Frank Iero: P.A.

We rush to the hospital, Gerard’s Grand Turismo driving skills for once coming in handy. He tells me of how panicked she sounded on the phone, “verging on hyperventilation and in excruciating pain” were his exact words. I’ve never given birth before, but I imagine that it’ll be more painful than anything I could ever experience. Alicia doesn’t have her mother to seek advice from either; she must be so scared.

When we arrive at the hospital, Gerard parks across two spots and leaps from the car. We run to the elevators and wait anxiously for one to take us up four floors to the maternity ward. Gerard locates the nurses’ station expertly.

“Alicia Way,” he demands authoritatively of the Asian nurse behind the desk.

She looks terrified of him, and rightly so with that rigid body of his, those sharp hazel eyes, and the enraged expression that has overtaken his features, not to mention that he is easily a foot taller than her. She fumbles with a metal clipboard and trails her finger down the list of patients on it until she finds Alicia’s name.

“Uh, room fah-ree you want. Room fah-ree,” she stammers in broken English. “Down corridor, left.”

Gerard doesn’t bother with politeness, pushing away from the desk and charging down the corridor. I offer the nurse a smile and trail after him. Agonising groans and painful screams echo around us from the women on the ward. Some are in the early stage of labour, while others are on the threshold of pushing new life into the world. We reach the third door and enter the room. I notice immediately that it is a private room; Gerard is probably paying for it, too like he did for Mikey when he was in hospital. Alicia is sitting upright in the bed with a pillow behind her back and her knees bent. Her face is pale and sweaty, and the dark eye makeup she usually wears has been smeared around her eyes, giving her a raccoon like appearance. Gerard goes to her immediately and takes her trembling hand between his, but I stay by the door.

“How are you feeling?” he asks gently.

Tears streak down her cheeks. “It hurts so much,” she sobs. “I’m so scared.”

Gerard takes a cloth from beside the bed and sponges her heated forehead. “You can do this,” he encourages her.

I feel awkward standing here watching on while Gerard and Alicia share this intimate moment. Today will be long, as labour tends to be for first time mothers, and I think there’s little to nothing I could do to help.

“Frank,” Alicia’s weary voice calls out to me. I look up from my feet to her eyes. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“You are?” I ask, failing to keep the shock from my voice.

“Of course,” she replies, aiming to inject enthusiasm but not quite hitting the mark due to her tiredness. “You’re a good distraction.”

I don’t know how to take that, but I offer her a smile anyway. Gerard, who’s been sitting on the bed, gets up and lets Alicia’s hand go.

“I’m going to get your doctor, see how long he thinks it’ll take and if there’s anything he can give you for the pain.”

Alicia scoffs. “What would he know?”

Gerard cocks an eyebrow at her comically. “Well, he is a doctor.”

“As far as I’m concerned, until he pushes something the size of a watermelon out through his vagina, he knows nothing,” Alicia snaps back.

I giggle while Gerard shakes his head.

“Well, I’m going to get him all the same,” he tells her, then brushes past me as he heads out into the corridor.

Feeling comfortable now that Alicia has broken the tension, I come to sit in the chair beside her bed. She smiles at me weakly, then her face contorts in pain as she experiences a contraction. She sucks in deep breaths and exhales them with a few groans in between.

“I thought you had a female doctor?” I query, out of genuine curiosity and by way of distraction as that is apparently my assigned role.

Her face relaxes as the contraction stops. A few seconds later she replies with an unimpressed expression, “She went on maternity leave.”

Oh, the irony.

“Well, I’m sure this doctor knows just as much as she does,” I try comfortingly.

“I doubt it.”

“As long as it’s not his first day on the job, I’m sure it will be fine.”

Her mouth falls open. “I never thought about that! What if I’m the first woman he’ll deliver a baby for?” She is sounding panicky. “Oh, no! I need my own doctor!”

I’m lost at what I’m meant to do in this situation. Do I restrain her? Tell her everything will be okay? I’ve never had nor delivered a baby – I really have no idea what to do.

“Uh, keep calm,” I try, patting her hand awkwardly.

My words do absolutely nothing to help her relax. She is sucking in deep, desperate breaths while her shaking hands clutch at her swollen stomach. Her eyes are wide in fear.

“Mrs. Way, I must ask you to remain calm.”

Oh, thank Christ – the doctor.

The man, wearing a white lab coat, with a clipboard in hand walks toward Alicia’s bed. He looks to be in his mid thirties; brown hair and blue eyes with a friendly smile. He talks her through some breathing exercises while he examines her. His guidance has minimal effect on Alicia, but she slowly composes herself as Gerard sits by her side and encourages her to breath, “for the baby”.

“How many babies have you delivered?” Alicia demands of the doctor; her voice is still panicked.

He is probing her stomach with his hands but manages to offer her some eye contact. “I can’t say I’ve kept a record, ma’am, but I assure you I’ve hit triple digits.”

“See, you have nothing to worry about,” I say to her.

The doctor gives me a smile, so apparently I’m doing something right.

“Now,” he says, lifting the blanket up from the bottom of the bed, “I’m just going to check how dilated you are.”

“What?” Alicia says, alarmed. She clamps her legs shut. “I don’t want you looking up there!”

I exchange a worried look with Gerard. Even I know that this birthing thing isn’t going to get very far if Alicia doesn’t let the doctor check that everything is working fine.

“Sweetie, he’s a doctor, just let him do his job,” Gerard comments calmly.

Alicia shakes her head definitively, then throws her head back on the pillow, squeezing her eyes shut. The doctor watches how the pain is effecting her. He checks his watch, scrutinizing it with a concerned look on his face. Something doesn’t feel right.

“Alicia, I really need to examine you properly.” I feel the there’s more to that comment than the doctor’s letting on. In a practiced composed voice, he says, “I understand you would feel more comfortable with your own doctor, or at least a female doctor, but things a tight here today as a lot of women fall pregnant around Christmas time and we’re a little understaffed. Dr. Rogers had me replace her, and finding another doctor for you now will be really difficult, so I need you to just try with me.”

She looks sceptical, but when Gerard takes her hand and urges her to let him help her she finally agrees. I instinctively take a step back as the doctor, looking slightly relieved, lifts up Alicia’s hospital gown; what is under there is something I most certainly do not want to see. While the doctor performs the examination and talks Alicia through what he is doing, Gerard starts brushing Alicia’s hair back from her face; I follow his lead and take her hand. Her fear and panic seem to ease.

“You’re at four centimetres,” he says as he removes his rubber gloves. “You’ve still got a way to go, but you’re doing great. I’ll come back and see you in a little while, but for now just concentrate on your breathing and try to relax.”

He leaves the room, which surprisingly pacifies Alicia more than his presence should have. She begins to talk to us about how she’s feeling. It’s not quite what I was expecting to hear when she explains to us why she’s so uncomfortable about having a male doctor deliver her baby.

“It’s Mikey...” she tells us. There are tears in her eyes, but I don’t know if they’re from sadness or pain. “H-he was the only man that has ever seen me... down there... you know? Even though he’s just a doctor... it doesn’t feel right.”

The mention of Mikey sends Gerard to a still, rigid state. My eyes scan his features; his eyes are hard, unblinking, his jaw is set. Alicia starts to experience another contraction, so she doesn’t notice the change in Gerard. I sooth her as best as I can, telling her to breath and think of happy thoughts, but the majority of my attention is focussed on Gerard. He is devoid of emotion, deep in thought, so much so that it hasn’t registered to him that Alicia is part way through a contraction. She relaxes back into the mattress when the contraction ends after fifty seconds.

“You okay?” I ask her. She nods, trying to regulate her breathing still. “Good, good. Will you be okay by yourself for a couple of minutes?”

“You’re going to leave m by myself?” she asks anxiously. I gesture to Gerard; for the first time she notices his hardened features. “Oh... yeah, I’ll be fine.”

I get up from my chair and walk around the other side of the bed to Gerard. I touch his shoulder lightly, breaking him out of his thoughts. He looks up at me, trying to hold back his pained expression.

“Come on,” I say, tugging him up gently.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t put up a fight. We walk out of the room together and sit down on the row of seats against the wall outside of her room.

“How are you holding up?” I ask him.

He shakes his head, then drags his hands down his face. “I hadn’t been thinking about Mikey until she said his name. Now all I can think about is the fact that I’m here with her and he isn’t – he can’t be. I feel guilty.”

“Oh, Gerard – you’re doing a good thing for Alicia and Mikey – you can’t feel guilty for that.”

“But I’m getting to be part of the birthing experience and he isn’t...”

“You can’t change what happened, though, and you’re not responsible for his passing,” I tell him firmly. “He would want you here in his place, and you’re doing a great job.” He looks downcast, focussing on his limp hands in his lap. I place my hand on his cheek and force him to look at me. “It’s okay to be sad, Gerard, but you also need to be strong for Alicia. Why? Because when she went into labour you were the first person she called. She’s wants and needs you here.”

He sighs heavily and gets to his feet. “You’re right, Frank... you’re always right.” He rubs the back of his neck, avoiding meeting my eyes. “Thanks.”

We go back to attend to Alicia. It takes hours for her to become fully dilated, six long, gruelling, painful hours. There are lots of screams and lots of tears, not all of them hers (Gerard and I both got a little emotional when she started pleading for Mikey). The doctor came in every now and then to check on her, and a nurse stopped by a couple of times to provide her with pain relief. Gerard and I learnt that it was helpful for a woman to lay in different positions, so we spent a lot of the six hours assisting her to move from her back to her side to being on all fours. We took turns rubbing her back and stomach, and offered her encouragement as best as we could.

“I think you’re ready to push now,” the doctor told Alicia.

I bent down to give Alicia a kiss on the forehead and wished her luck. I’d made the decision at the five hour mark that I wouldn’t be staying in the room for the actual birthing part; I didn’t have the nerve for that, but Gerard did. I headed out of the room

Sitting out here is giving me time to think about what has happened lately. The obvious thing, Mikey’s death, sticks out in my mind. It has really shaped everything that has happened up to this point. Gerard doesn’t want to socialise with anyone, not that he really did much of that before anyway, and he is all too easily letting his work fall to the wayside; nothing seems to matter much to him anymore. I can only hope that the birth of his niece or nephew will prompt him to revaluate his life, even if that means giving up his career altogether; he just needs to work out what he wants instead of just gliding through life as he has been.

“Okay, dear, now when you start pushing you need to hold onto your knees and bring them toward your chest,” I hear the nurse say to Alicia; she’s speaking quite loudly so Alicia hears her over her own groans.

“Alright, here we go, Alicia,” the doctor says.

I find myself cringing as Alicia screams through her pushing. I can’t imagine what Gerard must be thinking and feeling; he would be standing right beside her.

“And stop for a moment,” he says again.

Alicia groans, hissing, “I can’t!”

“You can,” he tells her gently. There a pause, then he says, “Okay, let’s push again.”

The screams coming from Alicia’s room are agonising. They make me shudder, and I find myself thanking my lucky stars that I was born a boy.

“I see the head!” the doctor exclaims. “Almost there!”

“Keep pushing, sweetie!” I hear Gerard say encouragingly. “You can do it, come on.”

Alicia’s screams penetrate the hallway. I’ve seen enough episodes of One Born Every Minute to know that sound means the baby is starting to emerge from inside her. It is loud enough to muffle whatever Gerard says to her next. But then her screams stop and all I can hear are a mixture of voices.

That’s when I hear it... a baby crying. The beautiful sound of new life echoes all around me. Mikey may no longer be with us, but in this moment right now he is a father.

“Frank! Frank, come in here!” Gerard calls out to me a moment later.

I take a deep breath and get to my feet. As I walk into the private room I first notice the doctor and one of the two nurses in the room still working down at the bottom of the bed, then I look up and see Alicia. Her face is sweaty and blotchy, black hair sticks to her forehead, but she looks beautiful holding her tiny baby in her arms.

“I have a niece,” Gerard says softly to me. His eyes are watery, but he’s smiling. He looks down at the baby that’s wrapped in a soft pink blanket. “She’s perfect...”

“What are you going to call her?” I ask Alicia.

She smiles a sweet, maternal smile. “Emma-Lea,” she says, gazing at the chubby cheeked baby in her arms. “Emma-Lea Michaela Way.”

The three of us look down at little Emma-Lea. She is absolutely gorgeous, and the name fits her perfectly. It’s the perfect amount of unique and tribute. She’s just a beautiful little miracle, kept alive by the spirit of Mikey.

Alicia is really pale all of a sudden. Her hands are trembling on the outside of the pink blanket. Her eyelids droop as she attempts to steady herself through deep breaths.

“S-someone take h-her,” she stammers weakly.

Gerard holds out his arms, but the second nurse in the room steps in quickly and relieves Alicia of her baby. She, the nurse, looks worried. This prompts me to look down to the doctor at the bottom of bed. There is blood all over his green scrubs and a nervous look on his face. His arms are moving quickly as the first nurse passes him more tools.

“We’re going to have to get her to surgery,” he says to the nurse beside him.

Gerard overhears him. When the first nurse rushes from the room, he demands, “What’s happening?”

“She’s experiencing severe postpartum haemorrhaging,” the doctor tells us evenly. There’s a sense of urgency to his voice. “There’s an abnormal amount of blood and it’s not slowing down. We need to get her to the O.R. quickly so we can stop the bleeding.”

“Is she going to be okay?” I ask.

The doctor looks between the two of us and takes in a breath. “We’ll do our best.”

A team of nurses hurry into the room. They pull the railings up on the side of the bed and take hold of it and the equipment Alicia is attached to. We are ushered out into the corridor so they can wheel her out. Another nurse wheels Emma-Lea out of the room right after her mother to take her for testing and such.

We are left to wait, hoping Alicia will make it through surgery.