The Journal Entries

6 January, 2012 1503PM

The past two days have been some of the most boring days of my life—hence why I didn’t make an entry for either of them. Today I made myself get out of bed and go to work, where I licked so many fucking envelopes that I haven’t been able to taste anything but glue since ten o’clock this morning. Now everyone is winding down, so there isn’t much to do here. I decided I’d go ahead and make an entry because I keep trying to talk myself out of this journaling thing, so I need something good to come of it. Quick.

And if you noticed that I’m using 24-hour time at the top of all of my entries, and are wondering why I am doing that: BECAUSE I FUCKING LIKE IT. It looks nice, and I think I’ll appreciate it when I look back at these entries in my old age, or whatever.

I probably won’t be proud of the language I use, but I don’t care about that. Everyone swears.

I didn’t really give a clear explanation in my last post as to why I’m doing this. I told you what happened in mine and Oliver’s relationship, but left out what happened after. So I guess I can go into that since I don’t have anything better to do at the present.

We’ve talked off and on since we broke up. And I’m sure he’s been hanging out with other birds and stuff, but that’s not why everything went sour. It just really bothers me, the fact that he’ll call me one day, telling me how much he loves me and wants me back—the next, he ignores my calls and texts, and I’ll see him around town with a leggy brunette with itty bitty titties. He seems to like those nowadays; the anti-Carlie kinda girls.

Just to be clear: It’s not that he’s hanging out with other birds, it’s that he’s hanging out with them whilst convincing me that he truly wants our relationship back and he’s sorry for what he did.

I just don’t understand how he can be that way. Does he have no heart? I’ve never understood how people can be so cruel. Oliver is the most genuine person I’ve ever known. He is kind, charitable, and a bit innocent at times. I guess that’s why I can’t wrap my brain around the fact that he was having it off with another girl while he was away.

Sure, it could all be a façade to earn girls’ trust. But if it is, he’s a rate good actor.

Anyways, he texted me this morning to tell me “good morning” and to let me know how beautiful I am. It always gives me goose pimples when he says things like that to me, even though I realize he’s just saying that because his girl-of-the-week has ditched him to move on to greener pastures.

Sometimes I really do miss seeing him—or even talking to him—every day. He was my best friend.

My boss is on a rampage about her desk being a mess, so I better be off.

x,
Carlie