house with her family like everything is hunky dory.

“How did you guys meet?” I ask, suddenly so hungry for answers.

“Can you remember this one?” he says to her, his tone playful. If Lianne were here, she'd be miming sticking her fingers down her throat right now. And I feel tempted to do the same.

Jade smiles at him and it's as though I'm not even in the room right now. But then she looks to me, that ghost of a smile still on her lips, and says, “We met through mutual friends.”

Probably someone I know.

“Oh, cool,” I reply, because I really have nothing else to add on the matter. Do neither of them feel even a slither of awkwardness right now? She's got guts, I'll give her that. If my relatively new boyfriend asked me to go to a get together at his ex-girlfriend's house I'd be having palpitations. I definitely wouldn't take him up on the invitation. She must trust him a lot.

She'll learn.

But I just can't resist digging the knife in. “Where have you been hiding her?” I say to Aaron, smiling at him like I'm keeping up with all their banter.

He doesn't even flinch. “I haven't been hiding her,” he answers, sliding his arm round Jade and pulling her closer.

Aaron's mum Jill turns up next, and the five of us get on with things in the kitchen. I leave the chitchat to everyone else and get on with the jobs Mum sets me. No one seems to notice my absence in the conversation and that's the way I'd like to keep it. The sooner I get through this without any drama the better. It's even better when Mum sends me out of the kitchen to sort out a playlist on my iPod. I've just plugged it into the speakers when there's the first knock on the door.

I can't help feeling a little bit like an outsider right now. I really wish Lianne or Nick had come. At this stage, I'd even wish Harry were here.

The guests trickle in one by one, friends of Mum, old friends of mine. Well, people I knew vaguely at sixth form really. They look as full of dread for this evening as me and that makes me feel a little better. It's just a shame I can only handle small talk for a little while before everything descends into an awkward silence.

I see Aaron and Jade chatting away to people, Aaron's arm wrapped firmly about Jade's waist, and big, wide, disgustingly happy smiles on their faces.

The only bit of respite I get is when Dad turns up. As he walks through the front door, I rip myself from my position by the fireplace and make a bee-line for him.

“Hi darling,” he says as he pulls me into a hug. “Enjoying the party?”

He gives me a sympathetic smile as I roll my eyes. Dad hates Mum's social gatherings too. “I'm surviving at least.”

“Well that'll do.” Looking over my shoulder, Dad frowns. “Who's that girl with Aaron?”

“His new girlfriend, Jade,” I tell him.

Dad directs his frown at me. I don't think he's always swallowed the 'we ended on good terms' line I've always spooned him and Mum. “Are you okay with that?”

I shrug. I can't think of the words to describe how I'm feeling. And if I could, I wouldn't say them to Dad anyway.

“Well, chin up chuck,” Dad says, offering me a smile. “I'd better go find your mother.”

“Okay.”

He disappears off down the hall, greeting people as he goes.

I glance back into the living room at all the people milling about and talking to each other. Beneath it all I hear Spitting Fire by The Boxer Rebellion slipping out of the speakers. I was half tempted to put some metal on the playlist, spice things up a bit. But right now I've had enough of forced socialisation for now, and not even pulling a stunt like that could get much of a laugh out of me.

I make my way upstairs. Stepping into my room is a bit like really coming home. It's exactly the way I left it five months ago. I think Mum and Dad always presumed I wouldn't be able to hack it in London. I'm too scatter-brained, too flighty, but I've stuck at it. So I may be suspended from my job, I may be having my fair share of drama, but I'm alive. I'm pulling through it. It's just a shame the source of all this drama is downstairs with his new girlfriend.

I throw myself onto my bed. I've lain here so many times. Thought so many things here, so many emotions. Have I felt this one before? Whatever it is I'm feeling right now? I don't think it has a name. It just feels like emptiness, a void.

“Thought I'd find you here.”

Startled, I sit up. Aaron is leaning against the door frame, watching me, smirking, just like he used to. He's becoming as omnipresent as Harry. It's strange to think that I used to like Aaron always being there, now I hate it. As for Harry, I guess it's the other way around.

“What do you want, Aaron?”

He shrugs. “A chat.”

I lie back down. “Chat away then while I close my eyes and don't listen.”

He scoffs. “You've always been awkward.”

Now it's my turn to laugh, a sharp bark. “What kind of awkward are we talking about?”

“Both kinds.”

“So we've not even been talking for a minute and you've already labelled me as socially inept and uncooperative. Thanks for that.” I can't keep the spite from my voice. I just wanted to be left alone for a while.

He moves further into the room and I pull myself into a sitting position again. He leans against the windowsill, watching the last dregs of light fade from the sky.

“Where's your girlfriend?” I ask him.

“Downstairs,” he says.

“And you were gonna tell me about her when exactly?”

He snorts derisively again. “Is that jealousy I detect?”

I grip the duvet a little tighter. “Actually, it isn't. It's more concern for your girlfriend. Does she know what you were saying to me while you two were together? Does she know you've practically been stalking me down and going ape shit because you think I'm dating Harry Styles?”

He doesn't answer immediately, but I see the muscles in his back tighten. I've hit a nerve again. Not a great move, especially while there are about thirty people downstairs. Now is not the time to cause a scene.

“What are you gonna do?” he finally asks, turning around to look at me. “March down there and mouth off about me?”

I shrug. “I might.”

He grins. “Really? Okay then, go on. You'll just make yourself look like the idiot, not me.”

I stare at him. Half of the things that come out of his mouth sound nothing like the boy I met at sixth form, the boy who had a penchant for seeing how high he could climb things, the boy who had asked me to be his girlfriend beside a camp fire. I would never have thought it would all amount to this.

“It's stupid, Aaron, because you know you've fucked up, you know you've said things you shouldn't have, but you can't live with the consequences of it all so you just deny it. It's pathetic,” I tell him, and I clamber off the bed. I've had enough of him for one day. I'd rather immerse myself in pointless conversation with people I only vaguely know.

But it's when I'm heading for the door that his hand reaches out, clamping onto my arm with such ferocity that he doesn't even have to yank me to a stop, I just do it all of my own accord; I'm stunned out of motion.

He must be able to feel my pulse quicken.

“Get off me, Aaron.” I try and yank my wrist from his grip, and when that doesn't work I shove at his chest with both my hands. He lets go of me then, taking a step back, and we just watch each other in a moment of silence, both of us thinking what will happen next, what will happen now?

It's only a split second, but it's more than enough time for his anger to spark, for that look to flare in his eyes.

I shouldn't have pushed him.

He shoves me back with such force that my shoulder cracks against the door frame, pain sprouting. I look at him, my shoulder flashing red hot. He looks at me like he doesn't really know what he's just done, but his anger remains.

He's only ever shoved me like this once before, and it was towards the tail end of our relationship. Straight afterwards he started gushing apologies, trying desperately to hug me. This time there's none of that. And where I forgave him last time, I can't do it now.

I can't do any of it.

I'm out the door before either of us can say another word, my feet pounding down the stairs. I can feel the tears rising, hot and blurry, and however much I want to stop them I can't.

I rip my bag and coat from the peg in the hallway and yank the door open. No one notices me leaving, and if they do they don't come after me.

I scroll through the contacts on my phone. I just need human company that isn't Aaron's, that isn't one of Mum's friends. I'm about to phone Lianne when I realise she's busy, Nick too, and my fingers curl tighter around my stupid blackberry, a breath away from hurling it down the street, listening to the plastic crack, watching the sim card and battery skittering across the tarmac.

But I don't; I hold on. One contact remains highlighted blue, the cursor stopped on it. Do I?

Fuck it.

After three rings he picks up. “You alright?”

His standard greeting, not really a question. He doesn't know the state I'm in right now. Yet still I tell him, my voice thick, “No.”

There's a pause, and when he speaks again his tone is completely different. “What's happened? Aren't you supposed to be at your parents' house?”

I try and take deep breaths, to stop breathing shallowly else they'll just become sobs. “I can explain, I just don't really want to be here right now. I can get a train back to Waterloo, but I-”

My throat constricts and I try and swallow back the lump lodged there. I can't let Aaron get to me, I can't cry over him.

“Okay, don't worry about it, I can pick you up from the station.”

“I'm sorry for this-” I start to say. I don't want to be a pain but then I don't want to be alone.

“Don't be, seriously,” he cuts me off.

“Thanks, Harry.”

“Don't mention it.”