The Lost Boy

Sitting at the dinner table that night I couldn't focus on anything other than the fact that I had just ran into Brendan earlier that morning. I didn't know if I should tell Paddy or not, with Tommy coming home and all I didn't want to overwhelm him all just yet. I looked up at Paddy poking and proding at his dinner, not really eating. Focusing elsewhere.

"You okay?",I asked.

"Yea.... I'm fine.",he replied.

"Talk to Tommy today?",I asked.

"No.",he answered.

"Yea, me either.",I added.

I hadn't spoke to Tommy since last night. Saw him passed out in the living room when I woke up, but I wasn't sure what had happened to him after that. It was like he was a ghost. Passing through and not really giving to much contact to others other than when he wanted something.

I cleaned up dinner and Paddy passed out in his recliner. Figured I just leave him there until he woke up. I headed to the bathroom and upon looking around it seemed as if a hurricane had come barreling through there. Tommy's clothes were sprawled out everywhere, all over the shower rod, over the back of the toilet, not an inch of linoleum could be seen.

"What a pig....",I whispered under my breath as I proceeded to pick up all his clothes and toss them in the perfectly labeled hamper in the corner of the room. How much clothing could one man possibly use in the matter of a few days.

As I was tossing his clothes into the hamper I picked up a sweatshirt, as I began to toss it in I heard a shaking noise. I stopped to see if it was just my mind messing with me before I reached back into the hamper to pull the sweatshirt out. Examining the pockets I reached in and pulled out 2 orange prescription bottles, another dropped to the floor. Looking over them I didn't know what to think. Why did Tommy have all of these? What was he hiding? I quickly placed them back into the pocket and tossed it in the hamper again. As I was exiting the bathroom I ran into a calmer than normal Tommy with his gym bag thrown over his shoulder, remnants of sweat around his hair line.

"Shit... you scared me.",I said feeling like I was caught. He just stood there and looked at me.

"Have you eaten? Do you want me to make you something to eat?",I asked.

"Nah, I'll be fine.",he said.

"Tommy..... can we talk for a second?",I asked.

"Sure. Let me put this down.",he said as he walked up the stairs to his room.

I stood there in panic mood, my palms began to get sweaty because I didn't exactly know what I was going to say to him, but I had a lot on my mind.

Tommy came back down and motioned for me to go outside as not to disturb Paddy. As soon as we left the house and stood outside on the porch Tommy walked down the steps standing at the end of the railing as I walked midway with my arms crossed trying to keep in what little warmth I could out in this cold Pittsburgh air.

"What do you wanna talk about?",Tommy asked avoiding eye contact.

"What's going on Tommy?",I asked with a hint of desperation in my voice.

"Nothing. Every thing's great.",he replied.

"It's not. Something's going on with you and I don't know how long you plan on staying here but you can keep acting this this and putting Paddy and I through this kind of bullshit. You're quiet, withdrawn, no one knows when you leave and when only ever see you when you come home.",I said.

"What do you care? You're here for the old man. Government gives you a check every month for doing your good deed and then you're done. Go spend time drooling over your boyfriends, I don't got time for this.",Tommy said as he tried to head back up to the door before I grabbed him by his arm.

"What boyfriends?",I asked getting pissed off.

"It doesn't matter.",he said.

"It does matter, now speak up. You have the balls to throw some asshole remarks out now back them up.",I said.

"Down at the bar. I over heard them talking about you and how you used to show up and get plastered then leave with some different guy every night. That's what I heard.",he said.

"That was a long time ago Tommy. And what I choose to do in my free time is none of your damn concern and certainly not your place to come throw it in my face after you walk your ass back into our lives 14 fucking years later!",I yelled.

"Like I said, it's none of my business. I don't care.",he said.

"I can't believe you Tommy. You leave and expect to come back and what? Every thing's the way it was? It doesn't work that way! There are people here that love you and want what's best for you...",I said.

"Spare me the bullshit emotional guilt trip because I don't need it. The only person who ever loved me I watched die in front of my very own eyes. Where was everyone then?! Paddy, Brendan.... where the fuck were you?! Probably out sucking some drunk bastards dick...", and before he could finish my hand just reached out and smacked him across the face. It almost felt as if I had no control over it. Like I was watching myself do it. And before I knew it everything became silent. Tommy stood there not moving, not saying a word, his eyes looked up at me and for a moment I got scared. I didn't know what to expect. Then I spoke.

"How fucking dare you... you low- life piece of shit. How dare you judge me when you're the one walking around here like you're all high and mighty, doping up on prescription pain pills. You can call me a whore, but you don't know a damn thing about me. If I'm a whore then you're a junkie. I can live with what I've done, you're the one who has to face your own demons.",I said walking back up the steps entering the house and slamming the door behind me.

Laying in bed that night I couldn't sleep. I just watched the rain drip down the window, the moonlight shining in providing the only light I needed. As I shut my eyes I heard a slight thud at my door. I opened my eyes and looked over waiting to see if the thud came again, then there it was again. I got up and slowly turned the door knob cracking the door open every so slowly. What I could see peeking out the door way was a very massive body. Opening it even further I realized it was Tommy standing there. I didn't know what to expect, nor did I want to hear anything he had to say.

"It's late. I need to get some rest. What do you want?",I asked.

"Can we talk?",he asked with his eyes staring straight at me.

"We have nothing to talk about Tommy.",I answered as I tried closing the door. Tommy pushed the door open and I stood back, that's when he grabbed me by my waist and pulled me closer causing our lips to press together. Caught off guard I tried pushing away from him but it was no use Tommy was too strong. He just held me closer and tighter. It wasn't that I didn't want it, it was just that I was expecting it or knowing where it was going to lead. So I went with it.

Tommy walked me over to the bed where we had to feel our way around as to not break the kiss. When we finally did I was able to catch my breath and really asses the situation. By this time Tommy had worked his way from my neck, to my chest, down to my belly button stopping right where the top of my panties was. Kissing around my hip bones while his strong hands had a firm grip on the outside of my thighs. With every kiss and every lick I felt myself melt, I was no stranger to sex but this was by far the most intimate and up close and personal I've ever gotten with a man, and all of this coming from Tommy of all people. Feeling him inside me and the way I clenched around him, the warmth he brought to my body and if only in that moment the comfort he brought to my soul. Feeling wanted by someone was a feeling I've yet to experience except in this very moment. His full lips brushing across mine every so often, for as rough of a man as he was he could still be so gentle. As I felt myself escape my body through climax I dug my nails deeply into his back and felt him bury his head between my neck and chest, I knew he had came as well. Just laying there in that moment I didn't want to let him go. I felt like wrapping myself up within him and being someone he could care about. But that would only last for a second.

Tommy caught his breath and sat up on the edge of the bed. Covering my body in the sheet I leaned up on my side and looked at him.Not really knowing what he was thinking or feeling.

"I want to apologize for the things I said....",he muttered.

"I don't feel those ways about you. I'm just going through something right now. I need my space.",he added.

"You picked a hell of a way to tell me that.",I said.

"Need to clear my head is all...",he said.

"You don't have to explain. Do whatever it is you need to do. If you need someone to talk to, I'm here.",I replied.

He nodded. Placing his hands on the tops of his thighs getting up to grab his boxer briefs and slip them on I grabbed his wrist and he turned back to look at me. I stood up on my knees, the sheet falling off my body exposing myself to him I placed my hands on his face connecting lips with him,sliding my arms now around his neck holding him ever so tightly. I didn't want this feeling to go away. I don't know what was going through my mind, but being with Tommy right now was all I wanted to be doing.