Frank Iero: P.A.

“Thanks again for this, Frank,” Alicia says as she gets up from the dining table after finishing her last slice of pizza.

I smile at her. “You’re welcome.”

As I turn my attention back to my second slice for this evening, I spot Gerard looking at me; he’s holding his chin in a pistol grip, stroking the underside with his finger, looking as if he’s pondering something. Usually I’d call it staring, but this time he’s blinking. His eyes draw me in and I find myself returning his reflective gaze.

“You fit in here better than you should,” he says a moment later in a quiet voice. I look at him curiously, furrowing my eyebrows. “You’re my employee, Mikey and Alicia are my family; the lines that should be separating you have blurred.”

“And you’re... uncomfortable? with that?” I ask, thinking aloud more than responding to his statement.

He raises his eyes to the ceiling rubs the side of his neck with his left hand, mulling over what I’ve said. “I feel like I should be,” he says, looking back to me now, “but honestly, it doesn’t bother me.”

“Uh, good?” I reply.

Gerard gets to his feet, pushes his chair in, and shrugs casually. “We’ll see.”

He picks up his plate and takes it through to the kitchen, not affording me any eye contact as he does so. Discovering the extent of Mikey’s illness has turned Gerard bipolar – I mean, more than usual.

As I finish off my second slice of pizza, Alicia’s movements catch my attention. She enters the living room from the kitchen carrying a puffy folded blanket. My eyes follow her as she takes it over to the sofa and carefully lays it over Mikey’s still form. She straightens, standing motionless while she looks across Mikey’s features. A moment later she bends down slightly and holds out her hand just below his nose. I see her let out a relieved sigh as she mentally confirms that he’s still breathing – that he’s still alive. She turns around and notices my eyes fixed on her.

Her cheeks redden. “I just had to be sure...”

I wave off her justification. “It’s fine – anyone in your situation would have the same fears.”

Pinching the bridge of her nose, she nods. “Checking to see if my twenty year old husband is breathing – it sounds so strange.”

I pull out the chair next to me and pat it lightly, indicating for her to sit down. She pads over and lowers herself down, clutching her bulging stomach as she does so. She rests her elbows on the table, holding her head in her hands. I give her a minute to collect her thoughts before I say anything.

“I’m scared, Frank,” she says boldly, lifting her head to meet my eyes.

“That’s natural,” I say.

“We had all these plans in high school – getting married, having a dozen kids, growing old together –and now we’ll never get the chance to see those through,” she tells me, tears welling in her slate eyes despite the strength in her voice. “I’m going to be a single mother – our child will never get to know their amazing dad.”

“You never know how much time he’s got left; there have been many a person that have outlived doctors’ expectations.”

She shakes her head hopelessly. “I know in my heart, Frank, that he’s not going to last to the end of the year.” She dabs at the corner of her eyes to keep the tears in. “All I want is for him to get to hold his baby, to see their face.”

I take her hand in mine and squeeze it reassuringly. “I’m sure he will, Alicia. Mikey is a Way – they’ve got more strength than they ever let on.”

She sniffs loudly. “I really hope you’re right, Frank.”

Me too... me too.

“Of course I am,” I say with a smile.

Alicia returns my smile and wipes at her eyes to rid them of tears.

“I should get to bed,” she says a moment later. Pushing the chair back across the carpet, she gets to her feet and yawns sincerely. “You know where the spare room is if you and Gerard feel like staying the night.”

I think about how Gerard’s been all day, considering the fact that he disappeared a while ago and hasn’t made a single sound; I doubt he’ll want to be far away from Mikey tonight. Maybe it might be a wise idea to leave a pair of pyjamas here sometime; I have a feeling that this apartment will become my second home over the following months.

“Yeah, I don’t think Gerard’s up to going home tonight,” I reply.

She nods understandingly. A moment later she places her hand gently on my shoulder and looks into my eyes seriously.

“You’ll look after him, won’t you, Frank?” she pleads. I know she doesn’t mean just for now.

“As best as I can.”

She thanks me and says her goodnights before heading back through the kitchen to her bedroom. I glance over to Mikey; I doubt he’ll be waking up again tonight. I take my plate and the pizza box into the kitchen. Before heading off to the spare bedroom, I switch on a lamp near the sofa so Mikey has some light in case he does wake during the night, and then turn off the down lights in the living room on my way out.

I run into Alicia in the hallway as she emerges from the bathroom, dressed in yellow loose-fitting bumble bee flannelette pyjamas. She says ‘goodnight’ once again and walks into her own bedroom, shutting the door quietly and leaving me alone in the hallway. I turn the corner and knock lightly on the guest bedroom door. When Gerard doesn’t respond, I open the door slowly. To my surprise, the room is empty. The only evidence that Gerard’s been in here at all is his jacket lying clumsily on the edge of the bed.

Where the hell is he?

I walk back up the short hallway and follow it around to the right. There’s no glow of light filtering out from beneath Alicia’s bedroom door; she’s going to sleep, so Gerard won’t be in there. The bathroom door is ajar, revealing the darkness inside. Surely I would have seen him if he’d gone out into the kitchen or living room?

As I’m about to turn into the kitchen, a door at the end of the hallway catches me attention. I’ve haven’t been up this end of the hallway before; I assumed that door was just a closet, but maybe I’m wrong. The white door is resting against the doorjamb, casting a slight sliver of light diagonally across the floor. He has to be in there, whatever ‘there’ is.

Ensuring my footsteps don’t make a sound, I tread carefully up the hallway to the door and push it open an inch or two. I look through the gap and spot Gerard; his back is to me, his head down like he’s looking at something in his hands. I consider going back to the guest bedroom and leaving Gerard to his thoughts, but I did promise Alicia I’d look after him. With that in mind, I ease the door open further and take a couple of tentative steps inside.

The room somewhat resembles a study. There’s a desk opposite the door where a computer sits; it’s kept neat with papers arranged into piles, a cordless phone sitting in its cradle, and pens and pencils in a tin as opposed to lying across the desk like mine usually do. There are a range of guitars lined up against the wall beside the door – basses, six string acoustics, and an electric Fender Strat. Amps are stacked up in the corner. With the amount there are, both Alicia and Mikey must play. Gerard is in the far corner where a glass display cabinet sits; he has the doors open and seems to be examining its contents. I don’t think he knows I’m standing here.

“Taking a trip down memory lane?” I ask casually.

He doesn’t flinch like most would, just continues to look over what is in his hands. I take a few more steps toward him, coming around on his left side so I can see what he is holding. It’s a framed photograph of Mikey and Alicia, taken maybe two or three years ago.

“Their wedding,” Gerard says when I’m beside him, shifting the frame slightly so I can see it clearly. They don’t appear to be wearing the usual wedding attire; Mikey’s wearing a suit jacket, but beneath it is a white Nirvana t-shirt, while Alicia is wearing a white lace dress cinched in at the waist with a pearl-studded belt. “They eloped,” Gerard clarifies.

“Were you at the wedding?” I ask, still looking at the photo.

“No,” he replies, sounding as if he wished he was. “They got engaged the day of their high school graduation – my parents flipped. They never like Alicia much anyway, but they told Mikey that he was throwing his life away by wanting to get married so young. They were constantly on his back out,” he elaborates. “I was at art school at the time, so I had Ellie and Mikey texting me all the time about what was going on. He was so stressed over all the arguments he was having with them that two weeks later he and Alicia threw some stuff in her car and just drove until they found a place that would marry them.”

“What about witnesses?”

He taps his finger on the glass frame, pointing out two people sitting in the background. “They told this couple their story and they offered to be the witnesses.” He pauses a moment, then continues to reflect. “Mikey texted me this photo shortly after they signed everything with the caption ‘Fuck Mom and Dad’.” He lifts his eyes from the photo and looks to me. “I was so disappointed that he didn’t tell me what they had planned, but I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of him. He had the guts to stand up to my parents for the woman he loved.”

He sighs and puts the silver frame back in the cabinet.

“It’s a romantic story, though,” I say as I watch him close the cabinet doors.

He nods. “You know, they’ve talk for ages about renewing their vows in a proper ceremony so everyone they care about could see it, but I guess they won’t get to do that now that... yeah.”

I place my hand on his shoulder comfortingly. “They’ve got plenty of time, Gerard,” I say. “Now, come on, let’s go get some sleep.”

Taking me by surprise, he pulls me into a tight hug. I pat his back awkwardly, but don’t pull away. He holds me to him for longer than a standard hug should last.

“Thank you, Frank,” he whispers into my ear, slowly releasing me from his hold.

Sleeping with Gerard tonight is going to be interesting.