Frank Iero: P.A.

The seconds tick on into minutes and I’m still staring after Gerard. My lips still tingle from his kiss.

Why didn’t I stop him? That question is still floating around my mind. What worries me the most is that fifteen minutes after the incident, I still can't answer it. The incident was more than one kiss... I should have stopped him after the first one. I was shocked, though, so really, it should have been after the second one that I put a stop to it. But... he's a man and my boss, so the shock has the potential to last longer than the first kiss, right? Yeah, that's right, so my not stopping him is fully justified. Good. I'm glad that's sorted; now I can stop staring after a man that's long gone.

I blink my eyes rapidly and swing my legs over the side of the couch until my bare feet touch the rug. Operating on autopilot, I walk back to my room. However, when I reach the hallway, my whole body stops and I find myself facing the kitchen and not my bedroom door. My eyes fall to the stairs, with just one thought running through my head...

Why did I let his tongue into my mouth?

Nope - there is no way I can justify that one. Damn.

I stay there gazing at the stairs, unable to move, barely able to think. Everything is so confusing. Several months ago I knew exactly who I was. A few weeks ago I was pretty certain who I was. A couple of days ago I was mildly concerned that I may have changed but when I looked in the mirror I still recognised myself. Today, though... I just wish something, anything, would make sense.

As I stand here, part of me wants Gerard to emerge from upstairs and explain what happened. However, as the possibility circulates in my mind, I realise that I’m not brave enough to face him just yet. Why? Because what if he asks me the same questions I asked myself? If I couldn’t answer them in my head – or at least justify the pathetic conclusions I’d come to – then how am I supposed to answer them aloud to Gerard? I couldn’t. I can’t.

And that’s when it hits me.

I can’t be here anymore.

I snap myself out of the trance-like state I’ve been trapped in for the past couple of minutes and swivel on my heels. My room is only a few feet away; if I can make it inside, then I can make it out of this place.

When I get inside my room, I go immediately to the farthest corner to retrieve the gym bag. I pull open all the drawers and remove every item of clothing, carelessly throwing the items to the bag, not caring if they land in or not. My shoes go in next. I make a quick dash to the bathroom and grab what little I’d been keeping in there.

What didn't land inside the bag is quickly stuffed in before I pull hard on the zipper to close it. I take a quick glance around the room to make sure that I've got everything. Seeing nothing, I shuck the bag up onto my shoulder, grab Pansy and the small amp I'd brought with me and make my way from my room to the front door. My hand stalls on the handle; I want to - need to - go, but despite my frustration and fear of Gerard, I can't just disappear into the night without so much as a note.

My things sit forgotten by the door as I search for paper and a pen. The sheet of paper I find unfortunately happens to be from my earlier attempts at making a paper boat. I scrunch my eyes shut as I remember the events of today. Gerard’s hazel eyes locked with mine... his head coming toward me... the feel of his lips...

I have to get out of here!

I scribble out a quick sentence, sign my name, and throw the pen down. My need to get out of here overrides logic, so I just leave the note on the couch – I don’t even care if he sees it, I just had to appease my conscience.

I collect my things again and exit the cottage quietly. When the door clicks back into place, I tiptoe down the stairs and begin my very long walk home.

It’s dark, cold... scary. I have no idea where I am, no real clue of where I’ll end up, all I know is that following this dirt road will lead me back to the highway. Trees tower above me, spread out for miles, with the moonlight casting their foreboding shadows all around me. An owl hoots in the distance, the sound echoing. I shiver, and not only because of the chilly breeze.

I walk further along, starting to relax a bit even though I’ve lost all sense of time; I’ve no idea what the time is, nor how long I’ve been out here for. That relaxed feeling doesn’t last long, though; I hear more sounds echoing on the night air, but unlike earlier, I can’t pick the sounds. I’m not just scared now – I’m terrified. There’s no way I can keep this up; I turn around, intending to go straight back to the cottage to hide out until morning.

Oh, shit...

The cottage has seemingly disappeared. No longer can I see the outline of its walls, nor the lights through the windows, and in the distance the path seems to have vanished, too. Fear absorbs me once again; I start hyperventilating, shivering uncontrollably. The luggage I’ve been carrying falls from my hands and lands with a thud on the ground. My knees go weak and I collapse next to my guitar case. Tears sting my eyes and soon roll down my cheeks.

I just want to go home.

I want to be anywhere but here.

I want Gerard...

The realisation hits me like a tonne of bricks. I want Gerard. Not in a romantic way - I'm straight, no matter what that kiss may suggest. I want him here to distract me from my fear. That's all. He knows this place; being out here with all these strange noises wouldn’t scare him at all.

Running away - I've made better decisions. This would have worked out so much better if I ha have left during daylight. Actually, checking a map before I left would have been a vast improvement. When did I become so stupid?

Those creepy sounds resonate through the darkness again. I shiver again, tears falling from me eyes faster than they did before. I'm cold and I'm scared and I just want to be anywhere else but here.

The time passes slowly. I continue to cry and shiver, gripping my hoodie for warmth but getting no result. The noises keep up, making my heart beat faster each time. And just when I think that tonight couldn't get any worst, I feel the first droplets of rain on my forehead. It not only rains, it pours, in heavy hard hitting drops that makes my skin sting.

I get to my feet, slipping on the dirt road that has turned into mud, and fall back to my knees. I attempt the manoeuvre a second time, successfully, and scoop my possessions up into my arms. There's no real shelter anywhere, so I take myself over to the side of the road and get as close to the trees as I can. It doesn't make much of a difference and within minutes I'm soaked through.

I curl into myself to try to keep in what little body warmth I have. Unzipping my bag, I find that the majority of my clothes are damp despite the protection the bag should have provided. I'm not going to get any warmer than this. Loud sobs erupt from me; I feel hopeless.

This could be it for me; I could die out here tonight, freeze to death. I lie down in scrub and wrap my arms around myself. I'm going to try to sleep and hope that I will wake up in the morning.



I awake. The rain is still pouring and the sky is just as dark as it was before. How much time has passed eludes me.

A sound woke me, a sound different to those I had heard earlier. It's a loud, rumbling kind of a sound. It becomes closer and louder, evoking my fear once more. The rain still pours heavily around me, leaving me no option but to stay here where it’s reasonably better.

Suddenly bright lights appear out of nowhere with that same rumbling sound echoing behind them. I scrunch my eyes together and wish them away, but they keep coming. They seemingly glide across my face, blinding me through my eyelids; I bring my frozen, shaking hands up to shield my eyes further. I can no longer see the lights, but the sound is the loudest it’s been – the closest it’s been. The sound of the rain pounding against the ground, trees, and their leaves distorts the rumbling to the point where I am unable to even propose what it could be that’s causing it. I can feel the lights; I know they’re still there, watching me.

And then they pause.

I daren’t open my eyes.

This is it. This is the end for Frank Iero.