Lost

I paced back and forth in Louis’ guest room. I couldn’t call it home because it didn’t feel like home. No where felt like home without Zayn. It’d been a few weeks since I’d seen him. Maybe I was just hallucinating, and he wasn’t really there. I sat down on the bed and rested my head in my hands. The nightmares had become worse than usual. They were more intense and I’d wake up screaming only to have Louis rush in and lull me back to sleep.
Louis had become such a sweetheart to me since I moved in. He treated me like I’d break at any second, and frankly it annoyed the shit out of me. We still had our arguments, but overall everything was civil.
“Lillian!” I heard Louis call.
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I went to Louis’ room and found him in the bathroom. He looked pale. Almost as if he’d see a ghost. I approached him slowly and saw him staring at a yellow sticky note in his hand.
“What’s that?” I asked, nodding to the note in his hand
“Do you think this is fucking funny?” He asked lowly
I looked at him confused “What the hell are you talking about?”
He shoved the sticky note at me and I looked it over and gasped. It was from Zayn.
“He contacted you?” I asked
Louis glared at me. “This isn’t some joke Lillian. I know you did this to get me to believe your crazy story.”
I looked at him “I-I didn’t do this I swear”
“Sure you didn’t.” He said rolling his eyes
“Y-you said you believed me anyway. You think I’m crazy?” I said, tears welling up in my eyes
His eyes softened a bit “No I don’t think you’re crazy. I didn’t even think it was you.. but who else could it be? It doesn’t make any sense and you are the only other one here and maybe-“
I cut him off “For fucks sake Louis, I’m not crazy! I did talk to Zayn, and I know he put the note there! I’m not losing my mind”
“Well stop fucking acting like it and doing shit for attention! Zayn is dead, he is going to stay dead. He’s gone Lillian! Get the fuck over it. Stop trying to bring him back because it’s not going to work. He is dead” He shouted
Hearing him say it stung. The reality of everything set in and crashed over me like a tidal wave. I broke down crying and ran to my room slamming the door shut.
Maybe I was crazy. Maybe I really was losing my mind. I shook my head and sobbed some more. I felt a hand on my shoulder and I shrugged it off
“Louis go away”
“It’s not Louis”
My head snapped up and I drained of color. He was back. He was standing right in front of me.
“Zayn” I breathed out
He nodded and wrapped his arms around me. His cologne filled my nostrils and relaxed me as it always did.
“Everyone thinks I’m crazy. Louis thinks I left the not for attention.” I said sniffling.
“I wish I could help, but I only can show myself to you” He said.
I breathed in his sent. Comfort washed over me as I felt his hands stroke my back. This was as close to having him back as I could. I closed my eyes briefly, afraid that if I closed them for too long he would disappear again.
“Lilly… It’s been 2 months, you have to start moving on.” He said
I looked up at him and shook my head “I told you before, I’m not moving on. I refuse to lose you again”
“I can’t stay forever…. My spirit will wither away if I stay to long”
I looked at him confused “What do you mean?”
“Each spirit has a purpose. Once they fulfill their purpose, they are free to move on to the next stage. But the longer they take to fulfill, the more the spirit withers and eventually rots and dies. I can’t move on until you do.”
I felt tears prick my eyes once again “So… you’re saying that either way I lose you for good.”
“Well if you put it like that… I guess”
I shook my head rapidly. “No. No no no no no. I can’t lose you again”
“Then you have to move on.”
“But I don’t want to. I want to be with you forever… I mean I could always-“
“Don’t you even think about it” He snapped. His features turned dark, and I got scared.
“You have to live. You serve a purpose in this world. I don’t ever want you to think like that again” He said.
With that he disappeared, leaving me alone with my thoughts. I felt tears run down my cheek. If I didn’t move on, I lose him forever. If I do, I forget about him. I didn’t want either. The only way to fix this was I had to die.
I ran to the medicine cabinet in the guest bathroom, and grabbed my sleeping pills. I opened the cap and stared at the small white pills. I took a deep breath and downed them all without any water. I sat on the cold tiles of the bathroom and waited for my end.
Everything began to fade in and out. The room began to spin. It was nearing the end I could tell. I would be with Zayn forever in a few short moments. I heard banging on the door, but it sounded muffled. The room began to spin faster as I layed my head on the cool white tile floor. I looked up at the lights and they seemed to get brighter.
The door burst open and a very blurry figure screamed my name. I felt him touch me but the world began to fade away. Everything seemed to melt, like The persistence of memories by Dali. Suddenly everything was black as I slipped into darkness to spend the rest of eternity with my love. My Zayn.