The Journal Entries

9 January, 2012 0312AM

I can’t sleep, so I figured I’d give journaling another go. I don’t really think it’s working so far, but I guess it will take time.

I saw Oliver today. Or yesterday, if you want to get technical, but since I haven’t gone to sleep yet I’m counting it as today. I was in the coffee shop, and I was sitting at my booth waiting for my bagel, when he came through the door with his friend called Matt. He did a double take when he saw me, but then smiled and came over to sit across from me.

Of course Matt followed, which made me happy. Matt was always a good friend of mine, too, and I hadn’t really talked to him since I ended things with Oliver.

Oliver asked how I was doing, and even went so far as to put his hand on mine on top of the table. I could tell that Matty felt a little uncomfortable, but Oli didn’t seem to care. He told me how much he’d been wanting to see me, and that he was glad he bumped into me.

That doesn’t make sense, though, because he hadn’t made any effort to see me until then, and even then it was an accident. He didn’t ask me to meet him anywhere, he didn’t show up romantically on my doorstep; he ran into me at a coffee shop.

I asked him where he was staying, and Matt gave me an uncomfortable smile. Of course he was staying with Matt. Oliver told me that he was in the process of getting his own flat, but that he was waiting for one to open up.

“Where?” I asked after he finally stopped talking.

He seemed hesitant to tell, but eventually sighed and told me that he would be moving into the same apartment building as me; once someone moves out, that is.

He must’ve realized how upset that made me, because he immediately started trying to defend himself, saying things like:

“There aren’t very many apartments to choose from in Sheffield, Carlie.”

“It’s not like I purposefully asked for a flat in your building.”

And:

“It’s the only place willing to let me move in! I don’t have the best reputation.”

I just don’t know if I can handle seeing him all the time like that. I would be devastated if I saw him head into his flat with another girl, especially when he’s constantly got a different one on his arm.

Anyway, I kissed Matt on the cheek and left as soon as the waitress brought me my bagel, and I didn’t even say bye to Oliver. As much as it hurt me to give him the cold shoulder, I just didn’t know what else to do. I’ve been thinking about him ever since I left the coffee shop, and I can’t stop picturing him moving into the flat next door. Would he ask me to help him move?

I guess that’s why I’m having trouble sleeping; I just have so much running through my mind. So many unanswered questions tumbling around in my brain, and I can’t make them stop.

My eyes are starting to sting, so I’ll give sleeping another go.

x,
Carlie