Frank Iero: P.A.

I feel like I’ve drawn the short straw as I take pictures on Gerard’s two thousand dollar camera of Ellie cinching Alicia into her wedding dress. Gerard, as Mikey’s best man, took on the responsibility of ensuring Mikey made it to the wedding on time and in one piece. I, as Gerard’s bitch, took on whatever responsibility Gerard thrust upon me – which turned out to be photographer and slave to Alicia’s every whim. Now, don’t get me wrong, she’s a lovely young woman and I like her very much, but since she didn’t have people showering her with attention on her original wedding day she’s making the most of it.

“Take a picture of the corset from the back as Ellie does it up,” Alicia instructs me.

I do as she says, making sure Ellie’s wiry fingers are in the shot.

Why didn’t Gerard hire a professional photographer? I know you’re asking the question, so allow me to answer it. My so called boss, who is under the impression that he knows everything and is never wrong, forgot to hire one. And when I noticed the flaw in an otherwise perfectly organised spontaneous wedding and brought it to his attention at ten o’clock last night, he told me that it was intentional: ‘Obviously I didn’t hire a photographer, Frank – they’d just sell photographs of my house to the media’. Sure, it sounds like a valid, Gerard-like reason, but the way his cheeks reddened and how he was rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly gave away the truth. Not ten minutes later he appeared in my bedroom – while I was in the middle of changing for bed – and shoved his expensive camera at me before telling me that I now had a new skill to add to my resume.

So here I am, forced to follow Alicia around and capture her every movement. Let me tell you, taking photos while not looking at your subject because they’re only dressed in their underwear is extremely difficult. I wasn’t allowed to step out of the room, nor turn around because “Mikey would love to see some photos of me in my underwear”. Ellie giggled at the comment, I thought of strangling Gerard.

“There we go, dear,” Ellie says, straightening from her crouched position, her knees cracking loudly.

Alicia turns around to look at her reflection in the dresser mirror. She swishes the skirt around, beaming at the finished product.

“Oh, it’s beautiful... absolutely beautiful!” she gushes, fingering the white material.

I have no idea what all this means, but the lady from the bridal boutique described the dress as an ‘ivory empire style gown with capped sleeves and a sweetheart neckline, finished with beaded detail under the bust’. Apparently the ‘flow’ of this dress will make the baby bump less prominent. I think it’s doing that, but it’s hard to keep my eyes of her smiling face.

I snap a few more photos of her while she scans her reflection; I think the best photos are the ones that people don’t realise are being taken.

“You’re a vision,” Ellie comments admiringly. “You’re going to leave Michael speechless and breathless.”

“I hope so,” Alicia replies. She turns to me, her arms outstretch from her sides. “What do you think, Frank? I need a male opinion.”

“You look stunning, Alicia, radiant,” I compliment her sincerely, “Mikey won’t be able to take his eyes off you.”

She takes a few steps toward me and tugs the camera from my hands, passing it to Ellie, then pulls me in for a tight hug. Smiling, I hug her back, being careful not to ruin the curly hairstyle Ellie created on her earlier. A light flashes, prompting us to pull apart. Ellie is smiling at us excitedly, the camera pointed in our direction.

“I figured out how it works!” she exclaims, referring to the camera that’s been puzzling her all morning.

Alicia and I both laugh, but Ellie’s smile remains. She orders us to stand together again so she can take another photo. I don’t argue with her, simply because if she’s taking photos then I don’t have to. It takes a few seconds for her to recall which button she pressed, but the flash goes off and Alicia rushes over excitedly to see the photo.

“Oh, it’s lovely!” she exclaims. “This one is definitely getting put in a frame and hung up in the living room.”

I smile to myself at the thought of having a place in Alicia and Mikey’s living room amongst Gerard’s art. It’s flattering to know that I have some kind of significance in their lives even though we haven’t known each other for very long.

Ellie passes me the camera and instructs me to keep shooting while she puts the finishing touches on Alicia’s make up. Despite the presence of the camera, before me is an intimate moment between the two women. Ellie dusts Alicia’s cheeks with a pale pink powder while sharing her memories of her own wedding day. While composing the guest list a few days ago Gerard informed me that Alicia’s parents had both died in a car accident shortly after they eloped. I guess Ellie has stepped in to fill the motherly void in Alicia’s life. Ellie’s good at that, being a surrogate family for people. Hell, she’s like a mother to me, too.

A horn sounds from outside.

“That’ll be the wedding car,” I say.

Excitement breaks out on Alicia’s face. She quickly lifts the bottom of her Grecian dress and heads for the door. Ellie and I smile at each other before following her out. Noticing a perfect photo opp, I jog around Alicia and rush to the bottom of the staircase. I call out for her to stop so I can snap off a photo of her at the top, then I switch the camera to video mode and film her decent down the marble steps. Ellie hands her a bouquet of black and white roses when she reaches the bottom. If it’s possible, Alicia’s smile broadens at the sight of the flowers; many of the details had been kept a secret from her and Mikey, including what her bouquet was made of.

“Whoever came up with this is a genius,” she says happily.

“The black roses were all Gerard’s idea,” I tell her truthfully, “but I suggested adding the white ones to mix it up a bit.”

“You two make a great team,” she says softly with a red-lipped smile that I don’t trust.

What is she plotting?

I fix her with a questioning glare, to which she looks back at me innocently, and go to open the front door for her. I step outside quickly and take a few shots of her coming outside before switching to video mode once again to film her getting into the car – a white convertible Cadillac decorated with white ribbon and black roses. Ellie assists the blushing bride into the car before joining her on the backseat. I move fluidly down the driveway to film the car taking off and leaving the gates of Gerard’s property. Once it’s gone from view, I, to my dismay, get behind the wheel of Gerard’s Maserati. I’ll be driving to the hotel, taking a shorter route, on my own.

As I manoeuvre Gerard’s bitch of a car through the busy New York streets I find myself cursing the man himself. The venue for the wedding and reception, Oheka Castle, is absolutely beautiful with its manicured lawns, water features, and the fact that it is a fucking castle. But its beauty doesn’t change the fact that this place is located in Huntington – almost an hour away from Gerard’s house in Manhattan. Now, that on its own doesn’t seem like a reason to curse him, but when the place offers accommodation and rooms for the bride and groom to get ready in on the day and Gerard doesn’t book any of it, it makes me a little mad. Note, when I say ‘a little mad’, I mean that I’m mad enough to ram his expensive car into a streetlight beside a gas station, but calm enough to leave a polite message on Gerard’s voicemail before hightailing it to Mexico.

The drive is beautiful, I’ll admit that, but it’s really long when you’ve no one to keep you company. Gerard and Mikey stayed at the apartment last night while Alicia slept at the mansion with myself and Ellie; they drove out to Huntington earlier this morning. At least they had each other. To occupy myself, I’m mentally calculating how much this wedding is setting Gerard back.

The accommodation itself would cost more than most weddings would all together. I don’t know much about the number of rooms and which ones he’s booked, but he informed me that he’d booked the two Gatsby suites for himself and I for tonight, and the single Olmsted suite for Alicia and Mikey for tonight, Sunday, and Monday night. Being the dedicated P.A. that I am, I did a quick Google search last night to check out the place, which led me to discovering the prices of these rooms. They certainly don’t rent them by the hour. It’s just short of $1,200 for Gerard and I for the night! And as for Alicia and Mikey’s suite, that’s costing Gerard almost $3,300 for their three nights! Alicia’s dress was $2,500, the Cadillac was $700, the site fee (ridiculous, I agree) costs $10,000, there’ll be thirty people at the wedding at a cost of $250 per head...

Oh, lordy Christ above...

That's over twenty-five grand already!

I’m not going to calculate any further, otherwise I’m going to have a coronary behind the wheel of this very expensive car that I can barely drive as it is. Then I really will have to hightail it to Mexico.

I sing along to Gerard’s CD collection for the remainder of the journey. All things considered, he has a pretty good taste in music. A lot of the CD’s I discovered are re-writables that he made himself, compilations of various bands, numbered from one to twelve in his narrow handwriting. I’ve come across the Misfits, Thursday, The Smashing Pumpkins, Motorhead, Aerosmith, and an entirely out of place track from Belinda Carlisle. Seriously. I have moments where I question whether he’s actually gay, and then something jumps out of his metaphorical closet, like ‘Heaven is a place on Earth’, and screams “Gerard’s gay! Gay! GAY!”.

I turn the volume down from the steering wheel controls so I can see better as the inbuilt GPS bitches at me to prepare to turn into my destination. I spot a concrete wall up ahead with ‘Oheka Castle’ displayed on it in wrought iron letters and switch on the indicator as I slow down.

Oh.
My.
God!

The pictures I saw on the internet are nothing compared to what I’m seeing right now. I travel along the narrow path of the Gate House Entrance, fenced in by tall green trees. Ahead is the massive Oheka Castle in all its French inspired glory. The further along the driveway I go the more of the castle comes into view and the further my jaw drops. It’s spectacular.

I drive under a sandstone arch and into the cobblestone courtyard. It’s enclose entirely by the high sandstone walls and edged with topiary hedges and potted plants. There are a several cars already parked neatly by the far wall. I slot in beside a silver Subaru and hop out, grabbing the camera off the front seat as I go. I wander tentatively around the courtyard, taking in the scenery as I wait for the Cadillac to arrive with Alicia and Ellie.

“Incredible, isn’t it?”

I spin around to find Gerard leaning against the entrance to the castle. He’s dressed immaculately in a tuxedo, white dress shirt, and thin black tie. His usually tussled hair has been combed and is neatly parted down the middle.

“This looks like something out of a fairytale,” I comment as I cross the courtyard to where he’s standing.

“Wait until you see the formal gardens where they’ve set up the ceremony,” he says, smiling proudly.

“How long have you been out here?” I ask.

He screws up his face, as if in thought. “Oh, only about ten seconds less than you.” I look at him quizzically. “I saw you coming up the driveway from the balcony off Mikey’s room,” he explains, pointing to his right even though you can’t see the balcony from this angle.

I glance over to the arch I drove in under, then back to Gerard. “They won’t be far off, maybe five minutes,” I say.

Gerard pulls up his sleeve to checks his watch, then lifts his head and casts his gaze across the expanse of the courtyard.

“I should get back out there,” he says, pushing off the yellow wall. “Bring them through when they arrive – just take a left and follow the corridor out to the gardens.”

He disappears into the castle, leaving me alone in the courtyard to wait for the bride. I walk back toward the arch to ready myself for filming the arrival. It doesn’t take long for the white Cadillac to turn into the driveway, sunlight glinting off the windscreen. I film the car as it enters the courtyard and walk with it as it circles around to be parallel with the castle doors. The chauffer opens the door for the two women. Ellie steps out first then holds out her hand to help Alicia out. Her smile widens as she looks about the courtyard.

“I feel like Cinderella,” she says breathlessly.

“Cinderella has nothing on you,” I tell her earnestly.

She envelopes me in a hug. “Thanks, sweetie.”

When we pull apart I instruct Alicia and Ellie to stand together in front of the Cadillac so I can take a few more photographs. They smile broadly, their arms linked, looking very much like mother and daughter although there’s no blood shared between them.

I lead the two women through the tall doors of the castle and follow Gerard’s earlier directions. We come to a room with a billiard table and classic renaissance furniture where a woman, looking to be in her mid forties, dressed smartly in a royal blue suit emblazoned with the Oheka Castle symbol waits for us. She holds a clipboard in her hand and her blonde bob shakes from side to side as she lowers her head to read something from it.

“Ah, hello,” she greets us when we’re near enough that her voice needn’t be more than a whisper. “I’m Cathy and I’ll be coordinating today’s festivities for you.”

Cathy shakes each of our hands demurely before picking up a walkie-talkie and telling the person on the other end that the band can start the procession music in one minute. She ushers us through another set of doors, along a corridor, and left into another room. There’s a set of doors, identical to the ones we entered the castle through, that lead outside; the windows on either side allow us a glimpse of the formal gardens. The lawns are a healthy green and divided into levels by low walls and stairs.

Cathy lines Ellie, who is acting as the maid of honour, up in front of Alicia. She then gets behind Alicia and straightens her dress.

“Bride is ready,” Cathy says robotically into the walkie-talkie.

“Wait!” Alicia calls, surprising everyone.

Surely she doesn’t have cold feet – she’s already married!

“Frank,” she says desperately, turning to face me, “will you give me away?”

I gawk at her, both surprised and flattered.

“B-but, what about the photos?” I ask.

Cathy steps in and pilfers the camera from my hands. “I’ll handle it,” she says, then pushes me to stand beside Alicia.

I barely have time to take a steadying breath before the music starts up outside and the double doors are opened. Ellie steps out before us to the tune of Today by the Smashing Pumpkins. Alicia tucks her arm under mine and together we walk out into the gardens. I hear Alicia gasp beside me – and rightly so. Before us is a black carpet that leads across the first level of the garden, down the steps, through a flowered arch, and between the rows of chairs to a second, larger arch where Mikey and Gerard stand waiting against a backdrop of fountains and shallow pools. The guests are all upstanding, some taking photos, some offering watery smiles.

“I think I’m going to cry,” Alicia whispers to me.

I squeeze her shaking arm encouragingly. “I think Mikey is, too.”

We continue down the aisle behind Ellie. I take my focus off the emotional Mikey standing at the altar and turn my attention to his brother beside him. Gerard locks his hazel eyes with mine and smiles softly at me. As we begin to walk between the rows he mouths ‘thank you’ to me. I nod acknowledgingly and hold Alicia’s arm tighter; if I don’t and he keeps looking at me like that my legs might give out – I don’t know why... I just feel that he has that power.

We reach the altar. I kiss Alicia’s cheek softly like I see the father of the bride do so often in movies and pass Alicia on to Mikey. He takes her hands and casts his eyes over her in a look that says she is the most beautiful woman in the world, and in this moment she is.

“You’re perfect,” I hear him say softly to her as I walk away to take the remaining seat in the front row.



The ceremony was beautiful. You won’t know what love is until you see two people look at each other the way they did. They know that it won’t be too far in the future when they lose each other, but you could tell that was a distant thought from their minds today. Even when the celebrant said ‘til death do you part’, their happy, loving smiles remained. Gerard teared up a little, though. Only momentarily, and I’m sure no one noticed; you only would have caught it if you were looking directly at him.

I think the most beautiful part of the ceremony would have had to have been when Mikey kissed his bride, then found the strength to lower himself down and place a kiss on Alicia’s swelling stomach. He needed Gerard’s assistance to get back up, but that didn’t detract from how sweet the gesture was. Everyone stood and applauded while the happy couple walked up the aisle to the castle. Gerard and Ellie followed them arm in arm. The guest then filed after them. Cathy was waiting to direct the guest to places they could go while Alicia and Mikey were photographed; she gave me Gerard’s camera back and pointed me to features of the gardens that would make good photos.

We only spent about half an hour taking wedding photos because Mikey didn’t really have the strength in him to be on his feet for much longer than that. I captured him and Alicia together against different backgrounds, and took some shots that featured the baby bump specifically. I was determined to recreate the pictures of them that Gerard had on his desk – the ones I drew crude things on when I believed Alicia to be Gerard’s girlfriend. Gerard and Ellie stood beside them in some of the photos, and took a couple separate. Ellie even convinced me to hand over the camera so she could take a photo of me with the three of them, and one of Gerard and I. I told her the one of Gerard and I was unnecessary, but she insisted in that motherly guilt trip way.

It was just before five o’clock when we joined the rest of the guests in the grand ballroom of the castle for the reception. That sounds big and expensive, but ironically enough, the grand ballroom is not the biggest and most lavish dining room within the castle. The room overlooks the upper garden and is a pale shade of beige with cream drapery around the windows. Round tables that seat six have been set up around the room, covered with white linen clothes and laid with fine china, silverware, and tall centrepieces that match the bouquets. Unlike at other weddings I’ve seen, Alicia and Mikey are seated in amongst the guests and not at a head table. It’s nice, because it makes the affair seem much more intimate.

Dinner consisted of three courses of fabulous food that almost rival Ellie and Gerard’s culinary skills. I was seated with Alicia, Mikey, and Gerard at their table. I asked about Ellie and her husband, thinking they’d be seated here instead, but apparently Gerard thought they’d prefer to sit with their children and their partners. That is totally understandable of course, but I still don’t think I should be seated at the most important table.

After dinner, speeches, cutting the cake, and the bridal waltz, everyone is encouraged to head down to the other end of the ballroom where the band is to dance. I walk about the room and take photos of the dancing guests, as well as individual shots of people with Alicia and Mikey. It’s a happy atmosphere and I’m humbled to have been invited to share it.

“Frank!” Alicia calls out to me. She’s just finished dancing with Ellie’s husband.

I head over to her. “What’s up?”

She looks at me solemnly and points to the opposite end of the room where Gerard is sitting alone at one of the tables sipping liberally on a glass of coke.

“He looks so lonely,” she says sadly. “Go dance with him for me.”

Dance with Gerard? I can’t do that! We’re guys!

“Uh, n-no, I don’t think... I don’t think that’d be appropriate,” I stammer.

“Oh, come on,” she says pleadingly.

I sigh heavily; it’s her wedding, I can’t say deny her this.

“Fine.”

She claps happily and pushes me enthusiastically in Gerard’s direction. My heartbeat hammers in my ears as I approach him. Everything feels like it’s in slow motion. Why am I so nervous?

“Hey,” he says casually when I’m in front of him.

“I, uh – we need to – I... you... dance.” Fuck.

Gerard tilts his head to the side and cocks his eyebrow. “Want to try that again, Gilligan?”

“Do you want to dance?” I force out, still cringing from my previous brain fart.

“No,” he says definitively.

“Me either,” I say, “but Alicia kind of ordered it.”

He sighs irritatedly before scraping his chair back across the wooden floor and getting to his feet.

“I thought being gay meant that I wouldn’t be controlled by a woman anymore,” he comments as we walk toward the dance floor.

Just as we reach the other guests the band finishes up a song and slows the pace down. Gerard and I stand awkwardly as the couples around us mesh together for REO Speedwagon's ‘Can’t fight this feeling’. Mikey and Alicia materialise beside us, wide smiles on their faces.

“Come on you two,” Alicia berates, “it’s a slow song – that means hands on shoulders and hips.”

They stare at us until Gerard places one hand on my back and links his other one with my hand. I have no choice but to take hold of him, too. Seemingly pleased, Alicia and Mikey dance away from us.

I can’t look at Gerard as we dance slowly to the music, even when he treads on my foot; I just wince and press on, counting down the time until this song finishes. I really have no idea what I’m doing.

"This is awkward, isn't it?" Gerard asks.

Glad I'm not the only one feeling it. It's painful, too.

"Let me show you how," he instructs, taking me by the waist roughly.

Oh, boy...

He places my hand on his shoulder and slides his right hand down to the small of my back. This change of position forces us closer together. I feel more awkward than before.

“Just relax,” he tells me.

How the hell am I to relax when his touching me like this, being this close, brings back memories of the mountains?

He spins us around, almost knocking me off my feet. He laughs as my ankles get caught up and I clutch at his shoulder to keep from falling to the floor.

“Are you falling for me, Frank?” he asks with a seductive tone, winking at me.

“No!” I say quickly.

This is too much for me to handle. It’s too weird.

I push away from him and make my way out of the ballroom. Alicia and Mikey both call my name but I ignore it and press on. I have no idea where my suite is, but I’ll happily sleep out in the courtyard if it means I can be away from Gerard.