The Journal Entries
2 February, 2012 1445PM
I haven’t heard from Oliver in a long time. A long time in my opinion, anyway. Our last conversation took place on January 20th, and that was the time when he called me a cunt and told me that everything was my fault. I’m supposed to call him today, but can you blame me for being hesitant?
Would he even answer if I called?
I reckon he might be busy, though, because he is out on tour right now. I think he’s in Japan for a few more days. I will call, but I think I should wait until he’s home. Right?
I’m so scared of everything concerning him nowadays. It’s driving me absolutely mad. I am, however, going to ask Samantha—my counselor—about getting a prescription for my nerves, or whatever is causing me to be so fucking anxious lately. At first I told her that I didn’t want to be put on any medication because I don’t want to feel like some mental patient. But it’s getting to the point where I don’t want to get out of bed in the mornings and that’s not like me at all.
How do you even ask for something like that, though? Will she think I’m some sort of drug-seeker if I ask for it? I feel like if I straight-up ask for medicine for anxiety or depression, I’ll be flagged as an addict or something. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before and it makes me nervous. I just don’t know what to do.
Samantha has been really good about making me feel comfortable while I talk to her, even though her office is kind-of small and makes me feel a little claustrophobic at times. But the pale green couch that I’ve come to know and love seems to have some sort of soothing quality to it. I don’t know why.
Anyway, I’ll think about calling Oliver some more and maybe I’ll work up the guts to do it. Maybe not. I guess we’ll see.
x,
Carlie
Would he even answer if I called?
I reckon he might be busy, though, because he is out on tour right now. I think he’s in Japan for a few more days. I will call, but I think I should wait until he’s home. Right?
I’m so scared of everything concerning him nowadays. It’s driving me absolutely mad. I am, however, going to ask Samantha—my counselor—about getting a prescription for my nerves, or whatever is causing me to be so fucking anxious lately. At first I told her that I didn’t want to be put on any medication because I don’t want to feel like some mental patient. But it’s getting to the point where I don’t want to get out of bed in the mornings and that’s not like me at all.
How do you even ask for something like that, though? Will she think I’m some sort of drug-seeker if I ask for it? I feel like if I straight-up ask for medicine for anxiety or depression, I’ll be flagged as an addict or something. I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before and it makes me nervous. I just don’t know what to do.
Samantha has been really good about making me feel comfortable while I talk to her, even though her office is kind-of small and makes me feel a little claustrophobic at times. But the pale green couch that I’ve come to know and love seems to have some sort of soothing quality to it. I don’t know why.
Anyway, I’ll think about calling Oliver some more and maybe I’ll work up the guts to do it. Maybe not. I guess we’ll see.
x,
Carlie