Diary Entries

I woke up in a pretty terrible mood today. Stress has got me.. I've been feeling like I have soooo much to do lately when I really have a free schedule to do whatever. I'm just so worried about making every single dream of mine come true and I don't even know where to start. And I feel like a lonely mother fucker on top of that. It's been literally 2 days since the last day of school and it feels like it's been 2 weeks. I don't know how I'll survive this. My parents think that I'm a fucking loser/loner and the only person I hang out with or know is Mila, which isn't true! And I try to tell them that, but I don't think they believe me. I have other friends who I want to hang out with, but I don't know how to ask. I also don't know what to do in this shit town. But I need to start driving, work out, straighten my hair, apply for colleges, take the SAT, make new friends, start up a business for hair accessories, find a real job, find new clothes, and impress my parents by doing it all ASAP. Impossible. I can hardly find the strength to get out of bed in the morning to begin my day. I'm afraid of this fucking terrible world and all of the fucking terrible people in it & I'm constantly being told to grow up and it isn't that easy for me. At all. I want to grow up and I want to do something in fashion, find an amazing guy, live in a cute apartment, work out and have the perfect bikini body, drive a nice car, graduate college, etc. I need someone to force me to do all that or force me to grow some balls. I can't do this on my own and I also can't find the courage to express how stressed and tired and afraid I am without crying like a little bitch. Sigh.