Second Sucks

The next morning, I woke up an hour before normal and took a long shower. Afterwards, I slipped on a pair of shorts- short enough that I would probably get written up for them- and a WCAR tank top, along with a pair of red TOMS and an infinity necklace that I hoped would bring attention to my collar bones- because, let's face it, they were pretty nice. I styled my short hair as neatly as I could, even though it still looked a bit messy at the end. The entire time, thoughts of Jeremy dug into the back of my mind, and I knew that I was only getting dressed up for him. What can I say, attraction can make you do strange things.

I speed-walked the short distance to school, eager to see Jeremy again. I was even considering apologizing for slamming the door in his face the other night. When I walked into first period, my heart dropped; the desk next to mine was totally empty. I tried to hold onto the hope that maybe he was just going to be a bit late, but by the time the last bell rang, I had completely given up. I sighed and laid my head down on my desk, all of the confidence that I had before leaving home suddenly gone.

The day stretched slowly on, each minute taking an hour now that Jeremy wasn't occupying the time. By the time lunch came and I met Audrey outside, I was close to going insane.

"Ooh la la, someone looks sexy." she said with a wink. "Hoping to impress someone?"

I laughed and shook my head, even though she couldn't have been more right. I was starting to come to terms with the little crush that I had in my own head, but I wasn't ready to admit it to her. If I did, the teasing would never end.

"Where is Jeremy, anyway?" she asked.

"Not sure. He just didn't show up." I replied with a shrug. As nonchalant as I was trying to act, on the inside I wanted to scream.

"Disappointed?" she teased, studying my face closely to see how I would react. I kept my face blank, trying to give her nothing to go on.

"I just wanna know why he's not here." I mumbled. Apparently it was the wrong thing to say, because she squealed and wrapped her arms around me.

"I knew it, you like him!"

I rolled my eyes and muttered, "I do not. He's my... friend. I'm concerned."

"Bull fucking shit. Friends do not want other friends' penises inside them."

"Drey, I do not want Jeremy's penis inside me." I said, and I completely meant it. Whatever it was that I was feeling for Jeremy, it really wasn't that physical. If anything, it was more like a need for the emotional connection that I had felt yesterday, when we were talking at Starbucks. It was different than what I usually felt for the other guys I had been with, that was for sure.

"Okay, but you want him. Don't deny it, I can tell." she said, her face suddenly serious. "Ceci, don't deny yourself someone that can make you happy. At least give him a try."

---

For the rest of the day, Audrey's words stuck in my head. The more I thought about it, the more it seemed like a good idea. Giving Jeremy a chance, at least trying to have a relationship with him, would probably make me happy. I didn't have to have sex and ruin everything, and the only difference between being friends and being together was that I could justify kissing him, like I so badly wanted to do.

By the end of the night, I had my mind made up; I would make Jeremy mine.