Panacea

Will Stoughton was angry. Maybe in another time or another place — one where he was less hungry, more energetic and his boots weren’t filled with little stones, he might have been somewhat happy. But that was with her — when he wasn’t alone, when he had a reason to smile and the world had a reason to open their eyes each day. That was back in Calderwich, when things were normal and mundane and sane, for that matter.

His boots crunched in the dirt and he haphazardly swung his bag over his shoulder, glancing up at the empty bush before undoing the buckle with quivering fingers. Pushing past the muesli bars and the biscuits, he dug out his water bottle and then pressed the rest of the content further into the bag, trying to ignore the way his stomach grumbled at the sight of food. He had to be slow and cautious with his eating. There was no knowing when he would be able to find more — when he’d even find another sign of life, for that matter.

“Where are you going?”

Will swore under his breath and jerked around quickly, his bottle falling between his fingers and crashing onto the ground. Cursing, he glared behind him, his body only relaxing once he noticed that she was human.

You couldn’t know what to expect out there anymore; every snap of a twig and every whispered word deigned the promise of something ominous – a monster lurking out behind; a way to die. He had been running for days but death seemed to be nipping at the back of his heels, and he hadn’t seen eyes that lively since he’d fled Calderwich.

Letting out a frustrated sigh, Will leaned down to pick up his bottle and shoved it back in his bag, doing up the buckle and swinging it over his shoulder. Hand still shaking, he turned back around and continued walking through the woods, not sparing a glance at the young girl who was now trailing along behind him.

“You should know by now that startling someone in times like these is dangerous,” he said lowly, keen eyes glancing out around him as he hastened his pace. His feet crunched as he stepped over dried leaves, and he reached up to bat away an intruding tree branch. “I could’ve killed you,” he added, glaring out into the bush.

The girl quickened her pace to match his, overlooking his hostile matter with a pleasant smile. “Unless you have a brick in that backpack that you were holding up to protect yourself, I somehow doubt that,” she responded cheerily, her lips curling into a cheeky grin as she looked at him with large eyes.

He sighed. All he could think as he looked back at her was that she was far too innocent. Far too young and too childlike to be caught up in something like this – her eyes were too bright, her smile too wide. She couldn’t have been any older than fifteen, with blonde hair laying in clumps upon her shoulders and pink lips dry and thinned from dehydration. She was dressed in an oversized jumper that was ripped and torn in all over, and there were splatters of mud all over her legs and fingers.

“My name’s Ella,” she said politely, falling into pace beside him. Glancing up at him through errant strands of hair, she smiled sweetly. “Ella Helling.” She slowed down as she weaved her way through trees, overlooking the fact that he was trying to deter her. Once she was free she ran to catch up with him, slightly short of breath as she slowed down to a walk.

Will sighed as she caught up with him, kicking at a fallen twig out of the way with his foot and glancing fleetingly at the young girl beside him. “I didn’t ask,” he said roughly, ignoring her eyes as he concentrated on working his way through the thick woods.

They were trekking through the bush – a fair distance from the city now, but far enough from his desired destination that he was quickly becoming frustrated at his pace. He had only been hiking for a day or so; long enough to see the sun set and long enough for him to realise that he no longer found it beautiful. It was hard to find things beautiful when so much that existed was ugly. It was all just colours to him now – the world had lost all of its life, burdened only with the familiar fear that came to greet them at night. He doubted that anybody really wanted to live in this world anymore – with how things had become. Sleeping with open eyes could only get you so far. With each rising of the sun came a promise of more death and destruction and an ending so dark that it was hard to hold in your mind. He would have welcomed death, he thought to himself idly, if it wasn’t for her.

And so he was running. Running because he had somewhere to go, because he had somewhere to leave and because he was goddamn sick of sitting around and waiting to die.

“Where are we going?”

He stopped abruptly, his feet crunching on the fallen leaves that littered the ground. “We are not going anywhere,” he said fiercely, his hands clenching in fists as he looked down at the girl angrily. He had no longing for company – company meant weakness and vulnerability, and that was something that he couldn’t afford. He had to get there. Being responsible for someone else just meant another person that could die. “I have somewhere to be.” Her blue eyes were wide and startled, and the pleasant smile slowly dropped from her lips. For a second he felt guilty, but he shoved the thought away and stepped backwards, turning to continue walking through the bush without a second glance.

“Well I suppose my problem’s the opposite.”

She was beside him again, glancing up at him as though he hadn’t just snapped at her. She was slightly short of breath at his change in pace but she didn’t once complain, instead stepping over twigs and stones in order to keep up. “I have nowhere to be,” she explained quietly.

His eyebrows hardened slightly but he stared haughtily ahead as though indifferent, reaching up to drag his fingers through his hair and hoist his backpack further up onto his shoulder.

“I mean, I have a family. I just don’t know where they are,” she said simply, looking up at him through her hair. Beads of sweat were forming on her forehead and she reached up to swipe it away with the back of her hand, her hopeful smile dropping slightly at her companion’s silence. “My mum’s a nurse, you know. She’ll be able to help us. Dad’s a scientist too. They’ve gone to look for supplies, but they should find me soon enough.”

He glanced down at her then, unsure of what to say. Instead, he lowered his backpack into his hand and unzipped the top pocket, pulling out a bottle of water. Wordlessly, he handed it to her, avoiding her grateful smile and instead choosing to look out around him.

They were nearing the beach, he assumed. The trees were becoming more spread out and the ground below them less dense, and he hoped that by morning they’d reach the main road. Whether it would be dangerous travelling along it was another story in itself, but Will was determined and it was the quickest and most direct route to Old Tinney.

Ella was gulping down the water greedily, in such desperation that some dribbled past her lips and onto her jumper. She mustn’t have had water all day, he thought to himself idly, trying to bat away the feelings of sympathy that nudged at his chest. When she was done she pulled it away from her lips, gasping for breath as water dribbled down her neck. She looked up at him with wide eyes, her cheeks reddening slightly in embarrassment as she screwed the lid back on and handed it back to him. “Thanks,” she said softly, reaching up to swipe at her mouth. “What’s your name?”

He sighed, taking a gulp of water before placing the bottle back in his bag. “Will,” he said quietly, avoiding her eyes.

The young girl grinned. “You remind me of my brother.”

She reminded him of someone too, but with a pained and sorrowful heart he pushed the words into the back of his mind.

“So,” she said softly, her fingers pulling at a hole in her jumper, “where are we going?”

Sighing, he swung his backpack over his shoulder once more and reached for his last muesli bar. Wordlessly, he handed it to her, ignoring the grateful smile that graced her lips. “We’re not going anywhere,” he said defiantly.

She just grinned and nibbled at her muesli bar.