Dakota South
chapter two
If the sun is out today, I’m not going to school. After a long moment of giving fate a chance to make up its mind, I peek out through my window to see that it is raining. Fuck. I was really banking on it being sunny. My life has become a series of ultimatums. I don’t want to go to school. Plus now I have no excuse to keep the blinds closed. Fuck.
“Yo, Dee, Mom wants you to go eat breakfast now.”
I don’t want to eat.
“You awake in there?”
My older brother’s voice wafts through my curtain that has taken the place of my lost door and is followed by a short knock and then the curtain being pushed aside.
“I’m awake.”
“Mom has breakfast on the table for you.”
“Tell her I’m going to shower first.”
“Okay.”
Mark leaves.
I don’t want to go to school. Refusing to get out of bed counts as suspicious behavior. I finally drag myself out of my room and into the bathroom to take a shower. If I weigh more than I did yesterday, I’ll kill myself. My life has become a series of ultimatums. I hold my breath as I stand on the scale, sucking in my stomach as if it will make a difference in the number I am about to face. I look down: one-sixteen, exactly the same number I faced yesterday. I don’t have to kill myself, but I still want to. I shower quickly, and get dressed in the first clothes I can find in my dresser drawers.
Downstairs, Mom is waiting for me at the kitchen table. She’s reading the paper, but as soon as she hears me she places it on the table and beams at me. She’s really excited that I’m finally going back to school. I wish I could say the same. There are pancakes on the table. Sugar and shit in the form of syrup drenches them. I want to gag. I smile though, instead, as I sit across from Mom. Not eating counts as suspicious behavior.
“How are you feeling?” she chirps.
Excellent.
My mouth is full of pancakes so I don’t answer.
“It’s so great,” she gushes. “You’re finally getting back into a normal schedule. It’s exactly what you need!”
I’m not listening. I’m wondering how I’m going to fit in the miles needed to get rid of these stupid pancakes.
“Are you listening?”
“Yes.”
No.
“Are you excited?”
“Yes.”
No.
“When Jonathon’s ready we’ll leave.”
Mom gets up to put her empty dish in the sink. I intentionally create an unnecessary amount of noise to sound like I’m eating while feeding Griffin my scraps under the table, simultaneously keeping a careful eye on Mom for when she turns around again. I hope Griffin eats the pancakes. Sometimes he just hoards food in his bed. Mom always finds it. Rotting food isn’t particularly unnoticeable. Feeding the dog your breakfast counts as suspicious behavior.
“I’m ready!”
Fuck.
“Are you ready, Dakota?”
“Yup.”
I try to sound happy. It ends up coming out rather choked and pained. I’m a shit liar sometimes. Mom doesn’t notice. She tries, though, I have to give it to her that she tries.
“Great!”
First, second, and third periods fly by, surprisingly. It seems no one has really noticed, or cared, much about my return. I assumed people would be buzzing about what happened to me, spreading rumors and shit as usual. But, nothing. My teachers all treat me like a person on the edge. It’s annoying. If the sun comes out, I’ll ditch the rest of school. My life has become a series of ultimatums. I wonder if people would notice if I ditched school. I’m guessing that counts as suspicious behavior though.
Fourth period is calculus, advanced placement calculus to be exact. I like math. It just makes sense to me. I’m the first one there. I don’t stop to talk to anyone in the halls between classes. Mr. Keller, my teacher, isn’t even here yet. I guess he has more friends than me. If I can get through this day without a single social interaction, I’ll be okay. I sit in the back corner of the room next to the window where, hopefully, no one will take notice of me.
“Dakota?”
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, fuck.
“Dakota!”
I know that shrill, obnoxiously loud voice. Marie. Marie-fucking-Donnelly: ex-best friend from kindergarten through tenth grade, bitch and gossiper extraordinaire. God, I fucking hate her.
“Hey, Marie.”
“No one told me you were coming back!”
I grit my teeth.
“Oh.”
“It’s so great to see you! I missed you so much!”
She comes over and looks like she is about to hug me. I don’t move. She stops awkwardly, arms outstretched for the hug we both know isn’t going to be received. If she touches me, I give myself permission to beat the living shit out of her. My life has become a series of ultimatums. The door opens and a small group of students starts straggling in. Marie puts her arms down immediately. I hope she’ll take the hint and leave me a lone, but she takes the seat next to mine instead.
“So how are you?”
She just wants to be up to date on all the gossip.
“Dakota?”
Go away, Marie.
“Are you feeling okay?”
If one more person asks me that stupid question, I’ll freak out. Does that count as suspicious behavior? Probably.
The bell rings. Mr. Keller finally walks in, carrying a load of textbooks in his arms. I breathe out a sigh of relief. Now Marie has to leave me alone. Mr. Keller does not tolerate talking in his class.
When the bell rings forty minutes later I dart out of the room before Marie can say anything. Suddenly it seems like everyone has noticed my return. People are staring. Now they are whispering. Did I just hear my name? Did Marie spread the news of my return that quickly? Is that even possible? Fuck. I don’t think I can take five more periods of this. If the sun comes out, I’m allowed to leave. My life has become a series of ultimatums. There’s only one way this day could get worse.
I rush to fifth period. It’s a study hall. I’ve never seen this teacher before, which might make this class a little better. The majority of the kids are freshman so they probably haven’t heard of me yet. Good. I allow myself to relax a little bit. My encounter with Marie put me on edge. I want to go home. Where’s the goddamn sun when you need it?
“Eric Sanders?”
The teacher’s taking roll call.
“Dakota South?”
“Here,” I raise my hand.
I can feel all eyes on me now. Maybe these freshmen had heard of me. Or maybe they’re just reacting to my weird name. There’s only one way this day could get worse, and it happens.
“Dakota?”
I know that voice. Fuck.
“Yo, Dee, Mom wants you to go eat breakfast now.”
I don’t want to eat.
“You awake in there?”
My older brother’s voice wafts through my curtain that has taken the place of my lost door and is followed by a short knock and then the curtain being pushed aside.
“I’m awake.”
“Mom has breakfast on the table for you.”
“Tell her I’m going to shower first.”
“Okay.”
Mark leaves.
I don’t want to go to school. Refusing to get out of bed counts as suspicious behavior. I finally drag myself out of my room and into the bathroom to take a shower. If I weigh more than I did yesterday, I’ll kill myself. My life has become a series of ultimatums. I hold my breath as I stand on the scale, sucking in my stomach as if it will make a difference in the number I am about to face. I look down: one-sixteen, exactly the same number I faced yesterday. I don’t have to kill myself, but I still want to. I shower quickly, and get dressed in the first clothes I can find in my dresser drawers.
Downstairs, Mom is waiting for me at the kitchen table. She’s reading the paper, but as soon as she hears me she places it on the table and beams at me. She’s really excited that I’m finally going back to school. I wish I could say the same. There are pancakes on the table. Sugar and shit in the form of syrup drenches them. I want to gag. I smile though, instead, as I sit across from Mom. Not eating counts as suspicious behavior.
“How are you feeling?” she chirps.
Excellent.
My mouth is full of pancakes so I don’t answer.
“It’s so great,” she gushes. “You’re finally getting back into a normal schedule. It’s exactly what you need!”
I’m not listening. I’m wondering how I’m going to fit in the miles needed to get rid of these stupid pancakes.
“Are you listening?”
“Yes.”
No.
“Are you excited?”
“Yes.”
No.
“When Jonathon’s ready we’ll leave.”
Mom gets up to put her empty dish in the sink. I intentionally create an unnecessary amount of noise to sound like I’m eating while feeding Griffin my scraps under the table, simultaneously keeping a careful eye on Mom for when she turns around again. I hope Griffin eats the pancakes. Sometimes he just hoards food in his bed. Mom always finds it. Rotting food isn’t particularly unnoticeable. Feeding the dog your breakfast counts as suspicious behavior.
“I’m ready!”
Fuck.
“Are you ready, Dakota?”
“Yup.”
I try to sound happy. It ends up coming out rather choked and pained. I’m a shit liar sometimes. Mom doesn’t notice. She tries, though, I have to give it to her that she tries.
“Great!”
First, second, and third periods fly by, surprisingly. It seems no one has really noticed, or cared, much about my return. I assumed people would be buzzing about what happened to me, spreading rumors and shit as usual. But, nothing. My teachers all treat me like a person on the edge. It’s annoying. If the sun comes out, I’ll ditch the rest of school. My life has become a series of ultimatums. I wonder if people would notice if I ditched school. I’m guessing that counts as suspicious behavior though.
Fourth period is calculus, advanced placement calculus to be exact. I like math. It just makes sense to me. I’m the first one there. I don’t stop to talk to anyone in the halls between classes. Mr. Keller, my teacher, isn’t even here yet. I guess he has more friends than me. If I can get through this day without a single social interaction, I’ll be okay. I sit in the back corner of the room next to the window where, hopefully, no one will take notice of me.
“Dakota?”
Shit. Shit, shit, shit, fuck.
“Dakota!”
I know that shrill, obnoxiously loud voice. Marie. Marie-fucking-Donnelly: ex-best friend from kindergarten through tenth grade, bitch and gossiper extraordinaire. God, I fucking hate her.
“Hey, Marie.”
“No one told me you were coming back!”
I grit my teeth.
“Oh.”
“It’s so great to see you! I missed you so much!”
She comes over and looks like she is about to hug me. I don’t move. She stops awkwardly, arms outstretched for the hug we both know isn’t going to be received. If she touches me, I give myself permission to beat the living shit out of her. My life has become a series of ultimatums. The door opens and a small group of students starts straggling in. Marie puts her arms down immediately. I hope she’ll take the hint and leave me a lone, but she takes the seat next to mine instead.
“So how are you?”
She just wants to be up to date on all the gossip.
“Dakota?”
Go away, Marie.
“Are you feeling okay?”
If one more person asks me that stupid question, I’ll freak out. Does that count as suspicious behavior? Probably.
The bell rings. Mr. Keller finally walks in, carrying a load of textbooks in his arms. I breathe out a sigh of relief. Now Marie has to leave me alone. Mr. Keller does not tolerate talking in his class.
When the bell rings forty minutes later I dart out of the room before Marie can say anything. Suddenly it seems like everyone has noticed my return. People are staring. Now they are whispering. Did I just hear my name? Did Marie spread the news of my return that quickly? Is that even possible? Fuck. I don’t think I can take five more periods of this. If the sun comes out, I’m allowed to leave. My life has become a series of ultimatums. There’s only one way this day could get worse.
I rush to fifth period. It’s a study hall. I’ve never seen this teacher before, which might make this class a little better. The majority of the kids are freshman so they probably haven’t heard of me yet. Good. I allow myself to relax a little bit. My encounter with Marie put me on edge. I want to go home. Where’s the goddamn sun when you need it?
“Eric Sanders?”
The teacher’s taking roll call.
“Dakota South?”
“Here,” I raise my hand.
I can feel all eyes on me now. Maybe these freshmen had heard of me. Or maybe they’re just reacting to my weird name. There’s only one way this day could get worse, and it happens.
“Dakota?”
I know that voice. Fuck.