You Can't Shake the Noise From Their Bones

JASEYS POV

The cold air attacked me and amused my tears to sting my face. I would never let either of my parents see me cry again. They'd just try to change me.

I knew my mom was only trying to help, but somehow while she was talking and trying to reassure me, something in my brain warned me that they'd want me to go talk to someone. And that scared the hell out of me. I didn't want to appear pathetic in front of anyone, I didn't want them to judge me. I had no real reason to worry but I couldn't help but let things affect me like this...and I didn't want them seeing that and looking down on me.

I didn't know how far I'd run in my burst of chaos, I just knew I needed to get away. All I wanted was to cry in my moms arms, but I needed to think. I needed to figure out a way to survive without Shane. How the hell are you supposed to let go of your best friend when they've helped you through so much?

'Jasey?' Oh shit. I knew that voice. 'Jasey, are you okay? You-'

I turned to face Caleb, my eyes vivid with pain. I could only imagine how red they looked, and I still couldn't stop crying, no matter how much I tried. Caleb's mouth dropped a little before he regained composure. Brilliant. Just what I needed, my crush to see me like this. What a mess.

'Are you alright? Uhm, I think I have something. Uh, here,' Caleb said, handing me a tissue. I took it, smiling a little in gratitude and avoided his grey eyes as I tried to make myself a little more presentable. When I finally looked up I couldn't help but notice how the breeze picked up strands of his light brown hair. He looked leaner, more refined, better somehow. My heart involuntary missed a beat and I was lost for a moment.

'Uh, thanks, Caleb. But wait, how do you know my name? I've em ever spoken to you before.'

Caleb chucked awkwardly. 'Oh come on, who doesn't know the kids' names of All Time Low?'

'People who don't like their music and don't live in Baltimore. Or anywhere in Maryland really.'

'True,' Caleb replied smiling. 'Buy I happen to be a bit of a fanboy.'

That made me chuckle and I saw Caleb's smile grow a little more. There was silence for a few minutes. He was probably trying to figure out where the line was that he shouldn't cross. 'Sorry, about this, I mean,' I eventually said.

Caleb shook his head. 'Don't worry about it. We all have our meltdowns sometimes. Do you, uh, do you wanna talk about it?'

I smiled because he seemed to genuinely care. But he obviously didn't know if he could handle the motherload of baggage I could drop on him, which I didn't blame him for. I could barely handle it. 'Nah, it's okay. I guess I just needed some fresh air.'

'Yeah, me too,' he said. And I thought I heard a little bitterness in his voice, but I pushed it aside. He cleared his throat before continuing. 'So, uh, are you gonna be alright to get home? Or do you want me to walk you or something?'

I shook my head. 'I'm good. I gotta go meet someone anyway.'

Caleb nodded. 'Kay, well, I hope you're alright anyway. And that you figure it all out. Say hi to me next time we pass each other at school, yeah?'

I smiled and nodded. 'Yeah, sure. Thanks.'

'No problem. See ya around,' he said, before touching my shoulder and walking on.

I bit my lip and smiled to myself. Wow. I had just had a conversation with Caleb. And he was a little different to how I thought he was. But then, he was still a player. He was still too old. I wouldn't get my hopes up too much. Something was still missing there, something I had felt before. Just not now. But maybe Caleb would be alright...oh get a grip girl. All he said was today hi to him at school. That's hardly a marriage proposal. But it didn't stop me regaining some sense of warmth in my heart that supported me as I took my phone out and dialled Shane's number.

'Jasey! I was literally just on my way to come see you. Are you okay? I need to talk to you.' Shane's voice was rushed and panicked and scared and full of so much love it made me want to cry so much more. Because I knew he didn't want to leave. Maybe that was why he hadn't told me.

'I'm not in, can I go to yours? I just need to be away from home a little.'

'Yeah, sure, of course, whatever you want. I'll double back now. But seriously Jasey, are you okay? You sound like you've been crying. Have you?'

'Uhm, yeah, a little. Look can we just talk about it at yours? Please?'

'Sure. See you in like 30 seconds.'

I hung up and rounded the corner. We lived on the same street, just at different ends. And as I walked a little I saw Shane walk up and I couldn't wait. I just ran past his house and into his open arms before sobbing again.

'Hey, hey it's alright. It's okay. Let's just get inside, yeah?' Shane kept an arm around me as I clung to him, awkwardly trying to open the door with one hand.

I went straight to his room as he fixed us lunch. I sat on the bed and looked around. I had become accustomed to his dark walls covered with band posters and various items of clothes flung around on his wooden flooring, I would usually rifle through his vintage draws and mess up his desk but today I just wanted to look. Soak it all in. Who knew how many more chances I would get to do this. I looked to my right and smiled at the little hobbit hole of a door halfway up the wall. He had a chest of drawers underneath so that we could use it as a step ladder.

I smiled to myself and clambered up off the bed, onto the draws, hoisted myself into the small frame and found myself in his little retreat. It had spongy carpet and a beat up couch, a tv, kettle, toaster, mini fridge, and most importantly, a collection of three guitars. Two acoustic and one electric. A Martin, a Gibson and a Fender. Usually I played them. Today I just curled up on the couch and found myself drifting away.