Frank Iero: P.A.

I fidget with my tie for what feels like the hundredth time today. Funerals have always made me uneasy, but today is worse than the others. Today is Mikey’s funeral, and I don’t know how strong I’m going to be able to be for Gerard.

We left the house together, with Gerard driving his Maserati. I offered to drive, but he was determined to do it himself, which I’m kind of glad about; I don’t think I could have driven with my hands shaking the way they have been all morning. We picked up Alicia on the way to the ceremony. She was an absolute wreck when we arrived – tears streaming from her puffy bloodshot eyes, lips quivering, her whole body shaking. As we took her down to the car, one hand was gripping Gerard’s hand tightly while the other clutched at her pregnant stomach. It was a silent drive, apart from Alicia’s sobs, as I expected it to be, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. Arriving at the cemetery, Gerard disappeared quickly into the throng of people, but Alicia chose to wait in the car until the service was ready to begin; she said she wasn’t ready to hear everyone’s condolences. I walked around with Gerard although I wanted to help more, but really, what more could I do? He was too busy speaking to grieving relatives and friends to shed a tear himself. There were no introductions to anyone, and few people asked who I was; I liked it that way.

I’m standing by Gerard’s side now; his suit is dark, his tie tied to perfection, his complexion appears paler than usual in contrast to the dark sunglasses concealing his eyes. The last of the guests are making their way over here to the burial site; the service is due to start in eight minutes. One man makes his way straight to Gerard. He’s tall, dressed in a dark suit with a red dress shirt underneath his jacket, he has a wild afro, which I expect he’s attempted to tame for the service, a set of car keys dangle from his fingers; he must have just arrived. His eyes are sad as comes to stand before Gerard.

“Dude...” he trails off, colloquial yet absolutely polite.

I notice Gerard’s lips quiver just before he is pulled into a consoling hug from the man before him. The man pats his back hard three times in that masculine hug kind of a way before letting Gerard go.

“This isn’t right,” is all the man says to Gerard. He turns to me and holds out his hand. “I’m Ray,” he introduces himself to me as I shake his hand. “You’re Frank, right?”

How the hell is it that this Ray knows who I am, yet I have never heard of him before? “Uh, yeah, I’m Gerard’s P.A.”

Ray nods and starts to walk away. He indicates for me to follow, and I do, but not before running my hand softly down Gerard’s arm so he knows I’ll be back soon. I catch up and fall into step beside him.

“I’m sorry that we’re meeting under such horrible circumstances,” he says, “but Gerard’s told me about you.”

Gerard’s spoken about me to someone? When? Good things? Bad things? I want to ask but a funeral isn’t really the right place.

“Oh, he hasn’t mentioned you...” I say. I hope I haven’t offended him.

He nods. “I wouldn’t expect him to. As I’m sure you’ve discovered on your own, Gerard keeps to himself a lot.”

I think the expression on my face is enough for him to know that I am very aware of Gerard’s quirks. “How do you know the Way brothers?”

“Gerard I met in high school; we had art and science together, both of which he was very good at, but we were more acquaintances than friends. And Mikey,” His voice wavers when he says his name, “he and I work – worked – together as talent scouts at Eyeball Records. We became friends very quickly, and because he and Gerard spent so much time together, we too became friends. But since Mikey got sick, I haven’t really heard anything from Gerard; I spent more time talking to Marty than him.”

If he spent so much time talking with Marty, Gerard’s old P.A., then why haven’t I ever spoken to him?

Ray must have read my thoughts because he says, “Gerard got angry at me not long before you started and told me to stop trying to contact him. He didn’t speak to me again until about two weeks ago, which is when he told me about firing Marty and employing you.” He pauses for a moment. “For the record, he said that he wished he’d found you a long time ago; you’re a much better assistant than anyone who held the position before you.”

I can’t help but smile about that, but quickly stop; I don’t want to be seen smiling at a funeral.

“We should head back,” Ray says, “the funeral celebrant is on his way down from the church.”

We walk back over to Gerard, who has managed to coax Alicia from the car and is holding her hand. Ray stands by Alicia, linking his arm through her bent elbow, and I stand by Gerard; we don’t touch.
While we were gone the coffin had been laid over the grave. Gerard’s expression is stoic. I admire him for being able to hold everything he must be feeling in when his brother’s lifeless body is encased just a few feet in front of him. I’m struggling to hold my emotions in and I barely knew Mikey. It must be a Way brother thing: the ability to have a massive impact on someone’s life when they’ve only known them a short time.

The funeral celebrant locates Gerard and speaks to him briefly about what the service will entail and checks if he’s ready to begin. Gerard nods and the celebrant makes his way over to the head of the grave.

The celebrant clears his throat to get the attention of the mourners before he begins.

“We all come together here today to remember the life of Michael James Way – husband to Alicia, son to Donald and Donna, brother to Gerard, and friend to many...”

Tears come to my eyes as soon as Mikey’s name is said. I look around at the rest of the guests as the celebrant speaks. There are few faces I recognise, but amongst the crowd I spot Ellie. She’s tucked under the arm of her husband, with her kids and their respective partners close by; most of them have tears running down their cheeks. Ellie notices me and offers me a watery smile. I would hug her if she weren’t so far away.

“Now, a couple of people would like to say a few words,” the celebrant says when he’s finished reading the generic sermon.

Gerard and I had spoken very little about the funeral while he’d been organising it for the past five days, but I was under the impression that the celebrant would be the only one speaking, so I’m surprised by this sudden turn of events.

“First, his colleague and friend, Raymond Toro.”

I scan the crowd of faces for this Raymond, but to my surprise once again, Ray, the man who knew of me when I’d never heard of him, releases Alicia from his arm and steps forward. He takes a red rose from the celebrant’s extended hand, then reaches inside his coat from which he extracts a small piece of lined paper.

Ray clears his throat. “Mikey was my – my best friend.” He lets out a sob. “For as long as I’ve known him, he’s always been a... a fighter.” He takes in a shaky breath and continues, “He fought for every band he loved, and he... he fought until the e-end. And I’m going to miss my partner in crime more than he could have ever imagined.” He wipes at his eyes, then places the rose on top of the coffin with a shaking hand. “I love you, man.”

Ray steps back next to Alicia. She is crying harder than before, so Ray wraps her in his arms and tries to calm her. Gerard releases her hand, but other than that he remains still.

“Thank you for those kind words, Raymond,” the celebrant says with sympathy coating his voice. “Next is Eleanor Theroux, an old family friend.”

Ellie steps forward, still wiping away tears from Ray’s speech. She also takes a red rose from the celebrant.

“I loved Michael as a son. From a little boy down here,” she says, holding her shaking hand out to her knees, “to a young man so tall and full of life.” She pauses to try to control her sobs. “He has touched all of our lives so deeply... and will never be forgotten.” She places the rose diagonally across Ray’s. “Goodbye my boy, Je ne vais pas cesser de t'aimer pour toujours jusqu'à ce que se termine.”



Short and sweet, just like Ellie herself. I turn my head toward Gerard and notice that while he appears void of all emotion with his rigid stance and vacant expression, there is a single tear running down his cheek from beneath his glasses. Without a second thought, I reach out and take hold of his arm. He pulls his arm out of my grip. I feel kind of hurt, but I guess doesn’t need me right now. Suddenly he’s taken my hand instead and is holding it tightly, pulling me in closer to his side at the same time.

I guess he does need me after all.

The celebrant calls up another two people who I’ve never met or heard of before. It surprises me that neither of Mikey’s parents have said anything, though. Their youngest son has just died, you’d think they would want to say something. I’m not sure if they’re even here.

“And now, Michael’s beloved wife Alicia will read a eulogy,” the celebrant says, holding out a hand toward Alicia. He has one final rose, except this one is black.

I look around Gerard to see Alicia. She’s still clutching onto Ray tightly; he’s whispering into her ear. I’m not sure if she’ll have the courage to step forward. I tilt my head upward to see Gerard’s face; he’s staring straight ahead. This must be so hard for him.

Finally, Alicia takes a few tentative steps forward. Her left hand is placed protectively on her stomach while her right digs out a piece of paper from her coat pocket. Tears streak her face, and more flow down her cheeks as she looks at the words written on the sheet.

“Mikey w-was the kindest, swe-sweetest person y-you could ev-ever m-meet. He–” She stops, crying hard. She looks up from the paper and scans the faces of those around her, then looks back down at what she’s written. “H-he g-gave him-himself– I’m s-sorry, I can’t do this.”

Alicia covers her face as she cries, the eulogy dropping to the dewy ground. My heart is wretched out of my chest as I witness her crumble; I cry more. Gerard releases my hand and steps forward to where Alicia is standing. He retrieves the eulogy and envelopes her in his arms, kissing the top of her head. She puts her arms around him too and cries into his chest. He shifts her fragile form to his right side, still holding her, and brings the dew-stained paper into sight.

He continues reading from where she left off. It’s read flawlessly.

“He gave himself so fully to everyone. Mikey was never selfish, and made sure everyone he held dear knew that he loved them.

Music was his passion. He bled music, played like no one was watching. If you ever heard or saw him play, you would know that he was made up of all the chords he played. That spirit in his heart is what he looked for in a band, and when he found it he would cling to that band and never let them go. He took pride in his discoveries, but was never pompous or boastful. Because of him, so many talented people are finding their success.

He will never leave this world entirely; he has embedded himself in our hearts too deeply for that to be possible. His child is his legacy, and he or she will be a lasting reminder of everything this beautiful, loving man was.

Rest in peace, Mikey. Someday we will meet again.”

Together, Gerard and Alicia toss the black rose on top of the four red roses. They step back from the grave into Ray’s awaiting arms. He hugs them both together, then Alicia on her own while Gerard rests his hand on her shoulder. The celebrant continues with the service while this happens so they can have their moment without everyone paying attention to them. I don’t really hear what is said, because unlike the other mourners, I can’t stop watching the display. Gerard turns away from Alicia and faces me. His eyes are still hidden behind his dark glasses, but I can tell that they are locked with mine. He closes the distance between us and pulls me to him for a hug. I put my arms around him; I feel his whole body tremble – he’s crying.

“Mikey would be proud,” I whisper into his ear. It’s all I can think to say.

Gerard stays in my arms until the time comes for the casket to be lowered into the ground. We all watch on as the coffin disappears from sight and is covered by dirt. The celebrant thanks everyone for coming and slowly the crowd of mourners disperses. Some stay behind to talk to Gerard, Alicia, and Mikey’s parents, who it turns out are here after all, or to leave a bouquet of flowers by the tombstone, but most head off to Ellie and Bernard’s house where the wake is being held.
I’m conflicted as to whether to stay behind with Gerard and Alicia or go to the wake. I don’t know if I’m needed here, but if I go to the wake I can help Ellie with food and what not.

Gerard, who was speaking with a middle aged couple, makes his way over to me. I look at him nervously, unsure of what he needs rights now.

“Alicia can’t be alone tonight,” he says, looking over to where she is standing with Ray, still trembling, “so I’ll be sleeping at the apartment tonight. Ray will probably come back there after the wake, too.”

“Okay,” I reply. I’m glad he’s telling me where he’s going instead of sneaking off. “I’ll clear the rest of the week for you when I get back to the office.”

He doesn’t say anything to that, just looks at me through those dark glasses. I wait for him to say something, but instead of talking he walks past me to an old oak tree and leans his back up against it. There’s a calmness to him that hasn’t been there recently. Maybe he feels a bit relieved now that Mikey is finally at peace. He shifts over a little and looks to the ground beside him, then back to my face; I guess he wants me to join him. I do. It feels like we’re removed from the sad atmosphere of the funeral, like we’re watching this all through a screen; it’s easier to handle the pain when we’re like this.

“I’ve put a lot of pressure on you over the past few weeks,” Gerard remarks thoughtfully. I shrug my shoulders; it hasn’t really felt that much like pressure. “I want to ask one more thing of you, Frank, but as right now you’re not my employee, it wouldn’t be fair of me to expect you to do it.”

“Ask me anyway,” I say casually.

He looks at me, long and hard, considering whether to ask or not. In the end, he decides to. “Would you stay with m– us – tonight?”

“I’m not your employee right now,” I say, and he looks downcast, thinking I won’t do it, “but I am your friend, so of course I’ll stay with you tonight.”

I close my eyes and take a moment to myself. It’s beautifully serene here, so peaceful; it hardly feels like we just witnessed Mikey’s burial a stone’s throw from where we’re standing. The clouds must be coming over because shadows are beginning to fall over my face. Wait... there are lips pressed against my own. My eyes shoot open and I’m met with the sight of dark sunglasses. Gerard...

He pulls away from me. I realise now that he’s practically on top of me, with his arm resting on the tree to support his weight. It must be the trauma of today that made him kiss me... but I have to know for sure. I lift up my hands and slowly pull his glasses off. I look closely at his eyes; they’re red and puffy, but I can tell he’s not being controlled by his sadness. He leans in and kisses me again, just a light peck, nothing more.

He pushes himself up off the tree, taking his sunglasses from my hand, and starts to walk back toward Alicia and Ray. Over his shoulder he says, “Thanks, Frank.”

My lips are tingling from his kiss... should I follow him? No. I’m going to stay here by the tree where reality disappears.