The Trio de Awesome
Best Day Ever
Riley, Tatiana and I had been friends since we were 8 years old. It all started in 3rd grade when Riley accidentally dropped her ant farm all over me, and after class I ‘accidentally’ slammed my fist into her face. After that 3rd grade had been hell for everyone, our teacher quit, students transferred to the class next door, and no one wanted to sub for our class. Parents didn’t want their kids to be in our class so badly that they slipped the principal money to not place their kid in our class. I never knew why, but it was probably because anyone who got in the way of our fight had to make a trip to the nurse.
But one day, a new kid came to school and no matter how many bills her mother slipped the principal; she couldn’t be placed in the good class, because apparently having 40 kids in one room was a fire hazard. So she was forced to enter our class of exactly fifteen kids.
At first we thought the new girl was a complete snob. She had the best stuff all the time, and she always wore pink dressed with white silk ribbons. It was disgusting…But it also brought Riley and I together. We hated Tatiana with a passion, even though we had never spoken a word to her.
It wasn’t until February 3rd 2003 that everything changed. Apparently some kids from the other class, the ‘good’ one , decided to stand up to Riley and I. We were outnumbered, six to two. Plus, I was on the short side back then and Riley was kind of fat. Anyway, Riley and I were getting our asses beat, when Tatiana rushed in wielding her ‘Sparkle Glow Baton 5000’ which she used to bash some poor kids' head in. Of course, the other kids high tailed it to their mothers, but for some reason Tatiana never got in trouble… (We later found out that Tatiana’s father had some very influential Russian associates.)
Moving on, that was the day that Riley and I realized that Tatiana was bad ass. It was also the day that the Trio de Awesome (formerly known as the Bad Ass Bitches, but our moms wouldn’t let us call ourselves that) was formed.
Seven Years later.
“Three rocks bands, a chocolate fountain, and a FERRIS WHEEL GUYS!” Riley yelled, launching herself onto my bed.
“Come on, Riles! How long are you going to rave on and on about, Naomi’s stupid garden party?” Tatiana sighed, while slipping on one of my favorite hoodies. “How does this look on me? Good? Bad?” she asked me and I gave her a thumbs up.
“Besides we weren’t even invited, so there’s no point in crying about it.” I pointed out.
Riley rolled over to glare at us. “Exactly! Don’t you guys see anything wrong with that? She invited our entire grade! She always acts like she’s better than us! She forces people to flock to her side, and probably tells them horrible things about us so they don’t wanna talk to us, which they don’t. And she keeps stealing all of the cute boys for herself!”
I snorted and threw another hoodie at Tatiana to try on. “Stealing them for herself? More like ‘they don’t even notice us, so it’s not even stealing.’”
“Yeah and besides, high school boys are juvenile.” Tatiana added
“Okay—well—that’s not even- That’s not the point!” Riley stuttered, jumping to her feet suddenly.
“We have to do something! We’re the Trio de Awesome, but we’ve never done anything awesome!”
“Pshh, yeah we have. Remember when we spray painted a dick on Mr. Atkin’s car?” I argued and Tatiana nodded along enthusiastically.
“That was in third grade, guys. I’m talking about now.” Riley snapped, placing her hands on her hips.
I sighed, “Okay, what do you have in mind?”
The plan was brilliant. It didn’t take that much effort and no one would even know it was us. We called it…Goldilocks and The Three Bears. In case you couldn’t tell, the Three Bears was us and Goldilocks was Naomi, cause we were gonna terrorize the shit out of her.
Tatiana had gotten us some cool bear suits; from where we did not know. They didn’t cover our entire faces, so we had to sew veils into them, but we looked bad ass anyway. We planned to sneak into her garden party two hours after it started and blast her with—Wait for it
Green, blue and pink dye.
Why? Because Naomi was a bitch, that’s why. And I knew for a fact that she was going to be wearing a pretty little white dress that day. Ten points for the Trio de Awesome.
“This is going to be sweet!” Riley gushed as we snuck pass the bouncers at the entrance to Naomi’s garden party, which for your information wasn’t even a garden. It was a freaking field. And she didn’t just have a Ferris wheel; she had the whole damn carnival!
“I can hear her screams already.” Tatiana sighed happily.
“Come on guys, if we go through there,” I pointed to a path between the chocolate fountain and a face painting stand. “We’ll end up right in front of the stage, where Naomi will be getting ready to give her lame speech.”
We dashed between the fountain and stand (but not before indulging in some chocolate covered strawberries) and crouched down at the side of the huge stage, where Naomi was standing behind a podium.
Nearly everyone from our grade and a select group of students in other grades, were sitting in the seats in front of the stage. A loud screech emitted from the microphone and everyone let out groans and covered their ears.
Naomi cleared her throat and did her patented ‘I’m going to flip my hair and you’re all going to love me, because I’m the devil’ move, and cleared her throat.
“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being able to attend my annual spring garden party.”
I wrinkled my nose in disgust, “Seriously? Who talks like that? What is she the Queen of England?”
Tatiana and Riley snickered, and we settled down to listen to the rest of Naomi’s stupid speech. Finally she was near the end and that’s when we jumped into action.
“ATTACK!” The three of us screamed and we whipped out our water guns.
To this day, whenever any of us recall Naomi’s horror stricken face we burst into laughter, because really… It was fucking hilarious.
But one day, a new kid came to school and no matter how many bills her mother slipped the principal; she couldn’t be placed in the good class, because apparently having 40 kids in one room was a fire hazard. So she was forced to enter our class of exactly fifteen kids.
At first we thought the new girl was a complete snob. She had the best stuff all the time, and she always wore pink dressed with white silk ribbons. It was disgusting…But it also brought Riley and I together. We hated Tatiana with a passion, even though we had never spoken a word to her.
It wasn’t until February 3rd 2003 that everything changed. Apparently some kids from the other class, the ‘good’ one , decided to stand up to Riley and I. We were outnumbered, six to two. Plus, I was on the short side back then and Riley was kind of fat. Anyway, Riley and I were getting our asses beat, when Tatiana rushed in wielding her ‘Sparkle Glow Baton 5000’ which she used to bash some poor kids' head in. Of course, the other kids high tailed it to their mothers, but for some reason Tatiana never got in trouble… (We later found out that Tatiana’s father had some very influential Russian associates.)
Moving on, that was the day that Riley and I realized that Tatiana was bad ass. It was also the day that the Trio de Awesome (formerly known as the Bad Ass Bitches, but our moms wouldn’t let us call ourselves that) was formed.
Seven Years later.
“Three rocks bands, a chocolate fountain, and a FERRIS WHEEL GUYS!” Riley yelled, launching herself onto my bed.
“Come on, Riles! How long are you going to rave on and on about, Naomi’s stupid garden party?” Tatiana sighed, while slipping on one of my favorite hoodies. “How does this look on me? Good? Bad?” she asked me and I gave her a thumbs up.
“Besides we weren’t even invited, so there’s no point in crying about it.” I pointed out.
Riley rolled over to glare at us. “Exactly! Don’t you guys see anything wrong with that? She invited our entire grade! She always acts like she’s better than us! She forces people to flock to her side, and probably tells them horrible things about us so they don’t wanna talk to us, which they don’t. And she keeps stealing all of the cute boys for herself!”
I snorted and threw another hoodie at Tatiana to try on. “Stealing them for herself? More like ‘they don’t even notice us, so it’s not even stealing.’”
“Yeah and besides, high school boys are juvenile.” Tatiana added
“Okay—well—that’s not even- That’s not the point!” Riley stuttered, jumping to her feet suddenly.
“We have to do something! We’re the Trio de Awesome, but we’ve never done anything awesome!”
“Pshh, yeah we have. Remember when we spray painted a dick on Mr. Atkin’s car?” I argued and Tatiana nodded along enthusiastically.
“That was in third grade, guys. I’m talking about now.” Riley snapped, placing her hands on her hips.
I sighed, “Okay, what do you have in mind?”
The plan was brilliant. It didn’t take that much effort and no one would even know it was us. We called it…Goldilocks and The Three Bears. In case you couldn’t tell, the Three Bears was us and Goldilocks was Naomi, cause we were gonna terrorize the shit out of her.
Tatiana had gotten us some cool bear suits; from where we did not know. They didn’t cover our entire faces, so we had to sew veils into them, but we looked bad ass anyway. We planned to sneak into her garden party two hours after it started and blast her with—Wait for it
Green, blue and pink dye.
Why? Because Naomi was a bitch, that’s why. And I knew for a fact that she was going to be wearing a pretty little white dress that day. Ten points for the Trio de Awesome.
“This is going to be sweet!” Riley gushed as we snuck pass the bouncers at the entrance to Naomi’s garden party, which for your information wasn’t even a garden. It was a freaking field. And she didn’t just have a Ferris wheel; she had the whole damn carnival!
“I can hear her screams already.” Tatiana sighed happily.
“Come on guys, if we go through there,” I pointed to a path between the chocolate fountain and a face painting stand. “We’ll end up right in front of the stage, where Naomi will be getting ready to give her lame speech.”
We dashed between the fountain and stand (but not before indulging in some chocolate covered strawberries) and crouched down at the side of the huge stage, where Naomi was standing behind a podium.
Nearly everyone from our grade and a select group of students in other grades, were sitting in the seats in front of the stage. A loud screech emitted from the microphone and everyone let out groans and covered their ears.
Naomi cleared her throat and did her patented ‘I’m going to flip my hair and you’re all going to love me, because I’m the devil’ move, and cleared her throat.
“Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for being able to attend my annual spring garden party.”
I wrinkled my nose in disgust, “Seriously? Who talks like that? What is she the Queen of England?”
Tatiana and Riley snickered, and we settled down to listen to the rest of Naomi’s stupid speech. Finally she was near the end and that’s when we jumped into action.
“ATTACK!” The three of us screamed and we whipped out our water guns.
To this day, whenever any of us recall Naomi’s horror stricken face we burst into laughter, because really… It was fucking hilarious.